Its funny how things work out.  I sit here while everyone sleeps.  My love is on one couch, my best friend sleeping on the air matress next to me and her beautiful children on the floor next to her.  I often think about the possibility of  what "could have been?"  What would have happened if I had done something differently, would I still be where I am now.  Would I know the same people, would I have different friends? Lovers?  It is crazy how one choice altered my very exsitance, and the weirdest thing is I don't know what that choice was.   Now don't get me wrong, I am proud of the choices I have made, well maybe not proud of all of them, but I accept my choices and understand them. 

I looked in the mirror today and saw someone different, an older version of myself, perhaps it was the makeup still on from last night, or maybe I realized I'm not the young adult I percieve myself to be.  Maybe I am ready to step away from my childish insecurities and accept the adult insecurities.  I was always afraid to grow up, because when a person grows up, everything changes...I hate change!  The very thought of it makes me cringe. I like things when they stay the same, its comfortable, familiar.  Crazy? Maybe.  Alone in my thinking? Doubtful.

Perhaps next time I plan on staying away for the night....I should pack my ambien.