Last week was a crappy week.  I interviewed for a job I really wanted, with a HUGE pay increase and the ability to work from home... In the end, it was between me and one other girl, and the other girl got picked because she had been freelancing for the company for the last 4 years. 

So I'm still stuck, still nothing on the horizon.  I know God has a plan, but...  sometimes I get really impatient.

That's the update with me.

This year, 3 good friends had Christmas babies... one just this morning.  Apart from Christ himself, I can't think of a cooler Christmas present.

There's something about Christmas that is magic.  As I sit here waiting for family to arrive, I am enjoying the 'calm before the storm.'  You are all gifts to me.  God Bless you, and Merry Christmas.

Last week, my pal Linda -- who is Shaunti's project manager -- called me and said Shaunti needed to "dictate" some things to me so I could write the next set of Moody Radio spots for her. Now, Shaunti is in Georgia, and I'm in Pennsylvania, so clearly I was going to need a phone.
Problem!

My husband -- God bless his gentle heart -- decided we could save money if we got rid of our land line, since we both have cell phones. It sounds logical. I mean, after all, being a writer often requires having a phone on your sorry butt at all times, and I always give out my cell number. So I went along with the idea, but I can't get any cell phone reception in my home (we live out in the boonies), so I have to go out on my deck to talk. Not fun in a snowstorm!

Shaunti and I hatched a plan -- I would go to a cafe with my earpiece, and type out what she had to say. She would be "dictating" to me from the road, on her way to a much-needed family vacation. OK great, sounds wonderful. So I planted myself in a comfy chair at Starbucks this morning with my laptop ready to go, and my ear piece firmly planted in my ear. But I had to call her back and switch locations a few times, because a crowd came in JUST as Shaunti called, and then all the grinders and steamers were going full-blast.

Basically, she talked about some of her question & answer sessions at her events, and I typed as she talked. A lot. I typed until my fingers nearly fell off. Her husband, Jeff, was in the background interjecting thoughts and every so often I'd hear Shaunti say, "Julie, did you catch that?" But I never caught ANYTHING between the sound of the highway on her end, the crowds and coffee house noises on my end, and Shaunti's kids chattering away from the backseat.

People like to stare at you, too, when you're typing like a freak on your laptop with your ear piece on. They probably thought I was trying to be all yuppie-ish, or trying to look cool. I KNOW that's what they were thinking. If only they knew I HAD to be there because I didn't have a telephone like a normal person.

Well, that's what I love about being a writer. I never deal with the same thing twice.

THIS JUST IN:  I continue to be what my mother would call "slightly off."
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
You know all the jokes.

I was sitting at my desk today staring off into space -- because I can't concentrate for more than 2 or 3 minutes on anything these days -- thinking about life and how pointless it seems... and I realized, OK, I'm getting sick again.  Of course, there were other signs...  falling asleep on the toilet in the middle of the day, for example.  No motivation to do anything, not even channel-surfing.  Taking everything personally and feeling hurt on a regular basis over small things.  Wanting to eat nothing but Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies and sleep.  That sort of thing.

So I called the doc and scheduled an appointment... pronto.  To my dismay, two of my meds were increased.  (This officially makes me a 'walking pharmacy".)  I've also gained 15 pounds since the beginning of October.  Wow, go me!  Now, I have to admit, I'm totally ashamed of my weight gain.  But I've decided to hold back my shame until Saturday.  See, tomorrow is our office Christmas party, and it's being catered...

I love the medical advice bipolars get.  Eat healthy.  Exercise.  Ah, but we don't want to do that.  We want to eat Twinkies and sleep our lives away.  Socialize.  But we want to shut out the entire world.

And God.

Everyone has a different method of coping.  I guess some people don't cope at all.  I cope with humor.  I have Bipolar Disorder.  I can't NOT make fun of that.  I stereotype myself regularly.  It may not be politically correct, but screw that.  I'd rather laugh then feel validated.

But I still wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I laugh a lot because it's better than the alternative.

And now I'm off to go do what I do best -- sleep.
G'night!

Since most of you haven't heard from me in ages, I figured I'd stop by and say hello.  FYI, I spend a lot more time on Facebook these days.  You can't throw sheep at people on here.  Throwing sheep = fun.

We'll start with Scott.  Scott has not been doing so well.  No one has any answers.  Every time we think we have an answer, we're wrong.  Back to square one.  There is no "pretty good day" for Scott.  He is in constant pain.  Right now, the docs think maybe he has celiac disease (these are the folks on gluten-free diets), an intestinal blockage, and there's even the chance that this is related to the mesh that was once covering his hernias.  Our family doctor keeps promising that eventually he'll be OK... but we've been hearing this promise for years now.
It's not the end of the world, but I feel really bad for Scott.  He's spent most of his 30's in pain.

Otherwise, we're OK.  My job is... still my job.  I won't bother to complain, it gets me nowhere.  It's the same as always, that's all you need to know.  Though my boss has been super cool about things lately -- I've taken a lot of time off recently.  She's been really great, and I appreciate her.  I don't always agree with the stuff she does, but she's not all bad. 

I've been doing a lot of writing work lately, and I am psyched about the extra income.  I've been ghost-writing for my pal Shaunti Feldhahn, and freelancing for her as well.  (Ghost-writing = writing under Shaunti's name, in her voice, under her direction.)  I've also been doing some work for Lifeway, based in Nashville.  They're the folks behind Shaunti's video Bible studies, as well as Beth Moore's.  They're awesome people to work for.  Having more regular freelance work has been stressful in some ways, but a huge blessing in others.  I still hope I can earn a living this way, eventually.  This way alone!

You've all heard me about my cousin Jay, who suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and my desire to see him.  Well, I'm happy to report I got to see him this past Sunday, and will be able to see him this coming weekend, as well.  He's still hilarious, full of fun.  He speaks through a computer, and by spelling things out across his chest.  He can talk a little bit, but it's really hard to understand him through his oxygen mask.  It sucks.  I can't tell you how bad it sucks to see him this way.  He needs help coughing -- his wife has to push on his stomach to help him along.  But he's the same guy.  I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself because of my weight, but the truth is, it doesn't matter what state your body is.  Your value is in your spirit.  Your soul makes you beautiful.  Jay is one of the most beautiful people I know.  I don't WANT him to have this struggle, but his struggle has helped my marriage (by seeing the trusting relationship Jay and TJ have), and his struggle has helped my faith, believe it or not.

If Jay can find joy, then there has to be a God.  A good God.  That's all I really know.

He has 4 gorgeous daughters.  The youngest one seems so sad.  She's about 10 or 11.  Pretty girl with lots of adorable freckles.  Well, I never had a sick daddy, but I know what it's like to have a sad childhood.  I want to tell her she'll be happy again someday... maybe not for a long time, but someday.  And that all the sadness she feels right now will make her an incredibly caring, sensitive woman who will do so many big things for others... for God. 
It's proof, I think, that God can use all things for our good.  If you need proof.

It has been an interesting time.

Ain't life grand?

After six months of feeling totally awesome... I think the word is "normal"... as in "not bipolar"... there was a brief crash.  Crash is not the right word.  Let's go wiiiiiith "temporary brain fart."  That sounds better.  A very, very brief period of darkness that lasted just long enough for me to back off of responsibilities and lose touch with many of the people I care about.  If you're among them -- sorry about that.  :-(  Sad thoughts because overwhelmingly horrific thoughts... obsessions... Anything that caused me additional discomfort, I just avoided.

It freaked me out so I did something I've never done before -- I went to the doctor by choice, no protest.  No one had to insist or push me, I just scheduled the freakin' appointment because my worst fear in life (well, one of them) is turning into the person I was pre-April 2007.  So I went.  And I was terrified that I would wind up with 3 new prescriptions, but all I got was a slight increase in my Prozac.  I can deal with that.  And a week later, I'm already feeling back to "normal."  I don't know if that's because of the meds or just the end of a cycle, but I won't argue with success.

One thing the doc told me was to lay off the caffeine, and I can't tell you how hard that has been.  I usually consume 6 or 7 cups of coffee a day, sometimes more.  Now I'm down to 2.  I've been fighting headaches and a near coma for the past week.  I love coffee, and I'm not a morning person.  I hate mornings.  I think mornings are evil, OK?  I NEED coffee.  I have always felt that decaf was nothing more than brown water, but now it's what I drink all afternoon.  It's a mental thing.  I know it's decaf, but at least it's coffee.

It's strange to me that I don't worry about my Diabetes, but I worry about BP.  I take my meds and do what I need to do to control my blood sugar, but I don't WORRY about it.  Becoming severely mentally ill scares me.  Losing control of my find freaks me out to no end, because I know how much there is to lose.  So I don't have the option of ignoring symptoms and not staying on top of it anymore. 

On that note, I'm going for a swim.

If I had the cash, I'd hold a contest to see who can guess what this is growing on a bowl of pasta salad in the back of my fridge.  And I might throw in some bonus money if anyone can guess how old the pasta salad is. 
I don't know what this is exactly, but if it grew eyes I'm pretty sure you could tame it, paper train it, and keep it as a pet.

I guess I need to clean out the fridge more often.

Big shock:  I have been an Amy Grant fan since I was 11.  Fanatic, perhaps, is the appropriate word.  If you didn't know this about me yet, then we probably don't have a very close relationship.  I've blogged extensively about her, and now that her new book is out, I'm feeling inspired to write a little more.

A while back, I wrote an entire series on what it's like to be a "true" Amy Grant fan.  Out of everything I've ever written at Infuze Magazine, this got THE biggest response by far.  Please give me props for making fun of myself in such a public way. 

So here it is, by request...  The Amy Grant Collection.
I Was An Amy Grant Fan
My Boyfriend Was An Amy Grant Fan
Behold, The True Amy Grant Fan
Pre-Teen Amy Grant Tales

Sorry there are no paragraph breaks!  Not sure why the archives are like that...

I FINALLY got to see my friend Shaunti Feldhahn today, for the first time in 3 years.  We have been through so much together in that period of time...  Or, I should say, she has gone through so much with me.  I'm a sentimentalist, and I'm telling you 2 hours just isn't enough time, but I'm extremely grateful for them.  The chick occupies a very special place in my heart and she always will.  Everybody should have someone that loves them unconditionally, always sees the best in them, never stops praying for them, and makes them desperately want to be a better person.  That's my Shaunti.  


My amazing sister and my amazing husband.  A good morning indeed. 


I consider myself incredibly blessed that I've either met or befriended most of my heroes in life.  Shaunti is among them!