Abracadavers- the classic crime
Across the nation- the union underground
Aerosmith- Dream on
Afterlife- Avenged sevenfold
Again- flyleaf
Ain't no half steppin- big daddy kane
Akon- beautiful
Akon- mr.lonely
akon ft. snoop dogg- I wanna fuck you
All around me- flyleaf
all by myself- Haystak
All downhill frome here- New found glory
All i need- Radoihead
All over you- Juvenile
All star- smash mouth
All the small things- Blink 182
All these thing that i've done- The killers
All you did was save my life- Our lady peace
Always- Blink 182
Always- Saliva
Amazin- Young Jeezy
Amber- 311
And I miss you- Sade
Animal I have become- Three days grace
Another day,another dollar- Lloyd Banks
Anthony hamilton and nappy roots- sick and tired
Asher Roth- I love college
Atreyu- Doomsday
Awake- Secondhand serenade
B.G. ft. Magnolia Clap- Keep it 100
B.o.B ft Juvenile and ricky ross- Haters everywhere we go
Baby-Gucci mane
Back back-Juvenile
Back up- Bonecrusher
Bad day- Fuel
The band- The weight
Beautiful- eminem
Becky- Plies
Becoming the bull- Atreyu
Bed- J.holiday
Behing Blue Eyes- Limp bizkit
The best i've ever had- Gary Allan
Better than me- hinder
Big pun-it's so hard
Big things poppin- T.i.
The bitter end- placebo
Bjork- 99 red love baloons
Black magic woman- santana
Bleed it out- Linkin Park
Blink 182- so sorry its over
Blow me away- Breaking Benjamin
Blow your back out- Tha joker
Blue oyster cult- Dont fear the reaper
Blurry- puddle of mudd
Bob marley- Don't worry be happy
Boiler- limp bizkit
Bonnie and clyde- Haystak
Boss' life- Snoop Dogg
Bounce back- Juvenile
Brand new- trey songz
Break- three days grace
Break it down-Juvenile
Break stuff- Limp Bizkit
Breaka Breaka- Trick daddy
Breakdown- breaking benjamin
Breath- brreaking benjamin
breathing- yellowcard
Broken- seether
Brown paper bag- Dj khaled
Bubba sparxxx- Deliverance
Bust it baby pt.2- plies
Butterfly- Crazy town
Buzzcuts- three doors down- kryptonite
By the way-hinder
By your side- Jadakiss
Call me- shinedown
Can't cry- Plies
Cant believe it- T-pain
CCR- fortunate son
Cee-lo ft. field mobb and T.i.- All i know
Charlene- Anthony hamilton
Chasing cars- Snow patrol
Choose me- David banner
Choppa style- Choppa ft. Master p
Choppa to ya dome- Project pat
Choppa zone- plies
Christian-praise & worship-open the eyes of my heart, lord
Cleaning this gun- Rodney Atkins
Click Click Boom- Saliva
Clocks- Coldplay
Closer- kings of leon
Closer to my Dreams- Drake
Closing time- semisonic
clothes off- Gym class heroes
cocky and confident-Juvenile
Colby o donis ft. akon- what you got
Come on Get higher- Matt nathanson
Coming undone- Korrn
Confessions- plies
Congratulations- drake
Coo Coo cal- in my projects
Cookie jar ft .dream- Gym class heroes
Crack a bottle- Eminem ft Dr.Dre and 50 cent
Crank it up- David Banner and Static
Crawling- Linkin Park
Creed- Hero
Creep- Radiohead
Crime Mobb- I'll beat yo ass
The crush- Treal
Crush- David archuleta
Crying out for me- Mario ft. polow da don
Cupid- 112
Cupids chokehold- Gym class heroes
Curtis mayfield- Little child running wild
D'angelo- Devils pie
Da Dopeman- T.i.
Da Baddest- Big kuntry king
Damn im cold- Bun B ft . lil wayne
Dani California- Red hot chili peppers
Dat bitch- Plies
David Banner ft . lil flip- Like a pimp
David banner ft. lil boosie and magic- i aint got nothing
Day & night- Kid cudi
Dead and gone - T.i. ft JT
D'angelo- Brown sugar
Devour- Shinedown
Diary of Jane- breaking Benjamin
Different- Acceptance
Disarm- Smashing Pumpkins
Disturbed- This moment
Disturbed- Monster
Disturbed ft . Korn- Forsaken
DMX- slippin
Do me baby- Prince
Do u- Twista
Do you feel me- Anthony hamilton
Dollar- haystak
Don Mclean- American pie
Dope boy- plies
Down- Blink 182
Down with the sickness- Disturbed
Dr.Dre ft Kurupt and Devin that dude- XXplosive
Drake- Forever
Drake- Im still fly
The Dream- falsetto
Drift away- Dobie gray
Easily I approach- Shawty Lo
Echo- Gorilla Zoe
Elton john- rocketman
Emotionless- jim jones
Enter sandman- Metallica
Eric calpton- Tears in heaven
Even flow- Pearl Jam
Everclear- I will buy you a new life
Everclear- Santa monica
Every me and every you- Placebo
Everday people- sly and the family stone
Everything- Young jeezy ft .lil boosie and anthony hamilton
Everywhere I go- Hollywood undead
Falling- Our lady peace
Falling away from me- Korn
Falling Down- atreyu
falls on me- Fuel
Family straight- Plies
Th fantsay- 30 seconds to mars
Father of mine- everclear
Feel good- G unit
Feel like friggin- plies
Feel the wood- rich boy
Feeling right- Juvenile ft .BG
Feels good to be here- Shawty lo
The Fight- the classic crime
Final fantasy-to zanarkand piano
Final Fantasy-8- piano theme
Final fantasy 10- return to zanarkand
Fine line- Little big town
Firefly- breaking benjamin
Five finger death unch- the bleeding
FIve finger death punch- the way of the fist
Fix you- coldplay
Fix you- coldplay(diffrent version)
Flipsyde- Happy birthday
Follow me- Uncle Cracker
Foo Fighters- Best of you
For whats its worth- Buffalo springfield
Forever- papa roach
Freak on a leash- Korn
Free bird- Lynard skynard
Fuck that- Korn
G'd up- G unit
G unit- Ryder pt.2
The game- My love for you
The game ft. 50 cent- hate it or love it
Gangsta gangsta- lil scrappy
Gangsta shit- G unit
Get it girl- Chip the ripper ft. tha joker
Get it on- lil wayne ft. brisco
Get off girl-Treal
Getting away with murder- PaPa roach
Ghetto Rich- Rich boy ft. wayne and nas and anthony hamilton
The ghost of you- my chemical romance
Gimme your number- G unit
Girl you nasty- New Boyz
Git up get out- cee lo
Gives you hell- all american rejects
Go hard- Kanye west
God gave me style- 50 cent
Gon do- Plies
The good die young- 50 Cent
Gotta be- Plies
Graduation-stronger- Kanye
Gucci mane ft. yo gotti- All white bricks
Gucci- Heavy Chevy Boyz
Gucci- Photograph
Gucci- What kinda king?
Gucci and OJ da juiceman- Make the trap Ayyyy
Gucci- Work ya wrist
Guns n Roses- Knocking on heavens door
Guns n Roses-Live and let Die
Guns n Roses- Paradise
Guns n Roses- Sweet child of mine
Ha- Juvenile
Handlebars- Flobots
Hands on you- Juvenile
Hanging by a moment- Lifehouse
Hate on me- OJ da juiceman
Hawaiian- over the rainbow-Iz
Headlights- the classic crime
Heard of me- Plies
Heat- 50 Cent
Heaven- los lonely boys
Helena- my chemical romance
Hemmorhage- fuel
Here without you- 3 doors down
Heres to the night-Eve 6
Hero- Nas
Hero of war- Rise against
Hey ya- Outkast
High all the time- 50 cent
Higher- Creed
Hinder- I dont wanna know
Hollywood divorce- Outkast ft. snoop dogg,lil wayne
Homecoming Queen- Hinder
Hot Revolver- Lil wayne
How Could you?- Saliva
How to save a life- The fray
Huey ft. lloyd- When i hustle
Human- The killers
Hurt- Johnny Cash
Hush- LL cool J
Hustlers Ambition- 50 cent
Hypnotized- Plies ft. Akon
I'm bout money- Baby D
I'm da man- Plies ft. trey songz
i'm lost without you- Blink 182
i'm me- lil wayne
I'm not locked down- Treal
I'm so fly- Lloyd banks
I'm so sick- Flyleaf
I almost told you that i loved you- Papa roach
I believe in a thing called love- The darkness
I can take your girl- Lil wayne and Drake
I chase Paper- Plies
I don't love you- my chemical romance
I don't need em- 50 cent
I don't wanna miss a thing- Aerosmith
I don't wanna be a player- Big pun
I feel like dying- Lil wayne
I get it in- 50 cent
I got the hook up- Master P
I hate everything about yyou- Three days grace
I hate this song- Secondhand serenade
I just bought be a guitar- Eliseo
I know why- Gucci ft. Pimp C
I luv your girl- The Dream
I miss you- Blink 182
I smell putnanny- G unit
I walk alone- Saliva
I will not bow- breaing benjamin
If everyone cared- Nickelback
If i aint a thug- Trick daddy ft. trey songz
If today was my last day- nickelback
If you only knew- Shinedown
I'll be the shooter- G unit
I'll whoop your head boy- 50 cent
I'm in luv with a stripper-T-pain
In dem guttz- Marcus
In my hood- 50 cent
In my place- Coldplay
In the end- linkin park
In the morning- lil wayne
in those jeans- Genuine
Indestructible- Disturbed
Innocent- Our lady peace
Inside out- Eve 6
International players anthem- Outkast & UGK
It's all good- Snoop Dogg, Tha dogg pound, Ice cube
It's not my time- 3 doors down
It's not over- secondhand serenade
It ends tonight- All american rejects
Jadakiss ft mariah carey- Kiss me
Jamie foxx- DJ play this girl a love song
Jammin- Bob marley
Jay-z- Hard knock life
Jimi hendrix- all along the watch tower
Jimi hendrix- little wing
Jimmy eat world- She's perfect
Journey- Don't stop believing
Journey-When the light go down in the city
just say yes- snow patrol
Juvenile- 400 degrees
juvenile-Juvenile on fire
Juvenle- ghetto children
Kept it too real- Plies
The kill- 30 seconds to mars
The killers- mr.brightside
Kilo alift. big boi- Love in her mouth
Kings of leons-acoustic- Use somebody
Kiss- prince
Kiss me- New found glory
Knocks you down- Keri hilson ft. kanye and neyo
kush- lil wayne
La La La- lil wayne
Ladies and gentlemen- saliva
Lady saw-What a bum
Landslide- smashing pumpkins
Last resort- papa roach
latin thugs- Cypress hill
Learn to fly- Foo fighters
Let me be myself- 3 doors down
let the beat build- lil wayne
Let the bodies hit the floor- Drowning pool
Lets vibe- Yo gotti
Life- Flyleaf
Life- Kci and Jojo
Life aint always beautiful- Gary Allan
Lifeline-Papa roach
Light up the sky- yellowcard
Like i do- T.i.
Like toy soldiers- Eminem
Lil boosie- You dont know my struggle
Lil jon and the eastside boyz- play no games
Lil jon- shawty
Lil scrappy- Forever I love Atlanta
Limp bizkit- Nookie
Limp Bizkit- take a look around
Linger- the cranberries
Linkin park- Faint
Linkin park- headstrong
Linkin Park- leave out all the rest
Linkin park- What i've done
Lip biting animal- Bizzle
Lips of an angel- hinder
Little big town- i'm with the band
Little bit- Drake
Lloyd banks- Till the end
Lollipop remix- lil wayne ft. kanye
Lollipop- lil wayne
Long Lap dance song- T-pain
Lost!- coldplay
Love like honey- Pretty Ricky
Love rhymes with hideous car wreck- Blood Brothers
Love song- 311
Ludacris- Splash waterfalls
Lullaby- creed
Make a movie- plies
Man in the mirror- Michael jackson
Man on the moon- Kid cudi
Maps- Yeah yeah yeahs
Mario ft gucci- break up
Maroon 5- this love
Marvin gaye- Whats going on?
Mase- tell me what you want
The massacre-This is 50- 50 cent
Master P- Hoody Hoo
Master P- How ya do that there
Meant to live- switchfoot
The mechanic- 50 cent
Medicine-three six mafia, gucci
Midnight rifer- the allman brothers
Mike jones- next to you
Mockingbird- eminem
Monsoon- Tokio hotel
Mr. yeah- the dream
Mrs. officer- lil wayne
Ms jackson- Outkast
Murkin season- plies
My buddy- 50 cent
My heater- C-murder
My hero- Foo Fighters
My hometown- Treal
My sacrifice- Creed
My shoes- Murphy lee ft . t-pain
My way- limp bizkit
nasty girl- ludacris ft. plies
Neva have to worry- Snoop dogg
Never gonna be alone- Nickelback
never gonna stop me- Rob zombie
Never scared- Bonecrusher
New divide- limp bizkit
New found glory- first kiss
New friends request- gym class heroes
New orleans stunna- Juvenile
Nickelback- figure you out
Nickelback- far away
Nickelback- Gotta be somebdy
Nickelback- photograph
Nickelback- rockstar
Nickelback-Someday
Nickelback- how you remind me
No matter what- T.i.
Noah- decatur to you
Nobody can stop me- Bizzy bone
Not enough-Our lady peace
Notion-Kings of leon
Nuk if you buck- Crime mobb
Obsessed- Mariah carey
OK ya right- 50 cent
One- creed
One- U2
One call away- Chingy
One last breath- Creed
One week- barenaked ladies
Open your eyes- Snow patrol
Our lady peace- clumsy
Our lady peace- whatever
Out of control remix- 50 cent ft. mobb deep
Outkast- back of the bus
Outkast-the whole world
Outta my system- lil bow wow
Over you- Chris Daughtry
Overcome- Creed
Overnight Celebrity- Twista
Pain- three days grace
Paper pkanes- MIA
Paperboy- ditty
Papercut- Linkin park
Paradise- 311
Paranoid- linkin park
Pastor Troy- Vice versa
Patience- pleasure P
Pictures of you- the last goodnight
Please excuse my hands-plies ft. jamie foxx, dream
Plenty money- plies
Plies-What u did n the streets
Plies- street lights
Plies- Hustle all day
Plies- number one fan
Plies- drama found me
Plies- ms pretty
Plies- Pants hang low
Plies- take off
Plies- Friday
Plies-Money Straight
Plies- Im in love with money
POD- set it off
POD- youth of the nation
Poker face- Kid cudi ft. kanye west, and common
The police- I'll be watching you
Pony- Genuine
Position of power- 50 cent
The prayer- Kid cudi
Press Play- snoop dogg
the pretender- foo fighters
Prince- I wanna be your lover
Project pat- I choose you
Propane- T.i. ft. T-pain
PSC ft . cee-lo- Walk this way
Psycho- Puddle of mudd
Puddle of mudd- wasted my time
Pulling me back- Chingy ft. tyrese
Pushing me away- linkin park
Put it down- Dream
Put it down- T-pain
Put it on ya- Plies
Raise hell- Hed PE
Raised in the projects- project pat
Ready set,dont go- billy ray
the reason-Hoobastank
Red hot chili peppers- Under the bridge
Replacement girl- Drake ft. trey songz
Rest in pieces- Saliva
Rich folk- Plies
Ride or die- Ace hood ft. trey songz
Riot- Three days grace
Rodeo- Juvenile
Rollin- Rich boy ft. jackie chain
roses-Outkast
Roy jones jr- Cant be touched
S.E.X- Nickelback
Sade- By your side
Santeria- sublime
Save me- Shinedown
Say yeah- Wiz khalifa
Scars- papa roach
School of hard knocks- POD
The scientist- Coldplay
SD is out- Snoop dogg
Seal- kiss from a rose
Seattle- the classic crime
Second chance- Shinedown
Secondhand serenade- fall for you
Secondhand serenade-Goodbye
Secondhand serenade- your call
Sexual eruption- snoop dogg
Set it off- lil boosie
Seven nation army- The white stripes
Sex on fire- Kings of leon
Shaggy- Mr. boombastic
Shake it- Metro station
Shawty- plies
Shawty got a gun- T.i.
Shawty lo ft plies lil wayne ludacris- dey know
Shawty lo- dunn dunn
Shawty remix- plies ft pleasure p and trey songz
She's my- Bow wow
She hates me- puddle of mudd
She likes dat- Snoop dogg and tha dogg pound
She lives in my lap- Outkast
She wants me- lil wayne
Shinedown- 45
Shirt off- gucci
Shot to the heart- ricky ross
Simple man- shinedown
Simple plan- I'd do anything
Single again- Trina ft.plies rick ross lil wayne
Ski mask way- 50 cent
Slide show-T.i. ft.john legend
Slow- Jamie foxx
Slow motion- Juvenile ft. Soulja slim
Smashing pumpkins-love is suicide
Smells like teen spirit- Nirvana
Smile- G unit
Smitty- I died in your arms tonight
So anxious- Genuine
So cold- breaking benjamin
So fresh so clean- outkast
somebody loves you-plies
somebody told me- the killers
Someone new- Webbie
Somewhere out there- our lady peace
Song 2- Blur
Sorrow- flyleaf
Sorry- Buckcherry
Soul coughing- walking aound in circles
Sound of madness- Shinedown
Soundtrack skeleton key-death letter
Speed of sound- coldplay
Spend the night- plies
Standing in the kitchen- yo gotti
Standing ovation- young jeezy
Steve miller band- blinded by the light
still pimpin- David banner
Straight outta southside- G unit
Street Spirit- Radiohead
stricken- Disturbed
Stupify- Disturbed
Successful- Drake ft lil wayne and trey songz
Sugar,we're going down- Fall out boy
Suicide doors- David banner ft. Pimp C and bun B
Sweet emotions- Aerosmith
Sweetest girl- Wyclef, lil wayne, akon
Sweetness- Jimmy eat world
T-pain- Show u How
T-pain-Phantom
T-pain- Yo stomach
T-pain- Chopped n screwed
T-pain and khrys lawson- missing you
T.i. ft. jazze pha- hey lets get away
TI ft kanye west, jay-z, and lil wayne- Swagga like us
T.i.- roll wit me
T.i.- Dopeboyz
T.i. ft. jamie foxx- Live in the sky
T.i.- stand up
T.i. ft. plies- Rydin
Take it slow- Ying yang twins
Take you home- lloyd
Takin it there- young jeezy ft. trey songz
Tarantula-smashing pumpkins
Teenagers- my chemical romance
Tell em i said that- T.I.
Tell me- Bobby valentino
Tha joker- put it on my face
Tha joker- cadillac
thank you- dido
They dying- lil boosie
This womans work- maxwell
Three days grace- never too late
Throw it in the bag- Fabulous ft dream
Throw some D's- Rich boy
Tie me down- new boys ft. Ray-j
Tie me hands- Lil wayne
Tipsy- T-pain
To be loved- Papa roach
Toms diner- suzanne vega
Tonight-Trick daddy
Tonight Tonight- Smashing pumpkins
Tony toni tone- I wanna dance tonight
Tracy chapman- fast car
Tracy chapman- gimme one reason
Treal- spaceship
Treal- galaxy
Trick daddy-Can't fuck with the south
Trick daddy- Back in the days
Trick daddy dollars- Your other man
Trick daddy- when it rain it pours
Trouble- Coldplay
U not like me- 50 cent
Under the knife- rise against
Until the end- breaking benjamin
Ups and downs-snoop dogg
Uptown- Drake
Use somebody- kings of leon
Usher ft. jeezy- make love in this club
Vibrate- Outkast
Viva la vida- coldplay
Waiting on the world to change- john mayer
Wake me up inside- evanescence
Wake me up when september ends
The wallflowers- one headlight
waste of time- snoop dogg
Watch dis- plies
Watchmen theme- the beginning is the end-smashing pumpkins
we be getting money- Juvenile
We ready- Pastor Troy
We ride- rihanna
We rise- Rama duke
Weathered- Creed
Webbie- missing you
Weezer- say it ain't so
Weight of the world- Saliva
Welcome to the black parade- my chemical romance
Whats this life for?- creed
What a job- Devin the dude
What if- Creed
What its like - everlast
What they do- T.i. ft BG
What up gangsta?- 50 cent
Whatcha say- Jason Derulo
Wheels- foo fighters
When you were young- the killers
Wherever you will go- the calling
Who the fuck is that- Dolla
why- secondhand serenade
Why cant we be friends- sublime
Why did you leave me- snoop dogg
Wiley go- Wiley
With arms wide open- Creed
Without you- hinder
Wonderful- everclear
Worlds away- from first to last
WWE theme-John cena-My time is now
Year of the lover- Lloyd ft. plies
yellow- coldplay
you- plies
You're all i have - snow patrol
You're everything- Bun B ft. David banner rick ross 8ball and MJG
You aint missing nothing- T.i.
You and me- lifehouse
You and me baby- treal
You give love a bad name-Atreyu
You know what it is- Gucci
You make me sick- Egypt central
Young jeezy- go crazy
Young jeezy- halloween massacre
young jeezy- street niggas
young jeezy ft. kanye west- I put on
Zero- smashing pumpkins
zombie- the cranberries
Zone 6- Gucci
02-Drake the best i ever had
04-Gucci-haunted house
05 life-our lady peace
1 day- plies
18- on deck- gucci mane
21 guns- greenday
21 questions- 50 cent
22-hummer and a jacob- OJ
24s- T.I.
3 peat- lil wayne
3 days grace- just like you
37 stitches- drowning pool
45s and choppers abd 9s-Dem farnchize boyz
50 cent- guns for sale
50 cent-funeral music
50 cent- when it rain it pours
50 cent- im suppose to die tonite
50 cent- many men
50 cent- ryder music
50 cent- nobody likes me
50 cent- bestfriend
50 cent- as the world turns
50 cent- 50 for president
50 cent- 50 stay with a gat
6 wasted- Gucci ft. plies
69-T-ppain
7 things- miley cyrus
80s breakdance music- tour de france



YUpp thats all of em :)

 










 

I'm running out of places to hide.
And whenever I try to run to a place to feel safe, I find myself running right back to you.
And I am tired of being angry at you.
I just want to hold you again.
My downfall was wanting too much.
My downfall was expecting too much.
Oh, what a rush.
And there is no way to rewind the time that has passed.
Nor is there a way for me to take back the mistakes that I have made.
but is it not possible that the time I have spent away from you has given me time,
The time for change.
I just hope that you open your eyes and see me as i am now.
letting you slip away was my mistake,
Showing you weakness was my mistake.
You have taught me very much,
but hardheaded I am,
Learning but not applying.
Insanity perhaps, doing the same thing expecting different results.
But I have alot to say.
And that smile that kills me.
And when you cry it stops me in my tracks and brings me to my knees,
and it makes me die inside.
And that is nothing compared too how much I miss you.
I beat you with my words,
And I know I said it will be aright,
but everything I say comes out wrong.
I don't know what more to say.

    I was drifting off into that world inside my head, that place where i'm happy,sad,mad, and all kind of other stuff all at once. It was cold, and the night matched the piercing cold perfectly, almost as if the air had its own form.The chilling air stung my ears and nose, my hands were in my pockets trying to keep warm.I could see my breath in front of me form a temporary cloud that would vanish within seconds. I looked into the reflection of the truck and would imagine that i'm a fire breathing dragon, and it was tempting not to put my arms up to the side of me and attack my reflection as if i were attacking a small old english village killing villagers and plummaging small shacks and whatnot, however I was a little too old for that.As tempting as it was, i managed to contain myself.Instead I just blew my breath onto the window creating a  condensation on the window that i would write small meaningless words into.
   A sky so black with the chill to match, I unloaded the grocery cart into the truck, my dad got into the truck and i went and put up the cart. As soon as i got into the truck i reached into my pocket for one of the most essential tools in my survival,my ipod. I pulled it out and placed the earphones into my ears. And then I drift away almost instaneously into my own imagination, watching the past before me as if it were placed upon a silver screen.Each scene passing by in fragments, just moving pictures that had no sound just the deafening music that played. Remembering the good times with friends the girls that i've accidentally fallen for, and unfortunately the inevitable heartbreak that would follow. As simple as my request of one last kiss, one that would be as amazing as the first, or perhaps as breathtaking as the one in the rain, these memories were both lovely and painful. One last kiss, as something for me to hold on.
  This place, Seattle, was very different from Florida and so far away. 3000 miles seperated me from my present me and the place from which i've come. It was beautiful here though, when i touched down in seattle this place seemed like another country. From the trees,the terrain, to the people. Everything was different.On a clear day from almost wherever you were, you could see mt.rainier pierce the sky with its massive presence. This place was surrounded by mountains and was very hilly within itself.It would take some getting used too, but I made myself a promise that I would come up here and change my life for the better, I vowed to become a nerdy muscular video game college geek. Video games and weights, thats part of the plan.
    I imagine myself often as a japanese anime cartoon character with a massive head and huge bubbly eyes. This image I have imagined of myself fits my character perfectly. I often say I have a stunted growth cause i'm a really big kid, but I can't help it. I was made happy, and spontaneously bubbly.Lately however, that flame that was once lit bright turns dull as of late. It just don't burn like it use to.I am depressed and sad, and blame it on these damned songs i've caught myself playing back to back lately.Those snow patrol,nickelback,shinedown,and kings of leon songs can do that to me. Why listen to music that puts me in that mood? because it helps me also remember those memories that were good too, and it gives me a prototype of the feeling that I had back then. I remember the songs that we use to listen to together, it would snatch the breath right out of me and make my heart beat faster, and when I listen to those songs now, they temporarily bring me back to that place. A place where I felt safe and at peace, and it almost makes me cry out, but I contain myself.
   I talked to my friend,Casey Kelley, the other day and he was all broken up and frustrated. He told me that his girlfriend had just broken up with him out of nowhere, he was upset. And at the time the only thing I knew to say was 'that sucks bro'. Not the best advice in the world, but i've been in that positin before, and I know how bad that can hurt. I saw a picture of him a couple of days later doing his little flexing in the mirror and whatnot and then I knew the best advice I could give him, based on experience from myself. Me and Casey shared the hobby of bodybuilding in the sake of maxing out are physical appearances, for the females :) and I told him to use that pain that he had and use it in the gym when you work out. Let that give you the edge to become stronger,faster,bigger and greater. Become better and stay motivated. I use that pain from the past in every aspect of my life, its my formula for sucess. I put the earphones in my head and drown out the world and have a mental session with myself, becoming my own therapist. After a couple of minutes of thinking about that pain, I use it. I wrap my fingers around the weights and lift it, knowing that with each repition I am better than the person I was seconds ago. I have been broken down emotionally to the size of a molecule, but I myself use that to build myself up literally. Not just in the gym, educationally,financially,and in every aspect. Sucess is the best revenge, becoming better than you were to inflict regret, that is the best revenge. Years from now when they see me I hope that I have not strayed off my path, and I will be sucessful. When the people who loved me see my face I hope that it lifts them up and makes them smile,and reminds them of the good times that we shared in the past. When the people who doubted me,or hurt me see my face, I hope that it gives them hell, I hope that it angers them, and after that anger settles, I hope they sigh in regret and remember the good times that we shared instead of the reasons they continually hate me without cease. I hope that it will make you notice someone like me. So I use that bit of pain as the gasoline that powers me towards wherever it is that I ultimately am trying to get to. I lift the weight that makes me stronger and bigger,and behind that crunched up face covered in sweat that says 'shit this is heavy' I am actually smiling, because I know I am surely making my way up a ladder to greatness. With every passing moment. I've been roaming around for too long without direction and some things just don't seem right. But this, this is right. I'm not reaching out to a place that I can't reach, I'm just working my way to it gradually, i'm just taking pit stops enjoying life and the little things it has to offer. You can live it up at night and why you are living your life carefree and having fun, I like clockwork or machine, am contemplating my inevitable success.And so far this is my formula, this is my game plan. 

Behind those beautiful eyes, behind that amazing smile,
there is something you dont have to say in order for me to see.
You are confused, yet you try to blur out the questionable by focusing on what matters.
However, your current state burdens you with unanswered questions.
concerned by your lack of interest.

your mature for your age, perhaps this is what engages your disdain for your immediate selection.
you have plenty of time, and you knows this, 
yet, it crosses your mind.
Perhaps, you'd like to meet somone rare,
particularly uncommon,a someone to break the cycle that remains perpetually constant.
Is it possible for someone to come and sweep you off your feet?
better yet,
is there possibly someone that can possibly sweep you off your feet?? 
a person vividly unlike the rest.
possibly.
Every girl wants a hero, a special individual to call their own, 
that bright star on a dark night that is specifically distinctive from the other millions.
but your not waiting nor looking for your hero.
instead you chase your future in the present, avoiding the unsolved.
I will make you this promise,
Time is everlasting, and you have marked it with your presence but very little.
so much time you posses to solve your riddles,
much time you have to chase your foundations for the future.
so much time to wait for your own hero.
So do not lose hope,for you are not alone.
perhaps things seem so complex now, but one day as if in an epiphany it will all be clear, and make perfect sense.
you'll smile and show your affection for that which matters.
maybe it seems so far,but it's somewhere out there,
don't fall out of reach with what matters.
Be stronger than the others and  stay the bright star that you are,
and surely what you are looking for will find you.
when you are good and pure then surely you will reflect this naturally.
when you have something bad and stained then surely others will see this.
good is you, stay that way.
for the masses choose to be stained.
stay on your own road and refuse to be like the others.
and remember that everyone slips, everyone makes mistakes, but do not let that make the person that you are.
I once read somewhere, no matter how far down the wrong road you go, you can always turn back.
worry your little head not, about these things that are presently unimportant.
discerned with yourself,
when you get what you want, but not what you need.So,
Chase the dream when you are trully awake, not when you are alseep.
Because in the pursuit of things that matter, life has a funny way of making things begin to fall into place.
so let me give you
A sigh,a stretch, and a push farther into this confusing thing we call life.
learning, the most important element in growing.
and don't let me send mixed messages, I hold not all the answers,for i have many problems.
I am broken myself, and hold not yet the tools to fix myself.
but perhaps I hold the tools to fix you.
Just stay you, I am here whenever you need an escape,
Here when you need someone to talk to,
to hold and build you up.
I surely will be here as you make your way towards wherever it is that you put your mind to.
There is more than you can see, and you will be whatever you achieve,
You've made no mistakes at all.
Your doing right, and the state of mind that you posses will get you to wherever it is your trying to get too :)   
 
 


 

                Today a girl i used to care about cussed me for 10 minutes straight.
   She touched upon some personal issues, insulting my person, saying everything she possibly could to hurt me on the inside. She said that "everyone" (whoever they may be) insults me, that i'm a fake, she told me that everyone is only scared of me cus of the guns and the muscle, she went on further into detail calling me as fake ass my steroid pumped muscles (which was both an insult and a compliment at the same time, aha). She said she was glad we never ended up together, and that because of my big head and conceited personality we never got together.
    She did her best to hurt my soul, telling me that she sees through me, saying that i'm the scum of the earth, a " low life". She says that I go around just fucking up people's lives, and everyone around me will surely fall victim to my inevitable treachery.She sounded just like another girl I used to care about so much, made me wonder if perhaps she had a conversation with her. This other girl also accused me of destroying lives, and I can't help but to wonder where do they draw these conclusions from? Do I?
   She even crossed the line saying that she doesn't know why God made me. She claims that she has never hated anyone more then me, that she hates me with a passion to the point that she loves hating me.aha. Let me say one thing my friend, and all remember this, i've made it out of situations that would crush the average human. Survived where I shouldn't have, multiple times by a single hair.So nothing you can say can convince me that the Lord does not love me, trully blessed I am. Gods favorites have a hard time, this is true. However, I always manage through any obstacle, I conquer any obstruction. I am in no way lucky, but blessed.
   She also told me that what goes around comes around, I have done terrible things, i've been bad, I have wronged some, but i've done so much more great. That when when it comes my turn to take whatever I am to recieve, I will be surely rewarded for the lives i've touched with the good in me.
    If you know me, you'll know that I am comforted by that hate and that i find it humorous, practically hilarious, and it drives me to be better. I sponsor that hate, misery loves company, and i am always welcoming with open arms. soooo if i'm so hated, then so be it, i enjoy it. So i wanna thank miss brittany close for informing me that i'm a piece of shit. Keep in mind I hardly got in two words, but okay thats her opinion, some hate me , some love me.
i'm every bit of amazing.haha, i laughed the entire time, she cried. I Live life well, laugh often, and expect the unexpected always. 

    It was quite for a little while, to the point where i felt a little akward.My mind raced for something to talk about, fearing that I might accidently embarass myself through small talk. In an attempt to avoid rambling like a little schoolgirl I precautiously watched my words,simutaneously watching his facial expressions, looking for some spark of interest in that statued smiling mug.Instead, he just sat there with that same little grin, genuinely playing the role of the good guy, and I knew it would be in his nature to entertain any subject I came up with, even if he had no interest in anything I had said. He himself was particularly talkative, but at this moment he was solitude, and locked in complete silence. Perhaps enjoying the presence of my company. I wish I could read minds, then I could see into that maze of a brain. If I could see in there, I'd problly peek into a world full of cartoons and tunnels into the past , present and future,all playing inside that skull in unison, like clockwork. He sat there looking at me smiling, and occasionally his joyous gaze would drift into the blue sky, Imagining a world far from his present reality.Out of nowhere he arose from the chair.He gave a comforting little laugh.
"hey, I got shit to do today, so i'll catch up with you later," he shook my hand and started for the street, then he stopped short a couple of feet.
"oh yeah," he smiled.
 "tell your sister I said hello," he laughed,I just waved my arm at him in disregard.
"nawww,im jus playin." he turned around and started walking, then he stopped again and swung around and pointed at me.
"unless you want me to holler at her, just sayin" he laughed again,spun back around  and started walking.
I laughed a little too and thought to myself, what a dick.
I watched him as he got farther and farther down the street, i just sat there and watched him until he dissappeared beyond my vision, there my hero goes again.  

I love this country.
Formed upon the belief of freedom from oppression by governing powers,
a self organized constitution of the people and for the people.
Freedom,
In its everlasting form.
Perhaps, this is why our country knows such success.
For centuries we have not been bound by an omnipotent overseer with an iron fist.
For centuries we have reigned as a prominent competition in world power.
An advanced nation.
Where you can go from nothing to everything.
The American Dream, that is the hope of many.
Diversity in every corner of the nation.
Where all different kinds of people, from different types of backgrounds,
Coexist and live together.
In my time I have witnessed the boiling pot, as different classes of people,
Different colors, and characters clash with each other.
Combining and alliancing to create new eras of culture within a culture.
There is a potential of greatness with in every individual, every American.
Surely, everyone has their own story that is worthy of a cinematic theatrical film,
Of struggle, loss, trials, and tribulations.
the poor man, the middle class worker, even the rich.
Everyone has their own fight.

In my American Dream, i'll prove everyone wrong.

Everyone that has ever doubted me, WRONG.

How cliche' you say?

Indeed, but that is the price of all men including death.
A struggle, or great obstacle, the many chronicles that life should throw your way.
That one may overcome or be conquered by.
My story thus far has been an interesting one. 
With a good director, a quality soundtrack, expensive camera, amongst other things,
it would be eligible for an academy award,
but im sure your story is too.
exaggeration unecessary.
the truth much stranger than fiction.
realism much more blunt than the imagination.
the raw and uncut truth , much more satisfying then your most intense dreams.
In a movie a beheading is much more bearable than in real time.
Someone shot to death in a movie seems exhilirating and exciting.
however in real life it leaves you with a bad feeling that you cannot seem to shake.
This country,
The country which I was not born, but raised, and Love.
I'll admit we are a violent nation,
A nation of testosterone overgrown egos and greed driven pride.
Where the money talks, and justice is in the advantage of the wealthy.
I cannot be taken lightly.
Those who enforce and terrorize disguised as the protectors of the righteousness,
underestimate me.
They laugh and stare surrounded by their own,
however ,alone they stare, terrified and avoiding eye contact.
Cause I am smarter than they had ever predicted.
And stronger than they had imagained. 
dumbstruck and in awe.
I can beat them literally and intentionally.
Behind the badge they are little men, hiding amongst themselves.
confident in there numbers.
However, retarded in realization.
Myself in arms greater than they.
Wrapped in red,white,and blue.
I am America.
I am the blend and collision of different worlds within worlds. 
nations within nations.
peoples amongst peoples.
cultures upon cultures.
I am violent and peaceful.
A mediator and gladiator.
A son and brother.
My arms taken by regulation, as far as they know.
labeled, I am in outrage.
yet, I am no politician. 
However, I am America.
I am no genious.
I couldn't start to tell you about other countries.
But I can tell you about mine.
My land is my concern, to threaten me is to call for your evident ahnnihilation.
My country grows weak, yet still I love her.
For controlling powers have made her so.
Regulations become stricter, statures inevitably raising, expectations higher.
Fingers from all around the world point at us,
as the contributors to evil, yet everyone looks to us for the solution.
With hands out, wide eyed, and begging.
Obama said,
"we are willing to extend a hand, if you are willing to unclench your fist"
Well how long do we wait for one to unclench, before they throw the first punch?
You clench your fist at me, that is a sign of hostility and for my own sake,
and to protect myself, i will not allow you the time to attack me,
before i behead you almost immediately.
Everyone hates us. 
I am America, and you hate us, I hate you too.
Yet we try and be civil and coexist in peace.
But fools are amongst us in power of inferior retarded nations.
They must be destroyed.
For now I am done talking, but outraged I am.
And in my own belief, 
Terror in the hearts of the enemy is necessary.
a cleansing of the literally evil,
Death to those who wish death upon me.
to kill is wrong, no matter what your belief.
I will not allow you to cut me down.
So by almighty American gunfire of M16s and 50cal weapons.
Let our flags whip the enemys skys.
Let our bullets pierce through their skins,
Let fully automatic guns tear them to shreads,
So that my countrymen shall be safe.
MY COUNTRY IS BLESSED!
though we also know our own struggle,
we are trully BLESSED.
by a one and only GOD.
I wish for peace, but just like death, war is inevitable.
we our strong.
as much as i hate to say it,
we MUST
Kill! Kill! Kill!
the enemy... destroy the seeds so that the offsprings may not return in revenge.
They are calloused to evil,
So they must be met with such force, they are cowards,
without hearts.
I am in rage and words cannot possibly express my hate and disgust towards the enemy.
How long will we watch them behead my brethren,my countrymen, and the innocent?
I am at a loss of words and to be honest i'm done talking, 
and though years ago i would say that what i am about to say is ignorant, 
but now i see that is necessary...
destroy the enemy. peace talks exhausted.
regulating tariff, and embargo with nations seem to not work.
So WAR.
since we we are obviously not acknowledged through the communication of speech,
Let us be heard from the end of a gun, a drop of a bomb,and the death of the enemy.
to protect my great nation.
My Country Tis of Thee Sweet land of liberty.
AMERICA.  
 




 


 
 

 



 

            She was a little bit of crazy, sometimes stuck up,sometimes rude,she was devilishly defiant yet, she was booksmart and athletic. She was what everyone would call a party girl, every bit of popular, envied and hated by other girls, adored and loved by all the guys. She was the teasing type, yet she was not entirely easy. She use to grace the hallways of the high school with her presence,often surrounded by a group of girls she called "friends", yet they all envied her secretly,and when she did all the guys would stop and stare, girls would look in pure jealousy. Often slandering her name with rumors and the latest gossip.Some rumors false, some exaggerated, some true. She had been through so many boyfriends, and when she dropped one, their was one almost immediately to replace him.She was definately a heartbreaker,however, she has had her own heartbreaks.When you saw her at parties you would think that the world belonged to her, as she was the life of the party, and almost everything revolved around her as she moved her hips and closed her eyes and danced to the music.She could fool everyone into thinking that she was fine, and that her life was picture perfect.She could fool everyone, everyone except me.
            Behind that beautiful smile that stayed on her face, behind the make-up,behind those amazing hazel eyes and that pefectly long curly reddish brown hair, she was in pain.I knew it, though nobody else did.I was the only person she would confide in, she trusted nobody, but she trusted me.She was smart like I said, she knew that her friends were not really genuine, they had cruel intentions, and would often lead her into a shameful direction.She had everybody, yet at the same time she had nobody.However, she had me, I was not everybody, nor was I nobody.
           Little knocks at my window in the middle of the night meant that she needed me and that she couldn't hide it no longer, so she'd let it all out in front of me, she'd cry for hours.She'd tell me her confessions, everything, she hid nothing from me, everything from her darkest secrets,her shameful acts, to her dreams and hopes.She was what people made her, in all actuality i knew the real person she was, she hated the person that she had turned into,however, she could not stop.I would lay next to her and hold her for hours. Stunning as she was, she was hurt so bad. Tears would stream down her face,occasionally she'd sniffle, and I would rub her back, and do my best to try and comfort her.
           I loved her, and she loved me, we had never been together, but we had been friends for as long as i can remember, i was her first and only true friend.Her family were friends with my family, so on the nights that she'd stay over, my parents wouldn't throw a tantrum when they caught her over.I'd tell them just a little so they wouldn't trip entirely, enough to not reveal any of her secrets that stayed safe with me.At school,parties, and in the general public we avoided each other, we would perhaps wave or smile at each other, but thats it,I don't even think most people knew that we knew each other, yet alone be the best of friends.After school or every other weekend she was always at my house,I think she felt safe here, she was able to be herself and drop her front. I always thought that it must've been hard on her to have to pretend to be someone completely different all the time.She'd spend the night, hell during the summer she'd pratically live with us. We'd play video games, watch movies, and do everything together. She'd even help with chores when i had them, she'd insist everytime to the point i stopped asking her not to help, and we would do them together. 
           I felt every kind of emotion when she'd confess to me.I was often angry,sad,confused,scared, and all other kinds of emotions for her, however, i kept my distance for i know thats what she wanted.She never did want me to get involved.Eventually i couldn't handle it, I lost it for her.
           One night there was a knock at my window, I got up and knew that when i pulled back the curtain i would see her there, looking back at me sad,hurt, and tired.On some occasions she would be drunk, but i'd always let her in with no questions asked. However, this night was different, when I pulled back the curtain and looked at her, tears came to my eyes almost instantly, my face turned into confusion,sadness,and anger all at once. She was beaten,bloody, and bruised.I quickly unlatched the lock to my window and helped her in, I picked her up and took her to the bathroom, I wiped the blood from her face, tears rolled down my face as i looked at her, it was a terrible sight to see an angelicly beautiful girl like her this way.I filled up the tub with warm water. I sat next to her while the tub filled, neither one of us had said a word yet, I grasped her and hugged her.I held her tight, and told her everything will be okay and that i loved her, i turned off the water to the tub, for it was full.
            I left the bathroom and went to my sisters room and got her some clean pajamas to put on after she cleaned up.The entire time I thought to myself who could have done such a thing to her, she had many enemies, but i felt as if this had nothing to do with a grudge but an act out of pure impulsive anger.She had been beaten badly, and i was willing to bet it was a man that did this to her, this made me even angrier, i remember thinking to myself that if it were, i would kill the person who had done this. 
            I went back to the bathroom with the pajamas and a towel.She was balled up against the wall crying. I sat next to her and began to cry with her.After awhile I took off her bloody clothes and picked her up and set her into the tub, she was comfortable with me, and her being naked phased neither one of us, because we both knew what each other looked like naked.As i sat her in the bathtub i noticed that there were bruises between the inner part of her upper thigh, and blood that came down from between her legs.I prayed to myself that what i think had happened, wasn't what had happened. I looked at her and asked her if she was raped.She did not say anything, instead she began to cry harder and grip my hand harder.I was enraged on the inside, but for her i tried to remain calm, that was hard with tears streaming down my face. I picked her up form the tub and dried her off, I helped her into the pajamas.I picked her up and took her to my bed and laid her down.
         I waited for awhile, and then i was ready to know what had happened, i asked her.She hesitated, but she pushed past the tears and emotions and explained the best way she could.She had went to her ex boyfriends house for a party for a mutual friends birthday, He was horribly drunk,and when the party died down he told her he wanted to speak to her in privacy so they went to his room...

      "baby,"He said clinging to her arm."please talk to me,why you gotta be like this?"
the room was dark and poorly lit, but she could still see him wobbling from side to side and smell the alcohol strong on his breath. As if he weren't rude enough when he was sober, he was hell to deal with when drunk.
      "because your drunk" she said,"and because we are just friends, nothing else"
 they sat on his bed, but she didn't want to be there long.
       "babe, are you really going to do this to me,gimme another chance?" he begged.
"ugh, i gotta go, i can't talk to you when your like this, we'll talk some other time".
 she got up from the bed and made her way towards the door before being grabbed by the arm.
         "i'm not done talking to you!" he shouted.He slung her back onto the bed.
   "are you serious?" she asked."okay, yeah you've been drinking way too much, i defiantely have to go." she attempted to get up but when she tried he shoved her back down.
         "what the fuck are you doing?!" she shouted,"stop!"she tried to get up but she pushed her down again. This time getting on top of her pinning her to the bed. By this time she knew what his intentions were , she tried to shake free from his submission.
        "stop moving stupid bitch!" he shouted.He grabbed her by the neck with one hand and tried undoing her pants wit the other.
     "No!" she screamed. she began scratching ,hitting, and kicking him.He cocked back and slugged her right in the face, she refused to give in. He kept punching her , breaking her nose, busting her face, causing two laserations above her eyebrows, eventually she was knocked unconscious.
       "stupid bitch" he said, then he continued on to his evil deed.

     I laid on the edge of the bed in fury.Before she drifted off to sleep she told me i was her best friend and that she loved me. When she was fast asleep i eased my way out of the bed as to not wake her. I did my best to stay out of her way and let her do whatever she wanted, but this was the last straw, i must intervene , for this cannot go unpunished,I got up and walked out the room.
     My father had an office on the other side of the house whick he spent many of his hours working on his next book.In this room there were many things however, amongst the walls were many prized trophies he's gained from hunting. many different types of deer. He also kept some of his guns in here. In the drawer next to his computer, i knew there would be a shiny silver taurus .357 magnum fully loaded with a box full of ammunition next to it.I went and grabbed it out the drawer and stuffed it in my bag. I went back to my room and kissed her on the head and hopped out my window. 


............ i'm not finished with this story.