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Monster



Last Updated: 12/11/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 19
Sign: Leo

State: Connecticut
Country: US

Blog Archive
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[17 Apr 2008 | Thursday] 

Current mood:  indifferent
Category: Life
So I honestly don't know if I should be concerned with myself or not.
Things that used to bother me, even kill me, barely phase me at all. I've been used and abused more than I addmitt, it used to kill what selfesteem I had. Now its like I'm just on auto-piolet all the time, like I'm just kinda living without feeling. I've gone back to a lot of bad habbits, ciggarettes, weed, being self distructive.. I dont really care either...and I feel like I should, its weird to think about and even explain. As much as I try and I do hold onto things around me, there only a few things I really need, almost all of them are out of reach. I dont understand how despite I can care so little about myself and feel so numb so much that I still care about everyone around me, regardless the problem regardless if I havent talked to them in months. I really want to feel something for more than five seconds or I want to turn off my brain forever. I wish I was oblivious to everything goin on in my life and everything that ever happened, but I'm not, or will I ever be. I need to be underestimated, and I just go with it..its amusing, but I don't know...just some thoughts...I'll definitely add more later when I can think again...
[05 Apr 2008 | Saturday] 

Category: Writing and Poetry

Soldiers in a Line

 

Like soldiers in a line

You stand there and close your mind

You mold and fold to whatever comes your way

Swinging back and forth along with the sway.

But indeed there was a day when you stood strong

Stood out from all the others you might have been among.

But they surrounded you like a wall

Pulling you down hoping that you would fall

Just so they could build you up one specific way

Hoping you will then follow whatever it is they say.

 

Watching soldiers in a line

You’re now sitting in this crazy bind

The mess outside’s a crazy stir

Yet you’re following along although you are unsure

Of what they throw at you to do

Is this really what has become of you?

They’re circling a small child

Shoving her off where the rest are filed

 

They’re soldiers in a line

You know it’s more than just some sign

But you’re afraid to break their mold

And finally choose on your own to take a hold

Of where the swaying has finally led

You could have gone and fled

So now you sit there all alone

You’re just another silent drone

Sat down on one knee

Just waiting there to see

 

The soldiers in a line,

These children you watched, they won’t be fine

Are you one that they can blame?

Either way you’re standing there in your own shame

You know what you’re seeing is wrong

Yet you say nothing just so you can belong

It started with just one choice

And now you’ve gone and lost your voice

 

 

[16 May 2007 | Wednesday] 

Current mood:  calm
Category: Writing and Poetry
We are the ones that you sent from our homes,
we huddle around a fire hoping to stay warm.
With your guns you kill our dignity and we are nothing more than ghosts.
You call us savage, you call us terror while you ruthlessly raid our villages

My ancestors from the days of freedom built that house, that house thats now buried under the ground.
So instead I lay here on the ground as the rain seeps through the tent you try to make me call my home.

As you throw away your food, your food we planted, we grew, we harvest, and we starve.
You snicker at our children, who come and beg you for food,
Our children who know what its like, to not eat for days.
You deprive us of land, you deprive us of own life, you deprive us from the food we need to eat.
You leave us fighting for each day we wake.

Tear us down to size, to prove that your the best.
The best at what?
the best at what?
We hold you up
We hold you up
We hold you up
Without us you are nothing.
[02 Apr 2007 | Monday] 

Current mood:  calm
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm setting sail across the sea,
I locked the door and threw away the key.
The clouds are flyign past my head,
"Fly with me," a friendly bird said.
So I let go of the wheel and the boat is drifting with the wind
The trees on the sore saw and bend,
as I stand under the warm sun in the sky
and watch every cloud move on by
I turn to look at the sparkling open sea
and with the land slowly fading I'm feeling free.
[12 Mar 2007 | Monday] 

Current mood:  tired
Category: News and Politics
For this to happen


This has to happen…




  • 200,000 child slaves are sold every year in Africa. There are an estimated 8,000 girl-slaves in West Africa alone. (sources: BBC 5 October, 2001 & Anti-Slavery Society)

  • About 120,000 African children are participating in armed conflicts. Some are as young as 7 years old. (source: Africa Children's Charter)

  • Children account for half of all civilian casualties in wars in Africa. (source: Africa 2015)

  • One in six African children dies before the age of five. Most of these deaths could be prevented. (source: Africa 2015)

  • Nearly one third of children in Sub-Saharan Africa are underweight. (source: UNICEF)

  • In sub-Saharan Africa, measles takes the life of a child nearly every minute of every day. An effective measles vaccine costs as little as $1 per child. (source: UNICEF)

  • Between 12 and 14 million African children have been orphaned by HIV/AIDS. (source: World Bank/UNICEF)

  • Nearly 2 million children under 14 years old are HIV positive. (source: UNICEF)

  • 43% of children in Sub-Saharan Africa do not have safe, accessible drinking water. (source: UNICEF)

  • 64% of children in Sub-Saharan Africa do not have adequate sanitation. (source: UNICEF)

  • Only 57% of African children are enrolled in primary education, and one in three of those does not complete school. (source: Africa 2015)


Should there be people with everything with people with nothing?
Capitialism in America is in some peoples oppinion out of control.
There are too many people with things they dont need,
and even more people with nothing.
[18 Feb 2007 | Sunday] 
Americans think that we are the best, but we are only the best at taking away from others.
Look at everything you have.
and everything you dont need.
That sits around your house.
That is never touch.
Now think about all the people,
without a house.

Its to late for world peace.
We have became to selfish.
Almost no one would give up what they have here,
But to the rest of the world peace and equaltity are a dream.
The only way to unity now is through fighting for it,
physically fighting for it.
And its soo upsetting that we have to become to selfish for world peace...peacefully.
No one apperciates what others go through, for us to have the lifes we do,
and the lifes we take for granted.
[02 Feb 2007 | Friday] 

Current mood:  disappointed












Everyone else stop whinning.
[01 Feb 2007 | Thursday] 

Current mood:  pensive
Category: Writing and Poetry
Where Is My Sunshine?

I feel the wind blow through my fingure tips,
so many things are slipping away,
there out of my reach
I reach for a branch on my favorite oak tree,
and I can't grab it,
I just want to see from a whole new view,
because everything is blurry and cold,
my figures are being numb to the bone
and my blood is starting to freeze as it is running through my veins.
Where is the sunshine that was forcasted?
Where is the sunshine to brighten up this day?
Where is the sunshine to press against my face?
I really just want to feel a warm touch against my face
Something to feel more like home,
like the days when I was sitting inside
and I was infront of the fire where the embers burned bright,
and everything melted away.
and everything just melted away.
Where is the sunshine that was promised to reach me,
now that I'm on the outside of this window,
Looking into warm rooms with smiling faces?
Where is the door to get in,
I just want to get in
to where I can feel my own plus and the steady beat in my chest,
because nothing seems really right now,
its to cold to move as I stand here shaking
Waiting for my sunshine, or a way to get in
all I want is to be some where warm
where I can feel alive.