Facebook invitation
Come! To the San Francisco Punchline for Chris Fairbanks Live CD recording, September 30th and October 1st only!! Support and laugh in the general direction of the hidden audience microphone!!

(As you can see below, I tried to do this in Austin, but I didn't think it was good enough.)

http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/legend_of_neil_20...

Legend of Neil, Episode 8

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Here I am on episode 2, season 3 of "Legend of Neil" on atom.com. It's funny

Hosted By:
chris fairbanks

When:
Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Where:
Cap City Comedy Club
8120 Research Blvd
Austin
78758

Description:
I will be performing at Cap City Comedy Club for a live CD recording, June 9th-13th in Austin, Texas. Come check out the show, and go home with my new "World Tour" concert T-shirt. It will be terrific.

Click Here To View Event

Here's the link...to a safe newspaper website...which by 2012, is where all newspapers will be, online...if humankind isn't over by then....anyway... Enjoy!

http://www.missoulanews.com/index.cfm?do=article.details&id=5FCC283A-14D1-1357-9C53DE189A0373A6

During my first show at Laughs in Kirkland, WA on Friday night, somebody from the audience went into the green-room where I was keeping my belongings, and they stole my wallet. They then went to Safeway and bought groceries and filled their vehicle with gas using my credit card...while I was on stage.
This has to be my biggest fan ever! Imagine someone being so into my comedy that they just had to get their hands on something of mine as a memento of seeing me perform. As if that wallet was not enough, they then had to purchase some Chris Fairbanks commemorative gasoline and groceries to further celebrate having seen me. It must have been hard for them to have left the show early to do all this, but they must have just been that excited.
What can I say, it feels good to be getting all famous like this.

I've just finished struggling nightly for an entire week at yet another Southern comedy club while on the road this past week, so I've now devised a fool-proof template that any traveling comedian can apply to any Chuckle Bucket's audience for those evenings where you might need to put your artistic integrity to the side.

Here it is:

Step one: Always open your set by yelling, "What's up Fuckers!" Not hollering too loud this first time, because you're going to be repeating it two more times at progressively higher volumes right after this. With their reaction to the first one, even if it was indeed adequate, say, "Awww, that's not good enough, I said what's up fuckers" almost angry at this point, but still smiling. Repeat louder yet a third time, referring to them as a 'bunch of faggots' and Viola, you have them primed for a night of entertainment.

Step Two: Make fun of their shit-hole town. You don't have to put too much effort into it, but do a little research with some of the patrons prior to show time. Find out the name of their lower class neighborhood, their most popular strip club, and any local news items you can pick up from them, even if they aren't current. Again, don't put too much into it, you just basically have to mention these things and the crowd will appreciate you've specifically tailored your show for them.

Step Three*: Do impressions! Everybody loves to be reminded what the voices of famous people sort of sound like a little bit! Do Arnold Schwarzenegger with something in his ass "Ahhhh, Git Out!", Do your best Jack Nicholson, and then do Christopher Walken. Don't bother coming up with original dialogue, just repeat memorable lines from movies so the audience can relate…you don't want to muddle this up with your own ideas…STICK TO WHAT WORKS!

Step Four: Everyone loves song parodies and sing-a-longs! One I like to use is: "Sitting on the Cock of the Gay" (to the tune of 'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay' by soul legend Otis Redding.), "Gun nuts boasting they will open fire" (to the tune of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire") for use during the holiday season. Let them reminisce the glory days of grunge rock with Soundgarden's "Asshole son, don't ya come" along with getting some solid laughs for yourself. And let's not forget "In Da Tub" an urban spoof of 50 Cent's work. The younger audience will love that one…comedy for everyone!

Step Five: Now it's time for your closer. Every comic tries to get that substantial laugh at the end of the show as an indicator of its conclusion…but why risk it? Just end your show with these exact words: "Hey ya'll, we had a good time tonight…but I wanna talk seriously for a moment. I'd like you to give a big round for our troops that are over there fighting for my right to say the things I'm saying tonight. Ohhhh, I don't hear you…I said let's hear it for the troops!! America is the best country in the world…I truly believe that. God bless you all and I love each and every one of you…GOOD NIGHT!"

Congratulations. You've just killed. Just remember these 5 easy steps to being successful on the road, and you will kill anywhere. (Except for L.A. and N.Y.)

*(Remember to have the M.C. bring you up as "The Man of a Thousand Voices"…then they'll be looking forward to that part.)

And it's also me that is physically in the $.35 box...recording the voices at that moment, with my neck wrenched at a 90 degree angle...Terrific!
http://www.chrisfairbanks.com./popup_shell_commercial.phtml

First of all, car engine trouble is one of the most frustrating things a person has to deal with and we've all been through it. We all are familiar with the compromised mental state it can put us in. So put yourself there for a moment, in that place of frustration and anger.

I bought a new car last month so that's thankfully not the car I'm talking about...I'm referring to the Acura that's given me much trouble in the past (see my October 2006 "I drove my car into a small pond last night." blog). It has a cracked head gasket now and I'm trying to sell it as a fun, summertime fixer-upper to one of those spikey haired Fast and Furious street racer kids so they can put a V-Tech engine in it and eventually Tokio Drift it around some sweet ass corner and into a fire hydrant, distracted by their constant and vivid mental image of Vin Diesel with his shirt off.

So yeaterday was Wednesday and I needed to have it moved for the street sweeper man by noon or I get another $50 ticket. I went out there at 11:45, and the battery was dead. I calmly pulled my new car in front of it so the front bumpers were kissing and hooked up the jumper cables. But it wasn't working. I tried for about 20 minutes and the ticket lady was parked down the street, watching me while she repeatedly clicked her pen with her writing thumb. I was hot, sweaty and irritated and the F-word was already flying out of my mouth at nobody. After adjusting the clamps a little, I finally got it to start and a giant plume of smoke burst from the tail pipe. I got in and did a quick U-turn to a spot across the street. As I parked, some guy driving by honked and yelled at me to 'get my car fixed' as he flipped me off. Wow, really? So everyone thinks they're a vigilante Al Gore now? Am I single handedly melting the polar ice caps? I turned off the ignition and got out, stepping into an outrageous cloud of sweet smelling smoke caused by the coolant that apparently is leaking into the engine block. It smells exactly like a burning cake. My next door neighbor is standing on his front porch with a disapproving look on his face, so I gave him a sarcastically friendly wave. He didn't wave back. That's how much smoke there was...enough to make people angry.
That's when I noticed the old couple walking down my sidewalk. They had silly looking sunhats on and they were just staring at me. The woman had her arm on her hip and her lips were pursed. "Pretty smokey, eh?" I said. They just kept staring, like teenagers looking for a fight. They would only look away periodically to check for cracks in the sidewalk, avoiding the inevitable hip break that a good spill would cause. The oldies continued to walk slowly by and they just kept scowling at me. Then, she started to shake her head, and I just lost it. That's when I said it. I wasn't even thinking I was going to say it, the words kind of slipped out of my mouth....in yell form. "Hey, Fuck You!"
I really did. I told a 70 year old couple to fuck off. They were holding hands for God's sake. Who does that? What kind of a monster tells old people to fuck off? Maybe they were just concerned and wanted to help me and they were too old to form the words. 'Yeah, fuck you cute little old couple on a walk, by the way, I'm the devil. Let me bend over to grab my pitchfork...ooops, it's caught under my hoof and entangled in my pointy tail again'.
But now it was getting creepy. Like 'Seniors of the Corn' or something. My outburst didn't seem to affect them at all either. They walked slowly down the entire block. The husband eventually stopped looking, but the lady glared at me all the way to the corner. When they got to the corner, they just stopped and watched me thinking they were hidden behind a bush. I noticed at this moment that behind me, my car was still totally smoking a lot and could VERY easily have been confused with a car that was no doubt on fire. That's when I ran inside and took a 2 hour sad nap.
So let this be a lesson to you, elderly people. When you see a nice young man get out of a car that is engulfed in flames, DON"T STARE. It's rude, and there's no telling what an angry little shit he might be.

...on a related note, I wonder if anyone is interested in purchasing a 1992 Acura Legend. Only 200,000 miles, needing minor engine repair. A great summer repair project! $750 o.b.o
inquire within.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OsLjKeUqpw

effinfunny.com, chrisfairbanks.com, myspace.com/chrisfairbanks

Comedian Chris Fairbanks Shares Laughs, Insight on Stand-Up
By Vania Phuoc

The first time I watched Chris Fairbanks perform stand-up, he opened for Greg Behrendt at the Laff Stop last September. I remember his set distinctly for its stream of consciousness style ramblings interspersed amongst the endearing self-deprecating anecdotes and unique wit. You can see him on Comedy Central's Reality Bites Back where comedians compete for $50,000 in challenges spoofing every other popular reality TV show. Unfortunately, Chris was the sixth out of the ten contestants eliminated from the competition after facing difficulties involving wrestler Chyna and a bum air gun in the episode "Hunting with the Stars." A former Texas resident and incredibly nice, down-to-earth guy, Chris was amazing taking the time to answer my questions.

How did you get your start in comedy?

I was approached at a party when I was in college while breakdancing in some women's clothes I'd found. After I knocked a glass off a table, the girl who lived there asked if I had ever done improv comedy and if I'd please take off her dress and leave. I ended up being in an improv 'troupe' with her for three years after that.

Who has been the biggest influence on your career? Do you have a favorite comedian?

Back when Mtv wasn't horrible television, they had a show called Half Hour Comedy Hour, and I used to record it on the VCR…that, and The A-List on A&E. Both those shows were just a random showcase of up and coming comics whose names I've forgotten, but watching that was a pretty big influence. My favorite comic right now is Paul F. Tompkins.

How was your move from Montana to Texas and then from Texas to Los Angeles?

Until I moved to Austin, TX, I didn't realize it could be socially acceptable somewhere for a person to go out and drink every single night of the week and then drive home at 100mph on a horribly designed freeway. Every day there was geared around having fun somehow. I miss Texas, but I had to move to L.A. for the career opportunities. Austin was a good primer for moving out to L.A. because if I'd moved there from Montana, I think it would have been too much of a big city shock, and I would have moved back home by now.

How was your time on Reality Bites Back?

I was super stressed out the whole time. I was always worried about whether or not I was being funny, if I was seconds away from being eliminated, or if I was really going to get paid. I wish I had known the whole thing would be edited down so much that it didn't even matter…22 minute episodes without commercials for two to three 12 hour days of shooting each one! The best part of being on that show was hanging out with a bunch of comics I would have never otherwise met. I stay pretty confined in L.A. to the alternative comedy scene, the UCB and the Hollywood Improv. Now I feel I need to open my mind to other comics a little more. Maybe even go up at the horrible Laugh Factory one of these days.

What is an average day for you like?

I wake up late, 10 am at the earliest, and start emailing people, trying to drum up work. Usually go skateboarding at about 4pm at the Venice skatepark. Sometimes I do artwork and logos for people. That's what I used to do for a living…Illustration, sign painting, and T-shirt designs. I go to bed too late….wow, what have I done with my life? I've never written it out like this.

Is it better to be smart or charming as a comedian?

Good question. It depends on where you are. I don't ever want to seem like I'm talking down to an audience on the road…I'd rather look stupid than do that, 'cause at least stupid people can make you laugh…so I never TRY to seem smart. Too often in L.A., or otherwise, comics are trying too hard to be thought provoking and forget to be funny on stage. As far as being charming, that never hurts I suppose.

Are you religious?

I still haven't figured that one out. When I was young, I tried some youth groups and bible camps, even though my parents were atheist. That all just kind of drifted away as I learned more. I just always knew to try to be honest and friendly, and to only talk badly about people behind their backs…never to their faces, right? I'm pretty sure I'm not a fan of organized religion though, but I like Jesus and would love to meet him…or Gene Wilder.

Do you Google yourself? Have you found anything interesting?

I Google.com myself all the time. I actually found my name attached to Reality Bites Back on some industry trades site before I was even told I'd gotten the gig in person! Also, when I type in my name, up comes a fairly celebrated fireman, a champion body builder, and an L.A. actor all with my name. I think there should be a reality show where I live with all of them in a house based simply on the fact we all are named Chris Fairbanks.

If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be, and what would you order?

I always wanted to meet Gene Wilder…or Abe Lincoln. Jesus Christ maybe, but he might be kind of judgey…and I can't even decide what to order when I'm alone.

If you could go back and tell your 21 year-old self something, what would it be?

I'd say this; "Don't worry Chris, the 16 year old version of us thinks we're both really cool. But you could stand to lose a little weight…and why are you going to college right now? You need to start doing stand up tonight before you get too old! Break up with your girlfriend! It doesn't end up working out with her... she ends up marrying someone else in '06.Wait…no! Stay with her…she makes you move to Austin where you start doing that stand up thing I mentioned. I've said too much… just stay in school. And quit drinking too much, you don't know it now, but you're kind of fat. O.K. I need to get back to 1985 in my Delorian now."…That's what I'd tell me.

You went to the University of Montana and studied fine art/drawing and painting. Did it help you in life?

Going to college was really important for me. My mind was opened up big time in college, and I gained a lot of confidence and made pretty good grades…except with math. I was never good at math. I've been finished with school for ten years now, and I still have sweaty nightmares about impossible math problems that I make up in my dreams.

I don't think college helped me much with being a comedian though, other than it being a series of experiences that made me what I am today…that sounded like an army commercial.

What can we expect to see coming up from you?

My goal is to spend a little more time going to comedy clubs in different cities, trying to get more work headlining. I've been featuring for a lot of years now, and I know it's time for me to take the next step. I'm also working on a series for Fuel TV called "Skate Shop" in which I'm a main character. It's kind of a "Clerks" inspired half hour comedy series. Still working on the scripts and casting, etc. for that one, but I'm excited about it.

After seeing Chris feature for Kyle Cease at the Houston Improv two weeks ago, I feel he is a rising alt-comic who could easily skyrocket while honing his timing and audience relation techniques as a headliner himself. With his understated, dry comedy not for the narrow-minded, Chris Fairbanks makes absurd imaginings and "word jokes" work. Hopefully we will see more of him both on television and onstage in the near future. You can check out some of his material on his myspace page, youtube, and effinfunny.com and clips of Reality Bites Back on comedycentral.com.