Mawning all you profile peekers

hope you all had a nice weekend...... I know i did at home.

been doing a lot of sorting and getting some much needed things done around here.....

I am looking forward to some big change's here in my life this year.

1) .. changing jobs..... this won't happen for a few months yet... but it will happen..... soo anyone wanting to go on a road trip.... come on... cause the days are numbered . lol

I really believe it will be best.... since i been on the road for 5 yrs now.... i have gained a lot of wieght.. ( not good for my health )have high blood presure. and batteling hair loss... it was ruled out from my doc as stress related... and am sure has kicked off a inbalanced hormonal thing.

i beeen missing a lot out of my life since i been trucking across the highways.... and i want my life back.

anyways...... thats my vent /thoughts for this morning.

now back to my truck and getting ready to roll later this morning.

wish you all a fine monday and a not so hectic week

alrighty ....... my blog hmmmm.......

i know what i want to write about ..its just finding the right words and such.

The song I put in profile this past week.... is one of my favorites for thoughts and thinking and the words to it.

There are so many people in MY life... that inspired me, that I think about , that have died and living and although the tube is clips of the beatles,,  and there history its to me.. very interesting to watch and listen to the song and make me think about MY life.

http://www.butchfemmedance.com/forums/member.php?u=197

my profle with the song can be seen by clicking the link above.

where I been and where i am going.

I wish i was in a better stage at this point in my life at 53 yrs old. But thats how it turned out.

I have to tell you right now..... I feel like i am in a slump these days...... due to some things in my life... some changes, some for better some maybe not.

( guess its time to re read the ..

who moved my cheese book..

by ..Spenser Johnson MD)

I get very lonely out here in this damm truck. and although it is a living it something i must deal with until i am able to make a change, I do want a change and find a more local job. I like driving .. i love doing my art.

I miss my daughter and I miss my friends...

I miss doing things with all of them.

I miss having a partner.... and sharing things in my life with them... someone to eat with, talk with, cuddle with, go for walks with.

Im sure someday I will find someone.

sometimes i feel at my age who wants me??

I dont see a whole lot of butchs knocking on my door.... all the ones i do seem most interested in .. seem to be more attracted to the girls whom are skinnier... maybe more femme... even the ones whom are taken.

I try to be nice..... and be myself always.

I dont expect anyone to ever try to be someone else for me.

I do enjoy making others smile...

sometimes i do or say stupid things.....  *sigh*.... we all make mistakes .. no ones perfect I guess.

for the most part ...... i do love myself. and am gratefull that I am outgoing by nature and tend to enjoy life as much as possiable.

My health is pretty good soo far..... as where I know others my age whom are not.. and my heart goes out to them.

anyways..... this is my 1st blog here....

will write more again soon.

(*)

alrighty.......... easter came and went.... it wasnt the same since my sister has been gone... I know it will get better in time.. But I know my heart and as well as my whole family ,her son and husband will always miss her.

I am also have gone thru a break up of me and me Timberwolf.... I still love hym and care for hym an awful lot..... it brings heaviness to my heart and some sleepless nights thinking about hym and things and stuff going on in my life these days. Hy nor I broke up cause of meeting someone else...... it just didnt seem to be working for us as a couple in different areas.

I dont know ...... I know i needed to step back and recheck our relationship and what it means anymore and where it was going.

well stil trucking out here and trying to enjoy life and friends.. family........  drop me a line. i may trucking thru a town near you

soooooooo here i b........

in WaterLoo, Iowaaaaaaaa  .. LOL

anyways....... i m here waiting on a load to go do.... which 2 came in 1 i had to turn down...... it was driving 135 miles to get it and 136 miles to deliever and not paying our rate........  plus it wold of put me further west....... and that is not a good thing for solo drivers .. in the experditing buiz..... 

this other one i did accept it..... i only have to go 62 miles to get it and its going down around jackson miss. wooHoo..... but has to b there by tomorrow night....... and i will have to end up switiching with another driver.cause im only allowed to drive 11 hrs in a 24 hr period...... soooooooo  but at least it will get me in a better area for loads...... and i am looking at going home to Buffalo for easter.

I been going thru a lot of emotions here lately..... parting paths with me Timbers again.... and i do love hym , care for hym and miss hym very much .. since my lil sis passed away... things have just been a emotional roller coaster for me..... and been feeling kinda lost... i guess.. not sure how to even explain it.

wish Timbers was closer to me or we could physicaly see each other more .as i could sure use some security feeling of some sort..... im just kinda mixed up i guess.. and who wants that in a partner.???  i wonder what the part in a marriage means.. for better or for worse means...... when no one sticks together long anymore...... oh well..  ya cant force someone to do what they dont want to do.

My mom has been out of sorts..... and there r alot of things that she needs help with ..as soon as the weather gets better...... the garage needs clearing out and taken down . its leaning alot.. lol .... and we have a memorial to plan ..... for .. and well just a lot fo sorting to do.

ok thats the latest..........

welp........ im sitting here in huntsville al.   and bored as all hell.. hoping they come up with a load for me realllly soon here.....

mean time.. thought i'd update my blog here...                             

I am still missing my lil sister..so much... this is going to be a emotional holiday season here at the house. But i am sure we will all get thru it. My sisters birthday is Nov 25th and well my mom I know wants to have a celebration for her memory.

wish My timbers was with me ..and wish hy was able to come to NY to b with me for this occasion as well as christmas.

I feel very blessed to have so many friends in real time and on the net.. it makes my soul feel very wealthy in that dept. there is a few friends in real time that are very vcry special to me and one of them being in TN... another in NY where it is i live.. and 1 in NC... and yet a couple more in TX .. I love all of u . you all are what true friends are all about.

welp my daughter is on her way downtown buffalo to a job interview. wooHoo....... crossing my fingers and toes for her.. ha........ its a job in the same building where my sister in law works..... which will b soo kewl..... they can car pool it.. :)

alrighty now..... its getting late in the morning.....

hope everyone is doing ok out there and please stay safe.

good morning.....

it is cold here in Buffalo.... but what else is new its Buffalo . snow capital of the eastern coast here...... BBrrrrrrrr i hate snow...it rained all day here yesterday... a very blah day

its early here..... i been up for almost 2 hrs now...have things to do this morning.. but wanted to upate me blog....... my daughter wil b staying home this time around.. she has a job interview this afternoon and i am so excited for her.. pray she gets it.

I am missing my sister so much .. since her passing. i can't believe its been a month already *sigh*

I have to b in Ohio by friday..... my boss is putting me into a 2007 condo truck.... it will be just like the one i am in now..just newer.

my hair has all fallen out again.. i am soo tired of this.... i need to lose wieght..... i feel like such a mess.

I don't see how me Timber or anyone could be so attracted to me when i feel so ugly.

welp its been 2 weeks since my timbers been off the truck .. *sigh* . seems like forever...... seems like it was all just a dream that hy was even with me teaming together.

welp...........  its a good thing hy was able to get hys old job bk... and a new pick em up truck to boot. wooHOo......

me ...... i am use to driving solo.... but it has been kinda lonely waking up alone with out me timber there... :(  ..... i will be down to see hym in Texas soon.

in Buffalo NY right now and gonna eat dinner.... till next time.... happy traaaaaaaaaillls to u ......... till we meet again. HA

well.. another july 4th has gone by...... we are still hangin in buffalo NY...

Timber and i got to watch fireworks,.. from our bed in the sleeper..... and its was nice and cozy   lol    

we are ready to get a load this morning ... to where?? anywhere?? we need the $$ .. Timber has to get a physical done by the end of this month and it will determin whether or not hy can keep on driving due to hys dietbetis and on insiline....  Hys old job keeps calling hym begging hym to come back to work with a riase..... and i am getting a feeling hy is wanting to do that. My daughter will be joining me on my truck for a lil while in august. I enjoy her being with me .. but i also know she needs to find herself a job and start learning to be independant.. there has been 5 yrs that can never be replaced that my daughter and i were seperated.... and even though she is 18 .. she is not very mature as most 18 yr olds .. she has been held back.. on her maturity thanks to her dad... soo maybe being on the truck with me for a lil while i can help her with learning some things. Her dad would not let her have any of her things when she came to visist with me during christmas...... she was told to move out. if she goes with me..... now we learned he got rid of a lot of her things.. so i am doing my best to help her replace things .. such as cloths, and few items. she really hates him these days... and refuses to call her or return her phone calls.I feel so bad for her.

well........ i have to check on some things with the truck..... will post more news later.

hey everyone........

welp... we r sitting in Pendleton KY ... will be in Seville OH at some point tonight or tomorrow..... kinda hangin out here.... to see if they can come up with a load..... but its the weekend and things tend to be slow in that dept.

Timbers is still snoozin. hys ribs r feeling a lil better.. but still sore... and it will take a lot of time i am sure. to heal from hys accident. hy is learning alot as we go along here .. and been showing hym how to do all sorts of stuff. I think hy is waking up.. and i know i am getting hungry ..... its cheerios time. ha....