Greetings brothers and sisters, today was a wonderful day.  My sister moved out (Hip Hip Hoooray!)  She's actually grown now and has a career in her field, (I guess your Big Brother taught you well,..  And speaking of BIG BROTHER..)  anyway... I can't reveal that yet...  so as I was saying about this wonderful day, here's a suggestion, enjoy the rest of them.  I will explain to you things that I hear from God, but when I mean explain.  I only ask that you do so with full intent, do not judge what I am about to say, just be an observer.  Then gather your thoughts and reason with yourself, if I seem to be in error by any means Help Me.  My only intent is to do the same for you.   

I constantly have asked myself why on numerous occasions.  Lord, Why do I feel the most burdened, and I always know the answer because I am of your chosen people.  I'm only here to serve, and I must serve with a whole and kind heart always.  My actions must always be able to teach my neighbor, even if it means he will attempt to kill me, natural death resideth at every the door of every living thing.  I already have delivered myself to the God of Gods, and I truly do accept his Son as my savior.  Therefore the Holy Spirit that I am obident to can manifest itself in me.  I am a Child of Light.  I do not worship forms, but I do understand them.  "Everything is not God, but God is Everything."

  7 days to go.  including today...  humanity is depending on this. Give the people a good show.  

Sometimes things happen to your life so that GOD can bring certain things to pass, and back to your Remembrance.  Tonight I found the lead single for my album..    "Remember... " this song is very personal to me.. and It was created out of love when I was entering into one of the darkest moments of my life.  When I think about Remember, I think about every thing that makes life worth living, and I also remind myself of my current circumstances and that I should always give thanks.  About an hour ago I recently reached a new level of frustration and I wanted to give up badly.  However, I pleaded with GOD and found the strength within and forced myself to do this song...  .. ..  and it was funny because I just started thinking and typing, and then words became sentences and phrases and then I prayed for the hook, and it just wrote itself... I was in "that special place" on this one...  the only way I can explain it is "relevant" yeah that's the word.. ."relevant"...  I will change someones life through my music...  It's like I've already lived this life before.. and what scares me is that I've detatched myself from the T.V., Video Games, and Clubbin.. that I've become at peace with myself and the state of the world..  Today I was listening to the radio and they were joking about the situation in Iraq "considering they haven't found WMD's" but North Korea is admitting to it and challenging the U.S. UN (N.W.O.) if you ask me... and it's being over looked..   Turn off the Tube for a couple of days..  trust me whatever you left there.. will be waiting there for you when you return...  I hope that Remember will touch something in someone, some how, some way...   I just know what it means to me....   Lord I owe you again....

Forgive me if I come off a little harsh right now, ....  but I really feel like I will not be missed talent wise til after I'm gone...   so why even stress it??  I don't rap about money, I've never sold drugs, I'm not pimpin, I don't wear chains, I don't ride on 24's, I'm succeeding in doing right by my wife, and I'm a so called middle class american making over $100,000 a year.  Some people ask, what's the complaint?,..   the complaint is... I want more, I expect more, and I will go crazy if I can't pursue it..   I'm creating this low budget album which will be the very last, but I need more...., more of what though??? maybe, I need to stop spreading my self so thin, and make somethings a priority, .....   Maybe my life needs to be wrapped into this project...  I can't explain how gruling my soul is every day I have to punch the clock to help build another man's dream....  I can't ..  but is walking away the best path to take?, "I'm married now", "God, my decision's don't just affect me anymore", she deserves the stability, she deserves the comfort of knowing anyday she can leave her job and we are absolutely fine...   but why is it that I don't feel that way?...   INFANCY..   yep, I know your looking down on me like a parent does a new born child...  I can't even feed myself with out your help; let alone make this life worth living..   I got to get out of this rut...   What am I to do???   I KNOW people personally in the industry but it's like I can't get a break!!!  No one sees the vision..  do I give people too much?...  am I spreading the table too thin????  That's why my first released album HAS to be atleast a Quad CD...  because I can't fit enough into it to make it even worth it...   I am my own worst critic.. truth be told; i can make a song a day, but for those spur of the moment-non thought out tirades "would the things I gained as of now be lost?", "would I have a happy marriage?", "would I be dead?", "jail?", the possibilities are endless...    maybe rejection IS your way of protection...  

Teach me to accept the things I can't change, and the things I can empower me to do so...

I'm tired of asking why??? but I feel as if I'm not searching when I don't???  I'm tired of duality..  I need to be whole, again..   "when in the womb I was in this world but not of this world, when I cam into this world I was of this world, but not of this world,,,"  where do i fit in?????  all my life I've been different, an out cast, a rebel, a warrior, a slave, a king, a servant, as far spirituality I'm non denominational...   how in the world can I be free, If I'm a slave to myself???  I guess I need to fast and pray a few days to overcome my flesh..  40 days??? is the plan.....  10 cycles of fours...

cycle 1.

day 1. liquids, veggies, fruits 

day 2. liquids, veggies

day 3. liquids,

day 4. water

cycle 2, (2,3,4,1) cycle 3 (3,4,1,2) cycle 4 (4,3,2,1) cycle 5 (1,2,3,4) cycle 6 (2,3,4,1) cycle 7 (3,4,1,2) cycle 8 (4,1,2,3) cycle 9 (1,2,3,4) cycle 10 (2,3,4,1)....

...  what can I say, when you need drastic results, you have to do drastic things,,,   I'm on my way.....