the first 50 people to email this address:
magicshirt@gublerland.com
answer these 5 questions properly,
AND include a brief statement of their "charitable contribution to the world"
will get a free limited edition super awesome gubler-flu shirt
(you can read my earlier blog "spider monsters have a wonderful work ethic" for full details and stipulations if you have no idea what i am talking about)

THE FIVE QUESTIONS:
where was i born?
name one band i have directed a music video for
what is my favorite holiday?
name one TV show theme song i have sung a rendition of
what did i major in while at college?

i will then contact the first 50 people in order to get their mailing address and size preference
also
this contest is open to everyone in the entire world
don't assume just because you live in france or australia you aren't eligible
i will gladly pay to have the shirt shipped anywhere...
except other planets

good luck all
love,
matthew

 

the spider monsters that live deep in the caves of gublerland have spun 100 limited edition gublernation T shirts
it is my first foray into haberdashing
and i am BEYOND excited with how they have turned out

it took a lot of time, training, and experimentation to teach the spiders how to properly spin these inhumanly soft (and stylish) T-shirts
but it was worth it

this first run of gublernation shirts is called "microscopic view of the gubler-flu"

what is the gubler-flu you ask?
its a highly contagious bug running rampant in certain parts of the world
once bitten
you will be eager to learn the history of vaudeville
you will find yourself watching old disney movies
drinking rootbeer floats,
and carving pumpkins (even though its january)
you may also notice a burning desire to perform magic tricks
and will most likely grow a thin well manicured mustache (despite your gender)

my mom tells me i was bitten with it the day i was born

anyway
where do i buy these amazing T shirts you ask?

nowhere!

they are not for sale

i made them in celebration of the fact that i truly have the best fans (fands), friends, and family members in the world

so i am giving them all away
50 to fans
and 50 to family members and friends
don't worry
i will pay all shipping and handling charges

all you have to do is promise to do something that makes this world a better place
some examples include:
mowing an elderly neighbors lawn
spending time helping a local charity
going out of your way to be genuinely nice to the kid at school everyone makes fun of
making a homeless man a sandwich
cleaning up a park
or simply donating money to a cause you like

this is how it is going to work:
in a few weeks i will post something about this on twitter
when i do that
the first 50 people to respond correctly will be the winners
(to weed out the "fair weather fans" i am going to ask 5 questions most gubloids should have no trouble answering)

also please send:
your address
your T-shirt size (they run a little small)
and a brief explanation of the charitable thing you are going to do in return for the T-shirt.
(you have some time so start thinking)

stay tuned
and
good luck

love,
matthew
(and the spider monster army)

when i do something
i like to do it right
take for instance,
destroying my knee

i wanted to make sure that i gave it my all

my surgeon (one of the best in the nation)
said that out of the 15000 knees he's operated on
mine was one of the 200 worst he has ever seen

this guy has probably seen car wrecks
crowbar bashings
falls off 3 story buildings
pro sports players hit directly in the knee by human locomotives
matadors gored by bulls

yet mine takes the cake

what is even more impressive
is that i managed to do all that damage with
one
simple
dance
move

we are talking about a "miracle" of an injury
i jumped 4 inches in the air and merely landed "kind of funny" on my feet

some might say i am weak boned (like sam jackson in unbreakable)
au contraire
the fact is,
I have super human strength (like bruce willis in unbreakable)

i am so strong
that when my knee cap dislocated
instead of falling over and leaving it out like a regular sane human being with pain receptors
i ferociously kicked it back into place with such brute force that i managed to literally dismantle my entire knee

you name it i did it:
a solar system explosion under my courderoy
the MRI tech said he thought his machine was broken when he saw the results
i don't joke around on the dance floor

3 sugar screws
2 (2 inch) titanium screws
lots of incisions
a fair amount of drilling
tons of blood
and 6 hours of surgery later
i was told that in 2 months, after a follow up surgery, we would know if the procedure worked

sort of stressful
as the alternative plan involved "experimental" procedures
presumably at strange clinics in norway
call me old fashioned
but i try to avoid anything "experimental" when it comes to my body and knives

but yesterday
after the follow up surgery
i was rousted from my foggy post op slumber by the doctor
laying 2 giant titanium screws that were once in my knee
into my hand

proof that the surgery was a success

when i find the love of my life i am going to give her one of those 2 inch screws on a necklace
and i will keep the other

maybe i will mount it on an earring with a feather and wear it like george michael circa the "faith" album

but probably i wont

thank you all for your good vibes, warm wishes, and prayers
those meant the world to me
in four more weeks (possibly after one final "clean up" surgery)
i will be able to put some weight on it again
look for me on the dance floor

ill be the weird guy sitting in the chair dancing mostly with his arms

love,
matthew


***
(for the record... the internet video that fox searchlight released of the night i was injured doesn't have the real fall on tape.  No one had footage of that moment so they used "creative" editing to make it look like they captured the injury.  I assure you the real fall didn't look anything like the one they featured, it was far less impressive.)

YAYYYYYY!!!
hear ye! hear ye!!!
tell all your friends!!
a really awesome movie that i am proud to be a part of is premiering friday july 24th at the 40th annual Comicon Convention in san diego.  Its called "How to Be a Serial Killer" and will be playing there from july 24th to july 31st.

its dark
and funny
and sometimes scary
and a film you probably shouldn't take your 7yr old niece to
but if you like entertaining/original/thought provoking indy films made with lots of love
this is something you shouldn't miss

as with all cult films, i think the best way to experience it is with a real life audience
so please join me at the gaslamp 15 theatre, july 24th 2009 at 7pm and 9pm
there will be a Q and A and lots of high fives
i hope to see you there
the more the merrier

love
matthew

here are some links:
http://www.montereymedia.com/theatrical/films/how_to_be_a_serial_killer.html
http://www.howtobeaserialkiller.com

ps
a very special love story i am in called "500 days of Summer" is also opening this month
july 17th in select cites
check it out
you can take your 7 yr old niece

finally!
gublerland is facebook friendly
join me in my conquest to take over the world wide web
(click that facebook icon on my myspace page)
love.
matthew

yes!
it is me
gublernation
tweet tweeeet tweeet

for all of the warm wishes sent my way
i have the best "fands" (friends/fans) in the entire world
i can't tell you how much that means

love
gimpy gubler

but if you are one of those "magic friends" who somehow possess the ability to sneak into my top 8
the governor of gublerland will be forced to delete you
and you will be sent to that special place in the sky where deleted friends go

love,
matthew

if you end up in the emergency room
after a dance contest
did you win?
or did you lose?
why did you have a dance contest in the first place?
because you thought you were cool
you are not
you are eating pringles
and watching the apple dumpling gang
you have to drag yourself around your room while laying on your stomach
gripping tight to the floorboards
wearing your most slippery rayon shirt
and sweat pants
to make it easier to slide
there's a bottle of baby powder in your left hand
to sprinkle on the ground in front of you in order to cut down on friction
you are a really gay looking snail
slithering to the fridge
to eat cookie dough

parker lewis cant lose

woohoo

to do list:
sleep
paint
3 hour bath
edit
cashews
big heart shaped sunglasses
high pitched voice
street-minton (the superior 1920s villain version of badminton)
new york
las vegas
japan
make more things
finger paint the female form
weekend at bernies
very thin mustache
toro
sleep
mallory
harper
cuddles RIP
homemade cartoons with SGD2
brett easten gubler
windy roads
windows down
heater up
pale skin on my right

diesles go very slow up steep hills but make up for it on the way down