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Afternoon troops,  ....

So to re-cap:....

Thursday 13th Aug: Bar Music Hall, Shoredich. London....

Friday 14th Aug: The Queens Tavern, St Ives, Cornwall....

Sat 15th Aug: The Bird in Hand, Hayle, Cornwall....

 ....

I'm lying in bed watching the lightening from my window. Makes a change to the last two nights waking up to look out at foxes shagging. (The second most exciting thing to have happened in Bookham all year) The most horrendous noise, isn't it? Awful.

Oooh I've just seen Evil, the big horrid cat that bullies mine every chance he gets, out in the storm, trying to find somewhere safe to shelter. I feel a bit bad now for throwing stones at him yesterday. I didn't mean it, Evil! I'm sorry! He'll be soaked through now. Poor puss.

Reggie's on the window sill. Delilah's hiding. I can't concentrate on sleeping with all this electricity leaping through my window, it's hurting my head!

I'm a bit scared now. It's really loud. I might cry, like that boy in my class in year 5. Whenever it thundered he'd cry and then piss himself. He did the self same thing when Kelly bought in her pet snakes! Show and tell. Fancy that. I took in a dead spider crab once. It smelt and fell to pieces before I walked round the block to school.

Oh god. I'm bored and I can't sleep. X

Hi all,
 
Just a very swift mail to let you know that our album is now on sale in a physical format and comes with a very lovely 8 page booklet containing all the lyrics and other bobbins!

The shop is now open so please come and visit our website and do some shopping!
 
Visit Ye Olde Shoppe
 
Of course the album is on itunes as well but we know some people prefer to actually hold the real thing, well now you can!
 
Gigs in July are:
 
12th July - Hobble on the Cobbles, Aylesbury
17th July - The Spice of Life, Soho London.
 
Send us a message for more info: info@slashedseataffair.com
Big Salutings SSA x

Saturday... Being useless, I missed both the England and The Lion's rugby matches much to my utter devastation. Went out for my birthday with the family to the local Italian. Filled our mouths with after dinner mints and proceeded to walk home spitting them at each other. Mum started it. We had a garden party in the dark, Dad worked the living room / patio as the DJ, cold white wine a-plenty, fun times. Tom - you owe me money still.

Sunday... Seems so far away now, but the shame I encountered on my way home from Somerfields past the Bookham Baptist Church is still fairly immense. Accidentally mooned the entire congregation walking past when a strong gust of wind got the better of my dress. Sorry Vicar! Sincere apologies. Morning was definitely broken after that.

Monday... Reggie (my cat) got Chlamydia of the eye. Can you believe it? An STD in the eye. What on earth has he been doing? It's nothing to do with the company I keep I can assure you!

Tuesday... I caught Reggie behind my bedroom door strangling himself on a brown paper shopping bag. Luckily I was on hand to save him. Maybe it was the stress and the shame of the Chlamydia that drove him to try to hang himself. Delilah is just too cool for STDs and attempted suicides. I left them to it and went round Erika's for a BBQ. I got lost on the way. Well, we do live in the country.

Wednesday... I went shopping in Knightsbridge and came to the conclusion that in general, (sweeping statements) the people of Knightsbridge need slaps. Apart from the nice lady behind the Clinique make-up counter in Harrods. She was lovely. And looked like she'd already been slapped, in the face, with too much make up.

Thursday... Was quite a good day in all - VOTED, (did we shiiiiit) then went to High Wycombe to headline at the Nag's Head. AND they had a jukebox. Although what is it with these new jukeboxes? They have such a poor selection of songs on them. I thought they linked up to itunes or something now a-days. Got back home late. Had a crank. Not really.

Friday... I've just come back from lunching with one of my bestest pals Risa. Running a bath. Heading out for a chinese and some drinks in Esher with my sister. Making the most of Surrey! Hoorah.

...What a dire read. Who reads this anyway?! Hahahahaha... I salute you, if you do! x

The day is upon us! Slashed Seat Affair's debut album is released, and is now on iTunes.

Just click the button below


'Noises' is our debut album and one we're really bloody proud of, truth be told. Blood, sweat and tears spring to mind, and that's just Darren, Rob and Noel!

It's the start of a journey for us as a band and lyrically, the album has definitely been a journey for me... It's one I hope you'll want to share with us and pretty simply, that's it. We're going to shut up now and let the lyrics and the music speak for itself...

We hope you love it as much as we do.

THANK YOU, as ever.

Ellie (Saluting). xxx

I hope this mail out reaches you've just about recovered from the bank holiday! I certainly am after last night - our single launch in Old Street at the Legion was an event to behold! I have spent the morning in the recovery position - and Noel ended up in A&E. All the fun at the fair!

Just a reminder about our second single 'No More Lies'.  It is released this and can now be download from iTunes.

Download 'No More Lies' from iTunes

 'No More Lies' includes two b-side tracks 'Suffocate Me' and 'I Don't Care'...  Check it out the link and tell all your mates. Be cheeky for me and tell all your firends (or post the track on your profile) .You're a part of the SSA 'band wagon' and we need your help to chart! Go on... we'll love you for it!

A BIG FAT SALUTE.

Thank you.

Ellie xxx

Award ceremonies? A load of old cobblers eh? Pointless self – congratulatory bollocks, which usually ends with Kate Winslett crying her eyes out whilst Angelina looks on muttering “bitch” under her breath.

Well, I thought this until we found ourselves nominated in two categories at the 2009 Exposure Music Awards. The ceremony was held at Gloucester University, slap bang in the heart of beautiful and the-far-too-posh–for-us, Cheltenham. In fact, so convinced we were that we wouldn’t win, I was the only band member present. Accompanied by Producer Phil and our video producer KT we were there for the giggle and to reacquaint ourselves with a few faces, have a social and perhaps, the outside chance of an award.

Arriving early (ish) we were ushered into the green room area where sandwiches, quiche and free beer were on tap. Not being a particularly good beer drinker, I never the less gave it a go and warmed to the task. I also improved my quiche eating technique, whilst we played guess the sandwich filling.

Set in the student union, where 3 wines for a fiver ensured that once the awards were underway, I was nicely merry. well pissed to be brutally honest. After each award we treated to a band playing two or three tracks, which pretty much guaranteed the night would linger longer. Much longer.

We were nominated in the best alternative song category for Connected and for best video for Forget You. Problem being the categories were pretty much book-ending the evening, so we made sure we had the most comfy and warmest seats in the house.

We didn’t win best alternative. Well, just wasn’t going to happen was it? But I must admit, the heart does beat a little faster when you hear your name being called out in the list of nominees – perhaps, just perhaps…..doh!!!!

More bands, more categories, more wine, more bands, more categories etc, etc, etc until we found ourselves at the best video award, chosen by the beautiful people at Tourdates (www.tourdates.co.uk). We knew we had a great video but still felt we wouldn’t win. Up to the mic steps the boss of Tourdates and announces the nominees. “…and the winner is…” some other band!! Shit, oh well. Up steps another female fronted band, but…hang on…why are they playing our song? That’s us, not them.

Man from Tourdates “…sorry, there’s been a mistake..the winners are actually Slashed Seat Affair for Forget You.

Fuck.Off. No way. Oh yeah.

WAY!!

The booze has coursed through my veins for long  enough. Long enough for me to climb the stairs, accept said award, clear the throat and speak. Without fear….without thinking.

I thought I’d start with a gag, aimed at us and certainly not the other band who’d thought they’d won.

“Easy mistake” I laughed “ if you’ve seen one female fronted band you’ve seen them all”. Back of the net, I thought. Thierry Henry in his pomp.

Own goal thought the rest of the room and a mild rumbling of boo’s from the other bands table.

Shit.

Ok, ok. Think, think fast. Better move on and thank Bernhard the director, yes that’s it, thank Bernhard for all his work. Ooh, and kt too for her hard work and of course Phil.

Back.On.Track. Feeling better.

Thank the band, of course, of course, I must thank the band. Another gag perhaps??

“My band are a bunch of fucking shits for leaving me to do this on my own”

Silence.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can’t help myself. Booze tourette’s.

I am pissed, I am a lightweight, I need my band-mates to hold my hand.

Accept award and leave. Although perhaps I should stay and accept the award in the now one horse race that is biggest-wanker-of-night award. That one was certainly in the bag.

I ensured the first thing I did once returned to my seat was to apologise to the other band who thought they had won. They laughed it off. They were lovely. Or were they laughing at me?

We had an award. No amount of me trying my hardest to be a cock could change that.

We were triumphant.

I slept in the car on the way home. Well, I drifted in and out of that uncomfortable state that is not quite sleep not quite consciousness.  I needed to sleep.
Probably for the best.

Bolt upright in bed.

I am lying in bed with my head on the window sill. The cats are also on the window sill. All three of us. On the sill.

The
freakiest thing is happening outside. I am fairly scared. Times like
this you wish you had a dog. Or a bloke. Or your dad downstairs like
the old days!

There is literally a helicopter in my back garden.
Its search light is shining in through my window. It is like
Chessington World of Adventures at my back door. What the fuck is going
on? It's been going round in circles for ten minutes or more.

The
cats are freaked out, I am freaked out. We're still on the sill. I text
Erika who lives up the road (shout out - best mate) and she's up and
can see and hear it too.

This is a live up to the minute blog
people. I feel like I am in War of the Worlds! Without the music.
Because then I'd be less about the sill and more about the toilet. I
hate that sound track. Scary.

Shit! Can they see me? Shit!
They're shining it in my face at the window! Shit! What have I done?
Shit! Had two glasses of rose in All Bar One at Waterloo with Darren
and Phil. I suppose visiting All Bar One is a crime in itself,
punishable by surrey police. Officer, officer, it wasn't me - I didn't
really go into All Bar One. Darren made me!

Oh here they come
round again! - bright lights, bright lights! Maybe I should move away
from the window. Are they after me? I am now peeking through the
curtains. This is like the bit in the BFG where the little girl gets
caught sneaking a peek! Or some other show I've watched online recently.

Might go knock on Don's door. (The magician guy) but maybe they're after Don! Don up to no good with his magic tricks!

Cats
have run off to hide. Still circulating. Wish my mum and dad were here!
All alone! Deviants here, in Bookham! Is it any wonder I caught a
middle aged lady hiding in the bush at the train station last week? It
all rings true to me now. Too true.

I've inadvertently moved
into the UK's crime hotspot. They all look innocent and law abiding
enough. Well, don't try and tell me it's an underage bar drinker. This
is full on police camera (me on my blackberry) action.

Oh.

Stopped.

They've
gone. So what does that mean? Murderers in Bookham! Wandering the
streets in plain clothes like ordinary people! They've only gone and
let them get away with it. Given up, shift over, flown home, Krispy
Kreme doughnuts en route. Useless! Send prison is only a stone's throw
away on reflection. Can of worms!

I'm shutting my windows. Bolting down the hatches. (Not quite the phrase, is it?....).

Tomorrow I'm getting myself a dog. Or a bloke.

Night...... (Hiding under my duvet)

2317 April 20th. Over. And out. But innocent.

I do try my utmost to get through the week without leaving a trail of destruction, smut and innuendo in my wake.

No, really, I do. Best intentions. But somehow, by hook or by crook (or by wine) I end up finding that I must yet again, reprimand myself for my unruly behaviour and promise to do better. 'Why oh why did I say / do that? And to them!' It's the dreaded feeling you get at 5am when the previous evening's escapades all come flooding back. How very unwelcome.

I think it's being in a band with three boys. Yes, I've decided I'm going to blame Noel, Rob and Darren for my deviant behaviour. Although I'm sure my parents would disagree and attribute it to birth, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Obviously, I am talking in riddles, we are not Sex and the City here, you will have to pull this apart and make of it what you will. (I'm just blogging, trying to find something to write about!)

When you spend a considerable amount of time in the company of blokes, and filth is on the menu breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner there's generally speaking, one of two things a girl will do.

Turn their nose up and gawk in general horror at the group habits of males (do I sound like David Attenborough?)

Or

Join in with the lads.

I favour the latter. It's always much more fun. In fact, I can't be sure but ringleader springs to mind. Lowering the tone. Unsavory-ness. No, it can't be me. I really can't tell you anymore, because apparently I'm told (and thank GOD) '...what goes on tour, stays on tour...' (and by the way that was said in unison, by all four of us).

All I will say is..... Noel's gay! Just kidding.

...And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her roman nose
And her Walkman started to melt
Oh ...

Throwing down the gauntlet for band replies!! Stick up for yourself boys, if you dare!

xx

'Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves'.  Albert Einstein


I'm sitting next to my Nana on the sofa, she's telling me that yesterday she saw pigeons doing it in her back garden. '...Strutting around, making love!...' Funny. Do pigeons make love, or do they just do it?

Welcome to my Easter Sunday blog! Haha.

AND, Nana just saw a cut of our new music video for 'No More Lies' - she likes it, so we now have the official seal of approval.

We're all here for a spot of Sunday lunch. Dad picked me up from the flat in my new car this morning and I drove back. They've not given me full custody of the vehicle yet, as I'm still trying to master the art of driving. Passing your test in a new car does not in any way prepare you (or maybe it's just me) for driving an older car. Get to the bite - forget it. Put your foot down, don't close your eyes and pray.

I don't know about you - (although actually I'm sure Darren might know what I'm on about) but I've started wondering if there is any such thing as (and indeed, whether I might be suffering from a mild case of) 'Driver Tourettes.' On Friday, for example, I was in the car driving up the Seven Hills Road from Weybridge to Cobham and coming round the corner at top speed on the other side of the road was a MASSIVE Tesco lorry. For a fleeting and shit scary moment I thought that I might swerve in front of it, head on collison type thing. Not that I wanted to, au contraire! It's a bit like being on top of a high building and not wanting to stand too close to the edge in case you throw yourself off, by mistake!

Right, I've just eaten the biggest dinner ever. I am off to digest and further consider whether I should actually be on the roads. I miss the easy days of passenger seat driving.

Never Drive Faster than your Guardian Angel can Fly  (Author Unknown)

Beep beep!