Well...hopefully I am starting to come out of this recent hell, but I thought the title was cute and surely there is a new kind of hell that will be forthcoming...
I come to you fresh out of the Moore County Detention Center having spent 30 days as county property due to my 3rd DUI. Once again, en route to go play with Sean, I got hemmed up for the second time in 6 months. Now, I do not blame that worthless fuck (more to come later on that) for my legal troubles. I bought that liquor before I left Fayetteville and was drunk when I got to his house to pick him up. However...the only reason I was on the road was to pick his ass up once again, as I do (did) constantly, putting myself in jeapordy every time since I didn't have a license (stemming from the March DUI). So we are taken out of my truck, him in one cop car (headed back to his house) me in another (headed to my new temporary home in Carthage) and my truck headed to public auction. I gave him my money and my cell phone to hold, and he looked genuinely concerned as they took us in our respective directions.
So I am locked down with murderers and the like and am feeling abandoned by everybody. My parents told me to sit in there and rot, they would not help me get out. The only person that I thought was in my corner was Sean Moultrie. I knew a couple people in my little cell, but that was little consolation for me...I of course did not want to be there. The first couple weeks, Sean was pretty supportive. After that, things started to change. One of the bitches I was locked up with was a little skanky whore I went to school with and is an acquaintance of mine and Sean's because she does "business" with one of our associates in Midway. She is a pathological liar and we all sit around and laugh about what a joke she is. After having been in there for about 12 days or so, she is released on bond. This is when Sean starts to act strange. He is distracted when I talk to him and is just very distant. Then I talk to my sister and she says he was spotted at the store with a white girl in a car he was driving. I ask about it and he says it was just Nicki (the whore) and they were just conducting some business at another associate's house...totally innocent. Then he was spotted with her again. I asked about it and he freaks out, tells me he has been acting strange because "he has a girl". I thought he was kidding. Never did I think he would do something so cold and horrible, let alone at a time when I was down lower than I had ever been before. He was so nasty to me on the phone that night, I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. Plus, I was in JAIL and it's not cool to cry in jail, so I had to suck it up. All I could think about as I tried to lay and sleep at night was the man I had loved for a year and did everything for was now lying beside a nasty, rotten-toothed little cunt. And this bitch acted like my best friend when we were locked up together. Smiling in my face, playing cards every day, eating food from my plate. Then heads for my man as soon as she gets out, because hers left her while she was in there. Oh, I'm sorry...as he told me on the phone that night...he was never my man, just friends with benefits at the most. Whatever...anybody who knows us, knows that is not the case.
I am still reeling from this betrayal. I have never been hurt like this before and I have been through two husbands and too many other men to count (okay, that is not a very flattering description of my love life, but it is what it is). I thought I would be with this one in some capacity or another for a very long time. He was like my twin, except he is skinny, black and a dude. We like the same things, hate the same things and have the same sense of humor and same nasty habits. It was like I lost my best friend and my man at the same time...and basically that's what really happened. I just want to hurt the two of them the way I am hurting right now. I can't stand to think about them laughing about how they got over on me. It would be too easy to sling that little bitch across Greenmont Apartments, plus I would violate my probation and go to Raleigh for 2 years. I guess the best revenge is to live a good life and be happy, but that is easier said than done. They won't be together long. She is too stupid and skanky for him and she will get on his nerves before long. She is annoying and cheesy and the only thing I can figure is she must be paying his way along or doing something else for him (besides the obvious, and rest assured she will NEVER do that as well as I do). Okay, this is still a very upsetting topic for me...that is basically the whole story more or less...and that is all I have to say about that.
So I met a new guy this weekend, via my sister. He is SO not my type...white, long hair, self-proclaimed redneck. But you know what? He is NICE. Very respectful, protective, sweet. Wants a woman to be good to. He is employed, has his own place. We are just talking at this point, I'm still trying to get past the whole not my type thing and Sean is still very much on my mind as much as I try to push him out. However, maybe I need something different, physical attraction or not. After all, I was with a pretty boy that I thought was sexy as hell for the last year and he treated me like shit. This new guy is not ugly, though. He is just not physically what I would typically be attracted to in the past. Whatever...I have always been fairly open minded and apparently there was some physical attraction Friday night, so...
I just want to move on and be happy. I have been under so much stress and this has arguably been the worst year of my life, and I have had some really bad ones. I have learned a lot recently and hope to use that to not make the same mistakes over and over again. My relationship with my family is on the mend and I am back at work and back in my apartment, so man or no, I could be doing a lot worse. So in that respect, I am happy. I just want the sad and mad to go away...those are two emotions I have just about worn out this year and I'm tired of them.