So the trip to Cinci was over-all fun, I got to know Theresa a bit more and the Aveda class was really fun.. Christy was the instructor so I couldn't have expected anything less.

The ride home was quite long though, poor Theresa was stressed beyond belief and my chaotic laughter didn't help the situation at all.. but it seems as though everytime I go to do something, it can never go smoothly.. some major problem always has to complicate things.. .it kind of sucks...

The ride home from Cincinnati which should have only taken an hour consitsted of four hours... the snow is now crazy deep... but it's nice to see some snow, I haven't seen it this bad out for a couple of years..

I saw the craziest thing though at a gas station outside of Covington, a little bird was injured and laying in the snow, it looked like it was freezing to death... another little bird was like trying to help it.. it was so sad, even though it sounds kind of pety.. I felt so sad for that little bird... and that was the first time I had ever witnessed an animal showing sympathy for another, it defintely made me think.. I wanted to help the little thing but it would have been insane to bring it in the car with us.. and in the snow and all.. kind of upset that I know it's dieing behind that gas station...  

If you're reading this you'll probably think I'm insane for thinking I'm going to lose sleep over it.. but stuff like that makes you think, you know?

So Monday I begin school again for the first time in a year, although I'm not going to a University this time around I am really excited... not only because I know that I will be going to an Institute (err whatever.) down the road, but I will also have a decent job while working through school.  I recieved a scholarship from Lasting Impressions and life couldn't be busier, and it's exactly how I like it... I spoke to the car salesman tonight who is selling me the car and the part it needs will arrive in the morning. So, I take a huge sigh of relief knowing that I will soon be mobile, educated (once more.), and unbored (which didn't really happen in the first place. 

So as I close up my laptop I must say goodnight world... my exhausted ass is going to bed because I have to be here again @ 8:30 am.

(smile.)

Without someone to support the ladder you can't scale the two poles, so it's seemingly impossible.. Metaphorically I'm going through this scenario, (have been for the past 10 months.)

It seems like no matter how hard I try it's almost impossible to accomplish anything.. for almost 10 months I have been virtually carless.. yeah that's right...

Phil transported by a random friend or family member daily.. it got old before it began and I am extremely fed up with it now. (what fun.)

I've worked my ass off to buy a car.. found one that I liked and I felt suited my budget... and now.. after two weeks... waiting to hear from the freakin' salesman who says it is in repair (estimated three days) takes two weeks and I still haven't heard from him...

I live in the middle of nowhere..

and even though I love it...

I hate it.

It's almost as though I went from having friends that were almost like family...  to internet "I miss you's." to internet "I miss you's" with no hope that I will ever see these people again.  I feel so disconnected.. and this time it's not hair, and it's not a good thing...

I know I'm being negative, when I write.. most of the time I am..

I'm crossing my fingers though when I call this car salesman tonight.. hopefully this damn thing will be fixed.

(reason for being so sloppy with grammar, etc.... I just got off from work.)

Everytime I hear one of those whimsical tunes, they don't seem to bring a smile to my face.  Especially since my aunt passed, it's been a rough, strange December...

I wish I could accept death, but for some strange reason I just ignore it...

Sort of feels like the lyrics to a Paula Cole song....  standing on the edge of a precipice in life....

I can't bind myself anymore... I've become too constricted and it's time to breathe a little... at least before this year starts.  Finally starting school again after the first of the year.

short and sweet.

as I ask myself why life plays on repeat and all of these little scenarios that play out through life...

 spin around like seven year old sisters... dancing in the living room.

I'm in Cinicinatti at a makeup class and have a few minutes free...

I find it sad I no longer have the time to write.

so.. I guess I'll just have to start making time.

love.

Phil and Olivia

The Asparagus Festival- Mayslick, Kentucky 05-15-04

All the amazing ones... most lied and cheated....

and we fall inside the cyclone of constant....

You deny. Then you lie.

Stay kindred at your center and peel away your rotten.

The mad is immaturity.

And the deviance is defeated my kindness and apologies.

Turmoil within society and hope for suppression.

Part of me hates realizations. The other side loves to discard obliviousness.

I'm frustrated.

back to work.

The great divide and the iron curtain of misunderstandings, mishaps, and the affairs in the cold, dark eyes of this abode…

Sinks within this skin, and this description will state no solution.

Mending small holes that let the light through while tearing through others in a circular motion,

Spinning round and round, boundless

Interruption pushed, constant, but the gears of this tragic carousel composed of so many emotions and hidden pigments of hatred keep spinning.

Derailed and by so many personalities, seven bodies.

Even the kindred smile, spend their times in corruption 101.

Innocence and acknowledgement, the bottom of the prism falls from it's lifelong flux….

Going back to the blood of who created the most innocent of the victims…

Hatred painted in red on all their foreheads…

We all stray in our own direction, stopped by the transparent acrylic of this snow globe's grasp.

Shaken and swimming away from the ones I don't want to be close to.

Stubborn me.

And pulling closer to ones that pull farther away...

If I don't find a chisel… I will drown.

Sister, put back your gun

The weapon of your choice isnt the solution; itll do nothing but pull your wounds farther apart.

Your bass and expensive sugar, coating, melted over your cigarettes its thin.

As you release the smoke it billows around my heart, suffocating and each breathe Im taking I want you to put him out.

Blindfolds and masks you paint your face,

An actress in a show, following in the footsteps of novices and pretenders

Will you walk in the shadow of something so transparent?

If so, Ill wait on the side

Take my taxi and keep tabs.

White flags and unnecessary motions to your absence

Ill play on repeat until you hear me through their trinkets

Everything you need is on the table.

Work.

Suffer.

Heal.

Look farther than the end of your dashboard, the bright light of the cherry on your cigarette.

Let the filters catch all of the unnecessary

Turn down the volume.

Put your fingers in your ears and look at whats in front of you.

Normally, people who find themselves involved in reoccurring conflict are classified as insane, they find someone else to blame for the mistakes that spread the chaos throughout their lives I must say I may be a little crazy, along with the rest of the world, but the reason for the chaos in my life is made possible by the people who are closest to me, the ones I care the most about are troubled almost every single one of them. All of my life Ive never known what it feels like to be calm for once... to take a breather and to not freak out over some situation lingering in the back of my mind..   Its bad because my love for these people is so great that I can never let them go but I just need everyone to chill Im trying to live what little of a life I have, I mean its simple... but its mine, and thats the way I like it I dont want for things to be chaotic any longer.. Ive been going through it my whole life stressing over something. I need a breather people. Seriously.   I just think I need to get laid.

(sigh. )

Please disregard this entry as I'm just rambling, caught up in frustration...Arguements with a few select people...  I wish I could see my friends on my brithday.. I know it's not going to happen though....

(sighs again.)

mom's complaining about my puppy.. if I have to get rid of him.. I'll be so pissed....

and I don't have anger issues.... it's just that when nothing goes your way, the small things mean a lot... and when you don't have those... you just want to break something. (at least I do.)

So everyone gave me wierd looks when I told them the name of my new puppy, evidently Othello was too much of a complicated name.. and my mom laughed at me each time I said it.

So the dog has been renamed to Cassidy, after Eva Cassidy (the blues singer).. not so bad, I don't like Shakespeare anyway...

:-)

and the fleas he had are nonexistant now... even though talking about them makes me cringe and itch. (shuts mouth.)

okay so this is my first morning of ever having a puppy and it's already making me pissy.  (I'm a very self disciplined person.) So I'm not going to let my frustration get the best of me.. fuck I'm just really tired and I slept like 3 hours and now I have to get up and play with puppy because puupy made it a point to shit on my mom's carpet... and he has yet to use the puppy pads or newspaper...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

this is kind of funny, actually.. lol

and now what's funny is, both of the little shits are asleep.. so I'm going to drift off too.. because obviously I'm not awake right now.

Since I'm always entering sad thoughts in this collection of bull I'm thinking hey.. Phil had a nice weekend.... why not write about that?

So I had a nice weekend (repeats self.) I got the chance to hang out with new people and to get to know others better, (then again getting out of the house for any reason is fun.... yes including Wal-Mart.)   On Thursday night I saw a shooting star, the first I'd ever seen.. yeah I made a wish... tell?  (shakes head.)

Things are really looking up, I'm seeing a lot of good oppertunities in my life on the horizon, it may be a short distance away, but as I've said before patience is a virtue.

I had a lot of fun yesterday with Danny, we watched movies and argued about mince-meat pie... haha.  

yes.. I won the arguement...

thanks Phillip.

thanks Google.

and Danny, you can't help it you were 12 years old and really hungry. lol

Being that every pet I've had in the past has somehow died in a tragic accident, went mad, taken away from me by social services (okay, that's a joke.), or died of an illness... I've had this empty space in my heart.. and since it's not always possible to be cuddling next to someone at night... the oppertunity arose tonight for me to have a puppy... I took the offer and my sister and I drove to Flemingsburg to get the cutest little "Jack Shitz" you've ever seen... My sister doesn't think she will be able to take care of hers since she has school and work so I think we may be giving Marty away.. I'll post a photo of him as soon as I can find the USB cable to my dig. camera... But I named my puppy Othello, and he turns two months old two days after my birthday (which is in five more days I should add..)

GOD, I can't believe I'm going to be twenty.

they say time flies after you hit twenty.. I guess we'll see about that.

I certainly hope not.

(*yawn.)

goodnight world.