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Jacob Emery



Last Updated: 11/19/2009

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[02 Feb 2009 | Monday] 

Category: Life
I havent written a blog in a really long time, so here I go.
There are a few reasons Im writing this. A long time ago, I used this site with the intention of helping people who were feeling down, and making sure that they never felt that way again, or atleast helping the situation a little in anyway they could. I gave them someone who would listen to what they had to say, without worrying about their secret being told or anything like that.

Along the way, I got close to a lot of people. This might sound dumb, but people I had never even met in person felt almost as close to me if not closer than most of the people I saw every day at school, or even a stranger on the street.  I can honestly say I loved and cared about people I never even met.

To some people, that sounds impossible. "People are very different on the internet" For some, that might be really true, but I saw their personality online and well, I liked what I was talking to and it made me care for them, as more than just someone to help them but as a friend.

A lot has changed over the past year or so, and Ive grown apart from this site, meaning also from those I was so close to. Before I grew apart from them, I could feel them growing apart from me for different reasons. Relationships, jobs, school, boredness with online, and basically a few things.

So I guess i started getting preoccupied too, and didnt bother following them back anymore, and we both ended up going separate ways.

Even then, there isnt a day that goes by where Im not thankful or thinking about those people that I was so close to. I came to this site with the intent to help maybe save some others, inspire others even though I was never inspiring, and even change the world in some way...... And in the process, people inspired me, people changed me, people made me stuck with memories of them that ill always have, and people changed my world.

I never thought i could care so much for people I never even got to see. At the same time, i regret growing apart with all of them, because I miss them a lot.

For all of you, I hope you do great things in your life, and if anything Ive ever told you helped you a little, I hope that it never leaves your heart in any way and you'll always remember it.

I know Ill never forget the ways that so many have helped me. Some more than others. If we were ever close....
Well, you know who you are.

Just know Ill never stop caring about you guys, whether we begin talking alot or never speak again. You guys impacted me in ways I never thought, and it was all over a site that I use to make fun of.

I just want everyone to realize the effect that words and emotions towards someone can have on other peoples lives. So embrace that and live with it. compliment someone, make someone feel good, be there when someone needs you. You never know when youll need someone because you can tell yourself you dont need anyone, but someone always needs someone else.

There are so many people in the world, because no one was made to be alone. No one is that strong.

Never forget those that have made any impact in your life.
Sometimes its the motivation youll always need.

Thank you all.
Im sorry that we lost touch, but Im not sorry that I ever got the opportunity to know any of you.
No matter what happens, I love you all, both friends Ive lost,in real life or online, and friends I currently have.

The worlds a tough place but if you find the right places, and people, its easy because someone is always there lending you a hand.




2:36 AM 
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[11 Oct 2007 | Thursday] 

Current mood:  intimidated
Category: Life


Elementary Gunfire.



This is long. I won't lie to you. So you'll probably be like, Fuck that! Im not reading it. Ive got better things to do than read that shit.

But really, if you can take the time to read an article about your favorite band, or look through a damn porn magazine to whack off too, then im sure you can read this too. It won't take long if you're focused on it.



And maybe just maybe, it could help you save a life.

Thank you to anyone that reads it.







Everyone knows about Virginia Tech, right? Are you getting tired of hearing it all over the news, and on the front page of every magazine?

Im sure you are because thats how most people are. But yet if it was their favorite band or movie star, im sure they wouldn't mind seeing that object plastered everywhere.
But 32 peoples lives were taken from them, and one chose to take his own life after.


This isn't something you usually see. It wasnt from the war, it wasnt from gang violence. This took place in a SCHOOL.




Didnt a school use to be the place where you'd learn your abc's and make friends when you were little?
Now its the place you go every day and see all these kids getting picked on for various reasons, and one of them gets really sick and tired of it and
decides to put everyone to silence for good.

And its not right. Stop saying its okay just because they were bullied. ITS NOT. But its not right for them to be ridiculed either.



April 20th. The day almost every teenager knows of. Not for the 15 lives that were lost in 1999 as a result
of a school shooting (Columbine) but as a day for all of us to smoke blunts with our friends, and "Chill out" because thats obviously the only real way
to chill out and have fun these days. Kill your body in a different form of suicide, a slower form.

Everyone acts like 4/20 is so great just because its your day of partying.
This might have taken place in the past, but when you don't focus on the past enough, you cant change the future
and it will repeat itself.

And right now, its repeating itself now more than ever.
This week its Virgina Tech with 32 dead, and 10 years from now, 32 will seem mild.
There will be a shooting with over 200 dead. Then ten years from then, 300. And so on, until eventually, all sorts of schools
ranging from elementary to high schools will be getting torn up.

People don't realize how big of a deal this is becoming. Theres something all of these school shooters seem to have
in common though. They were all picked on either during the time of the shooting, or not far after it stopped.
Does that tell you something? I mean 1 out of 5 might have been a coincidence, but 5 out of 5, I don't think so.

These people are getting bullied around, and some end up getting on medications like Pro zac.
Eric Harris who commited the Columbine shootings in 1999 was on various anti-depression medications
in hopes of getting a little happiness. So was Kip Kinkel who commited Thurston in 1998.

These medications push people to think more and more thoughts, and them getting bullied every day sure isnt helping.

Nothing is right for what they did. No matter how much they were picked on, it wasn't right what they did.
There are plenty of other ways to handle situations other than that, so yes, it was 100 percent wrong
what the school shooters in any case did, but 100 percent wrong what all of the people who picked on them did as well.

If you arent familiar to what any of these shootings are, I'll fill you in.



In 1998, Kip Kinkel killed both of his parents. He kept their bodies in his home over night, and took his parents car
to school the next day. Two students were killed, and many others were injured. The media didn't make as much of this
as what came a year later.




Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who were in their last year of high school, planned the attack on their school
years before. From writing about it, to video tapes, to even telling their counselors that they had thoughts of
homocide and self harm.

They wrote internet threats, they talked of what they disliked for many reasons.
People call them monsters now, but they were just like anyone else, except they made an extremely wrong choice.
12 students and one teacher died that day on April 20th of 1999.

After their killing, they just gave up. Thats all their is to it. They had more ammunition.
They had more time. There were plenty of more people they could have killed.

But thats not why they did it. They didn't just do it because they were bullied, or because they were
"Monsters" as the media portrays them. They did it because they themselves were through with life.

Eric wanted to get into military school, and that was his dream. But him being on anti-depressants, this wasn't
allowed. Eric could have had many other job opportunities, but this was the one he wanted, and as much
as he could have gotten a different career, he wanted this one, and obviously just didnt think it was important
to stick around to look for that future.



The night of Dylans prom, the night before
Columbine,
he discussed future plans with friends. For what he wanted to do after he graduated.
He seemed a little sad, but discussed the plans like he really wanted them to happen.
Just as if he didnt know he planned to die the following day, but those were his intentions.


After all was done, Eric and Dylan went by the bookshelf of the library
where they had just commit murder, bodies lying all around them, and
Eric with a gun in his mouth, and Dylan with one to his temple.. They pulled the trigger.

The students killed didnt have reasons for dying.
Those students killed were not on the "hit list" for picking on them.
Eric and Dylan shot at random people.
In fact, some of the victims were bullied quit often themselves, and often got into fights over it.
They had never bullied or done anything to either Eric or Dylan, they were just randomly shot.

They wanted to end their lives because they were unhappy in general.
If they would have ended their lives on their own, would anyone have heard about it?
Maybe some people in their community, but would it have been spread across the news?
Would their journals have surfaced over thousands of websites?
No. Eric and Dylan wanted their opinions and views to be heard. They wanted people
to know why they chose to do what they did. By taking others lives along with them, they made sure
no one would forget them.

But people are already forgetting Columbine. Some atleast. The people with no respect.
The people that dont understand or care that this happened, and will continue to happen.

The shooter at Virginia Tech was bullied in high school. He didnt talk at all during college. People even made
attempts at talking to him, and it didn't work. So it wasn't like he was still being picked on, because
people made an attempt at talking to him, and he rejected it. But some people are just afraid of getting
close to others because of how it ends.

All these people just felt left out. And they did something that affected their life forever, as well as many other
innocent people. But just keep in mind, it was not only the ones murdered that day that were victims,
but the shooters as well. So many people will disagree and say, "NO! they are burning in hell
for what they've done! They are evil!" No. They are human.
Just like you and me, except they made a wrong choice.

This could happen at your school, this could happen anywhere.
Have you looked at the news lately?
Theres bomb threats and school lockdowns across the United States. Yeah, many of these are
fake and just people trying to blow off a hard exam or something, but so many are real.




So many people deep down WANT to do this. Only a few carry it out though, but many more will start to
because they can't hold that inside much longer.

You can help prevent things like this from happening. Talk to anyone, even those that you think are "Weird"
at school. Even if they don't seem friendly, never give up talking to them. Just show them that not everyone gives up
and that they are nice people still out there even if it seems pretty dim sometimes.

Dont say you wont pick on them because you dont want to get shot. Say you don't want to because you KNOW its wrong.
Its wrong to make someone feel so low about themselves. We're living in a time where all people have is low self esteem anymore
and then people keep making fun of others just to raise their own satisfaction about themselves.

People are always in school joking saying, "OH id like to see someone shoot me! Id kick their ass!" or "Id jump out that window!
They couldnt touch me!" Yeah, lets see if you say or feel the same thing when you are looking down the barrel of a gun
when some kid loses control of himself and decides to go to school and do that.


Its going to happen.
You can either push it, or you can help to prevent it. Some people won't care. Some dont care if they live or die.
Some just love to hate everything, because they think everything screws you over in the end.
But its not like that, as much as you want to believe.

There are other ways out. High school is a rough time for many. The situations, the growing up, and to add onto that, bullying
is just too much for some people.

Dont laugh at anyone. Dont call them names because of how they look or dress. Dont assume things about the type of person
they are unless you've talked to them one on one, not within a group of friends. People put on a totally different act
in front of a group of people, so what you see there might be completely different when its just you and one other person.

When you see people walking down the halls, just throw a smile at them even if they are a stranger.
Help someone, when you think they need it, even if its something small. Dont laugh when your friends make fun
of that kid sitting alone at lunch. Show them to respect everyone, and that everyone is the same.

When you go to school, dont wory about sticking in a certain group. Be friends with anyone who is friendly, of ANY
type of group. But most of all, just make sure no one is left out. No matter how "Weird" they seem to you.
The worst thing is just feeling left out when everyone else is paired up.

For once, just put yourself in the shoes of the unpopular person at school, and see if you were them..
Would you ever have a thought of ending your life along with others?

This can happen with anyone. If they appear lonely, or the most popular person in school.
People have different reasons for doing what they do.
You can help to maybe put it at ease a little by making people a bit more happier though, in any way possible.

Within the next 10 years, someone you know will be in a school shooting, or involved with one someway.
Stop it while you can, because as much as you think it could never happen.. It will.

To all of the lives lost in any shooting, whether it be the victims killed or the shooters, no matter how many
years after the incident, the shootings happened as a WAKE UP call to all of society to accept
whats different, and let those be who they want. Not to treat anyone else like they are lower, because we're all in the
same rank.

So when you pick up that blunt for 4/20, maybe sit there while youre lost in your own world, and think
how parents across the United states are thinking about those, "What ifs" if their children were still
in the world today.




Do you still want to use those drugs to escape reality when the real reality is happening right in front of us,
in schools across the world?

Lives were taken to open your eyes, and if you're too afraid to remember those because its "in the past"
then theres no telling how much worse our futures are going to be with everything going on these days.

To all those whose lives were lost in any school shooting, those murdered, and those who took their own lives,
Rest in peace. None of you will ever be forgotten. You're not a reminder of how the media makes things out to be
bigger than what they are. You're a reminder.

The media can ask the, "Why did they do this?" question over and over but no one will really know why they did this.
Some could be thinking the same things, and some could be thinking other things. But until youre in their mind,
all you can really do is do your best to be a good person to everyone you come in contact with, so they will never
feel this way.














Suicide Note of Eric Harris


By now it's over. If you are reading this my mission is complete. I have finished revolutionizing the neoeuphoric infliction of my internal terror. Your children who have ridaculed me, who have chosen not to accept me, who have treated me like I am not worth their time are dead.

THEY ARE FUCKING DEAD. Surely you will try to blame it on the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, or the way I choose to present myself- but no. Do not hide behind my choices. You need to face the fact that this comes as a result of YOUR CHOICES. Parents and Teachers, YOU FUCKED UP.

you have taught these kids to be gears and sheep. To think and act like those who came before them, to not accept what is different. YOU ARE IN THE WRONG.

I may have taken their lives and my own- but it was your doing. Teachers, Parents, LET THIS MASSACARE BE ON YOUR SHOULDERS UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE. Am I insane? Maybe. Is it my fault? No. I did not choose this life, but I have indeed chosen to exit it.

You may think the horror ends with the bullet in my head- but you wouldn't be so lucky. All that I can leave you with to decipher what more extensive death is to come is "12Skizto", You have until April 26th.

Goodbye.



Watch this.













For more information on school shootings, to learn more, and to prevent them,
check out these sites.



[V. I. D. E. O. S.]

If you were interested in any of the videos above, and are interested in more about one of the most horrible shootings in history, please visit the link below.

Youtube Zero Hour Collection

The video is part one of a film called Zero Hour which portrays what went on on 4/20. You have to look on the side bar to view the other clips. Theres a good amount of clips because its one whole film.
Currently listening:
Ramones
By The Ramones
Release date: 19 June, 2001
10:36 PM 
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[26 Dec 2006 | Tuesday] 

Current mood:  cold
Category: Life

Let me say.
Im not saying to never drink, or do anything like this.
I do sometimes too, and i understand why people would want to.

All i am saying is
DONT let it take over your life because theres people who claimed, "Oh Id never let it do that" and it turned their personality completely different. And they DO regret it.

i dont care if youve read something like this at school and are so sick of hearing it. its pissing you off to the point that you want to snap. yeah, you can have your own choices and opinions, but really, do you want to blow your entire life choices and opinions by not even having a life because you lose it to some drug overdose? sometimes we do it for fun. theres no harm in getting high every once in a while, right? but there IS harm in becoming addicted which happens in 90 percent of all drug and alcohol related addictions. times get rough. so many of our friends decide to take a turn for the worse, they choose drugs. They think this split second of drugs will magically make all their problems dissapear. Sure, it will make them go away for a few minutes, but you're just giving yourself a whole other stage of pain to deal with. I think the world is how it is because people end up doing things like taking medication, or just taking drugs that ARENT prescribed by the doctor. They dont try to fix it themselves. Theres no such thing as someone being stronger than someone else. There is people who face up to their problems, and those who run away from their problems.

When you don't deal with your problems, and you expect some pill or needle to deal with them, it just builds up for more problems with you AND other people to deal with, people you love. So youre basically building up problems one by one for everyone in the world.

People who are already teenagers, im sure you've lost atleast one friend, most likely more, to drugs or alcohol, right? It will get worse at time goes on. I dont care what anyone says. Drugs and alcohol dont just change your physical appearance, they change you emotionally to. The person you were once best friends with can turn completely different. That person that use to want to hang out every weekend is the one who now only has one thing on their mind... drugs, and any way they can to get high.

They lose self respect and respect for everyone else around them. The worst thing though is that their friends get sick of seeing them like that so they decide, "if you dont stop, we're not going to be friends anymore"

That person doesnt stop. A life long friendship ends thanks to trying to get a little happiness from some pills. If you know one of your friends has some addiction, you need to try to help them and get them help any way you can. You dont ditch them. Im sick of seeing friendships ended because people completely change because theyre too afraid to fix their own problems so they rely on escaping in a world that doesnt even exist.

If your friend refuses to get help, you tell someone. I dont care if they say, "Oh no friends wouldnt tell, theyd keep this shit a secret" I don't care what they say, you tell someone who will get them help. No, that doesnt mean going tell every person you know. I mean doctor wise, someone that can get them anything to help them.

Whats worse, telling something that your friend doesnt want you telling? or losing a friendship because they've changed. or even worse, losing them forever from some sort of overdose on a drug type.

These little drugs that you do just for fun, yeah, they go to bigger things. Bigger things lead to bigger problems. Bigger problems lead to hundreds of smaller problems. These things will eventually equal up to one thing. Alone. Thats it.
You wont have anyone anymore. You might not even have a fucking life anymore.

If you can't stand up and face your problems, I wont call you a pussy and those who do are just pathetic. If you cant face those problems, you ask a friend that you can trust to help you face those problems and theyll be down along the way. There is some friends that you cant rely on, but everyone has atleast one person they can rely on in life, whether they be close or someone they just talk to on the internet and have never even met. Someones going to care, and do anything in their power to help you along the way.

What would you rather have help from, a human being or weed? Thats basically like saying, who would you rather have sex with, a person or a computer?! Come on now, we all know the answer to that.

Theres going to be ups and downs in your life, and there will be times when you want to turn to drugs to try and solve it, but thats not the way to go. Youre not harming just yourself, youre harming anyone that loves you. Youre throwing away friends that took years to find.

Some people say they just do drugs for fun every once in a while to feel a little bit happy. So those few hours of laughter that you could easily get without being high and just having fun with friends are worth harming your body? You might as well take a knife and run it down your chest for play.

Its a slow suicide, so all those against suicide by yet do drugs like theres no tomorrow, its basically the same thing but in a slower form.

Every year, around 114,000 people die from tabacco related diseases like cancer, respiratory diseases and heart disease
4,000 to 5,000 lives are taken thanks to alcohol like cirrhosis of the liver and other health problems from long-term drinking, deliberate and accidental overdose, and drinking and driving
50 die from solvents, and 250 people take their last breath with the help of Ecstasy
Deny this and say you dont care about what other people think all you want. Say its your life and you dont care if drugs harm your body.
But deep down, you know that you wouldn't ever want to have this happen to you.
Wonderful Meth.




Yeah, we'll smoke together. Get high together. Get cancer together. Die together.

Heroin, dont you want legs like this?


Lets smoke because it calms us. It wont do any harm, because second hand smoke doesnt matter, right? Its just our brothers, sisters, cousins, and future children who are inhaling it.




This is what I want to be when I grow up.


In this society, this is the wonderful example we set to children.


You'll love to kiss your lover when their mouth is like this...




If you ever feel like you want to try drugs, if you are on drugs, or if you know someone who seriously has a problem, try talking to some close friends of yours that you think you can rely on. Drugs arent the way to go, and youll be losing alot more than you're gaining with those few minutes of being high.

I understand some people have to get hit with reality in the face to decide that they won't do something, but please, just don't let it be something that you rely on to try and fix your problems.





Next up is "fake people"



Every myspace you go to these days talks about how they hate fake people. Theyre sick of getting stabbed in the back and fucked over. Blah blah. Of course, we all hate that. But then those same people have something like, "dont talk to me if you like fag bands" Well, maybe if people would learn to ACCEPT people for who they are, without always not wanting to talk to someone because of what they like or what they look like, then there would be no fake people. People are fake because theyre afraid to be themselves becauuse they're afraid of all the ridicule and teasing that gets thrown down on them when they are themselves.

Why do you think people like the internet so much, honestly? Mainly teenagers. its because its a place we can be ourselves most of the time. Not having to worry about saying/doing a certain something around our friends to make us, "cool" or in the popular group.

Yeah sure some people stretch things online, so they come off as "fake" but theyre trying to live life they WANT. theyre trying to be who they WANT. theyre feeding off everything they arent in order to be like what they want, what society accepts, so that they arent picked on anymore.

So really, can we call that fake... or can we call that insecurity? Point being, theres no such thing as fake people.

Accept people for who they are, and they wont have to act fake to impress you. If they do act a certain way to accept you, regardless of if thats how theyd normally act, be satisfied someones even making an attempt at impressing you to try and be friends instead of not giving a fuck like most people. If your "friend" goes and talks shit behind your back, then is all nice to your face, then that proves they are insecure with themselves and are basically just getting any negative thing about you they can find, and pointing it out for otheres to see. Its not because they WANT to hurt you.

Its that they want to point our your faults in order to make theirs go away. But in the end, so many people get hurt that way.

But really, stop making a big deal out of all the "fake people" that stab you in the back and stuff. Theres no such thing. Its just insecurity from others that are put on by own choices.
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[29 Oct 2006 | Sunday] 

Category: Life


Okay. Here I go again.

This isn't a ranting blog... this is a memory blog. Im speaking for everyone lately who has been so afraid of growing up.

Its so hard to go through life and have to leave behind so many things that you cherish. We say we hate school now, but in a few years, it will be our most memory. Being able to bug your teachers... hanging out with friends...laughing about the tests you fail because you're too busy laughing and telling jokes with the ones you love.

It was up until the past few months that i really got hit in the face with reality. Reality of so many things. Ive always thought about things like this... but i always said, "That will never happen with me" Boy, was I wrong.

I always told myself id never grow apart from any of my friends.. we'd be just like those in elementary school. The one we sat with at the kids table eating our lunch from our lunch box and sharing chips and cookies. But those people have become the ones who you say hi to every once in a while online, and give a slight smirk to every once in the halls.

I hate the feeling of knowing this is something I cannot get back. I try and try, but this is how life is now, and its not going back. I cant develope the same friendships with my friends as I had once... so i begin to push people off of me, and get them away. Only because i know deep down, they will leave me eventually anyway. So i prepare myself for the fight.

But then ive realized... instead of pushing them away, to save myself of pain, i might as well keep them with me every second that I can... let them know how fucking much i love them. How i want to spend my life being in their life, and remaining a part of them.

Ive learned to cherish every moment.... because the saying is true.. we do leave this world just as we came... we leave alone.

So many people are going through this struggle of losing friends because one of them gets into some sort of a relationship... or they just grow apart. They get a new set of friends, and that place in their heart that once belonged to someone gets replaced by a new friend. That place that someone once swore would never get replaced by anyone.

I'd give my life for any of my friends... at school... online.. anywhere. They're what completes me, each and every one.

We need to take these times with people while we have the opportunity too.
In a few years, memories will be all that we have...

We'll be married.. have a family.... but no matter what, we'll always be able to look back on these times when we were young and just smile knowing we once had them to begin with.


Im losing all of you piece by piece, and it hurts knowing most of you could still be here if it werent for me constantly pushing and pushing.
I bet anyone who reads this can relate in so many ways...

Cherish life everyone, every second. We're going to change.. and grow...
we cant stop it.... and it hurts so bad.. doesnt it?

But the only way we get by in life, breathing each and every day, is by those memories that once made us smile so much. The ones that filled up our eyes with tears from how much we missed it... the ones that made our hearts race..

I wrote this song.. and im going to record it soon, but it will probably suck thanks to my great singing.. the lyrics are pretty stupid i guess, and many can do better, but its just how i was feeling so i thought id share it.

Dont stop reading after the song though... scroll down once youre done, theres another thing I want to say.

_______________________________________

we keep those whispers close to our ears
laughter of childhood is all we want to hear
flahes of skinned knees from when we were young
back to when our lives had just really begun

now we're letting it end, letting it go so soon
do ya hear that humming in your ear?one little tune
that will stay set on repeat and fill you with regret
of how you let go of those who put meaning in you since the first time you met

They say, friends forever
but you cant hold onto the ones you love forever and ever
Sometimes its hard, but you just have to let go
at the end of the day, it will always hurt having to know

You're not number one in their lives anymore
we all seem to go our separate ways
We spend our time reminincing on those good old days
when we were friends till the end
now we have not an hour to spend devoted to them

so just go on with your soul mate, the one that you claim is fate
and in two weeks, you'll be there at my doorstep, crying
pleading to know why your relationships are dying
i'll be comforting you in my arms, telling you it'll all be okay
letting you know, me and you we'll get through it together some day

gaze upon the pitch black sky
make a wish upon heaven that youll find a reason to not want to die
why are we constantly fighting just to stay alive?
watch the twinkle dwindle on and on
close your eyes, let those beams fall down upon you, and wait for the one you miss
to suddenly appear in the nighttime mist waiting to be healed by your
passionate kiss


i'll run my fingers across your eyes, i'll hush your constant silent sighs
but at the end of the day, why am i always the one who cries?

once you get the protection you need, i get you back up on your feet
but i wont lie, im getting weak emotionally
im breaking down, im trying to be the best that i can
so that you'll never replace me

we all get replaced, we each are given a space
into our friends hearts, but they begin to slowly tear apart
in an instant, theyre ripped to shreds
why am i the one left here, sewing them back together with delicate threads

they'll just fall apart, you can't mend a broken heart like you mend a broken bone
we keep putting our friendships on postpone
i guess when a friendship ends, it begins a new fate for us inside
our journeys are going to be cut short for those who arent in for a ride

are we responsible for the decline of youth?
here i am, i am living proof
that we don't always care for those who we say we will
we cant always heal wounds we withstand after each and ever spill

gaze upon the pitch black sky
make a wish upon heaven that youll find a reason to not want to die
why are we constantly fighting just to stay alive?
watch the twinkle dwindle on and on
close your eyes, let those beams fall down upon you, and wait for the one you miss
to suddenly appear in the nighttime mist waiting to be healed by your
passionate kiss

im going away for a while
but youll always have that memory of me making an attempt at making you smile
who says that going through pain for friendship is all the worthwhile?
im always standing on the sidelines, cheering you on
in reality, your lover is already crossing the finish line with you hand in hand

im stuck back here through dimmed windows
looking for a reflection that i'll never see
because without you, there is no me
i just faded away too slowly

for you to even notice
but for our lost friendship, i think i owe you this
an apology for the slipped words that failed to fall from my tongue
take me back with you to the swingsets when we were young

i wanna pull you close, and whisper that i miss you
squeeze your hand tightly while telling you our friendship cant continue
you can't love something that no longer lives,
bet you'll still throw away all the friends life so effortlessly gives

gaze upon the pitch black sky
make a wish upon heaven that youll find a reason to not want to die
why are we constantly fighting just to stay alive?
watch the twinkle dwindle on and on
close your eyes, let those beams fall down upon you, and wait for the one you miss
to suddenly appear in the nighttime mist waiting to be healed by your
passionate kiss

you can feel the wind as it shifts over your skin, and the moment you ever begin
to feel like letting you go
just fall back, fall back and just know
ill be there to catch you in my palms

when you start questioning if love is real
i'll be the one stitching up the wounds of your heart making sure they are concealed
if those icey tears should freeze upon your eyelids,
i'll breathe my breath upon you and melt away your pain

Tucking you in, we're back to where we had to begin
filling up the hole i once filled in your heart,
this is for a brand new start without me
lips against your ear singing you to sleep,
You Are The One I want to Keep

__________________________________________

Well, ive loved these shows for a long time.... but the final episodes had the most impact on me. I watched these characters grow in front of my eyes... they started off young in the episodes and begin growing. I saw the obstacles they went through, and how they dealt with them. I saw the love they found, the pain they went through.

I could relate so much.. just like anyone else whos seen them... because guess what? We're all human. we're all the same.

Why do so many people want to be different?
Whats wrong with of all us being the same?

Yes, individuality is good, but at the end of the day, we ARE exactly alike.
We all have emotions.. we all experience pain.. heart break.. love..we were born and just like everyone else, some day we will take our last breath.

Losing someone hurts alot... just having them out of your life hurts alot... its so much like if theyd die... because you never talk... never laugh anymore...

When someone passses away, knowing their body isnt there to be with you anymore, talk to you, make you smile, knowing you wont be able to build anymore memories, i think thats what hurts the most of people...

Even when someone they havent talked to in a good 10 years passes away... they still feel so much emotion from it.. deep inside. Because maybe they think "I could just start talking to them one day.. but i have to get my life settled first"

But then when reality kicks in so that they KNOW they wont ever get to speak to that person again or rebuild any friendship.... it breaks you.

Anyway, these final episodes of these shows that ive watched my whole life, taught my valuable things. Love the time you have.... it will be the time you miss most when you're older. It taught me sometimes you just have to let things go.. and go on in life by yourself.

I think this is the point of "individuality" that so many people want. But in truth, all it means is that youre going to be on your own in life. Its true. You will maybe have a few people to push you along the way, but youre still on with your own choices... own feelings..

Watch these three episodes...
I cry alot at them.. some people may call me a wuss but i dont care. Im not afraid to say im emotional. and no, im not some little "emo" kid because i have emotions. We all have emotions.

And you ask why so many people are depressed... so many people unhappy and "emo"? Wow..

just turn on the tv.. listen to the news.. take a look around you.
The things we're doing in this world, would you honestly want to crack a smile?..

Here they are..

Final episode of the Wonder Years

..>

Final episode of Boy meets world

..>

This one is long... but the most meaningful to me... please watch it.

..>

People asked me.. whats my deepest darkest fear...what am i so afraid of...
theres your answer.

My biggest fear in life is growing up.
 
I love all of you... so much.
and I miss every single one of you.
6:15 PM 
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[01 Oct 2006 | Sunday] 

Current mood:  blank


Okay, so i had about 100 blog comments on this blog before my old account was deleted, which is why im really pissed off about the entire thing. but whateverrr.


This is basically just me bitching when im mad. its how i vent, so unless you're in a rush to be bored, dont read this. if you have time to spare, then yes, please read it.


Here we go!


..


..


Everything is fucking hate in this world. no matter what.

i kind of have this sudden rampages where i really need to vent, so thats what im doing right now. I'll say it like i said it on my main profile, im so sick of seeing the word, "cute people, lets talk" or "cute people only kthx"

because lets be real... most of the people like that are the biggest fucking assholes on the planet! Sorry, but i'll let you know right now

I wont fucking bow down to any of your shit. I stand strong for what i believe, and ill do whatever it takes to show how shallow this world is.

If you're one of those people that post bulletins or have that in your profile, please tell me now, so i can delete you. Im not your fucking mother. im not your fucking father.

Im fucking part of society.

Yeah, thats right .. im my own fucking free will.

You can call me a dick a dick all you want. Im actually one of the few in this world who is not a dick. I dont have my head shoved far up my ass.

I'll tell you right this second, everyone is beautiful in their own way. EVERY one. I dont care if you're a fucking toothpick or if you're a blimp. But when youre all stuck on yourself....

you do make yourself look ugly and youre not impressing anyone.

Youre not hardcore to me. Youre not cool. Youre not tough.

You're all fucking part of this fucked up world like me.

know the difference between us? unlike others, i try to make a difference.

Honestly, half of these people adding me dont even read my about me.

It's all about if they think im hot. If i didnt have pictures up, would you still be adding me, despite what my about me says? No.

whoa. like really... its looks. take a bitchy girl who is pretty. take an ugly one who is so nice. let them both get in a wreck. both mess their face up so bad. who are you going to want to talk to now? thats right, the girl you previously thought was "ugly" because now she has a fucking nice personality.

people resort to the internet when their self esteem is low in life. then they look to sites like myspace for help. whoa, when u cant even turn to the internet without your looks, thats pretty fucking pathetic.

thousands of people are killing themselves each year. if you're one of the few with that on your profile, then congrads you probably joined in helping our teenage suicide rate.

yes, they make the choice. but guess who pushes it? you. me.

our world.

at the fucking end of the day, we're ALL the same. no matter waht we look like. we love. we live. we learn. we die.

your stubborness is letting people lose the chances at the lives they could have had

I seriously believe we're living in the end of times. Why?

Do you know how much shit has happened lately? no of course you dont.

Because while we're sitting on our asses on myspace or getting high/drunk our soldiers our dying to protect our fucking rights.

and yeah you beg for peace. we all want peace in this world, but sorry... we didnt get freedom from sitting on our asses. we had to fight for it.

brings me to this. dont ever say you hate our president because quite frankly, you could do no better. if we wouldnt have went to war, we could be getting our asses bombed right now. then you guys would still blame him, right?

now you say, "theres no weapons of mass destruction. pull our troops out"

yeah, maybe in your perfect world you can. but this is reality. you cannot enter a war, then pull out in the middle when theres other countries helping you.

I have a good idea... how about you all fess up for your own actions. stop blaming bush. stop blaming the government.

you and i.... we're fucking society! we make the choices!

but we're all too fucking scared and put the blame on others.

This worlds going to end soon. you're all letting it go to waste.

and for all those with blood/gore on your profile. sure, good for having an opinion.

Glad to know you get entertainment out of watching people suffer. yeah, sure its not real.

too bad it happens to millions of people every day.

for those who want "god" taken out of the pledge. you say it offends thousands who do not believe in god. by taking it out, arent you offending those who DO believe in god?

exactly. youre all a bunch of hipocrites like myself

guess what? if you think im a jerk then i dont care. this is what i believe in.

i believe in not judging people by their looks. i dont hate george bush. im not a shallow mother fucker on myspace.

and i do fuck up! im sick of people thinking im perfect or something. I warn you guys when we first talk! and then you say, "oh no youll never mess up with me" then you all want to blame me when i do! I warned you. im warning you now.

i'll fuck with your head. i'll break your heart, not intentionally. i have a heart of mine thats now that of a jigsaw puzzle from all the pieces its in. i dont like hurting people. im a human, im no better.

dont say you love me. ever. you're confused, not me. im stubborn, but just dont tell me it okay. i dont deserve to be

and to be honest.. one day i want to be an angel. thats basically my goal. so then i can look down on the world from a whole new view.

but i doubt ill ever be an angel. i'll probably never get closer to heaven than i do when i get the feeling that people care for me.

i try to help people on various suicide sites. you might think its dumb, but i actually have made differences in peoples lives. and im so thankful ive gotten the opportunity to do that.

i wont complain but i usually am sad. sad that i cant change this world. i hear about all this fucking sad things... these problems i have NO control over.

suicide. rape. murder. robbery.

it saddens me. you ask

why care about the world, it doesnt care for us.

maybe if more people would start caring about the world... it'd return the favor.

Think before you speak everyone.

im one boy. i wish i was more. i need everyones help to change the world, i cant do it alone. but we all can... we all make the world go round.

im done blabbing ive bored you enough

Our society is falling apart but im not going to be here to pick up the pieces.

6:13 PM 
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[01 Oct 2006 | Sunday] 

Current mood:  cold
Okay. Look around. Look at the computer screen, read this, I dont care what. I dont care what you're doing this second or an hour from now. Whatever second it is, someone in the world is being born and everywhere someone is dying. Someone is being murdered. Theres a person being raped; someone is attempting/completeing suicide/. A kid is being bullied. Someone is smiling for the first time in years. Someone is crying for pain, someone is crying for happiness. Theres a baby being conceived, there is a person getting told they don't have much longer to live. The world is one big everlasting cycle that keeps on going and going. But when things are going down, how will it go on forever? It wont. It will quit.

In the year 2001, there were 20,308 homocides.... there were 30,622 suicides. More people are taking the lives of themselves as appossed to it getting taken by someone else. Those people getting their lives taken away by murder wanted a chance at life, but it was taken away from them. They had no choice. But so many people DO have a choice, but things get pretty tough so they decide to end their life. I mean look at Myspace.com Its the biggest site on the net, right? So most teens will visit her. They will visit here to talk with friends, and to make friends. But if theyre being rejected at school, now sadly even on a website, then where else is there to turn?

Do people not see? If people are acting depressed, so many people say its just for attention, or that they're just being, "emo". Listen up everyone, everyone has emotions. Some bottle it up, and it builds up. Others let it show so that they CAN get help from it, but people don't seem to take advantage of that opportunity. Theres complaining about tiny problems like, "I hate my mom! She wont let me go to the mall! ah! i have the worst life ever!!!!" or "OH MY GOD! I WORE WHITE PANTS AND NOW IM ON MY PERIOD. BEHOLD THE PERIOD BLOOD EVERYWHERE. MY REPUTATION IS RUINED" well yeah, of course that would be pretty embarrassing for a girl, but still. People need to realize that we have it good compared to all these people who are getting strapped with machine guns by the age of three. We shouldnt sit here and complain (like what im doing haha) about it, we should try to make a difference. Just keep in mind, not ALL those people complaining are "begging for attention" maybe they are though. Maybe some people NEED attention just to feel loved? Either way, almost everyone knows or has heard about someone who has taken their life.
It will probably continue to rise because people are running out of choices for dealing with problems because they dont have anyone to fall back on anymore. We all to take care of ourselves in this world, thats true, eventually we all have to grow. But no matter how old we ever get, we will always need people catching us when we fall, and to get us back on our feet when we stumble. Everyones just kind of giving up on each other though.... Things may not change. Our world might always be as bad as it is now, or five years from now, it could be ten times better. Doing the slightest things for someone can change someones mind about suicide. Make them laugh... make them smile. Let them know not everyone in this world is bad.

Show them so many people still care, but so many people are just afraid of letting their true side out because they're afraid of what everyone else may say or think. In reality, we're all exactly the same. We need food and water to live, we need sleep, we need oxygen, and most importantly, we need love. We need to be reminded constantly that there are those who care for us. Regardless of if its someone we've known all our lives, or a person on your friends list you've only talked to a few times. Love is love, no matter where it sponds from.

Depression medication has risen drastically in the past two years. Why are we all so sad?

Make a difference anyway you can. Help someone any way you possibly can. No matter how much it bugs you, no matter how much you HATE complaints, listen to people and try to talk to them. Never criticize what they have to say, just try and understand where they're coming from, and help to stop them from not having a future anymore.
Below are some pictures that my friend, brigitte (http://www.myspace.com/bijjiebong ) has gathered to show what the hell is going on in this crazy world. Brigitte and i have so much in common and want to do anything, even a little, to make a difference in society. The images below are VERY graphic, so if you have a weak stomache, dont look. Just scroll down past them to the wording below. The images are not meant to be "Gore/ Brutal" or any of that, they're real. Its reality. Click to make each bigger. Each one should be a huge slap in the face.













>






Tomorrow there will be over 1,000 teenagers who will never have a family, never smash wedding cake in the one they loves face, never argue over who is watching what on tv, never go to that huge concert they've always wanted to see of their favorite band, they will never live life. You don't live life until life takes away your breath. You can't take away your own breath and say you had life before that. I've lost many people in the past few years that i was close to over suicide, and so have a lot of other people. Its really hard just knowing that it makes you feel like you werent there enough for them,... that it could have been prevented. I wound myself up in the hospital earlier this year from it, and each morning, I thank God every day that it failed or i wouldnt be trying to change society right now, I'd be part of the suicide rate that im discussing in this bulletin.


Think before you criticize. It takes courage to talk down to someone, but it takes even more to help out someone regardless of getting ridiculed by other people who don't agree with what you're doing.



Depression medication has risen drastically in the past two years. Why are we all so sad?




Help stop teen suicide any way you can. If you need help, talk to someone. Anyone. There will ALWAYS be someone who will care and listen even when it feels like you're alone. Click a picture below to visit various Suicide Prevention help sites as well as sites with ways to prevent this. You can send me, my friend brigitte above a message or comment on Myspace. Anything you let us know will be confidential, and we'll be glad to help ANY time.

Me, Jacob (Jake Jack Off)





Brigitte




Justin






Click below on a picture of one of the three suicide methods to be taken to a suicide help site or to learn more about how or anyone you know can save a life.





Repost this if you or anyone you know has considered or completed taking their life. Even if you don't, repost this to get the word around
Currently listening:
Stars: The Best of the Cranberries, 1992-2002
By Cranberries
Release date: 24 September, 2002
5:58 PM 
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