have you ever sat down and thought about how many true friends you have?  the ones you trust no matter what.  The ones who will be there for you through anything. It's funny how there are those who only come around when they want something or need a ride somewhere.  Then there are those who talk shit about you behind your back.  You think highly of those friends until they stab you in the back one too many times.  When I think of my TRUE friends I think of those who I can talk to about anything and not have to worry about he said she said stuff.  When it comes down to it everyone only has a small amount of true friends and the rest are just people you associate with when they are around.  So when you call someone a friend, think about how they treat you before go trusting them...

 

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to live up to everyones expectations when it's the expectations I try so hard to reach that drags me down the most.  Why must i always set myself up for excitement and the future if that future just keeps getting shot down more and more.  Either I'm not good enough or I don't fit the part.. Oh here's another one.. I will EVENTUALLY give up and fall flat on my face.  Why do i let these judgements get in my way all the time.  Why do i let the ones that i care about most end up hurting me the most.  I need to know that what I hear is not just some lie to keep me happy.  That MY world is not just some illusion waiting to be uncovered.  The world is such a cruel world.  Why must everyone destroy someones reputation just by a few little words.  What ever hapened to accepting people for who they are, not who they try to be.  The enemy has become my best friend lately just so i can please others and I'm tired of having to live that life.  I'm tired of having to go on everyday wondering when or even if my goals and needs will ever be met.  I'm starting to give up and it's the one thing I am truly scared of.  What if I never get to take those few extra steps forward that will make me happy.  Will I always be in this circle of torture that keeps bringing me down?  Will I ever know if the choices i make are really the choices from the heart, or just what everone else expects?  I try to live as if today was my last.  But even if it was my last... I still wouldn't have what my heart urns for every morning when i wake up.  It will always have to be this way.. cause i know that it was always just a story.. If not, it would of already come true!  Lifes too short, stop making the same mistakes over and over again.. Follow your heart, give it a chance and do what you know is best.. If not for others than do it for yourself!!!!!

OMG!!! I am so sick of being the one havign to do everything all the time.  I am sick of a guy telling me how to live my life.  I am 20 years old.. I am not not married.. and I am not happy with the way my life is being lived.  I dont knwo how to explain it but lately im happier by myself then being in the arms of someone else.  Maybe cause the nagging and pushyness has gone too far.  If i wanted to be controlled and treated like a kid i would date my father..( not literally but just saying) ok im done just had to get some things off my chest

Once a soul is born, it is that person's choice to choose their path.  One lead the right way, others lead the wrong.  As time passes by, I fade away more and more. The trust that took so long to build up is now beginning to fade.  Like a bird without wings, I slowly let my body drift away into the night.  No one knows who I am because I try so hard to hide the feelings inside me.  Without showing anyone what is going on in my head, I have the chance to be who everyone wants me to be.  Yes i said it who everyone else wants me to be.  For if I am myself then others might see past my happy smiles and laughs and know just how scary life is to me.  Does anyone really care what I might be doing tomorrow.  Lately i begin to wonder if I would even care what life will give to me.  I show no emotion because the emotion I do show is taken from me in an instant.  I am the doll that sits in the corner to build dust.  Only fun for a moment then after a period of time the excitement no longer exists.  For when I begin to open up, my feelings are just shut down with the reality that I am not who everyone wants me to be.  If I was to be that person then no longer will i know who I was.  I don't want to be alone forever.  I don't want to feel liek the outsider every direction I take.  Must I be the outkast who will never fit in.  My eyes no longer can see whats real because they have been pulled in one direction for far to long.  My mind has lost interest in the truth of the matter.  I myself have lost touch with my inner self.  Must I continue to be controlled in this little world called life???

So.. There are many people out there who spend thier whole life searching for that one special person, and then they finally get that one special person.  Well alot of others find it lose it and never get it back.  Well when you find that special person, don't just let them pass you by because you feel you have no other choice.  Let them know how you feel.. If it means walking right up to them face to face and telling them do so.  Don't let go of something you think is not there, when in reality it is.  If you have the feelign of love for someone and they love you back, they would do anything to keep what they feel is true love.  When all you can do is sit back and hurt, then that means you haven't wanted fait to take place so bad otherwise, you would instead be out there looking and following through with your feelings.  Love to some people might come and go but when you find that one person, that person who makes your heart skip a beat when they enter the room.  they make you smile through all the bad yet all you want to do is cry.  When you find that one person who is the only person you can talk to and not worry about the reaction you might get.  Once you find that person who can fulfill your every joy of happiness, don't just let them pass you by.  You may regret it in the long run and wish things could be taken back.. It's never to late until you have completely let your heart eat at your soul to the point where you feel you can never love again.  Once you get to that point, the pain will overcome you and it will be ten times harder to love than what it would be if you just let your feelings out and let nature take its course.  Don't wait till the next time because you never know if there even will be a next time.!