A reasonably funny ass joke!

Hillbilly Saves Her Life

Two hillbillies walk into a Dairy Queen. While having a couple of Blizzards, they talk privately about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, eating a chicken sandwich, begins to cough. After a while, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head No.

"Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue, eyes widen and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

She begins to breathe again, The hillbilly ambles smugly back to his table.

His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it.

So on a Sunday evening my aunt and I were driving back home from getting a few things.

Picture this, sitting in traffic going through Sandy, OR (aww.. how purty.. heh) and this rustic old yellowish colored Ford pulls past us. Dead silence in the car, and I move my head back in shock and horror as I say, "wow, that was a very interesting looking character ............ in that Forrrd." My aunt just starts cracking up laughing. As, we head more towards hgwy 26 we past this man/woman again. (It looked womanish, but yet had bone features like a man.) I think we decided it was a man. She passes him up again and just starts laughing and says, "I just wanted to see that guy again." I looked at the guy as he looks back, by now I have jolted away from the being and gathered my words this time. "Yes, he looks like a character from 'The Hills Have Eyes' movie. He has that cannabalistic inbredish serial killer mountain man look to him. So, now I'm worried does little old Sandy, Welches, or Zig Zag has a mountain inbred cannable killer living among us? He had a weird looking squarish face and had longish blonde dirty looking hair. God, what an interesting character!! You all should have been there!

Till my next sighting............ Kris

 OMG! I got tought Magic the Gathering last night! Oh I was SO excited!! lol Then I bought this D&D Diablo style table top rpg today! Have no idea how to play D&D but it was the Diablo fact of it. Only 8 bucks. It's uhhh .. more of a collection thing to me! haha
Magic is prety cool have to practice and try to understand the cards more. Need to own and be peril! haha Or at least good enough to pawn my friend! Take some time on my end. Damn! I want to play Yu-Gi-Oh! But all my video games are in storage somewhere and I have no way to getting to them! *tear*

Boredom eating me alive.

The last time I went to my dads house we went out to dinner just him and I. I had a good time and he said he did too. Where were the sisters?? They rather of been at that bitch of neighbor's house. Well they seem to not want anything to do with me. I felt a little tension from them at the Christmas party my aunt does every year.Well now my dad is telling me that they only want to see me around that time because they know that I'm giving them stuff. Some reason I believe him. I got this password journal for my youngest sister. I thought it was prety cool. Hell, even my dad thought it was awesome and he would have kept it for himself (then again I have a crazy father lol all in all he is getting better with his attitude with me.) I called him last night to see how things were going and he invited me over what was going to be today for dinner... maybe. He calls me today and tells me that they don't want over or see me. Well back to that present I mentioned earlier supposably she threw it away. Really upsets me because I thought she would use it .... but deep down I had a feeling that some of it they would get rid of. Starting to get a headache from thinking of this since he said that earlier in my day. Kind a want to go for a drive or a solo walk to clear my head, but clearing my head is hard suppose that is why I don't sleep well at night and always tired. Wish there was a button to shut down the brain once in a while. Anyways, I just don't know what to think or say anymore about this subject.. What is going to happen in the future?? Sometimes, I just feel like giving up and pretend that certain things don't exist anymore. Sad really.

Suppose this is all I have for now..

People seem to have difficulties decifering between rednecks, hicks, and hillbilies... If you do I will break it all down for you! First, we have rednecks. Now the rednecks are the Post Blue Ribbon drinkers aka PBR. Now they start drinkin in the early morn to the late night. There habitat is more of the country... DO NOT like the city life and will only travel there if absoultly nessasary. Have a bunch of animals that are mainly food purposes. Rednecks are more of easy going people. Moving on to the hicks. Hicks are Miller or Coors light people and start drinking a little more later in the day. Noonish maybe.. There habitat varies from city and country .. They are the ones that like country but will live in the city if need be, but deep down they wish they were in country ville with a farm. The man's excuse to have a big truck. The smarter of the three. Now we move on to the hillbilies. Ah, the hillbilies moonshine all around and never stop drinking and the wonderful world of .. yes, my children incest. Where your mother is your aunt, grandma, cousin and sister! Oh my, they live more in the rugged areas of the southern plains. Where they can be themselves. They can't read well nor write, so they usually just live in shacks and have out houses. Animals they do have will slaughter, but first have sex with them. They are roughty and obnoxious.

That should sum it all right there if I have forgotten something or should have added something please don't hesitate to comment on something.

Till next time!

- The DrunkenDyke

So, Friday morning I was eating and my tooth broke! Boy, did I freak out and got a little scared because nothing like this has ever happened to me! So, I leave work early and get away from paintline, thank god! lol Horrible job. Anyways, hopeing to get in that day even knowing that I wont. So, today was the day. Go in and they look at it saying I have a big hole.. well I could have told you that! They had to take out the filling and remove the nasty decay and refill it. Unfortunatly for me, the decay got dangerously close to the nerve. Which then they were talking about a root canal. (as I'm sitting in the chair half ass in tears bc of this fear and terror of the dentist I have) but fortunatly they said that they got most of it out and maybe wont need one. I was told that the process hurts like a fucker from a friend. Scared to death by now. My tooth hurts a little bit and is extremely sensitive to the cold, which worries me. This visit cost me $153 without any insurance what's the root canal going to cost?? Don't know .. didn't ask. Probably don't want to know. Not until I get insurance anyways. The tooth behind it has a hole and they want to fix that but it will have to wait till I have money again.  I know I will get it done asap because I really don't want a repeat.  Need to get a full exam and a cleaning since that has been like 6 yrs by now.... horrible.. Wait three months and apply where I'm working at and try to get on and get me some insurance! So, really that is only the real big thing that has happened to me. Till next time something happens (which really shouldn't be too long with my luck anymore) .

-Kris

Cell Phone Survey

1. Grab your phone.


2. What's the last 4 digits of your mobile number?
9501

3. What does the 1st message in your inbox say?
are you playing with my boyfriend?

4. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Melissa

5.Who's the last person you called?
My aunt

6. Who was your last missed call from?
my aunt

7. Whos the 2nd person that comes up under D?
dad cell

9. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?:
Jessica - my cuz , not that other one.. lol

10. Who was the last recieved call from?
My aunt

11. Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?:

There is no fourth s

12. What does your banner say?
I Don't Have One

13.How many messages are currently in your inbox?
Not counting those

14. What do you have as your background?
My doggy Jesse

15. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
Raeanne Cell

16.the 5th person under T?
There is no 5th T

17. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Bev .. which can be deleted .. then it goes to Blake

18. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
Mine shows a battery! HA!!

19. Who was your last text message from?
Jered

20. Name every person you have text messages from in your inbox?
Brenna, Jered, Konnie
_________

21.Who's the 6th person under A?
Does not exist

22. Who is the 9th person on your missed calls list?
Dad

24. Who is the first name in your Phonebook?
Aimie

25. What is your ringtone?
Banana Phone!  lmfao

For whoever reads this, THEY must leave a comment bc I need to know!

Does God exist?

I want to hear people's thoughts on why and how this being can judge you and where you are going in the afterlife, if there even is one!

Yeah, people shouldn't be my friend because I am evil! My religion is crap that I have been told from others. I apparently am evil and could care less about others. I suppose this is why I can't keep friends longer than a month. I could be dark sided! Maybe I have a dark aura, but on the otherhand, I have been told I have a very calm aura. So, I guess it would just have to decifer on who you talk to. There are people that would probably love to see me dead, I'm sure. I don't look for pity and I don't want pity from anyone.

This woman right here, says it best! Am I right? I mean come on!

But yes, this blog could be pointless.. Maybe I gave a few of you a laugh or some kind of emotion... So, um .. anyone have questions? On how to break up people, get rid of friends, or just be evil? Or any other questions?

Till another random day!