So when we're hanging out after shows we get a lot of dudes coming up and bothering us when we are trying to hook up with the plethora of hot chicks that are constantly around us at all times.  I mean, even as we write this there are...  two, three, four....  Five hot chicks around us.  Six if you think midgets are hot.

So the other night during hook up time some guy came up and asked us if we had any favorite basketball players.  Good conversation when we're watching the game, not a good question backstage.

So, Mr. C-blocker, here's a post dedicated to you. 

The official Apeshits favorite basketball player is from a French basketball player and he goes by the name Steeve Ho You Fat.  The last game Ho You Fat did not play.  Game before?  I dont think he played.  It doesnt matter in apeshitworld, he's still the best.  If we had sisters we would love for them to be Mrs. Ho You Fat.

Magazine:  Us Weekly

Issue 665

Nov. 12, 2007

Cover:  My New Dating Rules! : Lauren's Advice on How to Spot a Loser

We know we have been out of the country for the summer  (we were in your very basic extravagant castle in Italy)  but who the hell is Lauren Conrad and what has she done to be an expert on giving dating advice? 

Ok, we may be a little bitter about US Weekly's constant harassment of us.  Can't we just enjoy a basic night at a fancy restaurant with two very famous twin sisters without US weekly snapping our pictures?  We won't tell you what famous sisters we went out with but if you think it rhymes with the Folsen Swins you may be barking up the right tree.

Lauren's Advice includes: wear red lipstick, which is always key in developing a long lasting relationship and don't call him, make him call you.   I take that back.  She is an expert on dating.

We'll cut through the headgames and give the ladies some real advice on dating:

1. Don't be afraid to give out mouth whoopee or a handy on the first date.
2. Always sleep in the wet spot.
3. Don't bug us to meet your mom unless your mom is really hot. 
4. If you mom is really hot, we have probably already met her if you know what I mean.
5. Your Birthday is not as important as Football, recording, Mega-match, drinking, or picking up chicks.
6. Familiarize yourself with the terms A2M and Anal Full Nelson.

You're Welcome.

Dear Family, Friends, and Enemies,

Its been a long eventful summer and I'm sure at least one of you have been wondering:  Where are the Apeshits?  Well, I'm glad you asked. 

For the past summer we have been creating, writing, drawing, and occasionally recording our next album in a modest enormous castle in a small town in Sicily.

Over the past months I've received emails about rumours overheard in various clubs, truck stops, barber shops, saying that the Apeshits were in jail, they had broken up or that they married supermodels and have given up on the music industry.  None of these are true except for the supermodel one and even that is a bit untrue, we are not getting married we are just dating them semi-exclusively.  

As you sit there on your fold out chair in your grandmother's basement, you may be wondering:  How could the Apeshits afford to go to Sicily to record?  Let me take this opportunity to confirm another rumour.  The Apeshits have received an advance from a MAJOR record company for, what I believe to be, a record amount advance to give to a band who have never released a major record debut.  I am not at liberty to discuss how much it was but it was in the hundred of dollars range.

We are happy to inform everyone that we are back in the states and are finishing up our next album, tentatively scheduled for release in time for Christmas, and yes, our CD does make a great stocking stuffer.  So pre-order two for yourself and one for every person you have ever met in your lifetime.

Best Wishes,

The Apeshits.

Dan Bought an old dodge pickup truck off ebay.  There was a bunch of shit in the bed.  The following is a list of 10 items, 6  were actually in the bed.  First person to pick the six wins a prize.

Prize will have absolutely no value.

Here are the 10 itmes:

1 A donut tire that in no way would be used for the truck.
2 Paint brush
3 Remnants of a traffic cone
4 Cinder Block
5 50 pounds on dirt
6 Vally brand lemon-lime soda (can unopened but empty)
7 Used coffee filter
8 A remote control
9 Rubber Glove
10  Dan's sense of self respect

They say solitude is the path to enlightenment.   After 4 hours I am enlightened enough.

They also say out of bad times comes good art.  This town is one bad time, so here's to the upcoming good art.

The toilet sounds cool when you spit it in.

There is a chair saving a parking spot for someone who will never show up.