your acts of betrayal bleed me
resistance to feel real
I embrace this comfortable numb
I wont let you claim kill
Retreat to a voice of reason
diffuse with a sonic boom

consequences depend on you

my existence, your doom

 

you dont exist anymore
leaving you a broken soul

captivated crime scene

on the cold cement floor

 

your replaceable existence
how dare you cross the line
i invoke thee to stay away
or face being erased
your future has a grim promise
vowing my vengence to you
forgiveness wont save you this time
we're done so dont try

I'm wrong. I've been wrong before... but this time... I'm definitely wrong. Life is a challenge. Carpe Diem. Cease the day. You never know which will be your last.

Let's spell this out to make it a little easier.

I screwed up. I gave a false answer to protect myself. In the end... I poisoned my own shield. I think about her all the time. I havent stopped. Our last goodbye was the hardest I've ever had and the suffer has been great since then. So much, in fact, that it has disabled my abilities to think clearly and use good judgement. For this... I am truly sorry. I am so sorry for myself for not just living my own words. I can give all the greatest love advice in the world... but to take my own is at times quite impossible. But if I wasnt me... I'd tell me... "Gwen, follow your heart. Love will find a way."

I would also like to apologize to her. I am so sorry that I let you slip away from me. I swear with this chance... I'll never let go again. I never knew loss until the day I lost you. I miss your voice... that smile... our jokes... our talks. I wanted to kiss you so badly that night at the hotel, but couldnt bring myself to hurt either one of us again. I wasnt sure. I wasnt sure that things could possibly change. I am still the aspiring rockstar who lives with mom & dad. Though it means nothing to me... I am still 3 years younger than you. Are you okay with all this now? May we continue on despite all the petty slings and arrows shot in the past? I want to. I have reserved my feelings and kept them to myself long enough. I broke lastnight in Jammi's car. I finally answered from my heart with a cry. "You still love her, dont you? You're still in love..."

YES. I am.

It will take great strength and courage to continue this battle of acceptance. But I would go through great lengths and beyond just to hold you one more time. I have been patient for quite awhile... in a few days... you will hear from me. May we follow the right path together. My hand is extended... take it... and you shall not know heartache another moment. I love you.