Just finished re-mastering a bunch of my old songs, and put them up at JaredVoss.com. Give a listen. Rock on.

Just finished recording a new song. I put a rough mix up on my website. It's a combination of Tom Jones' "Not Unusual", Prince's "Kiss", and the Temptations "My Girl". I like it, but it might actually be really bad. One things for sure. There's absolutely no use for it. Rock on.

Best movie quote ever! "(Mom) lives in God's house with Jesus and Mary and the Ghost and the Long-Eared Donkey and Joseph and the Talking Walnut." -from Bad(der) Santa "The Talking Walnut"? Pure genius. It's great to see that the war on drugs hasn't made it's way to Hollywood, yet. And for the record, "Joseph and the Talking Walnut" is my favorite Broadway show.

May this Christmahannukwanzadanolstice be the best Christmahannukwanzadanolstice out of all the Christmahannukwanzadanolstices in the history of Christmahannukwanzadanolstice. And to Bill O'Reilly, "Happy Holidays".

Wouldn't you cry too? Bad Santa! Has Santa been drinking? Yup, Santa's been drinking. Happy Christmahanukkwanzadanolstice!

NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said. The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him. "It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP. "After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added. "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said. The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him. "It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP. "After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added. "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. .. .. .. .. .. ..

First impressions are most important! The first message you send to the target--sorry, "woman"--of interest must grab her. Don't be afraid to be forceful. Show her who's boss. Here is an example taken from several of "Peter's" emails. "Hello. i m peter. I am old. Butt not 2 old. This internot is hard. I m alone. U nice 2 meet. Looking for marriage. But no hed games! So yes or no?" "U did not answer! Yes or no? I sed no hed games!" "Bich" Peter has apparently found love with someone named "Bich". Best of luck to them both. -Dr. JavaJed, 12/20/05

The Gardener's Ode The blooming flowers the fresh cut grass How I want to Tap that ass Why do grass and Blooming flowers Bring to mind Your Siren powers? It must be how You dig and rake That stimulates My garden snake What e'er the reason I hope you know You'll always be My garden Ho