I would like to start by saying, this is not a cry for help, and this is not a warning. I love being here; I have loving friends and family and have no intention of leaving this world for a long time.

Obviously an explanation is needed. So as you may know, I am a Graphic Design student and am planning to transfer to a bigger college or university to continue studying Graphic Design and hopefully develop as an artist and as a person. In order to get into a larger university, I need to have a bangin’ portfolio. 

This is where my struggle begins, because if I am a good artist, I am still an artist with a teeny tiny body of work. This is going to be my growing semester as a person and as an artist; I will hopefully develop my own style, my own ideas and a certain passion to just “do.” But as I said, I just don’t have enough at this point in time. I need projects outside of school; I need to make ridiculously good art to be proud of and to stand out. So I had a few ideas of projects to do. One is a large scale painting of this design that I like to do with arrows intertwining and flipping around, I guess you would have to see it. Another is a large collage that is a self portrait and is made entirely from magazines from secondhand stores. Both are…okay ideas. Not terribly original, but can be executed in a magnificent fashion if I put effort into it.

This brings me to my last idea. I honestly couldn’t tell you what spawned this idea, where it came from, but I can tell you that it is burning a hole in my head. There was a photographer a while back that did something called the Death Series, where quite obviously they took pictures of the deceased on location (where they died, it’s really gruesome and really sad). My idea, similar in content but different in message was to do a Suicide Series, with an obvious message of don’t do it. I had a cousin that committed suicide and I want everyone to know how horrible it is. It’s not something to be taken lightly, people threaten it, they pretend they will do it, and it lessens the entire effect of it. The worst mistake you could make, condemning yourself that way. So this is what strengthens my desire to do this project. The idea is a series of pictures of me, where I have ‘just committed suicide.’ It scares me, and makes me wonder what the reactions would be, which makes me want to do it even more. If you know me I’m not a morbid person, I don’t want to die and I love life. This once again, makes me want to do it even more. It would be a project of self discovery, of self assurance, and incredibly self growth. I don’t want to do it because it scares me, and it might scare other people. I want to do it because I hope that when people see them, they will never bring that fate onto themselves. It will probably offend people, or make them remember someone, but if I go through with this that’s the risk I am willing to take.

I’m still not sure about it all, but I know for one thing that whatever happens this semester is going to be interesting.

Why Transformers:  Revenge of The Fallen is better than Transformers....

1.    
   Run Time
Okay, the one complaint I’ve been hearing from everyone is that Revenge of The Fallen is too long. But is it? Transformers (2007) run time: 144 minutes, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen run time: 150 minutes. A whole six minutes, so under that argument it’s pretty safe to say that the first movie was too long, thusly film length isn’t a problem with either movie. So, Revenge of The Fallen had exactly 6 more minutes of kick-ass alien robot fighting and Megan Fox being hot action!

2.     
  Megan Fox 2.0
Mikaela Banes (yes, she does have a last name) is pretty much the most aesthetically pleasing thing in the whole movie. Not only is Megan Fox hotter than the first movie, you only have to wait about 6 or 7 minutes to see her straddling a motorcycle, whereas the looking under the hood scene is like a half hour in.  But on a more serious note, Megan Fox wasn’t casted because for her acting ability and in the first one almost everything she said was unnecessary. In the second one, her crappy dialogue made more sense, and didn’t suck near as much. I.e. we only had to hear about her being a girl (the whole I love you thing) and didn’t have to hear “I’ll drive you shoot, Shoot! Shoot!”. Oh, for the rest of this, Mikaela will simply be called Megan Fox, because nobody effing cares what her character’s name is.....

3.     
  Shia Labeouf 1.5
Why Shia 1.5? Because he was .5 less of a bitch than the first movie. He also gives any male self confidence because seeing Lewis Stevens get Megan Fox 2.0 brings joy to the heart of pre-pubescent boy and adult male alike.....

4.    
   Because 2 is better than 1
Anybody remember the smoking hot girl from the beginning? You know, the crazy slut bag that turns out to be a robot. A psychotic robot with a super long tongue that could possibly kill you. And let’s face it, for a nerd like me that’s kind of a turn on.....

5.      
Setting
On the subject of time, Revenge of The fallen is set two years into the future of Transformers, and puts Sam in his first year of college, making Sam and [Megan Fox] 18. This means that in the first movie, Sam and [Megan Fox] are only like 16, and nobody wants to feel like a pedophile.....

6.      
 Autobots did what Autobots do: Kick Decepticon Ass
In that last movie, pretty much all the fights were even, back and forth, back and forth. There was a very small number of deaths, which is good for the kids. Also there was the totally awesome echo of the famous cartoon era line “One shall stand, One shall fall.” Which back in the day meant shit was about to go down and Optimus was going to drop the hammer on someone. In the 2007 movie Optimus says that, and then proceeds to get his ass kicked until Lewis Stevens has to save the day with a win by technicality.

 The problem is the whole winning by technicality thing is the Decepticons M.O. In Revenge of The Fallen, the good guys won because they kicked the most ass, like it should be. In the second movie, the Autobots kick a supreme amount of ass, showing Optimus taking on three at a time and wrecking shop. Bumblebee also gets in on the action and tears up some huge mofo. The Autobots in the second movie take on bigger and badder foes, and basically unleash hell. Finally, there weren’t any needless deaths in the second movie like in the first one; i.e. Jazz’s death scene, which was about as needless as Megan Foxes’ dialogue.
The Autobots were more like Autobots, and the Decepticons were more like Decepticons.....

7.      
Sequels from remakes are harder to make well than the remakes themselves
Lets face it, the Transformers movies definitely aren’t an original idea, but the second movie actually does a really good job keeping the plot connected to the first film. Everything that transpired in the first film is applicable in the second, what more can you ask for? It made sense throughout, and it was interesting, and everything wasn’t over explained like the first movie (watch it again, its ridiculous). ....

8.      
 Some other reasons:
-Less life changing moment sequences, in the first movie every 10 minutes music played, the characters looked into the distance intently and you could actually see them maturing (yawn).
-In Revenge of The Fallen, when the Autobots rolled out, they didn’t roll out for 20 f-ing minutes
-The action sequences were more spectacular than the first
-Megan Fox 2.0 is smokin.
-Viewers didn’t have to hear the same 15 second song clip every 10 minutes during the life changing sequences.
-Bumblebee still couldn’t speak – come on that was a good move.....

9.      
 Michael Bay: Best director in the whole universe
Okay seriously, Michael Bay makes some pretty good movies, but he kinda just sucks in general when it comes to the stuff in his movies. To explain further, his comic relief is just tragic in the first movie, except for the last 30 minutes the whole movie is a stream of one liners, un-funny one liners. Luckily in the second movie, he limited himself to crappy comic relief throughout, except it was funnier and less often, which was nice. Also, Bay pretty much always has a shitload of product placement, and in the second movie it took a serious downturn. Limited to small images and the cars as ads themselves, it wasn’t too bad. This is nice, because the first movie might as well have come with the tag lines: “Xbox 360, it will tear your freaking head off,” and if you don’t get that, about 5 seconds later in the first one, we have “Mountain Dew, it’s like taking a soda bomb to the dome piece.” All in all, The Greatest Director Ever, took some of his douche-baggery out of the movie and let us enjoy it, with the exception of a Bad Boys 2 poster, and his name coming first in the credits (where it rightfully belongs if you’re just that good)....

. . .

Words fail me at the moment. I almost never quote the good book, but in the last couple days it seems to reign supreme when looking for something to express how you feel, deep down.

Something was said to me today that has hurt more, and infuriated me more than anything has in a long while. It makes my piss boil just thinking about it. If feel like I need to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to refrain from tossing my computer across the room and take the rest out on the wall, possibly throw a phone. But I think and say that is not me.

Honestly after the whole situation a simple “Fuck you!” was all I could get out. In retrospect, the extra points on my test weren’t worth sitting through that. You insulted my whole family. You insulted my whole fucking family and you didn’t even take a second to think about it. But that’s not what really gets to me, oh no that’s not it. What really gets to me is the hypocrisy. Not only did insult me, my family, my baptism, my RELIGION, but you do it all in the light, this guiding light that you are in the right, that in your new lifestyle, this is prevalent.  Personally, if this is the way you are going to use your newfound knowledge you can shove all your faith and goodness right up your ass.

We all know your path was a crooked one, starting through a girl. We have always joked about this, but I always looked at your destination with such enthusiasm. I was so happy for you, that you found faith that I didn’t have. I could give a rat’s ass how you found your faith, so long as you found it, but I had no idea it would take away some of the things I loved most about my friend.

Never would I think you to put yourself on a pedestal above others. You were never spiteful, and you were never judgmentall. You were never hateful. But this is no longer the case, and I could see it on Friday. I felt it deep in my bones. I may not go to church, but I live my life the best I can, and I try to go to sleep a better person than I did the night before. You say you were trying to keep the peace, but everyone knows you can’t stop a fight without picking a side, you do it automatically, subconsciously…and everyone sees it. And now I have to hear you say how you aren’t cool with ‘them’ and they aren’t cool with you. You sit there, chained by your judgments, when I wave to the same people who you clashed with a few nights before. Is this the life that is destowed to you? Isn’t there supposed to be love rather than hatred, acceptance rather than rejection? How closely do you follow what you yourself profess and claim to follow? Days like today make me question not only your study of faith, your practice of faith, and your intentions of either, but it makes me question you as a person. And I hate that. Honestly I don't care how you feel about this, because even if you do understand how fucked up what you did was, and how much you carelessly insulted me and my family, I don’t want to hear your apology, because I won’t forgive this, and I sure as shit won’t forget it.

Take a lesson from your own text:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

—Matthew 5:38-48

Tig tag toe

Directions:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 16 random
things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 10 people
to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget
to leave them a comment ("you're it") and to read your blog. You can't
tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me let me know when you've posted your blog, so I can see your weirdness

1. I am a worrier. I spend a pretty big portion of every day stressing out over things I have no control over. Then I stress about things I can influence, but still have no control over. Then I stress about things I have complete control over…and almost no willingness to change, and I worry about that too.

2. Rain is my favorite weather, hands down. Following suit with all of the great discussions in AP English, rain is a cleansing experience (motifs anyone?) and that holds true for me still. It’s one reason why I like slo so much, in the spring it rains constantly and very few things feel as good as standing in the rain.

3. I am shy and nervous meeting people and being around people I don’t know very well, but I try reaaaaallly hard to hide that.

4. Trying not to lie is kind of my thing now. It’s always hard to keep under control, but it helps when I did something wrong because not taking the blame hurts more than taking the blame and the punishment.

5. I like to pretend the songs I listen to have lyrics that connect with me more…but I don’t really have daddy issues like a lot of the music I listen to.

6. If you didn’t catch this, ellipses are my favorite thing to do while writing… (long pause) its simply the greatest way for me to express how I would actually speak…(trails off)

7. I have a lot more prejudices than I thought I did, not about race or religion but about backgrounds, friends, lifestyle, habits. It’s really hard to avoid.

8. Every day I get closer to going to church with Miles and Anthony, but one of the reasons I don’t want to is I don’t want either of them to go around thinking job well done, and I know both of them and that’s what they would do. I guess it’s a pride thing but I feel my faith in God and my belief in Jesus lies more in me thinking about them than AB and Mimisiku talking about ‘how great’ Pastor Tony is. I don’t know, in all honesty it probably is just a pride thing.

9. I have waaaaaay to much to say about 16 random things.

10. I have a really hard time getting over crushes. A really hard time hahaha.
11. In college I’ve appeared a lot more like an asshole than ever before, and its because I hate making an effort to being nice to drunk people and getting nothing in return the next day.

12. College would be a better place if nobody drank, if you don’t think that you’re brainwashed, and probably need to get a clue. (by the way, if nobody drank you wouldn’t be left out…crazy thought)

13. The only time I feel comfortable drinking is when I’m around old friends.

14. I have little to no confidence in myself, in most aspects of life.

15. It may not seem like it, but I care a shit load more about what you think of me than what I think of myself.

16. If you ask me a question seriously I’ll be serious back; this means that the only reason I would dull down the delivery and soften the blow is if I think it will really hurt you, otherwise I’m going to be unforgivingly strait with you.

Tagged:
1. Miles, because he sleeps with me (in the same room, let’s not get nasty)
2. Greg, because he’s my snuggle bear
3. Joey, because he’s my dog
4. Honey, because she’s my dogs girlfriend and I love her for it
5. Tati, because lets face it, the fact we still talk is awesome.
6. Mark, because he’s a deep dude.
7. Hillary, because she’s so far away and I miss her.
8. Ghilsa jane, because she likes the number 8, and I miss her too.
9. Courtney, because I break all the rules and am tagging her anyways.
10. Brian, because he is one of my favorite people