People inherently compare themselves to others or compare the relationships they have with others to relationships they have with...others( didn't really know how to word that. ) for example, my best friend and his brother are polar opposites. they couldn't be further from the same if you put them on different planets.  I , however get along with them pretty much equally.  I think it's mostly because we( people) react differently to people based on their disposition to our own personality.  People will tell you all day that they don't change for anyone but themselves. that's cool but if you really think about it, we all must adapt to changes in order to either gain or maintain a certain standing or understanding in most situations.

nothing is wrong with comparing unless it has anything to do with the type of relationships that you hope to further in one way or the other.  comparing your ex to your current is  no good! lmfao! i think we all know that. Reason being???? well if you start comparing the good traits that your ex and current have, you could end up with the scales tipped in the favor of the previous gf/bf favor. that ,at times can cause alot of people to think to much and  could even quite possibly ,subconciously lead a person to sabatage his/her own relationship based on thouse comparisons.



the same thing could be said for friendships. just because i have a certain type of friendship with one person and a different type with another, doesn't at all meant that one is better than another. i just connect with that person in a different way as opposed to another person. but the only way i came up with that conclusion is that i understood and accepted that fact.

negative comparisons can also have the same effect. In that someones negative traies  can be the same as an ex friend or lovers.  At the end of the day, we must remember that we are still dealing with a different person and if we are to maintain or progress the relatioship to a better and more understanding level , we have to accept that fact.

There are alot of times when people want to become more than what they are, more than what they have been, and go farther than they ever expected to go. some get late starts on this road and others are just born at the right time and under the right circumstances , with the right mindset and support that can help them do what it is they set out to do.

some are broke and work their way to where they want to be off of sheer will power alone.  others need that extra push. i think I'm one of the ones who needs that extra push at times.  that subtle voice from a family member or a good friend that helps you to dig in to a part of yourself that you never knew existed. there are times when will power may not be enough for some. it could be anything from an attempt to quit smoking to refraining
from having a lead foot.

there are times when we all say we're gonna do something that would normally be hard for us to do and then , proceed to put it off until it's to late or we honestly and truly have
the time to do it.

i've been making an extremely serious attempt at doing things i always felt that i was built for yet always had an excuse as to why i shouldn't do them. now some of the reasons were solid.  reasons like  my mother didn't have the money to send me through martial arts for as long as it took. or there weren't any ( insert something here) that were close enough for me to travel to in order to do it.


well now there is no more room for excuses. this area is full of things that can be taken advantage of if i really want it as bad as i say i do.  i actually found confidence in my two new trainers who pushed me to the point of exhaustion and beyond it.  my boxing coach told me " it's easy to just say "fuck it" when you're the only one around and there is nobody around  to help you to get to that next level by not only telling you the process but going through it with you step by step


he also told me that the level of confidence, true confidence , has to be at all times above your actual level . what it does is makes you want to constantly be more than what you are at that moment.  some people think confidence can be bought. they are right. it can be bought.  but it's not an authentic and validated form of confidence.
because what happens if you loose all that you spent so much time and money on?
what are you gonna do then?

what if you did all that because you thought your boss was going to get you a promotion or so that the girl/guy you work with or spend loads of time with will see you in a different light... and you didn't get any of it? not the promotion,the girl/guy,nothing?

it's just my humble opinion but most would feel really bad about themselves.
and that in and of itself only leads to issues like having complexes about things.
one person can only to so much( then there's visa! ok ok. i'll stop.). and even if you fail at something , you know that you gave it EVERYTHING  you had in order to achieve your goal and none can take that away from you.


do it for any other reason but yourself and you stand more of a chance of being let down in the long run. fake confidence is the easiest to get and the fastest to destroy.
why? well because it's fake.

confidence is built by doing and doing again. not by letting others do it for you.

others are there to give you that push. you have to do the rest yourself.

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE ATTEMPT TO LOVE EACHOTHER BEFORE THEY LOVE THEMSELVES???? DO THEY ACTUALLY THINK THAT LOVING SOMEON WILL FILL A VOID IN THEIR LIVES???? WELL LET ME BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU... THAT IS THE MOST ASS BACKWARDS SACK OF SHIT THINKING THAT ANY ONE PERSON CAN DO ALONE.

NOT ONLY THAT BUT IT'S EXTREMELY SELFISH. TRUE , EVERYONE DESERVES TO LOVE AND BE LOVED BUT AT WHAT EXPENSE??? AT THE EXPENSE OF THE OTHER PERSON, OBVIOUSLY.

NOTHING SHOULD EVER BE RUSHED WHEN STARTING A RELATIONSHIP. THAT'S MY OPINION BASED ON EXPERIENCE. THEY ALL END JUST AS FAST IN HEATED AS THEY BEGAN.

IT WOULD PISS ME OFF TO NO END IF MY S/O LEFT PADS IN THE DAM INSIDE TRASH INSTEAD OF BAGIN' AND TOSSIN' THEM OUTSIDE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GONNA
HOLD IT AGAINST HER. THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DO. AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT THEN EVERY WOMEN ON THE PLANET IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGE.

IF SHE HAS MALE FRIENDS IS IT GONNA GET TO ME? NOT AT ALL. JUST LEMME KNOW WHEN YOU PLAN ON HANGIN SO I DON'T WALK IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND IT LOOKS LIKE SOME OTHER SHIT.  DOES THAT SOUND LIKE I'M BEING JEALOUS OR JUST WANTING TO BE KEPT INFORMED?  LADIES, IF YOU HAVE A GOOD MAN WHO WORKS HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, ISN'T ALL UP ON YOU ALL THE TIME AND HAS HIS OWN LIFE, SHARES HIS FRIENDS WITH YOU TO MAKE YOU FEEL ACCEPTED, WOULD YOU BE COOL WITH THAT OR WOULD YOU JUST TOSS HIM? IF HE LEFT ROUGE HAIRS IN THE SINK AFTER SHAVING ( after all, that's what MEN do) would you just hold on to that and make him pay for it after all the little shit is piled up? if so, FUCK YOU. you ain't worth the puss you sit on.

same goes for the men as well.

MEN, I KNOW THAT MOST OF US HAVE ALL HAD THEIR FARE SHARE  OF INSTANCES WHERE A WOMEN WOULD WANNA AIR OUT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.  THAT'S USUALY DONE BY WOMEN WHO CONCIOUSLY OR SUCONCIOUSLY  WANT TO "WEAR THE PANTS ". AND WHAT I MEAN BY THAT IS THEY DON'T WANT YOUR HELP OR INPUT. THEY MAY EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY AND THEN BEGIN TO DO THE 10 STEP PROCESS INSTED OF THE 5 STEP. PERSONALLY I THINK THEY NEED A 12 STEP.

NOW SOME MEN ARE LIKE THAT TOO.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ( IN MY HUMBLE OPINION) EACH SOULD LISTEN AND THEN DECIDE ON THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION BASED ON ONES EXPERIENCE WITH SAID SITUATION.

I COULD GO ON BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT.  IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH YOURSELF, DON'T GO FUCKIN UP TWO PEOPLE FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH NEEDS!
FUCKO!

AS FOR ME? I LOVE ME SOME ME. MMMMMHMMMM. I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THADEOUS.

I'm sure that alot of people that know me can say that i tend to stumble over  random words at any given time. They can also be sure to tell you that i'm not one to hold lengthy conversations,yet can keep an interesting one going for quite some time,based on the subject.

I've never claimed to know alot about everything but i do know a little about quite a few things.  Writing ,to me, has always been a vehicle that hopefully  and transparently conveys
my thoughts and ideas to all those who find it worth the read.


I sometimes try and assimilate different things into my writing to help the reader to further
understand my train of thought. I'm willing to bet that even people that i've known for
years find themselves left with their eyes wide open after reading something that
i have posted.


Though not always to the agreement of all, it's not supposed to be. It's also not supposed
to be a method in which i attempt to sway peoples opinions no matter what it is in regards to. People are free to make their own judgments.

I tell the story how i perceive it to be ,based on facts and first hand experience. 
because facts are facts and will be nothing other than the same, over and over again.


(goes and gets a drink*)ahhhhhh!

Sometimes people think that they can handle others opinion or fact
when it comes out of their mouth,until it comes out of their mouth.

Then the old adage of denial,redirection and anger set in which causes
a chain reaction of stupidity on both sides of the coin.

Now i'm not one that's known for being subtle in my approach
which is why i don't approach to often.

i've tried being subtle while remaining honest and so-so p.c
but that doesn't work to well for me. Some people just
can't get a grip on the obvious. I'm guilty of this at times
as well.

When you come out and say things to friends that they may not
be able to handle, you tend to loose friends quickly.
I'd rather have no friends at all then beat around the proverbial
bush all fuckin' day. 

It's not only to keep my closet free of skeletons for not saying what was truly on my mind but it's also to release tension and aggression in a healthy way.

I'm far from a road scholar and even further from a saint but one thing i will never be
accused of is holding it in in some way shape or form. That does nothing but ruin friendships,relationships and quite a few other things that i forgot how to spell correctly.

i also keep the majority of my posts open to read for anyone because i have nothing to hide. The others are mostly venting sessions or posts about things that only a select few people can understand and know that i have wrote it because of them.

(sip*)

I'm' sure if you're my age or slightly older (ahem!), you will remember the heroic tale of the Transformers. Autobots wage a battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons!!!! Sorry, i couldn't help it.  It was clearly obvious who was evil and who was good.  On one hand you had the Autobots, led by the big red Peterbuilt(Optimus Prime) with trailing Moblile H.Q . On the other hand you had the Decepticons, led By equaly strong yet Molevolantly unmatched Chief of the hooligns,Megatron.

Insignias were emblazoned  on both the D's and the A's respectively in order to figure out who is "down" with whatever side.


On the outside, most of the machines looked unassuming and run of the mill machines.
The big suprise is when the came out of their steal shell to reveal what was trully a sight to behold. 

Remember the ones that had both insignias on their bodies? At first look they could be one of your partners,friends,com padre's,dovarish... hell, it could have even been your right hand bot. that is until they change without warning and begin to change into what they trully are.  Their mission was to infiltrate and sabotage the enemy.


but no matter how much you rooted for the good or the bad guy, you couldn't bring yourself to hate  either side. But for some reason those damn triple changers got on your last fuckin nerves.


Perhaps the reason is because they had multiple personalities and had no real grasp what it was to be apart of one team.  For bad or worse that team is there for you and you for them .

Without the team,in a team setting, the singular body is nothing. cut off a limb and it will do nothing for you. One of the reasons you keep that bastard away from sharp objects!

i guess they can be likened to people who think they know what it is that they want and then when they get it, they're not satisfied. It can also be looked at like starscream.

the decepticon who cowers in front of megatron yet plots to take him down in order to take his place.

thought i was talkin about robots, didn't ya?

" relationships are not perfect. as the people in them are not perfect as well. each party must recognize the efforts put forth by the other partner in order to feel needed. holding back feelings that my jeopardize the fluidity of a relationship should be brought forth as soon as possible and rectified before things go south.
   recognize that your partner is not perfect and will make mistakes along the way.
as long as he/she recognizes  and accepts their partners shortcomings as they
work and strive to make it right, then everything should be in the green.
  communication is the basis of all relationship. weather it be a friendship
or a committed relationship. talking about the good and the bad in all aspects
of the relationship can help to strengthen a relationship. like previously stated,
waiting to talk about a concern  could have other than satisfactory results."

be willing to admit to mistakes when you make them. I'll say it again... nobody is perfect.

be the strong one when your partner is at her/his weakest. two people running around like chickens with their heads cut off won't do anyone any good. "---ME

but that's just my opinion.

i recently put a quote on my status update from a friend of mine. we were having a conversation and that was the last thing she said. i posted the quote because it was interesting to hear such a thing come from a woman and being about women.

i'm sure some of you thought that i was taking a jab at females by posting this quote but those few could not be further from the truth.

now if you want my opinion about it, i'll tell you.

i personally think that some women are like this. not all women.

and it's funny how some people can be quick to hold me accountable
for a quote that someone else said.  i will not apologize for something
that did not directly come out of my mouth.

some most likely took offense to the quote.

more times than not, those above people take
offense to such quotes because it may reflect
them in one way or another. skeletons in your closet?

not my fucking problem. perhaps the wouldn't be there
if you had not put them there.

a few people actually txt me and asked me if it had anything to
do with them and i had promptly told them that it wasn't.

from there on in, they were ok about the situation and no more was said about it.

know why? cause it wasn't about them, nor did they have anything eating at them
so much that they got pissed at me for it.

the person who spoke the quoted words even laughed as i posted the quote on my page.


i do however apologize if anyone thought that i,me,myself,and nobody else, said this or have had anything like this done to me. i'm sure that their are people out there who agree with the statement and people who don't . the great thing about that is the fact that without free speech, most of the music that we listen to,the shirts that we wear, the opinions that we have as individuals would be suppressed.

feel free to disagree with a statement or a person if they said something to offend you, but don't punch the gey in the face that's standing next to him.


and if you honestly , really ,truthfully thought that that comment was about you,
then you deserve every word written therein.

while the others don't give a shit cause the know it wasn't about them.  

so i go to the local mcdonals for a bit of lunch.

pull in to the drive thru

proceed to order

me: i would like a bigmac and a... her: is that it?????

me:and i would also like a filet o'... her: huh?! i can't hear you!

me: also a filet o'fish! that's it.
her: is that all?

me: yes!


her: i can't hear you!

me: then they should have put you on fries!

not a good day for me.

funny as this may sound, i just watched us grow old together.
you , now with gray hair... just bending down at the knee to
play with who seemed to be someone that is close to us both
in one way or another. i couldn't see your eyes but by memory
i knew they were as warm as the room itself and twice is
welcoming.
 there were a few strands of hair that just missed
the pony tail you wear often and it sort of, bent around the contour
of your cheeks as if they were an extra layer of protection from the sun that was beaming in from a nearby window.  i can't hear what you're saying to the little one in this instant but i can tell by the way you move your lips,
that it must have been a very interesting talk between the both of you.

the smile you gave me as  you looked up after the previous conversation
reminded me of how you smile when i kiss you.  like we were the only ones in the room and no matter how big or small that room could have been, we both would have been comfortable  and content with what ever box we have wound up in.

and you looked just as happy with me at that time , like you did when we first realized that this life together is what the both of us wanted.
you once warned me that you often mess things up when it comes to
taking a chance at things.  you also said that you give everything you
have when it comes people that you care about.  well in this instant, where
i'm picturing these events, the smile is proof positive that absolutely
nothing has changed in that dept.

yea sure, we got old wrinkled and saggy. we talk more about the prescriptions we get from the dr. and current events, watch game shows
and laugh when our grandchildren ask us about "that thing called a record player",  but there is something about the way that you do and have done things since i have known you. you do it with a certain level of poise and class that is often talked about yet rarely seen in this day and age.

 and in this instant of the entire  moment, i'm pulling out of the older
body and getting back to the real world. still i have the one thought in my mind that i may say one day.

thank you for giving me the chance.