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UPDATED 11/22/09 - I have so many more reasons to be thankful than ever!! I have found out firsthand, that when being strong is your only option left, you find a strength you never knew you had.. GODS strength in us!!  I've had a few setbacks in the past few months, with health, the H1 and complications, etc, but GOD is bigger than all of it and now I have so many good things to report too!! I will get back on tomorrow and share more!! For now, I just want to share GOD IS SO GOOD and anything is possible for those who believe! Never give up, because you are worth it! LOVE and smiles! Char..

UPDATED ..9/1/09.. - I have a new life, new hope, and a new beginning.  I have relationships with my 2 daughters now and at 18 and 19, it's a miracle in itself that we are so close now!  We have come so far! Even up till last year they hated me so badly at times and I even hated them at times too,  it was so miserable and I never would have believed it would all be so different so soon.  This past year living on my own and single life has been a struggle, moved 4 times and I did fall into a depression that I allowed to emotionally set me back for a while, but I have also found a peace I never had and a new strength.  Now what to do with me! lol.  I'm actually finding that out and I am BLESSED to say I'm making a difference!!  It's not all about me anymore, and it's definitely not about my past, it's about now, and my future! Living my best life now, not waiting for some future date to be happy.  That happiness is in me!  ..Sept 1, 2009.. was my 2 years without METH.. I am so blessed that is my past and that person is not me anymore.  I've also truly learned 1st hand.. you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option left! I did it! I'm making it, and although there are bad days, the good days are just so much better!!! I have a million reasons to smile and be thankful, and all my friends here are at the top of the list, thank you for being there for me and believing in me, especially when I didn't believe in myself! Now I don't just talk the talk, I'm learning to walk the walk. I am making things happen not just letting life happen to me.  I decided instead of letting life run me over, I'm going to run my life. Just sometimes have to stay out of the fast lane,lol, because I get ahead of myself and have to remember, the joy is in the journey!! Patience is in today!! I totally learned this past year about the freedom in forgiveness and the liberty in letting go, and although my ex and I don't exactly enjoy seeing each other, I learned to stand up for myself when he goes off on me and to say thank you for all the things he did that I didn't truly appreciate until I had to do them on my own! We've moved on, he's had his girlfriend almost a year, and I have my new life, and at some point I had to decide about my past and failed marriage, I can be bitter, or better..  I'm chosing better.. I realize and understand now, attitude is everything. That's why I'm going to continue to make mine the best.  No more blaming my past or allowing my circumstances to define me and my happiness, and especially not be a victim, especially of my own hurt and pain, no matter where it came from.  God has blessed me with a new life and I have my 2 girls. Life is good! "smiles and love from Oz" Char ....

..4/18/09.. - The other day someone said to me, no offense, but you really don't look like someone who did METH/Drugs, and was at their bottom... I just smiled! Thank GOD I am no longer that person!!!!

MY TESTIMONY - FREEDOM FROM METH/ADDICTIONS & LOST WAYS...

MY HEART SINGS  A NEW SONG!
PSALM 40:1-3
"I waited patiently for the Lord.  He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire.  He set my feet on a rock and He gave me a FIRM place to stand.  He put a new song in my heart, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and hear and put their trust in the Lord." 

God is making miracles out of the messes I made, which were too many to count!  I have a new life, I found an awesome church, wonderful friends, and a life I'd never known was possible! 

God was always in my heart, but I can truly say I did not know what his love meant.  Now I do!  I have been free'd from addictions that controlled me and my life for over 20yrs, starting at the age of 12.

In my early 20's I discovered Meth/Ice, Coke,etc.. I was hooked instantly the very first time.  I had starting using as an escape at first, from the pain inside me, and also for energy.  How quickly it consumes you and your life.  Off and on for over 10yrs I hid an all day every day sell your soul to the devil drug addiction.  I was the new generation of addicts, the Moms/Parents who were hid their addictions behind closed doors.  The ones you least expected.  Working full time, taking kids to school events, PTO meetings,etc.  Until near the end of the addiction owns you. I almost lost everything, including myself, my soul.  Outside looking in, everyone knew something was wrong, they just didn't know what or how bad it actually was.

By the GRACE OF GOD, drugs no longer control me or my life. This year will be 2 years since the last time I did METH, it seems like a lifetime ago.  I am not that person anymore.  

Over those 10yrs, because of my addictions and lost ways, I lived a life of unhappiness, chaos and darkness. I know demons and I walked hand in hand with the devil.  It was my own Hell on earth.  A broken marriage and family life, relationships with my daughters, my friendships, they were all falling apart or gone.  I was a lost soul and I felt I had no hope, my light was gone.  I thought I'd made too many mistakes and there was no way out. 

My husband was using too although not as much as me.  During the last few years he'd stopped taking his bipolar medicine, and his anger problem was so extreme I feared my life at times and it was unbearable some days.  So I just hid from the world and it all caved in on me.

One night at my lowest, I laid my head down sobbing, thinking this must be how people feel right before they commit suicide.  I wasn't going to kill myself, but I felt dying was the only way out and I prayed GOD please just let me die. That was so scary because I didn't know where I was going if He took me!!

Now I'm finding my way back!  The song AMAZING GRACE could have been written just for me! My relationships and friendships are being restored, and I've truly been given a 2nd chance at LIFE!!!  I had lived in the darkness for so long, now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Gods light! It was in me all along!  I used to pray to die, now I pray SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE! To be the best person I can.

I have always turned to outside sources to numb the pain that has lived inside me my whole life.  Now God is healing that pain, and slowly I am being free'd from all of it!  I've dealt with different kinds of abuse my whole life from a very early age.  I am no longer a victim though, I am a survivor. 

I know everything we need to succeed is inside us, it's just up to us to use it!  Give up, give in, or it give it all you got! This is your only life!  I had to make a choice, to let my past define me, or strengthen me.  As they say, It's not what you go through, it's how you go through it, and I had been STUCK for so long!  And, I learned sometimes you have to fall apart to come together.

My Life now is not perfect, nor will it ever be! And having been the bad girl for so long, well lets just say I'm a work in progress. lol..  But thank God I'm on my way! My life is filled with more joy now than I ever knew or thought possible.  And on the days when I fall, I can now get back up, before I just stayed down.

I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends to share the journey with!  I encourage anyone struggling with addictions of any kind, or who are broken and lost like I was, that you are not alone.  Help is out there for you too.  We all need support no matter what our battles are.  Find a recovery program, meetings, support groups, whatever it takes for you on your journey, to stop using and start healing!  It's never to late to become what you might have been!

This past year I also found the courage to start over on my own, ending a very abusive unhappy marriage, one where I created so much of the chaos and messes too.  There is freedom in forgiveness, especially when you can forgive yourself.  ....

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I'm excited to see where God takes me and how he uses me.  I know it's time to give back, to share my hope with others.  No more existing, it's time to live my best life now! I know there isn't anything I can't get through in this life!  1 day at a time, 1 step at a time!....

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I also look forward to the day I find a good man to share my life with, and the Blessings that are in store for us!  I know God will bring us the desires of our hearts and I will be able to say to that man, you were worth the wait! I will never lose faith!....

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I have so many wonderful people in my life now, and many friends in recovery here on my page that helped me through the darkest  hours of my life and during the times I just felt so lost!  Thank you for sharing your hope with me! ....

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Daily I am reminded, If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.  I am living proof there is freedom from METH/Addictions and Lost ways.  Keep fighting the good fight!  Never give up on anyone, espcially YOURSELF!!! The BEST IS YET TO COME!  Thank you for sharing the journey with me!!!....

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Smiles from OZ... Char....

I have actually been planning and creating my hurt and grief before it gets here!!!

In the next few weeks, we close on my house, the one I had so many dreams for, the one I left my husband with over a year ago when I left everything, my life, my dreams, my furniture,, stuff, etc..

This past year plus I put off alot of grieving, then I'd grieve myself into a deep depression, then I'd be ok, then after moving 4x during this past year, I kept myself on a roller coaster, and I never got my stuff from the house,  I'd go and be so miserable, or just started crying, so I left it..

I had to escape with my peace of mind, what was left of it, before it was too late..  Now I would never recommended dragging out a long goodbye this long.. Goodbye to what never was, the marriage that ended, the family that ended, the life I'd wanted so badly.. It was over..  Take your stuff if you feel you have to go!! SO many times he threatened to throw it away,etc too. 

Now the house has sold, and we have till nov. 16th to get everything out.  My soon to be ex had a girlfriend right after I left and moved on long ago.  I kind of stayed stuck this past year, just in my own self..  I almost lost interest in life for a while...

SO, when I heard last week after having been sick, we have to have it all out asap, I was like omg, lol, thats 11yrs of stuff,etc..   Then I kept focusing on the grieving I'm going to do again saying goodbye again to my house, my dreams,etc..  Have to get the divorce finalized,etc... I was overwhelmed.. and preparing to grieve all over again..

Then today I realized, I've already got the peace of mind I needed so badly! I grieved long enough, over a year I have spent procrastinating, and just putting off what needed done.

NOW, it's time for CLOSURE!!!  From that closure will be the peace and new beginning I've truly needed, to not stay stuck, time to move on totally..  I'm ready! No more looking back, but ahead, to the amazing life I know is waiting for me, it's already begun!

But I had to catch myself, I was actually planning on a few weeks/months of letting go, grieving,etc... But it doesn't have to be that way!  I have already found the freedom in my new life.. THis is just the last chapter of the ending..

The new beginning is here, and I'm going to make the best of it..  To celebrate my new life, new hopes and dreams, that GOD will take me where he wants me to go, and I no longer have to live in fear, but in faith, that my new life is going to be everything I ever hoped for and so much more, it's already begun!

THANK GOD FOR ALL OF IT, and my amazing friends he's brought to my life to share the journey.. You are a Blessing and I love you all!!!

Smiles from OZ... Char

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Our life long friends and basically family suffered a terrible loss this weekend.. RIP BABY GIRL!!! Andrea was a beautiful 14 yr old whose smile lit up the heavens!!....

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I spent the evening with my friends and they are crushed of course, but thank GOD, they know GODS what will get them through this, his comfort and strength, and healing.. Words just arent' enough.. I held them, cried with them, thank goodness got them to laugh over some funny memories, and through the tears, I reminded them in Andreas honor we have to SMILE through the tears and pain.. She wants them to go on.. She has a 16 year old sisters and 12 yr old brother......

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We are establishing a memorial in her honor, called DREA'S SMILES... It's to help her family pay for the funeral and family needs. I will have the info in the next few days if anyone feels it on their heart to help this family in dire need.. Espcially with your prayers!!! In our small town it also hits home for all the kids, 2nd friend to die ina few months, and this time about 20 kids saw her get shot in the head and killed.. Pray for them also.......

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I believe in Gods goodness, and I know through GOD, all things are possible, and no matter what your faith or beliefs are, please send them good thoughts and prayers for comfort and healing!!....

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I never imagined I'd be helping with funeral arrangements for my friends beautiful litle girl.. You just never know in an instant when someone you love will be gone, so LOVE WITH ALL YOU HAVE and LET THEM KNOW NOW what they mean to you!!!....

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RIP ANDREA YOUNG! I LOVE YOU!....

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Love and smiles from OZ.. Char....

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http://www.kansas.com/197/story/1007241.html?storylink=omni_popular....

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14-year-old shot, killed in ....Augusta........

BY ....HURST.... LAVIANA - The ....Wichita.... Eagle....

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A 14-year-old girl was shot to death Friday night at an underage drinking party in ....Augusta...., and the man hosting the event was arrested in her death, police said today.....

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Augusta Police Chief Tyler Brewer said officers responded to the report of a shooting in the 900 block of Wirth shortly after ..10 p.m.......

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"When we got inside the house to secure it, we found a young female dead at the bottom of the stairs with a gunshot wound to the head," he said.....

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The victim was identified as Andrea M. Young of ....Augusta.........

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A 25-year-old man who lives at the home was booked into the Butler County Jail on a count of involuntary manslaughter, Brewer said.....

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Although most of the party-goers left before officers arrived, Brewer said interviews determined that 20 to 30 people had attended the party. Throughout the evening, Brewer said, the host was brandishing a rifle and what appeared to be a 9 mm semiautomatic pistol.....

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"He was showing it off, and that made a lot of people nervous," Brewer said. "Some people inside home were uncomfortable."....

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Brewer said he did not know what led to the pistol being fired, but he said it did not appear to be pre-meditated.....

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Charges against the suspect are expected next week.....

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....Augusta....'s last homicide occurred in March 2002, when Aaron M. Ruboyianes was shot to death while working in the electronics department at the city's Wal-Mart store. Ruboyianes' father-in-law was charged in that case

Today, this is my reminder to myself, and I wanted to share it because I feel like Gods passing it on to some others that may need to hear it again too as well!!!

I am so BLESSED!  Thank God for my new life, new hope, and the greatest friends of all!!!  I love you all!!!


Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

A few weeks ago my Aunt Sherry died of cancer and Emersons words were in her funeral bulletin and I really liked it.

Losses like these keep reminding me how precious life is and how quickly it can be over!  Continually reminding myself, happiness is the journey, not the destination!!!  To enjoy life now and the people we love!  I am so BLESSED that I have the amazing people that I do in my life! 

In honor of my Aunt Sherry I am going to continue to live life like she did, to take risks and don't wait for life to happen!   

And in honor of one of my dearest friends Esther who I had the priveldge to help take care of and spend time with these past months, who also died a few weeks ago, I am going to that mountain in Colorado you wanted me to go to, and since you were too sick to go then, I'm taking you in spirit now and to visit the places we talked about and enjoy them even more now because of you!!!  In your honor, I'm going to enjoy life, my family, and all the BLESSINGS God continues to pour into my life!

LOVE & SMILES... Char

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded." -  Ralph Waldo Emerson

My update..


There are storms in my life. But as always, God continues to Bless me and is my shelter and my strength. He comforts me through the amazing friends in my life.. You are my sunshine in the rain…

I have been moved out now and on my own for almost a year.  More changes and challenges have came my way.  The next chapter is here.  It hasn't been easy, but it's been growth and change that has taken me to the next level, and I am stronger for it.  I know there isnt anything GOD can't get me through.  And now when I fall and get down, I don't stay down!!!  God keeps taking me higher and higher!


I wanted to remind all my amazing friends on here, you are a BLESSING to my life! Even if I don’t get to stay in touch at times, you are always in my heart. Your encouragement and support touches my heart!  I appreciate you all! Messages, comments, all of it brightens my day!!  You mean more to me than you'll ever know!

I have some awesome things to share, I have some things I’ll just pass on sharing, lol.. But through it all, one things remains.. I will never give up hope. I know our best days are ahead, and life is worth living! Even my worst days are my best days now.. Meth no longer owns me, despair is no longer my way of life.  Out of my darkness came a light so bright that my life is like sunshine.  Your are part of that light!!

Now I am free to live the life I always dreamed of, and I am BLESSED to say I’m on my way!  I know attitude is everything.  I will keep on believing in the best and giving back my best.   

I will update you soon on the amazing things happening too. For now,, sending out a big THANK YOU to all my wonderful friends. You are the BEST of the BEST!

I am reminded, our struggles become our strength! Obstacles can become opportunities! There is freedom in Forgiveness and Liberty in letting go!

By the Grace of GOD.. I have more smiles than tears today.. I have joy and happiness, and never ending Faith! There may be bad, but the GOOD is so much better!!!

As always, I will keep fighting the good fight! I will survive, HEY HEY! “smile”

Love and SMILES from OZ..

Char

p.s.  Please pray Esther, she is 95 and on her death bed.  I am able to bless the family and help with her here at the end, volunteering my time and my love.  The gift I get back is priceless. Knowing I make a difference in someones life.  Don't forget, you don't have do everything, just do something to make someones life better, and in return, you will be better for it and you will be BLESSED!  Even sharing a smile, a hug and a kind word!!!   Share the LOVE, share your LIGHT!!!  KEEP ON SHINING BABY!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Share by Marianne Williamson, from Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inauguration Speech.

This hit home today and I've shared it before, but never really got it like I do now!! I don't just believe it.. I know it.. I live it!

All my life I've lived in my own self imposed prison. In chains with addictions, depression, dysfunction, unhappines,being a victim,etc.. I set the sentence.. LIFE! Then I threw away the key.

I found safety in that prison. Hurt and pain became my comfort. Drugs and addictions numbed my pain. I just did my time. Stayed inside the walls.

NOW I know there was no key... The sentence was in my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my addictions. Freedom was there all along.. But my focus was on my life sentence..

I couldn't see past my circumstances. The chains, the walls.. The limits I'd set on myself. Now I know, there are no limits, only the ones we set in our mind!

Today I am free, I have a new life! Thank GOD I no longer live in the darkness.. I am not afraid of failing, I did that so often, now I find myself afraid of success, but I will not live in fear, but in faith!!. Realizing dreams do come true, and we can all have the lives we always dreamed of and so much more! I know this for a fact, because I'm living proof! It's amazing when you discover you can succeed, you can overcome, and you do it!!!

Happiness is in the journey and the life we live now! No longer will I wait for some magical future event to make me happy, I am discovering the happiness that is already inside me! It's been there all along, I just couldn't see it!

And like it's been said, the light at the end of the tunnel was in you all along! Let your light shine! Share your light with others! Trust that God has brought you this far, he's not going to stop now, and he will never put any limitations on our happiness or success in life!

And for those starting over like me in life.. It's never too late to become what you might have been, even if that means happy! It's not just our time, it's our turn!!!

I'll repeat it again too, never give up on anyone, especially yourself! I believe in YOU!

Smiles & love from OZ...
Char

WOMEN OVER 30!

This is for great women 30 years and over.... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30... This was written by Andy Rooney (a man) from CBS 60 Minutes.As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting. A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.  Few women past the age of 30 givea damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a
screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you
to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. Women get psychic as they age.You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonderwhere you
stand with her.Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's notreciprocal.For every stunning, smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool ofhimself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize for all thosemen who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you.Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.