is it a curse or a blessing?

I'm just trying to find my path

seems to me that white women have a completely different view of their future than black women, and rightfully so. it's my latest blog, please check it out and feel free to leave feedback, preferably there but here is fine too :)

perhaps it's time you all learned the other side of libbyred, he's not my sidekick, he's just my Murr! :)

I think of us
entwined in passions embrace
layer upon layer
of deliciously beautiful
so deeply passionate
games do not exist

I think of you
and all else has been a place holder
until our moment
finally arrives
I think of us

and I have faith in your words
as I pray for more faith
please
find me
when the time is right
but soon
so that we can evolve to a level
without thought
without you or I
to simply us

passionately wrapped
in delicious layers
of beauty

©  libbyred 2008

After numerous attempts it finally felt natural to sit at a bar, in a club, alone.  I've lost track of how many times I've actually done this and had to put far more effort into faking it, keeping up my game face as to not attract the predators.  How many times had my night been monopolized by that guy, you know the one.  He strikes up a conversation and tries to take you off the market whether you like it or not.  I've been cordial to that guy, I've been socially hostile, I've even told him that he is that guy and it doesn't matter.  There is little that can be done to get away from him unless a more susceptible target enters the room.

I have a busy life, and for me to get out is a challenge in and of itself.  The last thing that I want to do is go through all that effort for that guy.  So I started to think about how to get away from him, really how to avoid him all together.  That's not always easy when you head out solo; but I've found ways to make it work, at least tonight.

It was a birthday celebration so I decided to be festive and wore a flower in my hair.  The dj was spinning dub and as I swayed to the grooves I remembered the first time I heard it.  I could see the bare apartment in Brooklyn, a mattress in the middle of the room with white sheets, a blue light in the corner and my first joint.  He was my high school sweetheart, my first at everything and as complicated as our drama had become, in that moment he was my first once more and it was all that simple.  I think it was Thanksgiving break, I remember how dirty even the clean grocery stores were.  My love was fading, for both him and NYC but that moment . . . I was there and my detachment from the club protected me from that guy, a cordial man whom I had no interest in diving into conversation with.  Tonight I was going to drink early then dance until it was time to leave.  That was the plan and I knew that the dj would liven up the music as the crowd began to grow.  It was still early, by the time I finished my third drink the atmosphere was right for giving up my seat in exchange for the dance floor.  I no longer wished to sit in deep thought and had made enough eye contact to have a number of potential dance partners.

House, I love house music, a melange of jazz, funk and vocals, a vibe transferred over audio waves.  For most of the night I danced with the dj, just through multiple partners.  The time had come to take a break and find a cool wall on which to get some air. . . .

I believe that I may have started writing my novel last night, at least in a more formal sense.  Yeah I know, I should publish the first book (poetry ~ "pieces of a much greater whole") before I start on the second but hey, inspiration comes when it comes and who am I to argue.  I know that I won't be the fool who expects it to wait around.  Please, as with all of my blogs, leave comments, my skin is not that thin and if you like keep checking back.

© 2008