By law every pagan prisoner in the UK is entitled to a visit from a Pagan Chaplain. There are around 140 prisons and Young Offenders Institutions in England and Wales and, at present, less than 50 Pagan Chaplains; large areas such as Yorkshire, Lancashire, Kent and Surrey have no Pagan Chaplains at all, so please, if you think you can help, either by becoming a writing Chaplain or a visiting Chaplain or if you would like more information please contact me, Anne MacDonald Coleman , The Pagan Federation Prison Ministry, BM Box 7097, London WC1N 3XX or email me at anne@prisonministry.org.uk

Bit of a controversial subject among the pagan community! Me, I've been in prison since 1985 and realised my life was a spiritual wasteland soon after.. I was eighteen years old, reasonably intelligent, physical fit with no mental health issues - so why was I in jail for Murder?

Obviously the answer was far from simple, but one part of it was lack of spirit in my life. Mind and body were OK, but there was a near total neglect of my spirit, I set about exploring this.

Organised religion had never held any appeal for me - why should I need a go between the Devine and me? I thought back to the times in my life when I'd know contentment, and quickly realised they virtually all involved me being outdoors (in the woodland and huge deer reserve not far from where I'd lived, along the riverside, at the coast on holidays etc). I've never felt so content as when walking in an old English woodland.

So the clue was nature!

I spent close to five years investigating 'natural' and 'indigenous' faiths, finally coming full circle back to my own doorstep Britain.

I explored Wicca in its ever-growing variety of variations, Duridry, the Native British Tradition and the Northern Tradition amongst many. All had worth, All held knowledge they said much to me, but none quite felt right, Then one day as I read a book on early English history, there was a section on the faith of the Anglo-Saxons - and click The Anglo-Saxon branch of the Northern Tradition was it. I felt rather stupid to be honest, because I had (and use) Runes since the early 1980's - I just hadn't realised the Anglo-Saxons had used Runes! Anyway one thing lead to another and, on the Vernal Equinox of 1990, I formal dedicated myself to the Aesir and Vanor.

To mark my Path as a connected, but separate, branch of the Norse dominated Northern Tradition, I use a term I found in a book by Bill Griffiths - Oslàc i.e. 'One who makes sacrifice to God' - in my case Thunor.

Those where exciting times but - as the Home Office didn't reconise Paganism as a valid spiritual path until 1996 - times that I kept to myself!

Tentatively reaching out in letters to organisations, which were ignored, or replies were full of prejustice and basically they didn't want to know, so I was alone. It stayed like to 2001 when I arrived at HMP Rye Hill. There, for the first time, I found a pagan up and running, fully sanctioned by the prison - and with a visiting "Minister"!

Over the following years we had a number of VM's Belinda W, Tiziana S, Gillian H, Walks Crow and the Wonderful Kerry P, and I spent several years in touch with the then Pagan Prison Manager for the P.F Carrie de Fey.

Carrie was a remarkable lady who fought so long and tirelessly for us all and never really got the recognition she deserves, only ill health stopped her in the end, and she had to stand down - whereupon Suzanne White stepped up to the mark.

(The present Pagan Prison Manager is Anne MacDonald Coleman)

In a recent issue of Pentacle Magazine, Mike Howard declared that pagans in prison don't need a VM - as we all act as our own priest / priestess. Whilst that is true, Mr Howard doesn't really understand prison life.

A VM isn't just a teacher or guide, but a buffer and liaison between inmate, prison and, in some cases, the Home Office. A good VM ensures that a prison remains mindful of the legal rights of a pagan inmate. The fact is that, as someone from the outside, a VM receives more attention from the prison than a n inmate. A VM can settle a situation with a phone call to the prison Chaplain or Governor, which would, for an inmate, require protracted legal action.

Pagan prisoners have long since been a bone of contention amongst the pagan community. Carrie de Fey often came up against, shall we say, a lack of enthusiasm from people who should have know better. I actually believe that more people could benefit from interaction with pagan prisoners. Hers why.

A surprising number of people find that they develop a spiritual awareness in jail. They might not think of it in those terms, but the desire to become someone better isn't as rare as you think. If they feel drawn to Paganism then you generally find them enthusiastic and dedicated with enough time on their hands to put in serious study and effort. There are people in prison who are desperate for a guide or teacher to get them onto the right direction in what will be a life-long search for betterment. Can you imagine the sense of fulfilment working with such people?

The positive, nurturing energy you could create in them?

There are also people inside who have used their time as a retreat in which to engage in both deep, traditional practices and new, experimental forms. They could end up teaching you! Our cells are our refuge, our study hall and our temple. We cannot go outwards, so we travel inward and experience the divine in it's multitude of forms.

Pagans In Prison are P.I.P's and, as such, can with nurturing - grow into something vibrant and rich. So get involved with a Pagan prisoner - it could be a tow-way education!

Ges?ld

The first time I heard of the Pagan Prison Ministry I was at a Pagan Federation moot; the Regional Coordinator was asking if anybody would like to volunteer. I was attracted to the idea only my confidence let me down; I decided that I didn't know enough and that I would find it difficult to do rituals in a prison environment and anyway, what did I know about the prison system? I heard others discussing the role and coming to the same conclusion and no one from the area volunteered.

At the time I was involved with the protest movement and devoted my energy to that. It kept me busy for a couple of years, and then, after a particularly harrowing eviction, I decided that I had done enough active protesting and turned my attention to protesters who were in prison. I started up a prisoner support group within the Loyal Arthurian Warband, an activist Druid Order. Soon I was receiving letters from prisoners who felt they were being unfairly treated or simply wanted someone to write to who understood their beliefs. During this time I found that working with prisons and prisoners was less daunting than I had first imagined. A while later, the Pagan Federation asked if I would like to manage the Prison Ministry. It complemented the work I was already doing, so I agreed.

People have asked, "Why visit, when some prisoners have committed very unpleasant crimes?" I discussed this with a prisoner who said, "Yes, being in prison we have broken the law, and I well understand how that creates conflict with Pagan beliefs, but does that mean that we are thrown away, discarded, ignored? Even with ECHR [European Convention of Human Rights] and other legal protections we inside face prejudices and ridicule that can threaten the course of our lives, and through us, the lives of our family and friends". A few prisoners have broken the law for political reasons, animal rights for example, but they are the exception. I feel that anyone, no matter what their past, has a right to the services of a Priest/ess of their chosen religion and if a prisoner wishes reform, then supporting their religious beliefs is one important step in that process. As one prisoner said on the subject: "To have an outside chaplain, who is not directly connected to the prison system is a great plus."

A Visiting Chaplain's role is to visit prisoners who may be on remand or convicted. Prisoners have many requirements; some simply want to discuss Paganism and find out their rights, others want to learn about Paganism (over half of the prisoners that I meet have come to Paganism whilst in prison). Some want to participate in a ritual with fellow Pagans, this is not always easy in a prison environment, they are usually refused permission to use the multi-faith room without a Chaplain present and because there is no mixing between wings, often there may be several prisoners in the same prison who are oblivious to the existence of the other Pagan prisoners. Others may want to come to terms with their past, having deep concerns about it. A prison Chaplain also acts as a go-between linking inmates and the establishment, ensuring that the prisoners receive their rights, mediating in disputes and demands, then, if appropriate, agreeing to a compromise that suits both parties. A Visiting Chaplain (VC) may be requested to make a report out for the parole board, a procedure that would be explained by the prison, if needed.

Unfortunately, there are times when despite the best will and efforts, that an agreement with the prison cannot be reached by the VC or by myself; in those circumstances I can refer the matter to the Home Office, who I have always found very supportive.

Many Pagans in prison are reluctant to admit their path, as sometimes a prisoner who declares their beliefs can be branded "immature", "driven by fantasy", "delusional" or worse, this is kept on file and can lose years of remission. Part of the role of a VC can be to help educate the prison staff to understand Paganism.

Often VCs worry that they may not be able to help inmates following a different path to their own, a basic knowledge of the major Pagan paths is very useful but if more teaching is required than a chaplain can give, then an appropriate correspondence course can be considered. Security staff should check any teaching materials taken in, a video might have to be viewed by the Governor, and unless a locker is offered by the Chaplaincy, all items must be taken away and never left with a prisoner without permission.

A Chaplain's visit is not like a normal visit, the prison requires security clearance and the visit takes place on a one to one or group basis. Normally visits take place in the multi-faith room but any suitable room may be used. However, like normal visits, a Chaplain may also be searched. A guard or the Resident Chaplain will be close by and there is usually a panic button in the room. In one prison that I know of open air rituals are now being allowed.

Ritual, when required, has to be kept simple out of necessity; most visits are an hour long, leaving probably only twenty minutes for the rite. It is best to take in the minimum ritual equipment, which should all be agreed by security in advance and certain items such as swords and athames are banned in all prisons. It often happens that there will be members of different paths, with differing levels of experience present. A ritual for a festival could include calling the quarters, then everyone reading or reciting a relevant piece of poetry, song or prose of their choice, blessing some water or fruit juice in a chalice and then closing the quarters.

It is essential for a VC to be a good listener; they shouldn't be gullible or too easily shocked either. They should be able to keep confidences and it is essential to deal with the authorities in a calm, sensible and pleasant manner and a sense of humour is invaluable!

Prisons refund travelling expenses and offer a Chaplain £11 an hour whilst visiting a prisoner, although some VCs do not claim this as prison Chaplaincies have a very restricted budget, some prisons now ask the VC to claim because it is then allowed for in the next years budget. However, this is entirely down to the individual.

When a VC is needed, the Resident Prison Chaplain contacts me at the Pagan Federation and I find the nearest suitable Chaplain available. This doesn't mean that a Chaplain has to belong to the PF, VCs and prisoners are treated alike regardless of their membership status.

Around ten letters every week come into the office from America. US prisoners are even more isolated than British prisoners as they have no right to a Visiting Chapalin and there is virtually no support available for them. Chris from Florida says: "To have a chaplain who will correspond with me, to share their discovery and their beliefs is truly a treasure and yet so hard to find. I'm one of the very few that found that treasure. I cannot write in words how much help that person has given to me. It truly makes an inmate feel like they have someone in their corner and I wish that there were others out there willing to step into a leadership role as a [corresponding] chaplain and help guide the restless spirits behind these fences".

Some British prisoners have no Visiting Chaplains either, sometimes because I can't supply one in their area or because they simply don't feel ready to meet someone in person, in these cases there are corresponding chaplains available but the demand is so great I can't always keep up with it. The Writing Ministry is just as important as the Visiting Ministry and only need take up a couple of hours a month. A Chaplains address and surname should never be give to a prisoner, if a PO Box is required then post can be sent via the Prison Ministry.

I thought I'd end with a word firstly from Mark and then from Paul who has been in prison since he was eighteen; he became Pagan when he was twenty-one, fifteen years ago:

Mark: "It may seem strange to be asking someone to act as a chaplain for a belief that is not dogmatic but it is just a title that helps others access to other like minded individuals"

Paul: "With out a VC, inmates can be left in isolation, with no physical means of practicing their chosen faith, cut off from any sense of community. Remember, we can't go out into the countryside and re-affirm our lives within the Goddess and God - we are in brick, concrete and steel bars. Whilst of necessity many Pagans inside adhere to a solitary path, communication and a meeting of others is a priceless gift. In most prisons that gift can only be given by a Visiting Chaplain".

Thank you to Chris, Paul and Mark and all the other inmates who have helped me compile this article.

Familiarize yourself with the specifications for sacrificial victims, and ensure that unacceptable substitutes cannot be unexpectedly introduced into the ceremony. If the penalty for not-to-specs work is death and/or mutilation, consider working for a more fault-tolerant deity.

Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your deity's name in the privacy of your own room before chanting it in public.

Flash cards are often helpful.

Before agreeing to impregnation by a supernatural being, investigate the survival rate of the other women who have undergone the procedure.

Never invoke anything bigger than your head.

Eschew deities whose followers are all young; such faith groups usually employ an unpleasant retirement procedure.

Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight -- it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during thunderstorms. Its jingling also tends to warn the hero of your approach.

Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough.

Pastel colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like direct sunlight to the Powers of Darkness.

If the spirit contacted during a seance begins offering financial advice, you're dealing with a con artist, and not a genuine medium.

Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, Thuggee cord, service revolver, garlic, and cab fare.

Fluorescent lighting is very annoying to most netherworldly creatures.

When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the Evil Priest. Enraged Demons always go for the pompous.

When a religious artifact begins emitting light, close your eyes. Thousands of cult members could be saved every year if they followed this simple safety tip.

When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.

During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home for later is now generally considered "bad form."

Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When The ritual goes awry, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between The gibbering monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B complex, and a good hot bath.

Piety and belief are powerful things, and few forces in nature, can stand against one who is true to his faith, his god/goddess, and the deal made In exchange for the soul. However, it is also true that gods tend to side With the heaviest artillery, so be prepared to change sides at the drop of a hat.

For those situations where a fresh, living, sacrifice is not available, The lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving a previously frozen Chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However, a mock victim sculpted from Spam is unacceptable.

Instead of picking human victims who are young, virginal and innocent (and tend to turn out to be the Hero's girlfriend), see if you can substitute mass murderers, lawyers, and other people who won't be missed

In darkness you paint us, but we will not hide.

We're the light of your country in which you abide,

We're fearless and strong, the protectors of your life hidden in shadows, we conquer all strife.

We come from the Old Ones, our lineage secure.

We rise from the ashes, we always endure.

It's time you remembered that we were the first.

We healed your sick, yet suffered your worst.

From time immemorial we' woven our lore cunning folk, healers, benandanti – there's more.

We're black and we're white, we're brown and we're yellow.

We're women and children and mighty fine fellows.

We're Her hidden children, the angles of light, our task is to teach and to help set things right.

We conjure and cast, whisper and pray so you can enjoy your freedom each day.

We've long been you army, protecting your back when you are in trouble, in secret we act.

The Mother is watching – She hasn't missed much.

She's gathered Her magick and given the touch to Witches and Pagans and Druids and such!

The times are a' changing and one thing is clear the Lord and the Lady have now reappeared.

Two pillars, three points, four quarters extended five is the number of magickal blend.

By moon and by sun, by earth and by the stars realise this day that the power is ours!

Pagan Pride – Live it, breathe it, and be it.

Silver Raven wolf  - The UBOS for the new generation

Do you consider yourself a magician? What type? White? Black? Shades of Grey? For a quick reality check, complete this easy questionnaire and then decide for yourself.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall reflect the Truth and show me all."

Involution? <-------------- or --------------> Evolution?

Instructions: For each item, circle the number from 1 to 5 that most accurately describes your thoughts, feelings, and actions now. Try to see yourself as you would actually appear to others. For best results, complete all items before reading any of the analysis or comparison comments.

1. I often feel sick. <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel healthy.

2. I usually feel impatient. <--1 2 3 4 5--> I usually feel serene.

3. My thoughts are confused. <--1 2 3 4 5--> My thoughts are clear.

4. My focus is on myself. <--1 2 3 4 5--> My focus is the group.

5. I often create conflict. <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often create harmony.

6. I often feel depleted <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel vital

7. I anger easily <--1 2 3 4 5--> I forgive easily

8. I am often led by desire <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am often led by will

9. I often criticize others <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often encourage others

10. I often create suffering <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often create healing

11. I often tell lies <--1 2 3 4 5--> I usually tell the truth

12. I am often vengeful <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am often forgiving

13. I am attracted to dark <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am attracted to light

14. I often act helpless <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often act helpful

15. I tend to restrict others <--1 2 3 4 5--> I tend to free others

16. I usually hoard <--1 2 3 4 5--> I usually share

17. I act cruelly <--1 2 3 4 5--> I act compassionately

18. I am more ignorant <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am more intelligent

19. I rarely feel grateful <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel grateful

20. I encourage separateness <--1 2 3 4 5--> I encourage unity

21. I am mostly harmful <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am mostly harmless

22. I often act irresponsibly <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often act responsibly

23. I am often taking <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am often giving

24. I often feel hateful <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel loving

25. I tend to tear down/destroy <--1 2 3 4 5--> I tend to create/build

26. I often act through might <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often act through right

27. I am usually greedy <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am usually generous

28. I usually feel spineless <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel courageous

29. I am mostly egotistical <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am mostly humble

30. I use nature <--1 2 3 4 5--> I cooperate with nature

31. I am mostly selfish <--1 2 3 4 5--> I am mostly selfless

32. I often act foolishly <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often act wisely

33. I often feel Soul-less <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel Soul-full

34. I often use <--1 2 3 4 5--> I'm often useful

35. I speak hurtful words <--1 2 3 4 5--> I speak healing words

36. I often feel full of fear <--1 2 3 4 5--> I often feel full of faith

37. I try to control others <--1 2 3 4 5--> I try to control myself

38. I excuse my vices <--1 2 3 4 5--> I master my vices

39. I have many prejudices <--1 2 3 4 5--> I have no prejudices

40. My rituals serve me <--1 2 3 4 5--> My rituals serve others

41. I rarely listen to my Heart <--1 2 3 4 5--> I listen to my Heart

42. I want power over others <--1 2 3 4 5--> I want power over me

43. I expect something for free <--1 2 3 4 5--> I do something for free

44. I focus on manifestation <--1 2 3 4 5--> I focus on consciousness

45. People are to be exploited <--1 2 3 4 5--> People are to serve

46. My will be done <--1 2 3 4 5--> Thy Will be done

Analysis:1. First--add up the total score for all items. A. Total scores between 230 and about 165 strongly suggest motives, thoughts, and patterns of behavior that are expressing light and love and that are more altruistic than selfish--more service-oriented than self-centered. The higher the score, the clearer the tendency towards white magic. B. Scores between 161 and about 115 suggest thoughts, motives, and actions operating in the gray area that are neither clearly white nor black. The higher the score the clearer the tendency towards white magic. The lower the score the more leanings are toward the dark. Fence sitting is precarious! Be vigilant! C. Scores from about 110 down to 46 strongly suggest motives, thoughts, and patterns of behavior that are regressive, dark, and selfish distributing darkness, selfishness, and hate. The lower the score the clearer the leanings towards darkness--and away from the light. Great danger exists at this level of functioning!

2. Another method of scoring is to add up all the scores and then divide the total by 46. Scores of 3.6 to 5 = very unifying, loving tendencies, light/white Scores of 2.5 to 3.5 = fence sitting, gray area, neither dark nor white Scores of 1 to 2.4 = very separative, hateful tendencies dark/black

Comparisons between White and Black MagiciansIt's been said once we become aware of some area of Truth, we become responsible for its use. Another way of stating this is, the greater the knowledge, the greater the penalty for abusing it--the sin excusable in the child, may be unforgivable in the adult. We will now present a summary of introductory-level comparisons between the white and black magician. These comparisons are based on materials quoted in the bibliography. White magicians serve others, black magicians serve themselves.

 The motto of a white magician could be "right makes might." The motto of the black magician could read "might makes right." The white magician tends to build, the black magician tends to destroy. White magicians seek to gain control over themselves, black magicians seek control over others. It is forbidden to interfere with the free will of another human being. White magicians use the forces of love, selfless sharing, service, unity, and synthesis.

The black magician uses the forces of hate, greed, aggression, revenge, selfishness, and separatism. The white magician seeks attainment through growth while the black magician seeks attainment through force. While the white magician does something for nothing, the black magician wants something for nothing. White magicians consecrate their lives to study, meditation, and service. They mold themselves into the Plan that they may be of the greatest service to the greatest number. Black magicians prostitute the use of wisdom and its accompanying power to gratify personal ambition, desire and greed.

While the white magician tries to prove self-worth through purity of living and sincerity of motive to be entrusted with power to serve, the black magician seeks to gain authority over spiritual powers through force instead of merit to manifest personal desire. The white magician prays humbly "thy will be done." The black magician shouts egotistically "my will be done!" The white magician has, as his or her motive, the benefit of the group, while the black magician works alone for his or her own selfish desires. The white magician works towards the evolution of consciousness for the good of all, the black magician works towards material manifestation for personal gain.

Differences exist between the two paths both in motive and in method. The work of the white magician will include all that supports the expansion of consciousness, unity, synthesis, and goodwill. The brother or sister of the dark side recognizes no unity with their fellow human beings, they only see in them people to be exploited for the furtherance of their own ends.

They respect no one and will use anyone to get their own way. They don't care about the suffering they may cause as they relentlessly pursue their ambitions and desires. Where desire runs rampant, a black magician is in the making! The acts of black magicians are motivated by intense selfishness and separateness. Instead of cooperating with the laws of nature, the black magician wants to use them to satisfy personal desire. The forces operating behind and through the black magician thrive on every thought, feeling, word and action of egotism, hate, bigotry, revenge, separatism, selfishness, cruelty, ugliness, and deceit. The forces operating above and through the white magician thrive on every thought, feeling, word and action of selflessness, love, goodwill, inclusiveness, forgiveness, oneness, service, compassion, beauty, and truth. Energy follows thought. We are responsible for the energies and forces we distribute in the world via our thoughts, feelings, words and actions. We can choose what types of energies we use and transmit. We hope this brief, introductory-level tool was helpful in the analysis of your motives for magical work.

For additional information we highly recommend books by the authors Aivanhov, Bailey, and Saraydarian listed below.

Hail, friends! Bothered by all the strange religions floating around out there? Not sure which path really leads to true enlightenment?

Fretting over whether the Man, Woman, or Slug upstairs has some real estate in Heaven with your name on it? Or maybe you just can't figure out which Truth is for you?

Well fret no more!

We at the Pineal Research Laboratory have worked out a test just for you: The Lucky Charms Religion Test. Yes, now such puzzling questions about moral values and eternal damnation can be easily and quickly resolved, based on your own personality.

The test is very simple. Simply choose one (1) of the following "Lucky Charms" bits found in Lucky Charms cereal. Choose the one, which appeals to you the most, your "favourite" if you like.

Pink Hearts.
Yellow Moons.
Orange Stars.
Green Clovers.
Purple Horseshoes.
Those little boring oat bits.

Now, simply compare your selection to the chart below. Each religion has been scientifically selected and compared with known personality traits, color reaction responses, taste response, and curvilinear perception theory which correspond to the Lucky Charm that you have chosen.

"Pink Hearts":

The heart is the symbol of life and passion, and no one was more passionate than the Tlaloc Worshippers of the Ancient Aztecs. Tlaloc the rain god was merciless and cruel, and demanded that the hearts of his worshippers should be carved from their chest, else he would drown them in a flood or kill everything with drought. While not the most compassionate of deities, you at least knew exactly where He stood. Book a flight to Mexico, pay up your life insurance, and prepare to find Enlightenment through fear and death in the South American jungle.

"Yellow Moons":

The moon has been called many things through the years, but has always been a symbol of Hecate, the Greek Goddess of magic and witches, who still kicks around even today. Yes, Wicca is the path for you, my  young seeker. I hope you like standing around in the woods wearing lots of black clothes and silver jewellery. It will help to be able to say really silly incantations with a straight face. Men: grow a goatee. Women: let your hair grow long. Pick a random Gaelic name for yourself out of a book, and Truth is just a prolonged trance while staring into a $20 quartz crystal away.

"Orange Stars":

You probably like pets, which is a good thing, because you'll want to join the Cult of the Dog Star. An ancient tradition, dating back to Egyptian and other African cultures, worship of the Dog Star, Sirius, has been around for forever. Even today, Sirius, or "Sigi Tolo" is worshipped by the Dogon people of Africa. And now, also by you. The appearance of the star in the heavens is said to portend floods, or thieves, or bad luck, or any sort of other evil omens. Better worship it to keep on its good side! Invest in a good telescope and get used to praying at night to your new celestial master.

"Green Clovers":

Congratulations! You're a Druid. Break out the Chap stick and get ready to kiss a lot of trees. The Druids, of course, are an ancient Celtic (pronounced 'KELL-tick') religion that used to hang out and dance around Stonehenge. And they do love nature. Boy do they ever. I hope you don't mind getting really friendly with your pets. And I hope you like sacrificing, too! Those Druids LOVE to sacrifice stuff. Food, drink, gold, animals, plants, people, you name it, they'll probably have a ritual where one is thrown on a stone slab and carved up so its entrails (if any) can be read.

"Purple Horseshoes":

Oh, wow. Really? You're one sick and twisted little pervert, you know that? Your best religious choice is the Cult of Aphrodite. Aphrodite, as you know, was the Greek goddess of love, and to be honest, she spent more time on her back than... well, than you will. Members of the Cult of Aphrodite meet regularly to don ceremonial leather vestments, perform various acts of worship (either for or to another Cult member), and shout out such incantations as "Oh, god(dess), yes!" (Assuming no religious ball gags are employed.) Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, and you'll get to learn a lot about both. Bring your own lubricant.

"Those little boring oat bits.":

Christianity. Now wasn't that simple? Note well: These matches have been verified scientifically. Don't waste valuable spiritual salvation time by shopping around and trying to make up your own mind. We've done the hard part, the rest is up to you! Congratulations on the choice of your new religion!

By the way, if you happened to choose "the milk," you might want to check out Discordianism.

As from to day the first of August the first dedicated site to pagan prisons and their families was launched. the pagan prisoners web site is not affiliated with any organisation but supports the pagan federation in it's good work with the pagan prison ministry.

This site is truly a magical experience it the idea of a ex con a visiting minister and the dream of the great Carrie du Fay the last Prison Ministry Manager and the Skill of the Pagan Minister of HMP Rye Hill.

We hope that this site will not only help inmates have the freedom to practice their belief buy educating Prison Staff, probation, social worker, health care and every other agency that is attached to the prison service for so long many these professionals have associated paganism with the Christian ideology of evil i.e. Devil worship (and in some cases still do).

We also want to educate other pagans that criminals can work with the goddess and the god, sometimes the goddess guides the hand to put you where you can learn and teach.

We are a open site we expect that this site will not make some people happy that why we have a forum you can have your say.