The angels are running
scared this time;
Cause I'm burning down heaven again
A sight to see I guarantee you
I'm burning down heaven again

And I'm not scared
Of the consequences
I don't care If I'm damned
I've been through enough
to realise that this was all
just apart of the plan.
I've got the devil
on my left
And the Heartless
their on my right
Were burning down heaven again

An easy escape
From destiny;
A biblical plague fiends
inside of me,
Faith alone won't confide in me
I'm burning down heaven again

Preach to me
It wont change these actions;
Tell me God will make it ok
And Ill laugh with no dignity
Cause I'm burning down heaven again
These ashes will make my amends
While I'm burning down heaven again
Yes I'm burning down heaven again

You always knew
knew it would end like this
but you were always just far to
stubborn to accept it
not everything is give and take
not everything is death and decay
you honestly didn't think you'd be alone forever....
did you???

But here you are,
ready to surrender your
Heart, body, mind and soul
for this one girl,
who just so happened to crack your
impenetrable mold.  Someone who finally
understands you, or seems to; and only wants to better you.

But why do you still fight the change?
Like it's gonna kill you to bend a little.
I said bend not BREAK!
It wouldn't hurt you to try
Might just help you in the end.
So just let her in;  Let her in.

No more walls,
tear these barriers down....
you've kept all these scars;
the anger and pain in for far,
far to long....
The word trust
hasn't been in your vocabulary for years...
until now; until her
and there is nothing you can do to stop it, is there?

She has taken a hold of you;
All  of you, and its for the best.
Shes saving you from me.
So just let her in; let her in.
Cause in the end......
It's whats meant to be
you just don't see it yet.
Give it time and remember.......
NO REGRETS!!!

It's come around
after so many years
of beating on my chest
just to prove who I am
its finished, I've found him.

And I wont fight it anymore
And I wont pretend the darkenss
will ever end
I've come to grips with it
Now I truely understand

None of us are perfect
None of us ever will be
And though we strive for it
Its just something that cant be
So accept yourself
for who you are
Be your own Shining star
the past can be erased
heres a pencil, redraw your place.

We all have our demons
We all have our fears
We all have that one thing
that bring us to tears.
Dont hold Back
Never hold back
accept it,take it in

The sooner you accept it
the stronger you become
As soon as you open up
The healing will come
SO take a step back
hold your breath in long
time will fix itself
you will carry on

Cause None of us are perfect
None of us ever will be
And though we strive for it
Its just something that cant be
So accept yourself
for who you are
Be your own Shining star
the past can be erased
heres a pencil, redraw your place.

26 Years I've delt with it
and 26 years I just put to the past
Ive come to grips with it
I will make this last

Reconnect and Reestablish
everything we lost
and everything I destroyed
in the past 4 months
since I dissapeared
more like walked away
and yes, you can blame me.
you have every right to

Lets share a conversation
remember all the times of our past
renew the friendship that we had
try your hardest to see through
how stubborne I was
and how much I've changed
for better or worse
im sorry
im so sorry

Cause you dont know
how much you mean to me
Hard to explain
but I hope you can see
this is the hardest thing
while I'm down on my knees
Cause the term best friend
it was never taken lightly to me.

Three years now
and were back at square one
and Im the one to blame
and I know youll never fully forgive me
but Ill try my hardest to reestablish my name
if not in your heart, at least in your mind
cause we've gone to far to look back now
way to far to turn back now

So even though im gone
im always there in heart
and im working my way back home to you slowly
just like from the start
and times have changed were not the same
but lets not keep that
from a decent conversation
and a trip back down memory lane
cause the term best friend
it was never taken lightly to me

Cause you dont know
how much you mean to me
Hard to explain
but I hope you can see
this is the hardest thing
while I'm down on my knees
Cause the term best friend
it was never taken lightly to me.

10 PM and the fogs
just now rolling in
And last night,
was the first time I felt the rain
since God knows when
Feels like home
only worse....
cause I know its no where close

The reciever is off the hook
and the dial tone went dead months ago
Im no longer taking calls
I dont want to remember how longs its been anymore
dont want to figure out where it was I lost my way
or how long I've tried to find it
Its been right in front of me the whole time.

No set rank, no golden path
No thought of the future
only a scorn of the past
No sense of direction
no rules to hold me fast
no way out alive
theres only turning back.

Floating in the fog,
It surrounds me
It completes me
Im alone but I feel alive
I let it sink into my bones
I breath it in
and I hold it inside
I take in all thats aroound me
another hell on earth
untill the rain comes
to wash me away.

But it happens so seldomly
no reasurrance it will come
no hope, no prayer, no cry
will cause its downpour
nothing to hold onto when it comes
everything becomes a typhoon
wash my body clean
wash my mind away
and the thoughs and feeling along with it
take it to the sea, back to the start
the place where it all began.
Evolution
My own revolution
my own personal escape.

No set rank, no golden path
No thought of the future
only a scorn of the past
No sense of direction
no rules to hold me fast
no way out alive
theres only turning back.

And its comming
one day you will all see
I'll find it, I'll make it,
and I'll be complete
Untill then I'll live my days
as if they were my last
and if you cant hold tight
then please let go of the mast
cause this ship
its headed for a course set in the fog
and its sinking awful fast.
With me at the helm
wondering how long it will all truely last
Untill its clear again



....when the fog clears.

Confused as hell
and for the first time in my life
I feel completly empty and alone
Its not to say I havent felt this before
but its never been this deep.

I look to friends who have no aswers
I look to strangers who turn there backs
I'm asking God questions I've never asked before
I'm realising theres no looking back
Its time to go it alone
Its time to go it alone

The ways I use to hide these feelings
they arnt an option anymore
I'm standing at the entrance to an open door
but I cant take that last step through it
So I stand here and wait
feels like I been waiting for years.

I've changed, we all have
but how do we know its for the better
when the smiles seem to lessen
and the hurt seems to gain
and with no way of releasing it
it becomes one sick twisted game

I look to friends who have no aswers
I look to strangers who turn thier backs
I'm asking God questions I've never asked before
Im realising theres no looking back
Its time to go it alone
Its time to go it alone

I just cant seem to fathom what happend
where it all went wrong
and how long this knife in my back
has been holding me back
when will it be removed from my spine?
Is it Removable, and if it is
At what cost?
Cause right now,
Right now Id pay anything
Just to be happy

And I know
its far to late to appologize
or forget the things I've done
were all just human, I know
but these feelings
they dont make me out to be that strong.
And I'm obsessing with the fact
that I might just die this way
angry, cold and alone.

I look to friends who have no aswers
I look to strangers who turn thier backs
I'm asking God questions I've never asked before
Im realising theres no looking back
Its time to go it alone
Its time to go it alone

Someone please push me
push me through that open door

Wash you away
Gallons and Gallons of water
can't seem to get you off me.
But I'm scrubbing harder and harder
each day.
Skins rubbed raw
And I'll keep on going till I'm rid of you.

So, my skin will regrow
without you upon it
And I will grow distant
along with my heart
It might take time
but I have to start now
Rubbing you out till your gone.

The Waters cold now
almost freezing to the touch
But i cant seem to pull away
I'm still trying to rub you out
............Someone stop me
Ive got no skin left.
No feeling......NUMB
Unrecognizable to myself;
I'm human contraband.

But my skin will regrow
without you upon it
And I will grow distant
along with my heart
It might take time
but I have to start now
Rubbing you out till your gone.

And I'm praying,
Praying so hard
that I haven't caused scars
The last thing I need
................Is something to remind me of you

Rubbing you out till your gone
Rubbing you out till your gone
Rubbing you out
I'm RAW

And I've found,
An inner strength in me
Something I've never seen
The ability to walk away...
Never though it would be this easy
Cause you wont leave me wanting
No you wont leave me wanting

This isnt the first time,
I've pressed the delete button on you
But God knows its the last!
And I'm not upset to say
It felt damn good too....
Childish as it may seem
but now im free

I hope this lesson burns
way into the back of your mind
No rest, no peace, no escape...
Eye for an Eye, Cause thats how you left me
And I can't blame you,
But i can always hate you.
Dragging me along by my heart
It was always just a game with you
Unfortunataly now your caught
Lets see you try and get out of this one.

So try and get out of this one
Cause I've found
An inner strength in me
Something I've never seen
The ability to walk away...
Never though it would be this easy
Cause you wont leave me wanting
No you wont leave me wanting

And I'm going crazy
Cause this was so easy
This shit dont hurt the way it use to.
I wear it with a smile;
a dark, evil, yet believeable smile.
Guess ive live with dissapointment so long
that shit like this no longer eats at me.
There is no anger here.

Predicting the future has become second nature
I told you it would end like this
Yet, for soem reason
I was hoping someone could finally prove me wrong.
Im sorry it wasnt you
and its ok I dont blame you
Good Riddence, Good Bye, Good Luck

So try and get out of this one
Cause I've found
An inner strength in me
Something I've never seen
The ability to walk away...
Never though it would be this easy
Cause you wont leave me wanting
No you wont leave me wanting.

"We dont chose our battles, they are laid before us......and how we meet them on the battlefield is what makes us who we are"

Evil,
Its rears its face
In so many different ways, shapes and forms.
This time, it was in Love.
And I was oh so careful
Not to let it get the best of me;
But I'm afraid my armor wasn't thick enough;
My Sword could not kill,
the evil that seeped its way into my heart.
A sign of true weakness.

It had seemed like years past
Since I last forgot to keep my guard up.
But like so many other times;
The past always comes back to haunt me.
They tell me this will only make me stronger;
But at what cost?

How black and dark will the mark on my soul be?
How vile, hateful and estranged
will this turn of events make me?
I can only truly believe in one thing
That the darkness has a special way of soothing,
even the coldest and broken of hearts.

So that is where you will find me,
if I am ever needed to be found.
Still armed to the teeth;
Suited in my shattered armor.
What little protection i have left;
will ultimately be my demise....
But this time I'm willing,
and OH so ready for it.

FIX ME UP
Cause I'm broken again
WORN, TATTERED, BRUISED

FIX ME UP
I've spoken again
TO MANY WORDS TO CHOOSE

Lets stop pretending
Its getting us no where
There is no happy ending here

Lets stop pretending
Its getting us no where
There's no easy solution to this

I try so hard to make this right
You just ignore
WHATS WRITTEN ON THE WALLS
I beg I plead ; ITS JUST NOT RIGHT
I TRY SO HARD FOR NOTHING.

FIX ME UP
Cause I'm broken again
WORN, TATTERED, BRUISED

FIX ME UP
Ive spoken again
TO MANY WORDS TO CHOOSE

LETS STOP PRETENDING
CAUSE YOUR JUST IGNORING
WHATS WRITTEN, ITS ALL OVER MY FACE
I BEG I PLEAD; ITS ALL FOR NOTHING
I TRY SO HARD.....FOR NOTHING

SO

FIX ME UP
Cause I'm broken again
WORN, TATTERED, BRUISED

FIX ME UP
Ive spoken again
TO MANY WORDS TO CHOOSE

There is no solution to this
there is no happy ending
there is no solution to this
there is no.....

9/4/08

Clean shaven for the first time in years
But I'm struggling to recgonize
this face I see in the mirror
Its changed in so many broken ways
And it makes me who i am today
A man whose forgotten all his fears.

So lash out
I wont hold back anymore
Ill never hold back again
This sudden anger
and self aggression
is the remants of what this life
has done to me.

Eyes Sulken and dark
Smile's; they comevery seldom these days
There's something missing ;
Always something missing
And I've grown numb to the feelings
of wanting and needing.
Something that has never happend before.

So lash out
I wont hold back anymore
Ill never hold back again
This sudden anger
and self aggression
is the remants of what this life
has done to me.

Hope, somethign i lost upon the way
And fear, like i said,
a thing of many yesterdays.
Is this growing up?
Is this what they call the path to manhood;
or is it the path to soemthing darker;
evil and un explainable.

Cause I'm Clean shaven for the first time in years
But I'm struggling to recgonize
this face I see in the mirror
Its changed in so many broken ways
And it makes me who i am today
A man whose forgotten all his fears.

So lash out
I wont hold back anymore
Ill never hold back again
This sudden anger
and self aggression
is the remants of what this life
has done to me.

8/28/08

This note
will be the last memory we have
A thousand words
written out on crumpled paper
The last thing I'll leave for you
What did they mean to you
what did I mean to you,
Cause you ment everything to me

It was the only sloution
I pled my case over and over
but to no avail
you still left
And that has left me with this decision
To walk away
Cause clearly
you like what he does to you
Clearly, manipulation is your favorite drug

I suggest you swallow the whole bottle
cause its never gonna get any easier for you
Your a thousand miles away by now
but I know you can hear me screaming.
I guess I just wasnt loud enough
My words have fallen upon deaf ears once again.

So this note Im sending you
will be the last memory we have
A thousand words
written out on crumpled paper
The last thing I'll leave for you
What did they mean to you
what did I mean to you,
Cause you ment everything to me

Another one slips through my fingers
the trend has become clockwork
to my constant mind changing decisions
So im letting you know
that im letting you go
Dont come back
cause I wont be here when you return
The bags have been packed
they've been packed for days.

I can no longer handle
watching what his next move to destroy you will be
Each one rips apart our chances for survival more and more
and I'm sick of watching him do this to you
I guess having you on your knees isnt good enough.
The bastard always has to have more.

So I'm now burning this note
Which will be the last memory we have
A thousand words
written out on crumpled paper
The last thing I'll leave for you
What did they mean to you
what did I mean to you,
Cause you ment everything to me

Another one slips through my fingers
I guess I've lost my grip...

I cant help but think
that your so, so far away
pleading your case
to something,
that should of been burnt months ago.

You cant blame a bleeding heart
is what I've always been told,
But life isn't as beautiful and simple
as you thought it was, now was it?

The dark side of love has finally
swallowed you whole
and the only thing I can do
is hold out my hand,
and pray you grab ahold so I can remove
you from this darkness thats destroying you.

But with my luck I'll lose you
to the bitterness of my heart
you will slip from my grasp and fall
cause time only makes the heart grow harder
the blooding hurting rather then soothing as it courses
through my open veins.
My heart no longer able to pump blood.
Some would say it has become stone.

You will be the death of me.
I already know this;
I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you.
And each day we get closer and closer
is one less day I have to live.

So please, just go
Take what I want and need else where,
cause I'm not falling with you anymore, Im not going to try,
And I dont really care if something is alwasy wrong with me,
and that I'll never be able to be truly happy.

You dont see what you do to me,
Those eyes that catch the light so perfectly
wont play their devious little tricks any longer,
and that smile cant confuse me anymore

Ive become immune to your poisioneous words
So I think its time you moved on
Cause I'm already far far far from here,
and this hurry up and wait game is something
I'll never ever win.

Ok its my only day off durnign the week (i work 6 days a week 12 hour days) and there isnt shit to do ....im 7 hours ahead of all my friends so theres no one really to talk to....and my tv in my apartment (furnished) is to damn small to play any games on my xbox360.   Im getting really sick of this fuckin place.  Day in and day out all i feel like is a robot. Everyone keeps tellin me it will get better when you get paid and get your own laptop...then you can play games and shit all day....but I really dont want to be the person I was back in the states.  Not sayin all of my many friends who do that are bad people its just.  I really expected to find more of myself and or more of a realignment (if thats even a word) for myself here, but honeslty I havent found shit.  I mean the money is amazing.  But i cant wait for November here.  I can honeslty say ive met more people in the last month from HOME (on MYSPACE, pretty sad aint it) then i have here in Kuwait.  Pretty damn sad if you ask me.  I am however learning urdu pretty quickly.  Mostly just swaer words right now but im pickin up alot of other stuff too.  guess ill just consume my time with that.

 

If anyone has any ideas on how to keep me preoccupied im all for it......cause like i said in the Subject....

 

Kuwait.......yea it SUCKS!!!

 

i miss my americans

So,

I notice alot of people are still reading my works from a while ago and im sure a few are wondering why i havent posted in god knows how long....and the honest truth would have to be that i really dont have time to write these days, or ive just lost my touch.

If many of you didnt know I ended up moving to Kuwait about a month ago due to not being able to find a job in the states.  Its ok here im meeting a ton of really cool foreigners that work for me.  Most are Pakastanies or Indians.  Some know pretty good English, others im trying to teach.  I stay very busy i work 12 hour shifts 6-6, 6 days a week.  I dotn really hang out with many american's.  But my apartment is awesome so i just mostly sit around and watch movies all night.  Im renting a lancer right now which i cant wait to get rid of, lookign to get a truck or soemthing. Who knows.  Hopefully ill be home sometime aroudn the holidays for about 15 or so days.

other then that the days and weeks go by so fast here  so i should be comming home in no time....thank god

ill keep you all posted

and if any of you want to send me care packages send me a messgae and ill give you my address.

 

Fox