FINALLY! I cannot say how many times I have tried to upload my songs...and have other people try... it just seems they did not want to be posted.
Things like this always make me wonder what God is trying to say. Not that He has to be speaking to me through every little thing in my life, but I'd rather try and look for things He is trying to say to me through the day than not look at all and risk forgetting. How quickly I forget what Christ has done for me! And the way He is so entwined in my life.
So it is no wonder that He uses things like being 9 months pregnant and not having a single thing up on my little boys walls, and my sweet grandmother dying, and having to fill out a will (those are depressing), and company coming in 3 hours, and a dirty house, and a myspace that won't upload my new cd... to get my attention.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion', says my soul therefore I will hope in him."

Could it be that simple? I must learn to wait on Him..."wait on Him who is good" my dear friend told me this morning. He gives us mercy in the MORNING to deal with the trials of that day. So thankful I will be today for His grace on me! and His steadfast Love and mercy that never ends.

Wow. It has been a year since I have last shared my thoughts....well...said anything on my myspace. That's pretty bad. I can't lie.

I don't even think I can remember where I was last year at this time. I think I was in Phoenix actually, with my hubby during Fall league. Since then we have moved to Nashville, gone to St Petersburg, moved to North Carolina, moved back to St Pete, then moved to Franklin and bought a house. I'm done moving for a while. :) For all those who don't know me personally I'll let you in on the craziness. My husband Ben plays for the Tampa Bay Rays (formerly known as the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays...but they just changed that...now we have God on our side. :) We live in Nashville from the month of October until the middle of February, which is when we move to Saint Petersburg, Florida for the start of the baseball season. Then we come back to Nash-vegas for the never ending pursuit of the infamous music career. :)

So since most of you have been in the dark this last year due to my inconsistency on myspace... I'll catch you up....

This year has been the biggest soul searching, heart revealing, faith rocking and all together sobering year of my life. I have realized that I'm not quite the awesome person I thought I was. :) ha! Seriously though, it IS a sobering thing to grow up... realize your parents aren't perfect, your friends aren't perfect...and well...neither are you.

It started with our move down to AAA from the majors. Funny how failure, a little bump in the road, rocked my faith the way it did. It wasn't quite as strong as I thought it was. In fact, it revealed a pride and self-righteousness in me that I hadn't recognized. It scared me to question. It scared me that I had doubts. It scared me, ultimately, that I didn't have it all together. But God is gracious...and in His graciousness, did not leave me stranded in my doubt. It wasn't a Bible verse that convinced me to trust God again...it wasn't something profound that someone said...it wasn't all my intense nights of prayer. It was an honest inability to deny God. I couldn't deny what He had done in my life. I couldn't deny what I saw in nature...the way it works so seamlessly. He was all around me and in me and there was no way to deny it. So I moved on.

Trusting an all-knowing, yet mysterious...all-loving, and Just God is not as easy as I thought it to be. "Ignorance is bliss" really is true...but it's dangerous. My sister once told me that if we lived only in the awareness of our sin, without the awareness of the Gospel, that we are left legalistic and fatalistic... on the flip side, if we live only in the awareness of the Gospel, without the awareness of our sin, we are left shallow, unable to recognize the depth of the sacrifice given for us. Either way you look at it...it is a weak faith, shallow and lacking depth. There must be an equal awareness of both to even begin to understand who God is, and who we are in light of Him.

So that is where I am...one year later from when I first wrote. In full recognition of the wretch that I am... but all the more aware of the GLORY of the cross. That God would choose to humble himself (does that phrase even make sense?), take on the form of man and although utterly blameless, CHOOSE to withstand the shame of the cross, experience the wrath of God (the full, unhindered wrath of the Almighty) poured out upon Himself, and thus FREE me from having to withstand (and not be able to withstand) it at the final day. And now seated at the right hand of the Father, He interceedes for us...claiming us as HIS OWN. Giving us His name. All due to the finished work on the cross. It is finished. No more trying to earn God's favor... to even say that makes my stomach turn.

Now if only my heart could understand that every day. That it would be stamped on my eyelids so that I couldn't help but see through its truth.... how different this year will be....

Much Love,
Jules