Since I seem to be on a post-a-thon here I might as well go ahead and finish this thing David tagged me with. Apparently I am to compile a list of 10 interesting things about me. Then I am to "tag" five people so that they might continue this douchebaggery. So here I go I guess.
1. On the surface I may seem well adjusted and nice (what?) but really I'm a misanthropic, atheist asshole. I don't believe in god (God, Allah, Jesus, Krishna, whatever) and don't mind saying as much. As Emily points out I'm an offensive asshole who uses shock value to piss off the theists whenever the opportunity arises. Well, if the Che Guevara shirt fits...
2. I root for the bad guys. Not in real life mind you. I'm a Libertarian Socialist and I vote Democrat. In movies, video games, RPGs, book, etc. on the other hand I'm all about the evil. Alex de Large, Vader, Sylar, Hannibal Lecter, Gangster 55, The Ice Truck Killer, etc. I think it's the absence of inhibitions. The pure, unadulterated emotion. Who the fuck knows. (addendum per David: I also wholeheartedly support Jacen Solo in The Legacy of the Force - fuck Luke Skywalker.)
3. I am a reformed robot. People used to call me a robot because I appeared so completely devoid of emotion. Not in a sociopathic, serial killer sort of way but I was at least very very cold. I don't know what strange drug Emily slipped me whilst I slept but I fell things now. Most of the time I still fuck up when trying express said feelings but, hey, I'm trying right?
4. I've stabbed two people. When I was 16 and tripping balls on acid while working at Burger King I stabbed a customer with a spork because he threatened my friend because he'd "fucked up" his order (in reality I had fucked it up when ringing it up because I was busy chasing the buttons around the screen). The second was a semi-retarded stroke victim who worked at the movie theater with me. We were horsing around and when I threated to cut off his tie he flailed and cut himself on my box cutter. Not exactly a bad-ass story, I know.
5. It's easier to list the drugs I haven't done rather than those I have because it consists of a single entry - crystal meth.
6. As my brother has pointed out in the comments section of a previous post, I am starting to sound and act more and more like a father. Not my father mind but a good father. I never thought it was possible but I can't wait to get home to see my daughters. Even the bratty ass one.
7. Despite my charming blue colloquialisms and generally filthy mouth I usually know what I'm talking about and, given the right, mood can hold my own in an intellectual conversation and/or political debate. The problem is that as the conversation(s) progress I descend further and further into pejoratives and name-calling to "prove" my point thus undoing all the good work I may have done up until that point. The fact that someone as smart as Emily puts up with my dumbfuckery is nothing short of a miracle.
8. I hate Florida. I want to move somewhere colder. I was semi-offered a job in Limerick, Ireland at one point and wouldn't have hesitated to up and leave. My mother-in-law threw a fucking fit about and spent weeks trying to convince Emily and I that we would undoubtedly hate Ireland. She did the same thing when I was offered a traveling sleep techery job through Aureus Medical. She kept telling us that we'd be too far from our "support system" (note: the only person who has even offered to babysit for us since our second daughter was born is my mother. And even when it was just Avalon it was like pulling teeth to get my in-laws to watch her and when they actually did it was so begrudgingly that Emily and I at times just canceled our plans to avoid hearing the guilt trips).
9. I am long winded as the above post shows and yet I can't fucking write. I have several ideas mucking about in my head and yet when I set down to put them to paper... nothing. I feel like my ideas are a river raging around me and I can't make enough sense of them to put them into intelligibility. I'm trying to catch water with a tennis racket.
10. I'm jealous of my little brother in more than one way. He's working on his book with a fervor I can only dream of, he's got a careerical direction (albeit a vague, half-hearted one) and he owns a house (albeit in a shitty town in a shitty county). Don't get me wrong he has his foibles of which I am not envious: he's an asshole, he's the unluckiest fucker I know in the relationship department, he's a ginger and he likes Fortress.
So there you have it my little plebeians. Read it and stare wide-eyed at your better. Now the tagging.
1. Emily - I'll probably already know whatever she posts but it might be interesting for the rest of you to read what my concubine has to say.
2. Steve - Steev rite guud stuf, we laff at wurds and maak reeplys. Happy.
3. Jason (AZ) - At one point we were in a (very shitty) band together. He had the talent, I had the drum-kit and microphone - it worked out perfectly.
4. Tyndal - Gilligan to my Skipper, Tyndal was the first of my friends (that I know of) to have kids so I guess he's the Old Salt here.
5. Carlton - D&D nerd? Definitely. Freeloading ass? Without a doubt. Occasionally intelligent despite himself? Indeed.
6. Rob the British redneck - My better half's friend's better half... follow that? He and I differ drastically as far as politics go but agree left and right musically. I'm interested to see his responses here.