I love him. And I can't. stop. smiling.

I've been going back and forth with the moving decision, but have ultimately decided to put it on hold. I need to be a grown-up here before I try moving elsewhere and setting out. So here's my list of shit I need to take care of. After I complete this, I'm going to buy myself that damn mattress I've been lusting over and make an assessment as to whether I need to move and go from there.

Pay off the apartment - er...if I need to?
Pay off the computer
Do my taxes - done
Put the lock on the storage unit - done
Bring storage unit current
Bring car payment current
Get oil changed
Get that 3000 mile...tune-up...thing
Clean the shed

I think that's it. I'll add more later if I need to.

Main (positional) Meaning:
You drew your arrow and hit your target with the style of a skillful archer.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

When the World is in this position, you appear to be approaching circumstances that previously existed only in your imagination. After years of effort and struggle, matters may seem absurdly easy now. Your ambition, inspiration and perseverance have taken you toward your desired outcome. Now you are zeroing in on the bull's eye, having explored the territory and brought yourself to its center.

Pause for a while and enjoy this moment. Recognize that you have completed what you set out to achieve. You are the person you wanted to be in the presence of the company you wanted to keep. You now inhabit what used to be a dream.






Main (positional) Meaning:
Give attention to what is clearly positive.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

With the Three of Cups in this position, you have an opportunity to support the best of what is happening around you, so leave the rest alone. Shine a warm and loving light on what is positive in this situation. Don't waste time and energy -- emotionally or mentally -- on the negative.

Appreciate that there is so much to be glad for, to capitalize upon, and to build on from the shared talents, interests and abilities of this group. Your job is to become an effective cheerleader so that the morale supports the potential. You will then see some wonderful results.

Jesus has turned on the GameShark to your life. However, since GameSharks are prone to freezing the game if they're overloaded--and restarted a person gets messy--he's decided that he's only going to give you two special codes. These are permanent alterations to you, since it's a lot of work to make a backup copy in case he doesn't like the way it turns out or the it freezes at a bad spot. He also tried the Konami Code, but it turns out that life is actually a Microsoft product, not Konami.

Keeping in mind that you must suffer with all of the consequences that you may deal with, what would you prefer Jesus overwrite your save-data with?

1 - Cease Aging
2 - Near Omniscience
3 - Extra-Sensory Perception [Including, but not limited to: Telekinesis and Telepathy]
4 - Superhuman Strength
5 - Always roll natural 20
6 - Flight
7 - Shapeshifting
8 - Time Travel
9 - Infinite Ammo
10 - Press [start] + X to Level Up
11 - Infinite Gold
12 - Easy Dark Side Points
13 - Easy Light Side Points
14 - Take No Damage
15 - Attacks to 50% more damage
16 - Have all Pokémon
17 - Invisibility
18 - Press [select] + Y + L2 to select stage
19 - Use Magic
20 - Go through walls [Press Y+L1+R3 to activate/deactivate]

I think I'd have to go with natural twenty on everything. And possibly shapeshifting. No, ESP.

can sing all the best 90s songs to me. However badly. And not just fuckin'...Edwin McCain. I mean all the good ones. Including, but not limited to:

Meet Virginia - Train
Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
All For You - Sister Hazel
She's So High - Tal Bachman
Hey Leonardo - Blessid Union of Souls


Extra points for Freak Nasty's Da Dip and When the Lights Go Out by Five. 5? 5ive? Whatever.

Putting this as a blog so that I can update when necessary.

If there is a single person in my life that has not disappointed me in some manner, form, or fashion in the past two days, please stand up to be counted.

I can't do this. I can't play games or have agendas or be underhanded. I just can't. And because I can't, I can never see anything that anyone else does, either. Or I do see it and I say 'oh, hey, look out for tha--' and by that point I've already blundered into it. Maybe my problem is that if someone shows me a good, nice, decent side of them, I'm inclined to believe in that side of them. It doesn't matter if the other side is rather shady.

My rose-colored glasses are starting to break because I've been punched in the face too many times by things I never saw coming. And I never will see them coming is what's really fucked up. No matter how many times it happens, no matter what, I'm always going to have that nagging sense of doubt that this time it's real, this time they're genuine. For a pessimist, I sure am awful bright-sided. And for a cynic, I sure am awful hopeful.

Yes, I'm being dramatic. No, none of the things that are bugging the everliving fuck out of me actually matter in the long run or even in the next month or so. But that's just how I am. I feel too hard. And I don't want to be around anyone right now.

 

Except Frank, if he's reading this. I'm still down for some Firefly. Everyone else, don't play offended if I don't answer my phone/IM/text/etc. And before anyone calls anything, this entry is not about you. Don't be so god damn self-centered.

Step 1: Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarassing.
Step 4: Bold out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

 

1. Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret. Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name

2.Well we've all heard about how the guys in the band weren't the popular kids in school, and now you hate your parents 'cause of the way you turned out, but in the end the blame's on you

3. I love myself, I want you to love me; when I feel down, I want you above me

4. Well, I know that it's early and it's too hard to think, And the broken empty bottles are a reminder in the sink, But I thought that I should tell you, if it's not to late to say, I could put back all the pieces, they just might not fit the same

5. Ever since I was young, your word was the word that always won, worry and wake the ones you love

6. I'm coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine, gotta gotta be down because I want it all

7. Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road; time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

8. Last night I swallowed liquor and a lighter and this morning I threw up fire, but I've been piecing it together it's got something to do with every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room; every slow and quiet car ride I spent drinking in the back seat; every stupid melody to every stupid song and every stupid word that everybody's hanging on

9. You, you called me out; you said you're done with me, but I can't seem to remember anything at 3 AM; am I that guy, the one who's happy hanging with his friends and five drinks in I'm in love again

10. And it comes down to you never and ever wrecked his day, looks and flirts and midnight in your shortest skirts

11. Sylvia's mother says "Sylvia's busy; too busy to come to the phone"
Sylvia's mother says "Sylvia's tryin' to start a new life of her own"
Sylvia's mother says "Sylvia's happy, so why don't you leave her alone?"

12. Hello six pack of confidence, been so many years since we first met

13. I know what you're doing, I see it all too clear, I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears

14. When I was young I knew everything, And she a punk who rarely ever took advice, Now I'm guilt stricken, Sobbing with my head on the floor, Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

15. There's a loving in your eyes all the way; If I listen to your lies would you say; I'm a man without conviction; I'm a man who doesn't know; how to sell a contradiction

16. Back me down from backing up; Hold your breath now it's stacking up; Etched with marks, but I can deal; And you're the problem and you can't feel

17. It's how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows; Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song"; Honesty or mystery; Tell me I'm not scared anymore; I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I?

18. Well I'm blowing smoke out of your window; And you're slipping back into your dress; You know you were always such a lady; I've always been impressed

19. Sea is foaming like a bottle of beer; The wave is coming but I aint got no fear; Im waxing down so that Ill go real fast; Im waxing down cause its really a blast

20. I work all night; For one more day that I can say I'm all alone, alone
I just need time; And I will say what I believe and I'll come home, home; And all I know

So we woke up starving. Miles came over after the gifts thing and I insisted on dragging him and Brittany on my quest for -somewhere- open to get something to eat. Went to a Chinese restaurant a la A Christmas Story. We decided that our fortune cookies would be advice for the coming year. I had two:

New people will bring you new realizations, especially about big issues

and

Sift through your past to get a better idea of the present

I wish fortune cookies weren't so damn obtuse and vague.

 

I'm ready for anything now, as my parents got me a GPS and an IPod for Christmas. Pair that with my laptop and DS and I'm set for roadtripping. Or to just pick up and leave. Whenever. Always been a dream of mine, to just get up and leave one day; adopt a new name and be whomever I'd like, wherever I'd like.

 

I'll settle for a roadtrip, though.

I love you. Probably more than you will ever know. Not romantic love, but more. And it's driving me crazy that you just keep doing this to yourself. Let. It. Go. You're so amazingly awesome at just being passive and letting whatever happens happen and yet you're so fucking caught up in this shit that does not fucking matter. And you're screwing more than yourself over in this. You know from experience that when you aren't upfront and honest with how you feel and the things that are going on in your head, you fuck things up.

You went back and forth with me and you ended up unhappy. And now you're doing the exact same thing. Except backwards. I'll always be there for you, dollface, but you seriously need to trust me on this. Remember the part where I'm always right about everything?

 

ily.

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it

There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around . . . all around

Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice . . .

 

 

Very apt at the moment. And, y'know, always. I just usually don't admit to it.