Well folks, we did it. Taste of Chaos 2007 has finally come to a close. What a tour, what a tour. Let's have a look at the numbers shall we?

Number of days on the tour: 49
Number of shows within those days: 39
Number of times Jeph from The Used whipped out his balls during an interview with Dylan and I: 1
Number of sign-ups it takes to fill up a page of our petition: 30
Number of petition sign-ups for the tour: 57,905
Percentage of those who signed up that will end up going vegetarian
within a year (according to research data): 1 in 4
Number of animals saved each year (on average) by vegetarians just by
not eating them: 100
Number of animals who will not be beaten, caged, crated, pushed, hit, kicked, proded, cut, scalded, and bled to death JUST THIS YEAR, because of these new Taste of Chaos vegetarians: 1,447,625.

It's pretty amazing to think about. Every one of those 57,905 kids who signed our petition now knows about how KFC boils many of their animals alive and chops all of their beaks off, amongst other things. This could not, should not, and would not have happened without the help of some very special people though. I would like to give special thanks to...

- To all of the Wal-Mart, Flying J, and TA travel centers, who unknowingly gave us a place to sleep in their parking lots when we so direly needed it. This also goes for all of the Panera Bread, Starbucks, and Krystal locations from whom I leeched free wi-fi internet. Without you, this very blog would not exist.

- To the absolutely INCREDIBLE Street Teamers who helped us each night of the tour. These numbers would not nearly have reached the levels they did without the contribution of each and every one of you. We thank you endlessly for it.

- To my fellow travelmates, Cody, Dylan, Eric, and Ed for putting up with my incessant rushing and stress-balancing. We made it, gents.

- Last but most certainly not least, I would like to send a special "thank you" to the fine folks of KFC. You see, thanks to your diabolical methods of breeding and slaughtering your animals, millions of people have learned what really goes on, not just in your factory farms, but in ALL major animal factories. It goes without saying that when even the most callous person learns of the standard practices involved in raising, and killing animals for food, many of them choose to leave meat off their plates for good. It's funny, in your efforts to maximize profits at the expense of billions of animals, you have not only shot yourself in the foot. You blew your legs right off.

So that's all, folks. I don't post blogs while I'm stationary (it's not that exciting), so keep your eyes peeled for upcoming tour dates and traveling on my MySpace.

Take care, kids. Don't do anything I wouldn't do....

Those of you who are consistent readers of this blog may notice a trend in several of my entries:  I like malls.  I'm not ashamed of it.  I think that enjoying the comically high levels of consumerism, tightly confined within a heated indoor shopping structure is probably one of the best ways to spend a morning. 

With this in mind, imagine the emotional high I got when I found out we were in the city that boasts....(are you ready for this?).... the LARGEST mall in North America!

That's right, folks.  Boasting an indoor waterpark, theme park, 3 radio stations, 2 casinos, an indoor skate park, an ice hockey rink, 2 movie theatres, and a large-scale replica of Columbus' Santa Maria... it's got it all.  Not to mention, until 1988, the mall had more submarines in it than the entire Canadian Navy!  (they had a submarine ride that went 6 meters under water.)

Most importantly though, they had a Harvey's.  As a Burger King-esque Canadian chain, you wouldn't think that would be the highlight of the world's 4th largest mall.  That would, of course, be before you tried their double-stack bbq veggieburger with sauteed onions.  Yes.  YES.  YES!

After properly stuffing ourselves on soy meat and chemicals, it was time to enjoy some of the local culture.  For us, that meant checking out the local pee-wee hockey game, currently going on in the mall hockey rink, and placing bets on who would face-plant first.  (Quack....quack....quack...) They're so wee!

After getting our fill, we headed over to the venue for another ass-whomping good Canadian show.  As to be expected, no proper whomping can take place without the help of a local Street Teamer.  Tonight's whomper answers to the name Harina, and she rocked the house like few in Edmonton have ever seen.  Canadian gentlemen in white baseball hats stood no chance...

During the show, I also had to opportunity to interview 2 of the fine gentlemen of the band, Aiden for peta2.  Make sure to keep your eyes peeled for that on the website soon!

P.S. - Only 1 show left, ladies and germs.  After tomorrow night's show, I will be posting a final tour summary blog entry, which will be the last of the tour.  Get your Kleenex ready, it's going to be a tear-jerker. 

Greetings from Winnipeg! 

It's part of my normal morning routine to check Weather.com for the local forecast, since I am often unaware of what day of the week it is, let alone where I am that day.  I knew Winnipeg was a cool place, since it's the home town of peta2-friendly punk rockers, Propagandhi.  Even my expectations could not possibly have prepared me for what was on the other side of that door though...

It goes without saying I immediately crawled back into bed and thought of hot chocolate Silk soymilk to thaw out. 

Unfortunately, the dictators of the hotel front desk were prompt in their ejection of us from their room, and insisted we leave the premises, much to our dismay.  Thanks to the glory that is HappyCow.net, we were able to track down a local vegan coffeeshop/bookstore called Mondragon.  Here's Dylan a matter of seconds before he inhaled the vegan burrito you see below.  That poor entree didn't stand a chance against his insatiable appetite.

After being properly stuffed, we headed to the show.  Tonight's show was another big victory, with 3/4 of the people in attendance signing our KFC petition.  As with all of the shows on the tour, a large amount of credit is due to our amazing Street Teamer.  Tonight's all-star goes by the name of Terry, and she rocked the house.  Look at her!  See how she rocks?!

Following another successful evening, we departed this Manitoba wonderland for greener pastures, in the form of a town called Saskatoon.  With a 10 hour drive between cities and no day off, it will be an all-nighter for us.  To pass the time, we'll be watching the Pamela Anderson-centered masterpiece "Borat".  In preparation for the viewing experience, we even put together a fun variation of our "I Am NOT a Nugget!" sticker for you kids out there, compliments of my Adobe Photoshop.  High five!

We're alive!  Yes, the rumors you hear are true.  We are, in fact, currently on the 18th story of the Radisson Hotel in Winnipeg, Manitoba, thanks to the "Taste of Chaos tour discount rate" at the hotel.  Fresh out of the hot tub, I am ready to catch you up on the past few days worth of activities.  Pack your backpacks, we're goin' for a trip down memory lane!

First off, I should mention that many of the pictures in this entry may not be up to the standards you've come to expect from me.  This is primarily due to the fact that my digital camera lost its longtime battle within itself and is no longer with us (aka - the piece of crap stopped turning on).  Therefore, in order to properly visualize the activities I describe in this blog, I used both other peoples' cameras, as well as my phone camera, for your viewing pleasure.  I appreciate your patience through this trying time, and I know that together, we can get through this.

The only show we've worked in the past couple of days was in the thriving gardens of downtown Detroit.  Those who have been fortunate enough to visit the "City of Champions" in the past can verify that what the city lacks in scenary and "things to do", it more than makes up for with its great abundance empty warehouses and death. 

Fortunately for us though, out of Detroit Rock City came a stupendous Street Teamer by the name of Rachelle.  Since the aforementioned camera was M.I.A., I will substitute the standard tabling shot with a shot of her and Jon from the band Kill Hannah.  Oooooh....Aaaahhhh....

Immediately following the show, we departed Michigan as fast as the wind would take us (like most people tend to do).  Unfortunately, we didn't have anywhere to go for the next couple of days.  You see, the tour has scheduled 2 days off in a row to get to Winnipeg (1100 miles from Detroit, and where we are currently).  Since we had time to spare, we decided to stop by Dylan's hometown of Manitowoc, WI (henceforth referred to as "The 'Twoc").  When in "The 'Twoc", local attractions are few and far between.  After touring the 'Twoc car ferry and having a look at the sewage-infested beaches of Lake Michigan, we decided it was time to make our own fun.  That's when Dylan pulled out the old wheels...

Watching people exercise has always been an exhausting experience for me.  Thus, it was not surprising that I fell asleep after burning the midnight oil at only 9:30pm. 

The next day we headed for the border, with high hopes of sailing across, just as we had done to get to Montreal last week.  Unfortunately, the ever-veg-friendly citizens of North Dakota had other plans.  2 hours, and a full van investigation later, we finally hit the road.  But not before I was able to sneak a camera phone shot from inside the customs office.  At least we know racism and profiling are things of the past, eh?

So now we're here, all the way back up in Winnipeg with only 4 shows remaining on the tour.  We're on track to double the sign-up numbers from last year's Taste of Chaos, at roughly the same financial cost.  

Who rocks hard?  We do!  We do!  Wanna know what happened to the last guy who tried to tell Eric differently?  You don't want a Deardorff wedgie.  Take my word for it. 

Only 4 more shows left on the tour! 

Yes, it's true.  Today is (was) in fact, my birthday.  I am officially a fossil, at the ripe old age of 23.  Fortunately, I still rock like a youthful 22-year-old. 

To celebrate this, the holiest of days, we decided we had to find the single most incredible vegetarian restaurant in all of the Greater Toronto area.  We did it, folks.  It goes by the name of Vegetarian Haven, and it is absolutely fucking amazing.  Boasting menu items such as "veggie pastrami pad thai" and "veggie salmon cutlet", this all-vegan restaurant makes choosing just one dish too immense of a feat.  For Dylan, that meant picking up the premier on-fire vegan dish, the "sizzlin' cutlet", as well as a side of "salmon".  What the hell do you crazy vegans eat?!?

It's common law though, that it's not a birthday without cake.  While Vegetarian Haven offers more than their fair share of both cakes and pies, I came across one menu item that gave me a twinkle in my eye: "The Decadent".  It's a vegan milkshake, with banana, ice cream, and your choice of cake (that's right, it's blended in the drink!).  I went with a whole slice of vegan strawberry cheesecake, in drink form, which was positively the greatest tasting drink/food ever.  Happy Birthday to me!!

As if that wasn't amazing enough, we then had a show in downtown Toronto.  Apparently it was part of my birthday gift that we had an amazing Street Teamer tonight, named Sinead.  Here she is with the whole gang (minus Eric, who was busy "working"...):

All of our hard work paid off though, and I received the greatest gift any Youth Outreach Coordinator could ever ask for:  we broke our record for the highest petition sign-ups of the tour.  No, correction, we SHATTERED the old record.  You see, up until now, we have had a glass ceiling of 64 pages of sign-ups, which is a lot, to be sure (that would be about 1900 people per night).  Anyone have any guesses on tonight's numbers?  65?  68?  How about 83 pages?!?

That's right, we trampled all over our old record and signed up 2,490 people Canadians tonight.  Now, I'm normally not a very emotional guy, but this stack of sign-ups was like my new child: loving and white as hell.

Cody caught a photo with his Sidekick during one of the more personal moments the sign-ups and I shared.  These are the things dreams are made of, folks.

Canada has it right, folks.  In between pronouncing words with super-long vowels, Canadians evidently have the time to lead vegan cooking into the 21st century.  But before I get to that, here's a recap of the past 2 shows:

As a point of reference, the rumors you hear of our neighbors to the north being obsessed with hockey are all too true.  For example, our show in Ottawa last night was held in the arena normally reserved for the Ottawa Senators team (I'm told that's a real sports team by Dylan, our resident expert).  The arena held 20,000+ people, which was helpful since we needed seats for at least....1...2...3...4... 5 people.  No wait, 4.  That last person was just hoping to use the bathroom....

This shot was taken after the opening band had already performed and didn't get much bigger by the time the headliners hit the stage.  While Canadians sure do seem to enjoy their pucks and toothless mouths, they seem not to care so much about The Used.  Despite this, we were able to sign up more than half of the people in attendance for both nights, mostly due to the utter awesomeness of our Street Teamers, Amanda and Stephanie (in Ottawa and Kitchener, respectively).  Look how much fun they have!

As for our downtime, you know we spent it wisely.  Today this entailed visiting our local Starbucks, which featured a very exciting addition to the menu...

Sorry Americans, this is a Canadian special only.  Rest assured though, someday we will be as progressive as the people who still beat seals to death with clubs.  Someday.

As if that wasn't amazing enough, while we were at "the 'bucks", we had a discussion with the lady who was behind us in line, who also happened to be vegan.  She asked us whether or not we  had visited "the vegan store" yet, to which we replied something to the effect of "whaaaaa?" 

The store she was referring to turned out to be The Green Door Vegan Variety Store, which was located a matter of blocks from that very Starbucks.  We were floored.  And that was before we found the first (and only) known package of vegan mutton known to mankind.  What a day to be alive, eh?

The Ryan Huling Newswire Top Stories:

- In a positively crushing turn of events, our newest favorite restaurant, Kung Food in San Diego will be closing this Sunday due to landlord/contract troubles.  Please observe a minute of silence with me as we recognize this tragic passing.  We'll get through this together, folks.

- Punk rock legends and vegetarians/vegans, Anti-Flag have decided to host the first ever peta2 benefit show in Virginia Beach.  The details can be found here, but if you are within 200 miles of this show, you would be an utter fool not to be in attendance. 

- Break out the wheelchair: I am officially 23 years old (as of 84 minutes ago).  There will be more on this in my next entry, but if I don't post for a couple days, just assume I broke a hip or something.

We're alive!  It's been a crazy couple of days, full of gobstobber-fueled highs and eternally depressing lows, so let's jump right into the action, shall we?

To recap, before hopping into the Maple Leaf Land, we held a show in Portland, Maine.  It goes without saying that we rocked the lobster-eaters like they haven't seen since the Fish Empathy Project entered their fine state.  As usual, we couldn't have done it alone.  We were blessed with the presence of our two amazing Street Teamers, Kate and Nicole.  Awww, they're totally like BFF!

Immediately after the show, we high-tailed it for the border.  Border officials were surprisingly kind, and we were smelling the maple syrup and hockey pucks in no time.  Even the freshest of pucks could never compare to the smell of the next day's lunch though, compliments of Bonny's Kitchen in Montreal.  Our ordering procedure went something to the effect of this:

Me: What's the entree du jour? 

Cashier:  It's the lunch special of the day. 

Me:  Mmm that sounds good.  I'll have that.

After that we were feeling a bit pooped.  We decided it was in our best interest to find our hotel for the evening and chillax.  For me, that meant falling asleep at a pitifully early hour, fully-dressed and in the position of a true nerd.

I was off dreaming my normal dreams about vegan corn dogs and cities with free wi-fi, when I was rudely awakened by the sun.  After a lazy morning and even lazier afternoon, we decided it was about time to head to the venue for the show.  Imagine our excitement when we returned to the Days Inn parking lot only to find this...

We had been robbed…. again.  This time, way worse than the last.  A clever monsieur had apparently decided to pop out our door lock and have his way with our stuff.  This included taking our TV screen, video camera, my GPS system, my iPod, and basically everything we couldn't afford to lose.  He even took the time to trash the inside of our vehicle and steal a root beer.  What a gentleman.

According to the police, this is the 20^th time in the past week that someone's car has been robbed in the Days Inn parking lot, which they failed to mention when we checked in.  Days Inn, you are officially on my shit list.

Here's the official police report of damaged or lost goods:

People say a lot of things about us.  One thing that's undeniable though is that we are tenacious motherfuckers.  Even in the face of infuriating theft and mental anguish, we still manage to press on.  With my laptop filling the void of our TV screen, we hit the venue and turned our rage into action.  Despite the fact that the 2,500 person audience was primarily French-speaking, we managed to sign up 1,800 of them for our KFC petition.  Eat it, Colonel.

No, that's not a type-o.  KFC is called PFK in Quebec (Poulet Frit Kentucky, incase you were curious).  We absolutely could NOT have done it without the assistance of our French-speaking Street Teamers though, Lucas and Julie (shown here being the metaphorical bread to Dylan's tofurky slices).

At the end of the day, we were exhausted, still frustrated, and hungry from spending lunch at the police station.  In typical peta2 style though, we fought through it and cranked out one of the highest sign-up percentages for the entire tour.  Sure, it could be because of our masterful use of the French language and superb pronunciation, or it could've been a combination of signs, free t-shirts from a sympathetic merch vendor, and adorable faces.  I prefer to think the latter.

Au revoir, mes amis!

Greetings from the 39^th largest state in the U.S.! (Maine)

Yes, it's true.  Your noble heroes have arrived in the Great Northeast, ready to hop the border into the land of Mounties and seal hunts.  But before we depart this fine country, we decided to hold a show in the lovely oceanfront town (*cough*) of Asbury Park, NJ.  Home of "The Boss" and other luminaries, we knew we were in for a treat.  Although it appears the word "Taste" has not been taught in the local elementary schools.  Taste…state… they're pretty much interchangeable, eh?

..

That was all before I even met the fine people of the Jersey shore.  Imagine my surprise when I walked out to find a 30-Seconds-to-Mars-influenced wizard at the front of the line.  At least he should know how to "spell" properly (har dee har har).

Tonight being one of the last nights in the U.S., it was also the final stop for several of the vendors and other tour folks who we've become acquainted with throughout the tour.  This includes our friend Chris from Capital Records, who is not only a freakin' sweet guy, but also a snappy dresser.

Also worth noting is the fact that I stupidly forgot to take pictures of our incredible Street Teamers tonight.  Rest assured that despite my lack of photographic evidence, Holly, Gina, and Manda all killed (in a good way) the audience and slaughtered them with kindness.  Here is an artist's rendition of what they are believed to look like, and it is expected to be entirely accurate.

So now we find ourselves one Portland, Maine show away from skipping the country.  Despite the fact that I was in Miami not 2 weeks ago, we have one again returned to a world of ice and snow.  Look at me as I courageously tame nature and proclaim my domination of the elements. (Yes, that's a Wendy's in the background)

In the interest of full disclosure, it is worth noting that upon my descent from the great pinnacle you see above, I fell into a massive chasm of both snow and despair.  Fortunately, I was able to muscle my way out and fly to safety.  What I do for this job, I tell ya…

While on the road, every day seems virtually the same.  I can wake up one morning and not know whether it's Tuesday or Saturday, since it had no significant effect on what I will be doing that day.  After tonight though, it feels like a weekend is about to begin.

Here's a quick recap of the past 2 nights.  I've titled this picture "the target audience" (realistic virtual spray paint added):

Our show in Boston once again pushed itself up to the 2,000 sign-up level (*yawn*), which far exceeds all expectations and previous tour averages for Taste of Chaos.  This is, in part, thanks to the help of our Street Teamer, Kat.  Go get 'em!

Now let's cut to the important stuff: the food.  "The Simpsons" said it best: "you don't win friends with salad".  Let's face facts folks (I like alliteration), nobody ever went vegetarian because they had a powerful desire to eat iceberg lettuce and pine nuts.  If you want to show people what veganism can really be, you have to pull out all the stops.  I give you, vegan funnel cakes...

As if that wasn't good enough, we hit up the vegan junk food mecca of FoodSwings in Brooklyn.  When a restaurant boasts a menu item called "The Vegan Heart Attack", you know you're in for a treat.  A combo platter of Southern-fried drumsticks, mashed potatoes, and a "vegan hurricane" (mint oreo) "milkshake" later, I think Dylan found a new favorite hangout. 

No junk food meal is complete without dessert though.  While FoodSwings offers amazing custom-made vegan sundaes and other culinary gems, we decided to cut to the chase.  Ever wonder what it looks like to consume 27 servings of vegan whipped cream in a speed competition?  Consider your prayers answered.

Good morning, ladies and germs.  Welcome to our first actual day off of the entire tour. 

I know what you're saying: "hey, you studly, well-dressed men have days off all the time.  I know so.  I read your blog."  Well, you, dear reader, would be confusing a day off with a travel day, which involves a full day of driving and occasionally, a couple hours for dinner.    Now today… today was a day off.

We awoke at the crack of noon, only to find this unusual item in transit on the highway.  We knew it was going to be a good day…

After such a sight, we were feeling a bit hungry.  As it turns out, Dylan had heard of a place in town by the name of T.J. Scallywaggles Vegan House of Pizza and Subs.  With such a grandiose name, we had high expectations.  Not even those expectations could come close to the glory that was bestowed upon us.  Did someone say vegan "sausage" and pineapple calzones?

Those my more observant viewers may not that I am, in fact, not in this picture, and that in my place is a rather large Moroccan man.  He goes by the name of Hassan, and he runs this fine establishment.  We were so exhilarated with their food selection that we asked him to have sit down to lunch with us.  He is truly a king amongst mere men.

After that, we asked the locals where all the cool kids hang out when in Beantown.  The results were in, and the Cambridge Galleria was the mall of choice.  Boasting not one, but three separate wi-fi hotspots within its limits, this was my kind of place.  Eric, on the other hand, headed directly for the magazine racks.  Who knew someone could spend 4 consecutive hours reading about cars?

Now that we have been forcibly removed from the mall property, we have settled down in good ol' Lowell, Massachusetts all set for tomorrow night's show.  Can everyone say "do not disturb door hanger"?