So I had to write a speech. An informative speech. What does this little Mel think of?

Zombie survival, duh!

Here it is for your reading leisure, if you so wish.

Basic Zombie Survival


Topic: Zombie survival
General Purpose: To inform
Specific Purpose: To inform the audience of how to properly survive a zombie outbreak.
Central Idea Statement: I will tell the audience zombie attributes and then where they should hide and what they should defend themselves with.


Introduction

I. Hollywood has always loved zombies ranging from horror flicks to comedies. But notice, in all those movies, a fair amount of the group concentrated on always dies. So, I've decided to show you the do's and don't's of zombie survival.
II. The most important parts of zombie survival are location, weapons, and a general knowledge of what you're doing and whom you're fighting.


Body

I. Knowing the weaknesses and strengths of the zombies you will be fighting is probably one of the most important things you can do to stay alive during an outbreak.
A. Weaknesses
1. Zombies are painfully slow, but that doesn't mean you can just run away. They will follow and they never get tired.
2. They are unable to run, climb, or swim due to a lack of coordination.
3. Though they still have brain enough to move, they have no problem solving abilities and so, are incredibly stupid.

B. Strengths
1. Zombies don't feel pain like humans do. This is perhaps one of their greatest strengths. We humans are so use to human opponents that it's easy to forget that zombies won't feel the pain of a knife wound,
2. They also don't need to breath and their hearts have ceased to beat. Their only vital organ has now become their brain.
3. Zombies flock to any sort of noise, be it human or a tree creaking. If it makes a lot of noise, they go after it.
C. To best survive a zombie encounter
1. Be as quiet as possible
2. If the zombie or zombies notice you, try to damage the brain. Ideally, decapitation is the best way to go. Anything else and they won't even flinch and you'll be lunch.
II. Also importantly is location, location, location. There's a big difference between an apartment complex and a single story home when it comes to surviving an outbreak of the undead.
A. Places to not go.
1. Hospitals. Where do people go when they think a loved one is simply ill? Remember, most people won't realize when the person they bring in are actually infected. Hospitals are cesspools for the undead and should be avoided at all costs.
2. Shopping malls and other places largely populated by people are bad as well. When an outbreak occurs, people panic, and a mob of panicking people can be more dangerous than zombies themselves.
B. Places of refuge.
1. Stilted beach homes are ideal for an outbreak. They are already lifted off the ground and by simply taking out the stairs, one can stay safe for days or even weeks, which gives plenty of time for police and military forces to eradicate the threat.
a. Two story houses are similarly safer, though the former is ideal.
2. Tornado proof homes are also ideal for their thick, sturdy doors and walls, but are very uncommon out here in the Pacific Northwest,
3. Apartment and office complexes are the ultimate in ideal shelters. All that needs be done is take out the stairs and elevator of the first floor and hole up on the upper levels. Not only does the larger number of people allow for a great defense force, there are then more supplies for those who would be left without in any other situation.
III. Stock, equip, and survive.
A. Weapons are infinitely important to your survival. However well you are barricaded or hidden, chances are, you'll have to fight off a zombie or two.
1. Most commonly seen and easy to use, even for the layman, are the crowbar and machete. Both are ideal for the bashing of brains.
2. Most effective up close is the shotgun and chainsaw, though both are equally messy and perhaps not the best choice for those not familiar with their operation.
3. For those well versed in the use of guns, a semi-automatic rifle is your best friend. Not only is it useful for distant and close combat, it expels most rounds than a normal bolt-action rifle, in case of a swarm.
4. Fire for zombies has been popularized, but as mentioned earlier, zombies don't feel pain. So, even if you turn them into a fireball with a Molotov cocktail, they'll merely be a walking fireball and will catch anything and everything around them on fire. Use fire only when either necessary or in a non-flammable environment where they can't turn you into a walking torch either.
B. Zombie outbreaks are the equivalent of a siege. You must supply and stock food and water to survive.
1. If you become aware of a zombie outbreak, after laying down a proper barricade against doors and windows, run upstairs and fill your bathtub, sink, and fill any vessels. There's no telling when the water will be shut off.
2. As for food, canned foods are ideal. They keep long, which is what you're aiming for. A portable camping stove is ideal as well and should be used away from where the aroma of food could possibly reach zombies, such as in a basement.
C. Surviving in your now well-maintained shelter.
1. Patrols will save your life. Even if you have barricaded until your shelter can be barricaded no more, a zombie could miraculously break through. Someone must be awake while others sleep.
2. Also keep entertainment at hand. It's easy to become paranoid or jumpy when subjected to endless boredom.
3. And though it sounds strange, earplugs will quickly become your most beloved object. It's hard to sleep with the constant moan of the undead outside your door.
4. Short hair and tight clothing could also well save your life. Zombies capture their victims by reaching out and pulling their victims towards them. With less hair and less clothing to grab, the undead will have a significantly harder time grabbing you.
5. Last and certainly not least is the escape route. Your humble abode won't always withstand a zombie attack and may become more dangerous to stay in than to leave, so have an escape route! This should include a secure way out of the shelter and a destination to hide in.

Conclusion
I. Now that I have explained how to properly protect, prepare, and shelter yourself from a zombie attack, you should all have no problem surviving the event of the undead.

I stole this from Kaiti. Click "View Full Report" to see the whole thing and what they all mean. <3


My Personality

Neuroticism	51
Extraversion	11
Openness To Experience	58
Agreeableness	46
Conscientiousness	19

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report MySpace Surveys, Bebo and MySpace Codes by Pulseware Survey Software