I know I know... you're confused! You thought I just rocked out huh? Well, not entirely true. I like the Rat Packy musical delights, Jazz, Blues, about everything except modern country I guess. But that's not why I'm here today. My disco reference was really related to my latest adventure.

Yesterday marked the release of my first full page photo layout in a "real" magazine since 1991! Ha! Cause to celebrate! James, bring the martinis! Amidst the mattress stuffing and Palin unstuffing there is always time for a martini. Welcome to Burquewood.

"Albuquerque the Magazine" October issue is now on stands. I'm in it. I bought 5 copies for my mother. This is their "Hot Singles" issue which makes this even funnier. I guess I am in the hot married guy section? Actually, you may recall how I got my foot in the door by playing "spirit" guide to their staff writer for a spread about ABQ Nightlife. I anticipated such monikers as "Nightlife Guru", "International Martini Assassin", "Independent Writer". I was actually referred to as an Idiot Savant & local nightlife bottler! Huh?! Oh, one too many martinis. OK it was actually "Bon Vivant" and "Local Nightlife Blogger". True, but not the whole enchilada. But anyhoo.

So, the whole piece starts out with my whole page pic. I'm surrounded by martinis of varying sizes and colors, with my passport and a cigar. Very Casablanca. Photo shoot was done at my favorite new happening cigar lounge- Imbibe. Imbibe overlooks the neon of Route 66 just up the street from UNM in the historic Nob Hill District. I am also lurking in the shadows of the pic on page 2 which was shot on the roof of same on an entirely different night. Lush. There are some misquotes and short reference to my partying expertise. Well you can go to ATM's website & order a copy today!

As I mentioned... not since 1991 have I had a full page pic in a magazine. That was LA Style. I was at a private dinner party with fashion designer Robin Piccone of Body Glove fame. There were famous models and photographers and such. Peggy Moffit was there. Rebecca's on the Beach was the venue. I especially remember the Cactus Creme Brule! My hair was down to my ass. I was using proper silverware etiquette. Again, there was no good reason for my being in that magazine either.

Ain't America great? Hey "LA Style"! I'll be there at Halloween for no good reason if you want a redux. Hey Rolling Stone! I'm available. Call me.

*NOTE: ABQ, Burquewood, Burque, ALB, etc. are all slang references to Albuquerque, NM. The new Hollywood. Cheers!

"There's many who tried to prove that they're faster.
But they didn't last and they died as they tried" – Judas Priest, "Hell Bent For Leather".

Last night I attended the long awaited "Metal Masters Tour" show at Journal Pavilion in the desert wasteland south of Albuquerque. I remember checking the weather channel before the show. It said "chance of thunderstorms possible throughout the evening". Boy were they right! The thunderstorms took the form of Metal Gods from days gone by. The awe, inspiration, memories, just put me over the top. You see, I was weaned on Priest. Judas Priest. I worshipped them as a boy. I worship them now. They headlined. Leather, motorcycle, flash and dazzle. Black Sabbath, err "Heaven and Hell; Sabbath the Dio Years" was also there to put aged metalurgy to the test. And for a third genre we had Motorhead cranking out grumblings of thunder. I walked in as they began. They rocked. Sorry to have missed the fourth, yes fourth, band called Testament. I do not know any of their songs. We were running late. Had to finish that second martini.

As my ticket states "No Cameras or Recording Devices" I did not take my fancy camera. After watching common people use regular cameras from their seats with no backlash I whipped out my cell phone. This is as good as it gets folks. I went to sleep at 1 and was up by 6 am writing this in my head. I am displaying certain symptoms of what may be a form of PTSD. For the first time I recall I am deaf from a concert. I can hear a little in my right ear & about ½ with my left. I had disrupted sleep patterns. My stomach is not right. But I can state with certainty that I do not have a hangover at $8 a drink!

We saw some old friends and made some new friends too of course. Everyone was there to have fun, and most everything was mellow with people of all ages enjoying the show. It was funny to see the vast difference in the fans of various ages. But they all came together for this, the greatest of nights.

The show really began as we watched the head of security drag a man up the sidewalk. The man's pants started falling down and eventually came off.  He yelled to the man to pull up his pants repeatedly as he held both arms tight! So there he was with his junk all exposed for the crowd as they finished his drag. One word. Belt.

Motorhead just trolled and plowed across that stage. I later relayed to my buddy Tom G. that I had drank with Lemmy. In L.A. at The Rainbow. Well, actually I drank next to him.  He was a regular there in the day and so was I. He was usually just standing in the middle of the upstairs bar and I would walk up to get a refill from time to time. He looks exactly the same that pale white old rock and roll vampire!

Sabbath. Dark. Evil. Unphotographable. Dio also looks and sounds the same as 20 years ago. I want to have him over for pasta and my homemade marinara. I have met Dio several times, also in L.A. back in the day. He is the most down to earth normal guy. He does not carry a crystal ball around, but I did.

 (Me- circa 1991)

And the Priest. Judas Priest. Rob Halford needed to put on a shirt but wanted to show off all his ink and exposed breasts. Sorry. I love this man and this band. They shred. They are the kings, the Gods of Metal. They destroyed my hearing. When I was young I would pull the Priest out of my secret arsenal at cover band auditions and I was in every time. Later I of course would only perform my own music and try to sing like myself. Priest is in my car. Priest is in our stereo in the old "Martini World! Private Ultra Lounge". Right next to Dean Martin. I once stood by Rob Halford to meet him at a pro metal musicians convention called "Concrete Foundations". He seemed too busy at the time for me to try to meet him. I want to drink some beers with Judas Priest. I want to do a photo shoot of them on tour. I want to write their stories. I want to work for Judas Priest. If you can hear me God, please relay this message to the band.

We came, we saw, we conquered. We are deaf. We treemed the hedges of many a small Paveelion. Did you say something? Thank you Ticket Master for my gazillion $ 2^nd row tickets. Thank you Albuquerque for Journal Pavilion. And thank you to the mums of Judas Priest for giving birth to Metal Gods! Rock on.

*BONUS Pic!

(I call this "drunk chick dancing". Security asked her not to touch the light pole while dancing!)

*Previously published in some form at www.DukeCityFix.com http://www.dukecityfix.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1233957%3ABlogPost%3A157217 

As I continue my recent and strange walk down musical memory lane I am again confronted with 80's Metal guys. Wednesday night brought me to a place I had not gone in a while… the local metal show for the local metal non-crowd. A friend from high school talked me into it. Another old friend from high school is headlining. These are my friends that would kick my ass if they catch me listening to say... Morrisey. These are also the friends that wouldn't be caught dead at the HS reunion they missed. Several didn't even show up for this!

My old friend Michael Lee Ostrander played to a raging crowd of 10. Let me count again… bouncer, bartendress, sound guy, Mike's lady (Daniella), me & our other old buddy (Tom G.), and another couple equals 8! The first band, whose name escaped me, stuck around for a few songs too, and then bailed. Two bands cancelled at the last minute. Needless to say they didn't enforce the "$5 cover". That's funny, becaaaauuuuse he had a band called "Enforcer"! Anyway. Aaaahhh… Wednesday night in Albuquerque!

"Misty's Hideaway". Heard of it? Seen it? It's been around a long time. But, as the name implies, it is hidden! It's hidden in a strip mall on Eubank. The location sparked some ribbing and memories for us. But let me back up here. Background info is needed. Perhaps "TMI", too much information is about to smack you upside yo head.
I was in a band with Mike, AKA Michael Lee Ostrander, AKA "One Man Shred Machine", in High School (Sandia) in the early 80's. Go Matadors! He is one of a small handful of guitar greats I have worked with that maybe should have gotten more fame and fortune than the cards dealt them. Our band was called "Night Raid". Did I hear a gasp? Infamous. Anyway, we played the school Battle of the Bands (back then) & came in second. We were very good. We took second, possibly, allegedly, likely, because I used the "F Word" on stage in front of parents and faculty. Needless to say, the band was pissed and threw me out. That's how I remember it anyway. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Yes, rock and roll rebel.

So Mike and I and my buddy Tom and so on were a little group of teen troublemakers. I rarely see any of them except my one buddy who we'll call "Tom G" for all intensive purposes. Tom G turned out alright! Matter of fact, many of us turned out alright through some act of God. So, Tom G and I had a court order not to associate with each other at one point back then. And this ties in to the Misty's location which, trust me, I am coming back to at some point, I swear. During this whole court order thing we of course did hang out, with Mike, and the gang, and some rather nasty illicit substances perhaps too. That's all I'm saying, at the advice of my attorney.

One fine fine day while Mike's parents were out of town (take note parents of bad teens!) we of course skipped school to party and play the Metal, at Mike's house. Tom was driving me in Mike's car to um "obtain" some more alcohol from the grocery store. Look, I already told you I was a bad teen! Well you would never think that a 1972 Gran Torino could get totaled by hitting an MG but. Tom tells me to run for it, yes a crime to leave the scene of an accident I know, and I do. This all occurs at Eubank and Indian School Blvds. Me and another guy make it to the ditch at the park (Snow Park?) where we are shortly found out by APD thanks to some upstanding witnesses. I laugh when I pass that park. I laughed last night. We all laughed. Ha ha.

Now here's the best part. Ready? We convince APD our parents are on the way to pick us up. They get another call & leave us sitting on the curb. We of course high tail it back to Ostrander's where I conveniently answer the phone some time later. It's APD on the phone! I pretend to be Mike's dad and convince the man to let me personally have a talk with these boy's parents (rather than APD)! None of our parents ever knew. Well, except for Mike's anyway… in regards to the wrecked car. Tsk Tsk Tsk. Boys will be boys. I blame it all on Judas Priest. We have the primo seats in 3 weeks at Journal Pavilion. We are taking a cab.

Aaaaaand back to Wednesday night in Albuquerque. By the time Mike is done playing the bar is closing up. It's early. It's like 11:15 maybe? True it's a work night. We aren't done and we are sober as church mice. Where to? It's Wednesday night in Albuquerque! Reminiscent of Christmas Eve's in Albuquerque of years gone by. The streets are nearly deserted. We head to the historic Nob Hill district.

Nob Hill is quiet, there is parking, there are seats, on patios, with service. Thanks Kool Kristy! We carefully select "Gecko's Bar and Grille" and sit next to Chris the Cook from Flying Star (restaurant down the street). He knows of Michael Lee Ostrander and has attended several shows! Now me and Tom G are in a vortex. This calls for Tequila, oh and I'm not driving. On to shots of Hornitos and a Dos XX, which launches us in to a whole discussion about "the most interesting man in the world", who I have been referring to as my uncle lately. We decide it must be about 75 degrees out. Chris insists that downtown is always hopping lately, even on a Wednesday night. It is past midnight and we're about to turn into old pumpkins. I just don't have it in me to head downtown at this point as I have bills to pay and all. Our lovely and patient wives await our return from yet another "Guy's Night Out". So, we quietly exit the quiet patio in the quiet corner of a quiet bar in a quiet neighborhood in a quiet city on a Wednesday night in Albuquerque... and live to tell another tale.

The official (personal use only) Video is now up on YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfsrUQt6DAc


OR here! (if this embedding worked)

Take a peak. I remembered to film just a little here & there.


-Martini Mike

"Are you ready for Heavy Metal?!"
Here's a little treat kids!
Digging way back into the archive.
Exclusive video of my former life as "Rocker Mike".
1985

Just a few years into that career.
My hair wasn't down to my ass yet!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS6NzUAm738

Enjoy!

-Martini Mike, former almost famous Rock Star

Goodness... where to begin?! That was the longest 3 nights of my life. Last trip I had to write three installments. I may have to do the same this time. Nah. It's a little fuzzy still. But I will try to get it all out while it's sorta fresh in my mind! In all it's sorted mayhem here it is in a "nutshell". Shake one up, sit back, get comfortable... Martini Mike's Vegas Adventure- Summer 2008.

I could snow you with dillusional stories of jetsetting and glamour. Oh, wait, there was jetsetting and glamour! OK, well still... not a great trip. Probably kicked ass for my "Vegas-Virgin" buddies though! Not a great birthday either. And I don't want to see a martini for a while. I'll be hiding out under the radar until further notice. And please ladies, don't even kiddingly ask me to run away with you... Mrs. Martini Mike is about to snap it off!

Friday night we arrived with limited fanfare. Me and my trusty sidekick "Nitro Nate". Our flight was on time. A limo waited from LasVegasLimo.com. The driver (Randy) was prompt, courteous, had my name right on the sign this time… "Martini Mike". We proceeded to the nearest liquor store for a bag of items we would mostly give away to the Bellhop at checkout. (And let me mention here that $60 of premium booze still left a puss on his face until I also gave him cash!) It took an hour to get from baggage claim to the hotel downtown (Golden Nugget). For the first time in nine years he could not even get into the driveway. We unloaded slowly at the curb. It took another hour for us to check in with the rather long line, grab my tux jacket out of luggage & get back across town to The Palms.

The Palms. VIP Guest List for The Playboy Club, courtesy of my friend the VP of their marketing group. You can not take a camera in to The Playboy Club evidently. Who knew? Considering we were taking cell phone pics with the girls last time. Not even a VIP. I was just lugging it around (the camera) for 3 days just in case, not really intending to take pics there anyway. But, I had to go all the way back across the casino to the front desk of the hotel & check it in. Oh well, just business. We had just about enough time to run up and grab the first Vegas Martini. All the table games were dealt by beautiful women except for roulette. Why did I play roulette? "Adam the Cooler" as I have now affectionately named him quickly relieved me of $300 in the span of one cocktail. Lady Luck can suck it. We ran for the door. Thanks.

Dinner at Little Buddha was awesome as usual. My friend Shelly the GM greeted us with open arms. She bought us a round of Lychee Martinis. We had the usual munchies… Chinese Orange Chicken. We also had Spider Rolls and whatever else we had I can't remember! It was all so delicious as always. Oh, did I mention we had dinner with Carrot Top? Yah, he was sitting next to us. I think I spotted Kal Penn, of "Harold & Kumar" fame as well. And off we go to our next decadent stop.

VooDoo Lounge. I got the two bottle minimum waived by my friend Bobby, Senior VIP Host. Had a great table inside where there is AC! I was given a little tour which included meeting the DJ. What was her name?! It was too loud for me to catch. I savored the breathtaking view.I did a little marketing with stickers, taking pics, etc. We ended up giving away ½ a liter of Ketel One toward the end as there were only two of us. Some cool guys in Amsterdam owe me 1/2 a bottle of Ketel when I get there. We eventually made our way back downtown for a little early morning losing at the "Unlucky Nug". We managed to get to our rooms by 6.
 VooDoo View

DJ

 Bottle Service

Fan

Saturday afternoon sneaks up. Painfully slow recovery and we are out the hotel to Golden Gate for breakfast around the crack of 3. I had the famously incredible Cappuccino, Steak & Eggs, ½ order of fabulous fluffy flapjacks. Say that 10 times fast. Stuffed to the gills we head back to get ready for another night! Limo arrives at 5. We are armed with a sign that reads "Mick Jagger is in this Limo!" It's amusing to passersby.

Off to Red Square to be interviewed by www.vegashappyhours.com. "The guy" (Roger) became ill & sent two ladies to interview me instead. Kendra and Ashley. Very sweet girls, thanks for the amusing interview!

We were treated royally by Mike the Assistant GM as my usual contact, Kari the GM, was out this weekend. There were delicious Russian Martinis and lots of Caviar. Melissa our waitress had personally stuffed our Blue Cheese Olives! YUM. (In a bikini?) We got a tour of the Vodka Vault. Loved it! You see- I was too busy to bother with it the last few times. Idiot. It's only $5000 to rent a locker there to store your own bottles in for when you visit. Tell them "Martini Mike sent me"! Took lots of pics. Ran out the door for our next stop.

Not Mick Jagger!

That rough 1st Martini of the night. With Melissa.

 "Cavi-Hour" at Red Square

Palazzo. Oh the glamour. Fabulous digs for sure. I should stay here some time. With VegasHappyHours.com ladies in tow we locate Dal Toro. Dal Toro is an Italian restaurant with a patio right on the Boulevard, and DJ, and glass wall separating it from the new Lamborghini Dealership next door. It is "Ultra Happy Hour" at the "Ultra Lounge". From 6-10 ladies first drink is free. I meet up with my friend David Turpin, of the True Management Group, who gives us a little tour & gets me a drink. There are of course pictures, chit chat, and marketing. I would definitely go here for Happy Hour anytime.
 David Turpin and I

Car shopping!

She's holding one of our stickers!

Not drinking a Martini! But, what the heck.

Hostess? Waitress? Name??

Now the boys are off to The Steakhouse at Circus Circus. That was the best steak we have ever had. They start at about $42. I want to say. With a nice glass of small batch bourbon… mmmm. Pretty pretty good steaks and service. I was disappointed they let people dine there in shorts & t-shirts and flip-flops! Whatever. They must have been staying there.

Ready for lengthy rant 1? We must get to TAO no later than 11 for my excruciatingly acquired "waiving of two bottle minimum" by Marc Rayos, VIP Host. This is the guy I started dealing with after Mike Nagar, VIP Host, wouldn't get back to me for 4 days at that point. I had sent texts, email, and MySpace messages a few times. So here I am in line waiting. Don't see "my guy" who I have texted prior to arrival. Some other guy seats us at what was absolutely the worst table I have ever had anywhere in Las Vegas. I don't fully absorb this until he has gone with my tip money. It was a tiny coffee table in front of a tiny bench behind a giant pillar. It was halfway between the entrance and the bar. Fat drunk foreign people crowd us & annoy us frequently. I'm ready to punch someone. There is no private security person and I think "our" waitress is actually several table's waitress. So, no one is going to watch our things, that's for sure. I could go on & on here but I won't. Yah, right. I must. I am pissed. Let's just say I spent the entire three + hours between text messages, visits, and empty promises from multiple hosts and waitresses to move me to a better table. Some vast freaking conspiracy?? I never saw the rest of the club because I truly believed that any moment we would be moving and I had better be ready! "Vegas veteran and tough street guy gets gullible, News at 11". Hey, how about the big cushy sectional, caddy corner to us, that is being occupied over & over by NON BOTTLE SERVICE patrons?! I am of course told that they are sold out on tables at some point. Hmmm that's strange. Also, strange how the guys next to us also only have one bottle. They said it was no trouble at all to only purchase one bottle instead of two. Eventually I am filled in by a staff member that not only am I not permitted to take my bottle from my table to a friend's table, they are also not permitted to move it for me! So basically you sit where they put you & shut up & pay them your $600-$1200 because they are "sold out" and you will stand without a drink otherwise. I think I may be done with these big clubs. At least until I'm P. Diddy. Wait, that's weird huh? Some kind soul (staff) pours our ½ liter of Vodka into a water bottle for us and we thankfully leave the zoo around 2:30 am.

Taxi Cab driver and I are mildly amused by my buddy with the very loud hiccups as he is passed out in the cab. The rest of the morning is uneventful other than the 90 minute wait for a Bagel & Lox from Room Service.

Sunday bangs on my head like a doorknocker at I don't even know what time. Where did I go? What did I do? Oh, a slice at Uncle Joe's down Fremont Street. Their AC is broken again evidently, like every other summer. There is Yankees talk, cheap Soprano's posters, creepy old parmesan. A crazy man dances (or something) near the counter until they throw him out. We run for our lives. Good pizza though.

Across the street to Lovo Cigars! Hand rolled best damned cigars you ever had. We pose for pics with Egda the owner who personally hand rolls these babies with either tobacco from the family farm in Nicaragua or a blend from elsewhere. For a special treat some have been dipped in honey & dried, some have been dipped in Amaretto, etc. Some "twisties" are bi-colored wrappers. We laugh and puff away and laugh some more. The walls are covered with 8x10s of her smoking with celebrities like Sly Stallone. Shipping is reasonable for a box of 25. I'm all over it. We make our way about Fremont Street in the crippling heat, sweating out our hangovers. We gawk and gamble and drink just a wee bit less than the previous days.

Looking bad & feeling worse!

Wall of celebrity cigar smokers

Alas we are back at the Golden Nugget for a rest. Upon reaching my room at this time I found that the door was OPEN. Though this was hours & hours after I called for housekeeping I thought she might still be in the room. Wrong. And for the first time all weekend my safe wouldn't open. This of course led me to believe someone had been trying to get into it! It appeared as though housekeeping made the bed, left some toiletries, then just left, also leaving the door open. No one was around at all... I looked.

Room 226

My ashtray was dirty, there were 1/2 full glasses lying around, pillow on floor, dirty sink, dirty shower, etc. etc. Security came up & explained it away as they "often believe customers don't want things disturbed" so "housekeeping probably just made bed and left not realizing door was open". Safe? "dead battery?" "coincidence". Maintenance came up & electronically picked it. Hmmm… not happy. Nothing is missing so that's a plus. No sort of comp or anything but an apology in my second call to the front desk to lodge my only official complaint. Security can see I didn't make this up. Hell, could I make a bed that tight?!

Dinner our last night was spent at the corporate Irish Pub that had no "Harp" named "Hennessey's". Coupon on Restaurant.com. This is where the world's biggest fake pint of Guinness is located, down Fremont Street toward the El Cortez. My buddy had Corned Beef and Cabbage. I had Fish and Chips. Meals were big and delicious. We pound a few pints of English beer.

Gamble Gamble, the only luck so far is at Fitzgerald's. I turn $10 into a few hundred between several Video Poker machines and what not. I give it back at the old "Unlucky Nug". Damn. We are finally heading up to rooms sorta early this night. Midnight? I had just noticed this fishy group of trampy looking ladies. I immediately think these are um "Ladies of the Night". Just something about them was a little trashier than some Vegas weekend girls. Remember, we are right in the middle of a nice hotel. Well, they are! I'm approached by one who has strayed from the herd so it took me a minute to snap that she was with those others. She pinched my nipple and laughed. Then it sinks in. She offered me a "special deal" "tonight only". I chuckled and said "no thanks honey, not tonight". I turn my back & guard my wallet. She looked amazed and disappointed I turned her down. We laughed about them all the way to the unguarded elevator. If I spotted them, why couldn't security?

I sleep poorly again in my tomb of a room with the fake window that does not go outdoors, next to the ice machine, at the end of the hall, by the elevators. I awake in time to pack & get out of this place. We check our luggage & hit the buffet. This buffet has been on my list for a few years. It was pretty good. We paid $12 or so a piece at lunch time. The omelet station was still open. There was pizza, breakfast Chimis, Eggs Benedict, Chinese, Eggrolls, meats, etc. No Cappuccino.

We finally stop and glance at the shark tank from the hall. Yay. This trip is almost over. Hey, at least a "stripper" didn't steal my silk hanky this trip! There is no shuttle. We grab a cab driven by a maniac. I continue to lose gambling money at the airport. We are whisked away just moments after testing the McCarran WI-FI. And just one day before Paris is in town promoting her new shoe stores. We are the last two people on the plane. We do not sit together. I get the last seat on the plane right in front of the only screaming child. Between screaming it kicks the back of my seat over and over. This is the cherry on my cake of a weekend. Waaaahhhh. I know, me, not the baby. But you know what? There is no such thing as a bad trip to Vegas!

Next Vegas trip we are planning on "slumming it", other than the hotel room of course. We are going to walk around with no plans. We are not getting any limos or bottle service at the latest "Criss Angel and Britney were spotted here last night" BS overcrowded nightclub. I am not gambling at the Golden Nugget. I am not bringing my laptop. I will wear my anti-hooker repellant. I will not bring a tuxedo jacket. I will pretend I am a tourist and drink cheap beer and see cheap sites and stay up only half the night. I will try to drop minimal business cards.

I offer up a challenge to any industry personnel that may be reading this. I challenge you to show me a truly good time or truly good customer service and I guarantee you I will write all about you in my guidebook about Vegas. You have Martini Mike's word on that. Did I miss anything Nitro Nate? Still recovering? Me too.

I have already begun to repost this all over the internet. Can't say I didn't warn you!  Some of those links you will find on this MySpace profile. There have been hundreds and hundreds of hits today already. I will also be giving good write ups of my favorite places in the Vegas Guidebook I'm writing. There are plenty more pictures to come too, so stay tuned! You may find some of my "artsier" ones at http://www.flickr.com/photos/martinimike
If you spot yourself in one- here, there, or anywhere… email me & I will send you a copy along with any goodies I promised but you forgot to get.

Cheers!

Partying like a rock star... what else would you expect?!

Martini Mike making the rounds here in Vegas...

"Shelly G"- GM of Little Buddha (in The Palms)

Martini World! fan at VooDoo Lounge (in the Rio)

Vodka Goddess in the vault at Red Square -Mandalay Bay  (5 degrees!)

With David Turpin, VIP Host, at Dal Toro/Lamborghini (in Palazzo) Ultra Happy Hour.

Car shopping at Lamborghini (in Palazzo)

This was funny... the look on faces whether they believed it or just found it amusing- priceless!

SEE MORE IN OUR PIC GALLERY HERE ON MYSPACE!

Cheers!

See this? I'm sorry I may have brought them business & still got the shittiest table in the whole place! This was posted all over the internet. Like www.VegasMessageBoard.com, www.NapkinNights.com, Craig's List, etc.

*************************************************************

Team Martini "Attack on Vegas"!

Martini Mike & his trusty sidekick Nitro Nate will be joining Marc Rayos and the staff of TAO at Venetian Saturday 7/26 at the stroke of midnight!

Join Martini Mike, International Martini Assassin as he "whacks" some cocktails.

 Become an honorary member of "Team Martini"!

Drink a martini with us!!!

Then we will

1. send you the super secret and coveted "Team Martini" cell phone wallpaper.

2. add you to the exclusive list of honorary "Team Martini" members I am adding at www. MartiniWorld. com - woohoo!

3. We will be handing out our new bumper stickers too! Are you "Martini Mike approved"??

4. Oh, and you get to hang with the cool kids! muahahahaha

Tell your friends! But ssshhhh... again, an "unsanctioned" event.

Stay tuned for my other stops throughout the weekend!! Or just RSVP here with your cell - much easier for both of us.

Don't worry, I don't want to sell you anything.

 -Martini Mike

For those of you who want to see some sexy pictures... (of MARTINIS & Martini drinkers!)

http://www.martiniworld.com/picturegallery.html

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=107767540&albumId=1214507

http://www.napkinnights.com/MartiniWorld for Martini Mike! Revealed! Exclusively.

Here's a little taste...

-Cheers! Martini Mike!

Looks like I will hit 6666 blog views (here) just in time for Vegas! Weird. Is that bad luck? I also just hit 1,666 miles on my car. I already know I am not going during a lucky time on my astrological chart. I am also not going during a good time on my biorhythms chart. I am also not going during a good phase of the moon! Damn. Who planned this trip anyway?!

July 25 is known as "Day-Out-Of-Time" day. What is that?! A google search brought up http://www.tortuga.com/portal/dayoutoftime which reveals that this is a worldwide holiday! Hmmm... sounding better. What kind of holiday?

"Central focuses are: Planetary Peace through Culture, Stop business as usual, Attest to the truth that "Time is Art!", forgiveness, atonement, freeing of debts, purification, the Art of Peace... The Day out of Time, celebrated annually since 1992, always falls on July 25th. On the 13 Moon calendar, this day is no day of the month, and no day of the week. It is inbetween the closing of the previous year (July 24th) and the dawning of the new year (July 26th). "

Hey! This sounds like a pretty good day to go to Vegas! Wait, there's more! "This day is an opportunity to experience the freedom of being alive, true timelessness and loving kindness. Whether public gatherings or private circles, this day is a catalytic launch-pad for the year to come, a great, global harnessing of telepathic presence, and a perfect way to invite new participants into the harmony of the 13 Moon Calendar."

How did I not know about this given my extensive study of metaphysical pagany stuff? Because it was just invented in 1992? I was a little um "busy" that year what with cursing Kurt Cobain for the end of L.A. rock, the visit that never ended to the "Land of Entrapment", my uncle passing, a lot of quality time at "The Pony Bar"*, starting a crappy factory job, the supposed Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader I "rescued", etc. etc.

July 26 is "Cow Appreciation Day". OK. CASH Cow I hope! Woohoo! July 27 is "Parents' Day" Um. Maybe I will have hit the progressive and I can track them down? And of course July 28 is also a worldwide holiday... my birthday! Someone asked me the other night "how many times are you gonna tell us about how you're going to Vegas?" Like every blog lately is about Vegas or something! Oh wait, they are. HaHa. Well the answer to that is "as many times as you'll read these!" SEVEN days and counting. Not 6.

(*"The Pony Bar" was a dive of a bar attached to a strip club called "The Palomino" on the west side of Albuquerque. Mainly frequented by hardcore bikers and n'er-do-wells. There was apparently a lot of illegal activity it turns out too.)

What is that? "Vegas Jones"? Haha. Sounds like another one of my personalities! OK, seriously, I am "jonesing" for Vegas something bad man. I got an itch that can only be scratched by Lady Luck. Well... or one of her minions. Can you spare a die? How about just an ace? What'll you give me for this cufflink?

I can almost smell the sin. It is oh so close. I can taste the martinis rolling over my tongue like a sweet nectar as I sit and relax. I can see the girls of REHAB frolicking in the surf as I lay in my cabana. I can feel the stacks of chips sliding my way at the Palms roulette table. And I can hear the thumping of the DJ spinnning at Tao on a warm Saturday night.

So much to do, so little time. "What else are you doing?" you might ask. Well, I am going to tour Dal Toro and Lamborghini at "Palazzo" with my friend David who is? a marketing guy, VIP host, ? They have a Ultra Happy Hour from 6-10 PM. Ladies first round is FREE. I am visiting Tryst at The Wynn Friday night. A new "friend of ours" hooked me up with the VIP host there. Let's just say he's from Queens. Let's just say he has no last name. Let's just say his name is "Joe". I am visiting old friends as well at Little Buddha, and Red Square. And I am visiting new managers at old haunts such as VooDoo Lounge. Let's not forget Forty Deuce for some burlesque and Circus Circus for some steaks! Whew. Hope I make it to the plane between all that and gambling and whatever Lady Luck throws my way!

Team Martini "attack on Vegas" commences in 11 days and x hours at the time of this post (Monday). The marketing has gone something like this on various websites...

"Become an honorary member of "Team Martini"!
Martini Mike & his trusty sidekick "Nitro Nate" will be launching their attack on Vegas 07/25/08. Fri, Sat, Sun, leaving Mon 7/28.
All you have to do is buy me a martini! kidding. Drink one with me at least!
Then we will send you the super secret and coveted "Team Martini" cell phone wallpaper.
We will also add you to the exclusive list we are creating at www.MartiniWorld.com - woohoo!
There will be bumper stickers and freebies too.
Oh, and you get to hang with the cool kids.
Don't worry, I'm not selling anything!"  

Branding baby, branding. Martini World!

We have an old Texas banker meeting up with us so far, yes it's a he. See you there! Or will I?

(Tuesday)

How many times have I tasted her wares? Oh, let me count the times... 1, 2, 3, OK I give up. Heaven… with the temperature of Hell. Sin City. Vegas baby. That is always a magical transition from "The Land of Enchantment" to "Sin City". I am pretty pretty sure I was a mafioso in one of my past lives. Did I just sound like Shirley Maclaine?! She lives here too! In the desert. The other desert. New Mexico. I soon trudge west to once again feel her love. Vegas, not Shirley MacLaine.

I love Vegas baby. She loves me. I want to spank her ass. I love getting all decked out with my cufflinks and silk pocket squares and bling bling. I love gambling and drinking. I love the Rat Pack. I love beautiful women. I love that there are actually more than a handful of Italians there. I love that there is more than one single zero roulette wheel. I love not having to go home at 4 am after the bar closes and the after hours party is over. Oh wait, that party is usually at my house! I love being the last man standing on Fremont Street as the sun comes up.

I have stayed here, there, everywhere in Vegas over the years. I drank here, there, everywhere in Vegas! Every showroom and casino across town has seen my action. The clubs where they actually wanted me to write have taken good care of me. The clubs that didn't… they cost me a small fortune. And I did not and will not write about them anywhere. I don't call it my $600 Playboy Club baseball cap for nothing. I have dabbled in the VIP tables and or entry. And I now know this is the only way to go in Vegas. Lines?! I don't think so. Lines are for amateurs. PURE, Tangerine, PCD, Ghostbar, Rain, MOON, VooDoo Lounge. I have dabbled in after hours clubs. Empire. Seamless, Egad. What else is out there? Light, Tao, Tryst, Jet, Tabu, Body English, and the list goes on.

My tentative plans on this jaunt include limos of course ( http://www.lasvegaslimo.com  shameless plug for great service), a decent suite, cigars, gambling, Playboy Club, Little Buddha, VooDoo Lounge. Golden Nugget European Style pool area, Triple 7 Brew Pub, Circus Circus Steakhouse, Forty Deuce, undecided club, Peppermill's? Sleep. Red Square, a buffet, Fremont Street. Perhaps in that very order. I'm afraid I will miss Chicago Joe's this time due to them being closed on Sundays and Mondays. I'm pretty sure my vital organs won't handle bottle service for the Vodka Vault at Red Square either. Back to that undecided club. I am now at a crossroads with 2 bottle minimums and there only being 2 of us! Tao sure sounds good. Mix? Drai's? Hmmm… Anyone?

Short of billionaire status digs what is left for me? There is the $2000 cabana at Tao Beach. That's a house payment. They have 7. But then again… I'll be asleep in my tomb from 7-3 followed by lunch. But if I really really made an effort to bake in the desert sun for a few hours before destroying what is then left of my liver I would be here from 5-7 regardless. That's $1000 an hour! There was mention of the largest square footage in town for a cabana. There is an HD Plasma TV. There is a DVD player and X-Box. I could watch Scarface in my cabana! There's internet and a private safe. "Custom stocked mini fridge"? Stocked with what? Dollar bills I hope! It goes on and on right down to lunch catered by Wolfgang Puck. Wow. There are several available for the date I requested.

Well I am making new friends, kicking ass and taking names. I am planning my attack meticulously. I am training my body, for both poolside and bar side. And I am coaching my Vegas-Virgin buddy. I hit 3 jackpots here on July 4^th just for practice. I have ordered a bushel of Montecristos. There are a lot of holes in the desert… for those martinis. Get ready. Martini Mike is coming to town.