I got back from visiting my sister in New Jersey about three weeks ago and am blogging about my experience.

I flew into JFK because it was cheaper than flying into Newark. As I was waiting at Gate D40 at McCarran, I was noticing the types of people who fly from Las Vegas to New York. My observation: America really is a melting pot.

It was a five hour flight and I was sitting next to a nine-year-old boy and his oblivious sleeping mother. I hadn't gotten any sleep the prior night because my flight was so early. I figured I could sleep on the plane but unfortunately for me I got the only seat on this gigantic Boeing 757 that didn't lean back. Plus, the screen in front of my seat did not work. Worst seat on the plane.

The boy next to me wanted to watch a movie, so he retrieved his father's credit card. After I had to help him figure out how to swipe it, he decided to watch "Horton Hears a Who"… three times.

Our plane finally landed but my seat being in the back of the plane, it took a while to get off. It was silent on the plane when the boy next to me exclaims loudly, "It smells like pee! Mom, you peed your pants! You peed your pants, mom! Stick your hand right there and smell it!" I think because of the language barrier, I was the only one who thought that was funny.

I got off the plane and followed the signs to the most depressing baggage claim room in history. I picked up my bag and stood outside to get picked up. Apparently east coast traffic doesn't move very quickly. I got several calls from my sister stating that she's not close. I walk back inside and sat down, wondering how long I will be waiting here. Meanwhile pigeons are flying in and out of this room. I'm trying to sit patiently, but you start to become restless when you think at any moment you will be attacked by a footless pigeon.

Two hours later I am rescued from this horrid place known as John F. Kennedy airport by my sister, her husband and my niece, who was sleeping at the time. The ride back to their house was a long tedious one. I know if I had to drive in east coast traffic, I would be crying the whole time.

I can't say that New Jersey is really as bad as everyone says. I didn't smell the scent of garbage that everyone else does. It was actually nice to get away from the extreme Las Vegas heat because I'm a sweaty person. Although, there was a lot of nature going on and nature is not my forte. My sister lives in a very wooded area. The mosquitoes had their ways with my legs. I had scabs up until just a few days ago. I had not seen so many wild animals in all my life. There were bears, deer, chipmunks, turkeys, groundhogs, skunks and the occasional yeti. The locusts  were obscenely loud at night. It made me cranky.

There were a few highlights of my trip. One thing that I found rather pleasant about New Jersey was the high concentration of Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, and I went to two different Disney stores within the same vicinity. That's a lot compared to what Vegas has. I discovered my new favorite cereal while I was there. Blueberry muffin flavored Frosted Mini-Wheats. It's what Jesus would be if he were a cereal. And I also saw a new FreeCreditReport.com commercial and watched a lot of Ninja Warrior.

Some unhappy things that happened while I was there was that both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes died and my sister's dog had explosive diarrhea.  She also turned me into slave labor and I had to help her paint her new house. My niece was fussy most of the time and I had to handle raw chicken. Her dog wouldn't stop licking itself and it was loud and disgusting. When we went to California Pizza Kitchen one of my dress straps fell apart and I was unintentionally undressing in public.

The one thing most depressing about my trip was the skewed vision of the New Jersians. On several occasions, I had people ask me if I was older than my sister, whom is five years older than me. I don't like that I look twenty-five plus. If you know me well, you know that I'm obsessed with looking younger and finding the fountain of youth, so naturally that would make me cranky. But the worst one was when I went to Gymboree with my sister and Chloe, the teacher asked me if I was the "other mother." That kinda stressed me out. So now I know that in New Jersey I look like an old lesbian.

As I neared the end of my trip I was getting excited to leave because school was starting in less than a week. I was dreading going back to JFK, but if you're not collecting a bag, it's really not a bad place. I flew home and was happy to be back. My first order of business back in Las Vegas: go to In-N-Out Burger.