Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 22
Sign: Capricorn
City: Sh*tty by the bay
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/10/2005
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
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[Why the wind blows cold? Did you ever realize, your face was painted, on my....soul?]
Ever meet someone and be like...Damn, this person shares so much in common with me, and they'd be great for me, but I'm too big of a pussy to do anything. You end up passing the opportunity up and just leaving your mind to do the thinking instead of your heart, only to realize that they, as well as you, were having the same thoughts. "Maybe I should try for this person, or maybe they don't care enough." is what you both stop and think about.
You really don't have your mind made up as of what to do, but you know that you can't possibly confront that person, or even bring yourself to talk to them. Eventually you give up, and you both miss out on each other.
Depressing as it is, this is true. People eventually just try to put their "unrealistic" goals aside and just focus on lowering their standards, when in reality both of them held the other on the highest tier for a quality of person. A likeness you both...still share. For whatever reason, opposites do not attract, I've learned this. Whoever made that stupid bullshit up is retarded. You only get into arguments and bicker at each other like that over almost nothing.
If you really want to get close to someone, find someone who you can connect with in the manner of similar likenesses. You don't have to be a dashing young lad with the smile of a movie star and the body of a Greek statue. If someone has an interest in you as far as your personality, that's all that matters. When you learn to be passionate about one thing, you can move on and be passionate about other things, or people even. The trick is to just let yourself go, and be who you WANT to be, and who you are, not who everyone thinks you are. My friend Ross I work with, who needs to muster up some strength next time, I suppose he just realizes that he lets things slip through his fingers and puts himself down so much that he doesn't give it a chance. When in reality he's not a bad guy, and that's all that matters to most people.
My point being folks, don't fuck up chances. Every chance you have to try something, do it. What's the worst that could happen? Rejection...oh no....not that. You're doing more damage by never knowing than by seeing what your options are. Rejection is is something everyone deals with always, and if you can't handle the shock of rejection (since you're unsure yourself, it's not really a shock now is it?) then you need to learn to cope with it, and try anyway. The more you let people see you for who you are, and actually try, the more interest they will put into you. Nobody wants someone who's going to sit around and mope all day about how their life sucks. If you're unhappy change. And don't let people slip by you, even if it's opportunities for friendships.
In between the winter so sincere, [I'd catch you when you fall] through the eyes of broken innocence, [I'd sell my heart for stones] Leave it all behind and fade away [To feel your purest blue] I can feel your purest blue, for you I must be strong
For I don't know right from wrong.
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Thursday, October 23, 2008
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Okay it's on the back of my gamecrazy nametag.
It's called "games for girls"
Ener-G
-The first sports franchise dedicated to girls.
-50% of 'tween grisl practice a sport & want games for their sports (gymnastics, horseback riding, dancing), instead of football and baseball.
-The games are fun & trendy and give girls the opportunity to socialize and stay connected with their peers.
(that's the first game on the list, here's the next one. )
Imagine
-Inspirational brand that allows 'tween girls to live their dreams (movie star, fashion designer, veterinarian, teacher, interior designer, ballet star. )
Interjection: Where the fuck, do i see any good and fathomable jobs up there? That's not what girls want. No girl's like. I wanna be an interior designer. What the fuck is that? What about the girls that want to be doctors? That want to be something that gets paid. Astrologist, something.
Fuck.
Going on...
Rest is just bullshit details about the game.
Next is amusing
Petz
-Mix breeds to create new, unique pets that can be raised and cared for (dogs, cats, horses, monkeys).
-Send your pets on a play date to your friend's DS and vice versa using wireless.
Rest is BS details.
Petz: Rescue
-Sub-Brand of Petz - Save endangered animals & preserve the wildlife throughout the world.
-Nurture, care for, and treat domestic and wild animals including pandas, kangaroos, baby tigers & marine animals like dolphins and turtles.
Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that all this is a bunch of bullshit and that it's just negative towards women.
Maybe...Maybe I just think it's a shitty idea to have employee's have this shit on the back of their name-tag since little girls don't run up to me and ask me what fun games I have for sale. Maybe their parents don't give a shit about the fact that it's pretty much saying, "you're female, learn to nurture and take care of things like a good wife, now go make my babies. "
I dunno, if I'm skeptical maybe I'm more of a woman than most of you women reading this. I dunno you tell me
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Sunday, May 04, 2008
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Day before the wedding, pretty boring, just a lot of preparing and getting ready by everyone. Tension runs freely among the families. I stay out of the way of anything and everything possible. This is rehersal day. I get dressed and spiff myself up. I have to do a reading and such, and then attend the rehersal dinner. I figure out my position in the wedding. I'm to read a scripture from the bible after they turn to eachother. And some chairs are moved. Interesting things happen, people out of place, wrong side based on association. No big deal of course. We leave after we've rehersed a couple of times. All is well, things seem to be panning out.
I havn't eaten. I'm dying Fucking... Painful.
I wanted to die.
We get to the rehersal dinner area after driving around trying to find the place. Marcello's. Very very nice place. Will go again. We make our way inside, I see a 2 man band playing music...I'm slightly unimpressed by the song they chose to do. I shrug it off and continue on, noticing all the beautiful people. Walls of wine, alcohols, et cetera. Very exquisite decorating. Wood outlines, cursive letters, pristine glass windows, fancy seating, crystal wine glasses fill my eyes as I read things and glance around. My hunger subsides slightly. We get the seating situation, which seemed to be complicated at first but was striaghtened out quickly. Parents on one side, children of them on the other. Worked out quite well. I look around slightly at the people there. I know very few of them. I'm sitting with everyone else who I know quite well. Alice people essentially.
I'm dying of hunger again. They bring us bread. I try to hold back as much as possible. I eat about half of what they bring on one board, which was 3 boards total. They kept bringing it for a while with our wine and water. No cheese? No cheese. They ask our orders; Ladies first always, men last. Very proper resturant. First choice was salad: Greens Salad or Classic Ceasar Salad.
I thought about it...If i was dying of hunger, which would I rather have...Recalling what's in a Ceasar salad...I respond with that. I have no fucking idea what could be in the other one.
They ask our entree choice: Center Cut Sirloin Steak, Hawaiian Aku Tuna, Pork Chops, or Chicken.
I think...This is free...fuck yeah steak. I hadn't eaten delicious good food in a while so I figure meat's the best choice.
My 4th glass of wine. I feel tipsy. I don't like the feeling. I'm hungry, my stomach's full of acidic liquid as well as alcohol. Not agreeing with me much at this point, so I stick to chugging down some water until food comes.
A salad comes. It's got a sheet of parmesan that's been melted together and placed on top of the salad. Very fancy.
I try the salad...I hate salads... I fucking dispise them. They're worthless to me. Waste of space, Fuck salads.
This was delicious. I didn't care, I wanted food...No...I needed food. My stomach was going to stab me in the lung if I didn't feed it.
The salad was nearly gone before I could realize it. I ate the large parmesan patty during the salad and asked to have other's if they wern't going to eat it. I felt like a fat kid.
The lighting was slightly dim in the party room. I didn't mind it...but it was just kind of messing with my head, putting a spell on me. I wanted to drink more wine. This was a trap...a trick...everything seemed better in here. I shake my head. I feel better. The headache that felt as though it might come has dissapated.
Main course. A peice of meat, medium, slightly resembling an oblong shaped meatball...only huge. This was a steak. It wasn't long but it was fat. I eat it. Deliciously moist and flavorful. Not once did I think about salt, pepper, seasoning, anything to change the texture...it was sort of perfect. I still blame this on the lighting. While consuming the delicious peice of bovine delight, I overhear someone asking where my sister's brother's were. I said here, they ask, had we ever seen Boondock Saints. I replied, "Hell yes" Not thinking that my entire family was around me, well my friend/family people. It wasn't terribly loud but slightly inappropriate in my eyes after doing so. This guy liked me once I said that. His name was Shawn. I told him my name was the better spelling, etc. He's a good guy, ex-marine, all that jazz. He wants me to go out with him and his buddies. I accept wholeheartedly, I figure this is a way for me to see what's out there in the desert scenery. My sister and mother don't want me to go. I figure it's harmless. I'm not stupid so nothing bad can happen. Everything bad you do when drinking is usually self inflicted. Most drunk driver accidents involve both people being drunk. "Poor kid, he died because of a drunk driver."
Thing nobody told you is,he was probably more drunk than the other guy. Now he's just a pretty face on a billboard on the side of a road. People at his school fucking hated him. Now people feel sorry for him? Odd how things change.
I go to the bar with them after a short discussion...I wait...and have to make my way to the restroom. I wash my hands, check my hair, clothes, teeth and make my way out. Good game. I get to the bar again and they buy me a shot. I have drank so much alcohol on this god damn trip and hardly paid for it. We head off, get into a BLACK SUBURBAN. Oh hi suspicious shit. How are you? I'm doing very well just here being suspicious. Oh I see that.
We leave, and go to this place called the Q Bar. There's a small line. This is the entrance to a nice hotel, very classy, supposedly they play live jazz here. I think...wow nice, this place must be some high end people. I can't wait. Shawn has a different outlook. He see's this as bullshit. "There's a line. They're trying to play bouncer at a hotel bar."
Fuck this noise essentially. He says there's a place we can get into with no troubles whatsoever. I'm down. We leave and head towards downtown (so to speak).
Location: The Library
Interesting place. It's got books everywhere, real ones. I think wow this place must be pretty sophisticated too....Sorta.
It gets crazy after a while. I turn, see 1 person on the dance floor. 5 minutes later, you can't move to that one person's spot without being rubbed against, stepped on, or pushing through a crowd of people.
Fuck. That was nuts, quick change of pace in this place.
I stay silent, calm, watching my surroundings, admiring the scenery, wink wink.
They ask why I'm not drinking, buy me a drink, and another. I drink both. I'm not drunk at all the entire time I'm here. I go loner, sit around, look at things, observe people, watching behaviors, admiring the women. It was a good time, just nobody to talk to. They urge me to sit down and chill with them, so I do. They buy me another drink. Shawn's wife is trying to figure me out, see what kind of kid I am. She talks to me, picks and pokes at my behaviors and my reactions. She's trying to get in my head. I talk to everyone...We're heading out. We leave, Dave drops me off at the hotel. I sleep.
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
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Well then, moving on...
I was pretty fucking tired when I wrote that. Besides all of the nonsense of video games...My father and I went to wal-mart to be ready for the soon to be extreme sunburn from hell. I finally got back to the hotel, tired as all fucking hell and sunburned to a crisp. I wanted to die. Someone needed to kill me at that moment. I got in the shower, completely red, and my neck and arms in pain. 2nd degree burns. Ouch. I get out, towel myself off super carefully, put on the aloe and we went to Dave's house for dinner. It went well, we had chicken, pasta, salad, etc. Good dinner qualities, rounded meals. Twas a nice event. We headed out, me tired and angry at myself for going hiking...oh well though no big deal sorta. I sleep after this, it was a good day...long, tiring, full of pain and anguish on my part. Sorta eventful. I'd say at the very least and interesting day.
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Saturday, April 26, 2008
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Category: Travel and Places
I wake up, groggy, feeling the static electricity from the dry air stuck to my legs from the blanket. Ugh. I touch the side railing of the bed to ground myself so I don't end up giving myself an unpleasant shock before a shower. I quickly get up, shower, and attempt to make it downstairs for breakfast. Success. I get there and my mother's prepared a plate of hash browns, eggs, sausage, and a buscuit. I take the liberty upon myself to make an awesome waffle. It's delicious. Slathered in syrup, I eat this first, warm and delicious. Moving on to the rest, it's all pretty satisfying, I hadn't eaten in about 10 or so hours. I was hungry. My father had planned on sight seeing while my mother helped with wedding preparations. We depart from the hotel. Heading towards the large mountains in Albuquerque. Eventually we reach what seems to be a small booth. We pay our 1 dollar entry into the park, pretty decent if I may say so myself. Decently priced considering. We drive further towards the tram that leads up to the top of the mountain. I reach the entrance, tired after having walked up some flights of stairs. I wondered...how well would I fare up there? Not very well I'm guessing. 17.50 for a ticket from the bottom, to the top, then back down for the tram. Not as bad as one might think, considering you get an anytime you want return trip. I was happy with it. I got plenty of pictures, many of which will tell the stories of the things I've seen. I definately elaborate on this part once I get to uploading them. We hiked. Many miles, roughly 5. Well and all, but tiring. I sit here, sunburned to all fuck from this adventure, but still, worth it. Who knows if my father is going to ever come back to the top of this mountain as long as he lives, or even me for that matter. Specific details extracted from pictures. Stay tuned. My father and I get to being pretty hungry. We head to the Coronado mall. We find the food court and eat chinese at a place called Ichiban. Not quite as good as the one in corpus but still all the goodness. I go by the arcade. I see shit. it's not attractive at all. The most elaborate arcades were the systems from the final furlong game (horse gallop game) fighter vs SVC. Rest sucked but oh well. I couldn't complain too too much.' Anyway, mor eto come later. I'm passing out here int he lobby of my hotel All...goodnight and sleep tght, sleep you.
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
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Category: Travel and Places
Ready to go, just waiting around for my parents to gather their things and get into the car. Suddenly hearing what appears to be bickering about leaving things on, I take the liberty of turning the A/C to off. Wise choice, as this was brought up later. Neither had checked. I'm in the car and we take off. The start of our trip. It doesn't look any different, it's the same road you take when going north no matter what out of this town. As we're on our way I start to notice something, this same road that I've seen, as well as everything along it's path is silghtly different than I can recall from 5 years past. Changes, things change. I mean the entire reason I'm going to New Mexico itself is to watch my sister, who as far back as I can remember used to be in Middle School and hang out with her friends. This has changed, she moved, she's fallen in love, she's getting married. Things change and all we can do sometimes is accept them. My parents and I speak of the reading I have to do from the bible, and the tone I'm going to use. I impersonate an African American Gospel Church Scene, my mother is almost in tears. I remember that I'm not like that around my parents, and that I've kind of deprived them of having a son who speaks to them. Fate though reassures me that there's a reason why we're all on this trip. Regardless, enough of this sappy mumbo jumbo... We reach the parking garage in San Antonio. The top floor of the parking garage is brand new cement, and it makes me feel small. I can see most of the outskirts of the city and see the way it's spread out. It's amazing how clear the air is as you're higher up. I'm no longer bitter from this morning and my spirits are high. So many barefoot people staggering slowly towards people in uniform as they gave us permission to get our belongings back. My father is a badass at this point. He gets an orange from my bag, and asks the lady if he has to eat it now, or later. My dad....my fucking dad, is going to walk through an airport terminal holding a goddamned orange. I wanted to shake his hand on principle alone. We're finally at the terminal and we empty our pockets, my parents on one line, me on the other. It reminded me of a concentration camp. I empty my pockets, put my bag on the table, and continue on, forgetting about my belt. I begin to think about taking it off and putting it in a bowl and just decide against it. I pass easily. My parents had gone before me, but my dad set it off. I pointed at his hat, which he forgot thinking that was the case. It turns out he put his sunglasses in his sock, and forgot about them. Security began to do a search on him like he was carrying box cutters on a 747 during September of 2002. We all laughed it off. I found it pretty amusing. My mother and I are hungry and get food, decide McDonalds is a good choice. It was, they have chicken sandwiches much like those at Chic'fil'a or however it's spelled. 10 minutes later we board our flight, and I'm filled with the same nerveousness from my first flight, which wasn't much but it was there. It's alleviated once I'm actually in the plane, the only thing that bothers me is the smell. It gives me a headache, the fake plasticy smelling air coming from overhead vents just doesn't do it for me. I turn on my mp3 player once we're in flight and fall asleep. Wake. 20 Minutes away from destination. We get ready for landing, which was slightly choppy. Fine and all. I'm just ready to get off the plane, I want my Earth back. I leave the plane, and I wish the flight attendant a good day, and he replies "You too pal." This made me stop and think. Nobody uses language like that anymore. Nobody uses proper terms or says things just to be polite anymore. I shrug and continue on, and am greeted by the terminal greeter for the NM Airport with a smile. She's a beautiful young girl with light hair and eyes that could peirce the heart of a demon. I want someone like this...Why can't I have that? Lots of thinking to myself go on. I start walking around and realize I can smell easier. Something is different. Way different. The air appears to be thinner and drier. It's new and interesting. We wait outside for our sister to pick us up and take us to the rental car place. I smell a cigarette and my stomach becomes unstable. Jet lag I assume and wait. My sister arrives and we depart. At the rental location there's a large wall of stones almost. It's just a hill comprised of nothing but loose dirt and gray rocks...cool, kinda odd to see, much like all of New Mexico compared to south Texas. The colors here are Gray, Light Green, Dark Green, Orange, and Brown. That is all. It's sort of depressing how dry the area is and how much of it is just wastelands. It reminds me of the Fallout Series at this point, and I want to just run around it. We get our car and drive to the supermarket near the hotel. I see a couple girls there, one particulary worked at a Wells Fargo inside of the grocery store. Young woman of about early 20's. I think again, why can't I have that? We head to the hotel and they're having some sort of "we love people who come during the week so here's free food" special. Apparently from 5:30 - 7:00 every evening there's free food. Simple. Hamburgers/hotdogs: a barbeque....hardly what we call a barbeque in Texas but I wasn't about to complain. We head to my sister's house, and visit with the groom's mom, her parents, and the best man. More will be coming tomorrow. Conversation was very simple and nothing of mention. As we're leaving and getting back to the hotel, I see something. I see this in movies plenty, but to see it in person's way different. We go over a ridge, and the entire town is lit up, all the lights, every inch of the city can be seen from up here. A sight to see indeed. I have to say though, New Mexico's not too bad.
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
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Category: Travel and Places
I wake up in a blur, noises, phone ringing, distant yelling. The clock stares at me, mocking me. 9:41. I grab some clothes I've laid out for myself for today, the only problem is it's scattered, closet, drawer, hangers...Alright so I didn't prepare to get dressed but regardless the clothes were here. I stagger sleepily, still tired as anyone with 2 nights in a row with little sleep, especially after drinking Redbull.I make it. Golden door-nob of solitude, grant me power! Power? I want sleep, what the hell am I talking about. I make haste in the slowest manner possible to set a towel on the tile, making myself the most pathetic looking place to nap. I grab my phone and set it for a 10 minute alarm, turn on the shower, and turn the shower head. No more voices, no more anything for 10 minutes, just the sound of running water. I lightly sleep, good enough for me at this point. My alarm sounds and i turn it off, open the curtain and go about showering. Avast, I hadn't seen this one fallacy... I didn't turn the alarm off. I just pushed the button so it would leave me alone and shut up. I wish people were like that sometimes, you know? I sometimes wish everyone had that button. Maybe certain people wouldn't be so annoying. I'm not excluding myself by all means by the way. Anyway my hands are soaking, my clothes for the plane ride are in between me and turning off the phone. I look down and think to myself, Thank you Mr Towel Pillow, your services as a multi-use object this morning have been more than welcome. My phone is wet. I shrug, shampoo my hair, and my shower is complete. I get out and walk to my room, seeing an open suitcase I didn't put there. I was laying down there not 20 minutes ago. I swear if I have to cram any more of other people's crap in it, I'm going to end up forgetting socks, or boxers, or even shirts. All of this, and I forget my clothes in the bathroom...inconvenience from my own absent mindedness. I fail. Closet opened up, lights on, suitcase open, computer on, mind open. I'll be leaving from here soon, and on my way towards the airport.
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Wednesday, September 12, 2007
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Current mood:  calm
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Well hopefully this club gets to be popular, as one could only wish being the president and all.
Bleh.
Oh well fun times are to be had. Hope everyone enjoys it. I intend on trying my best to get my part done and more.
Well hope this semester goes better than the rest of them. New faces and new interaction for me to the outside world.
"Ours is not to question, The reason's why. Crippled indecision, repeats the path I once denied. Insignificant, Am I."
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Wednesday, May 09, 2007
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Current mood:  indescribable
I watched it.
Lately I've been regaining some of my emotional senses back, some of which still are dead, and which need to stay dead, as they should in any human being, such as remorse or regret for the past and things you cannot change.
I almost cried after Maggie died in this film...A halfway tear came to my right eye and I felt a slight shock, realizing that this is a good story, and a good moral. Shit happens...Fuck ups happen even though you try so hard and do anything to prevent them. I've been hindering myself and ruining myself for the past 5 years...Knowing not why. This has been the icing to my cake known as motivation. Realizing a lot of things and knowing now that I should take what I have and appreciate it. Spend the money I have saved to enjoy myself with my friends. As well as move out of my home, which I feel will come soon. I love my parents dearly and understand everything they do for me has been for the best, but there are a lot of things that arn't necessarily done the correct way for parents. I have to say that I am not in the slightest way going to never talk to them for anything they've done wrong, or have failed to do. I love my parents, that's who they are, and nothing will change that. I will keep in touch with them more than I do now...which is sad all at the same time.
I visited my grandparents the other day speaking on the subject. It had been forever since I had decided to go them on a whim. I don't think I had visited them for the past three years, and the only time we had made any sort of communication was when financial aid time rolled around, or whenever a holiday came to. I felt great seeing them, helping my grandmother wash her car, and my grandfather chop down limbs from tree. I felt like I helped them make their lives easier, like me being their grandson was meaningful for once. I told them to call me if they ever needed something, but I know better...they are strong minded individuals who don't ask for much from anyone but companionship and trust.
Why not myself do the same?
All I need really is to just enjoy life.
I guess at a certain age everyone realizes these things.
Life is ment to be enjoyed... Nothing more. So do what you can with what you have NOW. You may die tomorrow...or in 100 years. Who knows as far as nature and technology may reach us.
Live as though your life is short, because when you finally stop and say to yourself that it's almost over, your life truely starts and you notice that you're the one who made it shorter than it already is.
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
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FISSION IS NOT MAILED!
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