3000 Central Ave # 1
Charlotte, NC 28205

First Impressions
I've driven past Dim Sum before, and can say that it's exactly the type of place I look for during these “people darker than us” dinners. It's in a strip mall, has dated signage, and carries just a touch of shadiness to it. Not sure what that says about me or my intestines, but I like to think that the best cooks spend more time actually cooking than being too concerned with the aesthetics of their restaurant.

What Sort of Ignorance Are We Working With
I've eaten plenty of Americanized Chinese food, which I do enjoy, but I've not dined on anything authentic. It was my understanding that this place is pretty close to the real deal, so I was really anticipating both sampling the 'real' Eastern food as well as hopefully trying something new and different.

Beverages and Appetizers
Well, wanting to try something new certainly wasn't a problem. We opted to get three of the 'dim sum' dishes for appetizers: A leek dumpling, Har Dou (shrimp dumpling) and jelly fish. You read that correctly, despite our server trying to steer me away from it, I ordered a jelly fish appetizer.
While it's very cool to be able to say I ate jelly fish, the actual experience wasn't that overwhelming. It has a chewy texture (similar to poorly prepared calamari) but no distinguishing taste. There was a spicy sauce/marinade that worked well with the slaw the jelly fish sat on.
The leek dumpling was similar to a stuffed hushpuppy, which means very tasty.
The Har Dou was what I expected from a dumpling, in that it was soft and doughy with a center filled with stuff (in this case shrimp)
This was all washed down with a great German influenced Tsing Tao.

Entree
I opted for the Bok Choy dish. Pretty basic plate of steamed bok choy in a very light sauce with rice. It was good, and filling, but a complaint would be that there wasn't much to it. Boring may be the best term, as I was hoping to be excited by my dishes.
Brandy went for the Egg Foo Young which, while looking absolutely horrible (think cow brains in gravy) was a fabulous dish. Without the gravy, it would have been a very good dish, but gravy on an egg dish seems odd, it really really works.

Dessert
We were each pretty full, and pushing it past closing time, so we weren't really given an option to order dessert, but that worked out best for everyone.

What I Would Have Tried If I Ate Meat
Any, and possibly all, of the pork themed dumplings. Oh bacon, how I yearn for you.

Saffron
2135-B, Ayrsley Town Blvd               
Charlotte, NC 28273
     
First Impressions
Saffron is located in one of the many cookie cutter suburban enclaves that sit right off of 485. Despite my being a resident of one of these, I'm no fan. Prior to arriving, I had in mind a hidden gem of a restaurant in an out of the way location, so when we pulled up I had reservations (see what I did there!?) of how authentic the Indian cuisine was going to be. My assumption was that this was going to be as authentic as the Itialian pizza joint and the Chinese takeout that I regularly order.

What Sort of Ignorance Are We Working With
I've had Indian food several times (and can claim that another Indian Fusion restaurant in another suburban cookie cutter shopping center near me is quite delicious...Cafe Nirvana) but can't say that I've developed an understanding of what's authentic and what's “Americanized”. Brandy's co-worker, a real life Indian, recommended Saffron as a great place for Indian food. With that recommendation and a hankering for Indian, I was looking forward to the menu.

Beverages and Appetizers
We enjoyed the crackers and dips complimentary with our meal. Despite my sensitive palette (while me heart has very few nerve endings, my tongue more than makes up for it) I enjoyed all three levels of spicy dips. Ironically Saffron carries no I.P.A.'s, so enjoyed a couple of their import beers with my dinner.

Entree
I ordered the Kadia Paneer, a dish of mildly spiced cheese mixed with bell peppers, onions, and tomatoes. This came with rice and naan, as most Indian dishes do. As mentioned above, I can't claim that I know what's authentic or not, but this seemed close to the real deal. And as a bonus, it was delicious as well.

Dessert
While we were each full, we were not going two months in a row without ordering dessert. We decided to split a Kheer Badami, rice pudding with raisins and nuts. I really enjoyed the pudding. I don't eat much rice pudding, but after this dish there is a good chance I'll be adding it to my “a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips” list.

What I Would Have Tried If I Ate Meat
The Kadai Lamb, delicately spiced chunks of lamb cooked in an Indian wok with herbs and spices, sounded quite appetizing. Besides, there is something cool about an “Inidan wok” that I'd like to say I've experienced.

E. Independence Blvd.
Charlotte, NC

First Impressions
Walking into Red Sea I was hit first with the smell of smoke (I couldn't distinct if it was from cooking or from cigarette/cigar, or a mix of both) that was less overpowering than it was creating an atmosphere. There were, what I presume, African beads in the entrance, several Ethiopian basket things (as you may have detected, I am not an anthropologist) sitting around, and African/Ethiopian music playing on the sound system. Adding to the authenticity, there were a couple of Ethiopian guys walking around and our waitress was also Ethiopian (if they were Eritrean, that doesn't make me racist, does it?)

What sort of ignorance are we working with
I have eaten a full Ethiopian meal once in my life, and nibbled on it at an Ethiopian wedding as well, so I was familiar with both how the food is prepared (what I charmingly call "colorful lumps of stuff") as well as using the Injera bread as a utensil. Unfortunately, my one full meal was as a famished (poor choice of words?) 5th grader on a Washington, DC trip and the guest of cousins, which at the time made for anything other than pizza or burgers tantamount to torture. The pain of hunger mixed with the strange looking, smelling, and presented food seared an angry memory in my brain. A memory that I took with me over twenty years later to Red Sea.
While I was still a bit unsure as to how I would enjoy the flavor and texture of the meal, I was looking forward to eating and using the Injera bread as a utensil. So if all else failed, I'd at least get to play with my food.

Beverages and Appetizers
No apps. were ordered (not sure if that was due to our not being terribly hungry or not being terribly adventurous) but we each got what we assumed were native drinks. Brandy ordered a glass of honey wine, which was expectedly very sweet. I'd argue that it's better served as a digestive rather than an aperitif. Based on the information I get from my one Ethiopian friend (see, I ain't so racist), it's my understanding that the national drink is whiskey. So I got a nice pour of Johnny Walker Red and sipped on it all evening (to the seeming shame of our waitress who called me out for having any left after the meal was over).

Entree
I chose the vegetarian meal which combined the following into a pretty bunch of colorful lumps on a spread of Injera: ALITCHA (Variety vegetables, sautéed onion, curry, green pepper, onions and spices)TIMTIMO (Lentils flavored with seasoned sauce) and HAMLY (Chopped collard greens cooked in a mild sauce).
I'm not positive what all of the "variety vegetables" were, but one lump resembled salsa and was 'kick me in the face' spicy, while another was closer to an orangy-brown porridge that didn't have quite the same spiciness, but was flavored with what I call "the Ethiopian spice" as I don't know what exactly it is.
There was also a lump of beets that were prepared as good as I've ever had, and a side salad which was not.

Dessert
Again, we didn't get any dessert but I think the blame lies on there not being much of a choice and my not wanting to have to purchase a new wardrobe for the pending spring season.

What I Would Have Tried If I Ate Meat
Gored Gored, which is raw beef cubes simmered in hot butter. Maybe it's all the lettuce talking, but that sounds freaking awesome to me.

First Impressions
I've passed this place a few times, always with a semi-full parking lot, and thought that it seemed to have the type of charm that I like in a restaurant. It's modest and basic, like a good diner, but has the obvious exotic "non-American" name and cuisine. Walking in I noticed both the small Vietnamese accessories juxtaposed with the diner setup of booths and tables (which I guess every restaurant has, but I'm meaning that it looked like an all night diner set-up). What it didn't have that most of the diners that I like does, is dirt and grease caked on everything. The cleanliness of the place stood out to me (so that either highlights the sorts of places I usually eat, or my underlying racism in thinking a Vietnamese joint would be dirty.) All in all I was fired up about this meal.

What Sort of Ignorance Are We Working With
I lump all Asian meals into one general pot when it comes to my understanding of them. Other than knowing that Thai food is known to be spicy, as well as the Szechwan providence in China, it's all bits of meat and vegetables with rice to me. I don't know the subtle (or apparent) differences in Chinese vs. Korean food, or what makes Japanese food different from Philippine or Malaysian (and I'm not even sure all of those are Asian...so again, I'm either geographically ignorant or a little racist). So I knew I'd be getting some veggies with some rice, but past that I was clueless as to what I would be sampling this evening, which is really both the point of this year's meals as well as the most fun part of dining for me.

Beverages and Appetizers
Brandy and I each had a '33' beer. I'm sure that there is a Vietnamese name for this Vietnamese beer, but that's all that was listed on the menu as well as all I remember from the label (I did take notes, but didn't write anything down...soo....we're going with it's just called 33. I hear they do LOVE Larry BIrd in Vietnam. Showing my age with that one?). I'd compare 33 with a sweet Bud Light. As with Kirin and other Asian beers, it's different enough that I can get one or two down, but not something that I really crave.

For the table, Brandy ordered Goi Cuon (how's that for dropping a little culture into the review!?) or Spring Rolls (okay, so not that cultural, but at least they've got a cool Vietnamese name). What stood out about these were how fresh they seemed, which I attribute to the mint used. I can't say that it's unique to Lang Van, or even Vietnamese food, but the freshness did make an impression.

I also ordered Sup Ca, which you can guess was a soup of some sort. This was a Tomato and Bean Curd soup. It was a simple looking cup of diced tomatoes (tons of 'em) and tofu in a clear broth. Much like the goi cuon, it was a very fresh and clean dish that I could easily have had as a full meal. So far, so very very good!

Entree
Brandy had been to Lang Van a few times and remarked that the owner seems to know and remember every diner that comes in. The last time she was in she'd inquired about another diner's meal (I think it's classy to peer around at other people's food. Don't they teach that in debutant school?) and that she'd be coming in soon in hopes of trying what this other diner was having. The owner simply stated "I make for you" (Is it racist to quote poor English?). So when the entree's were being ordered the owner did come out, Brandy reminded her of what she was looking to try, and that's all that was needed. So then the owner turns to me, who'd been pouring over the lengthy menu trying to par down my choices, and asks "you eat tofu?" to which I replied in the affirmative, and then stated "I make for you".
Now I've gotta say that I do enjoy trying different things and taking risks with dinner, but if I can mix that with basically ordering off menu, Godfather style, then I'm a happy boy.
What was prepared for me was Dan Hu Xao Gung, a soy sauce marinated tofu and vegetable (broccoli, carrot, cauliflower, onion, asparagus) dish with rice. The tofu was excellent, crispy on the outside and tender, but not mushy, on the inside and flavored with the soy sauce just right. The vegetables were all crisp and fresh (not over cooked) and was accompanied by a very light sauce.
This dish was similar to the appetizers in that what stood out to me was how fresh and clean the dishes (the food not the actual structures on which the food was sitting...I just assume those are clean) were. The sauce was not thick and suffocating like the generic Chinese food I've eaten, it was closer to a broth and complimented the vegetables instead of overpowering them. If this is how all Vietnamese food is prepared, then my apologies to all Vietnamese for lumping you into the "Asian takeout" type food in my mind. If not, then well done Lang Van, well done!
With very reasonable prices (two of us got out of there at $65, including drinks and tip) and super good food, I look forward to dining there again very soon.

Dessert
We forgoed (forwent?) dessert due to being full of 33 and rice, but were brought complimentary cookies with the bill. I'd have preferred to sample something I was paying for, because these things (a shortbread/pecan sandie type thing and an egg filled pastry deal) were not the note I wanted to leave on.

What I Would Have Tried If I Ate Meat
The menu really was extensive and somewhat overwhelming (at least given the short time to peruse it). I can't list a particular dish, but I think I'd have gone with a beef dish...accompanied by vegetables and rice. That's just how I roll.

For the past couple of years Brandy(she of my top friends list) and I have gone out to eat, once a month, to some of Charlotte's swankier restaurants and rotate who picks up the tab each month. The intention was that each of us enjoy good food (me because I like to think of my taste buds being as superior as my intellect, Brandy because she's classy) but due to our erratic dating habits (again, mine due to being a miserable curmudgeon and unable to retain any sort of long term relationship, Brandy because she's quite the catch and generally able to identify that she's the better one on the date) wouldn't be able to consistently dine at such nice establishments without sending off the wrong signals (and I think it's well understood that once a guy drops over $25 on a meal, missionary position is only for those working in rural Mexican villages).

While I'm positive that I actually don't have that refined of a palette, I do enjoy both watching cooking shows and researching food stuffs, as well as attempting to whip up different dishes in my own kitchen. These once a month meals were an opportunity to see what real chefs and cooks are doing in my fair city.  I learned that while the price of a meal doesn't absolutely correlate with the quality of the food or the experience, I can say that overwhelmingly these meals have been outstanding. It's rare that I wasn't left thinking "if I were to bring a romantic date to this place, I'm guaranteed she'll feel obligated to return my awkward advances".  I certainly can't list all of my favorites, due to my poor memory and lack of foresight to document the meals, but a couple are the tuna at Noble's (it was like eating a block of fish butter. That may sound gross, but it's the best way I can describe how the tuna was both soft and, well, buttery as well as not being distracted by what it was prepared in and just enjoying the taste of the fish) and the escolar at Global (it was certainly a fabulously prepared dish, but I best like it because I can now use 'escolar' as both a noun and a verb. "That escolar was so freaking good that I escolared my shorts a couple of days later"...note: I did)

So with another year of fine dining before us, Brandy and I decided that my ego had been inflated enough and that we weren't so comfortable dropping a couple of Benjamins each month on food when there is a good chance we'd need that money to purchase heat and white bread due to the economy (thanks W!). This year we are going to expand our culinary horizons and sample restaurants of differing ethnic cuisines. While there may be some on the list that are still on the expensive side, most will be modest to cheap price wise, but off the charts in educating us about what 'them people' have to offer.I'm also going to attempt to document and review these meals as best my South Carolina public education and bourbon singed tongue will allow.

For the six of you who are reading this, I'd appreciate any feedback on the reviews, especially if you've been to the restaurants that I do post about. If you've not been, perhaps you can comment about the general cuisine of the ethnic group, my observation on it, or my general poor grammar and lack of imagination. For those of you with a vendetta, here's a great place to mock my alopecia and general racism. Here's to a year of eating food by people darker than me!

With the recent Washington D.C. ban overruled by the Supreme Court of The United States, I took a moment (as we all should now and then) to peruse the Bill of Rights and it's amendments. The following is how the original 2nd amendment was written, capitalized and punctuated (and the current version is pretty similar):

"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

I preface this with the fact that every degree I hold is from a public institution based in South Carolina, so my grammar may not be on par with some of you "upper half" state residents who may scroll through my Space here, BUT I'm fairly certain that the amendment is one sentence. And in that one sentence is the mention of a militia (regardless of how you interpret how well it should be regulated, it's in the sentence). So based on that very basic understanding of grammar, and an even smaller degree of logic, we currently do not have the right to keep and/or bear arms. We have a government funded, voluntary army that has done away with the need to keep a militia armed and well regulated.

So either someone explain to me what I'm missing or write me in as your next Supreme Court justice.

Family…well friends…eh, well to those of you who waste a little of your day perusing this MySpace page, I come to you with news on my relationship with Red and a call for advice if any reading this are familiar with beard/man relationships.

Before I delve into the details, a preface of sorts: You may have noticed my absence from  my blog page (and if you didn't notice then you're one of the thousand who didn't send me a note demanding that I bring my entertaining messages back. Thanks for nothing).  This absence coincides with my relationship with Red becoming more serious. She's not a big fan of blogging (I personally think she doesn't understand it rather than not enjoying the content, because how could you not enjoy the witty and entertaining things I post?) and in an interest to focus on us, I decided to not post. I'm now in a position where I feel that you (all .5 of you) deserve to know the state of things and can possibly offer some advice to assist me through this time.

As you may have picked up on, things are not copacetic with Red and me.  Within the last month or so, she's become distant, unmanageable and has on several occasions drawn unwelcome and unnecessary attention to herself and to us. I have my theories (one of which is that being attached at the jaw 24/7 is just too much time spent in each other's company) but have no real answers as to what is happening to us. Red isn't a very open lady and I'm not great at having a serious conversation without becoming defensive, drunk, and eventually naked in the corner of my bathroom (but really, who doesn't!?).

I've shared our growth with you all over this past year, so I feel (egotistically) that many of you may have become attached to Red as well. It's in this interest that I turn to you for support and advice on how to handle our growing apart. We're going on a long weekend out of town and will spend the time on the road attempting to come to a resolution for us both. If you have any insight, it will be appreciated.

Ten Cent American Novels, the sophomore album from Sunshone Still, has been on sale for over a week now and Red doesn't understand why you've not bought a copy. I tried explaining to her why you haven't. If you reason isn't listed below, how about posting a reply as to why you haven't, or go ahead and pick up a copy so that Red won't be so confused (she doesn't sleep well while confused)

You're Dumb
This is the most sensical reason I can articulate to Red, based on the current voting patterns, cultural choices, and general health decisions that Americans seem to make. So I understand that it would be daunting to buy a record based on the concept of Manifest Destiny and it's commentary on today's administration policy. But don't worry, TCAN is on the surface a very fun and enjoyable record to listen while you ignore the local and international problems we are facing.

You're Racist
Again, you are focusing on the wrong things, folks. This record, while it may seem to defend the Native American's tragic demise at the hands of our fore fathers, can be aesthetically pleasing to your hatred of them red skins (on a side note, how the hell can Washington still have an NFL team named the Redskins? Does anyone not cringe at the thought of the Baltimore Darkies? Geez). Look at the cover art! Kit Carson is STABBING Native Americans. Listen to those lyrics "kill the Indians". Certainly you can get your Lou Dobbs self behind such seemingly racists stances as those.

You're Busy
Sure, I understand. You're the ONE person who's job/school/hobby takes up SO much time that you can't comprehend how you'll ever manage to click a mouse around a computer screen and input your credit card data. How will you ever find the time to drive to Manifest Discs and Tapes to buy a CD when you have so many important, life changing, internationally recognized works of peace and prosperity to finish? Red apologizes for not knowing that you were the person that was so much busier than EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO HAS A JOB.

You're Poor
Okay, so you look into your wallet, money clip, rubber band and see that you don't have $10 to spend on a CD or MP3 (that will last you for the rest of your life...think about that. You spend $10 and factor that into playing the CD once a week for the rest of your life. Or even over the next 2 months. Not bad, eh?). Well here's a nugget of advice that will save you money, culturally enrich your life, help you lose weight, and open your eyes to a new lifestyle. Step one, on Sunday (or whatever the beginning of you work week is) go to your grocery store and pick up a loaf of bread (preferably with whole wheat flour as the main ingredient...read the back of the label, not the front!) and some deli meat (ugh...or not. Feel free to make it some vegetable salad of sorts or a nice organic soup) and make yourself a week's worth of lunch. Step two, take this lunch product to your work. Step three, don't spend money eating out, rather eat the lunch that you brought. Step four, reap the savings and spend a little on TCAN. Step five, do this for a month and notice how your belt has to be tightened an extra size. Step six, thank me.

So if you're not dumb, racist, busy or poor (and you've not made up your mind to buy a copy of Ten Cent American Novels) how about letting Red know what's keeping you from picking up a copy?

Sunshone Still's sopohmore soundtrack (okay, it's an album, but I like alliteration) is officially released today. If you were looking for a reason to buy it, here are a few:

It's Smart TCAN (as it's affectionately acronymed) is a concept album built around the general theme of Manifest Destiny and specifically written about Kit Carson's spreading the American Dream Westward (sorry if I get sarcasm on your monitor). Listening to TCAN won't make you any smarter, but it'll fool your friends into thinking you are.

It's Pretty The concept and theme bleed out to the cover art, the artist head shot, and to the arrangement of the songs and their lyrics. Set up more like a book or a play, TCAN is broken down into books and chapters. It's like getting a CD, a book, a piece of art, and a history lesson all for a price cheaper than the latest Britney Spears CD (albeit with less genital pics...sorry)

It Needs You This album is not backed by a major label, a rich benefactor, or a snotty underwriter. This thing is paid (well, not yet...debt's a bitch) for with the money that should be saved and invested for when Sunshone Still's yet unidentified children show up for college money. There are no sponsors picking up the bill, no investors with money to blow, and no one looking to get rich quick off of the work of a talented writer. This is the kind of CD you need to spend the money you saved from burning your friend's U2 album.

It's Damn Good When it all boils down to why you really should own this album, it's good. There are big, sweeping numbers with horns and cellos and instruments I can't pronounce or spell. There are finger snapping, fun songs that will make you forget how evil our belief in Manifest Destiny was (is?). There are quiet interludes that are catchy and insprrational in their own right. Piece by piece this is a good album, but lump it all together and the concept makes this a gotta have album. Don't take my word for it, listen to the experts:
You Crazy Dreamer's Review

The State Newspaper Review

Free Times (short) Review

If you'd like to work out with or near Red, here are a few activities to avoid royally pissing her off:

This behavior separates those who progressed past kindergarten toy maintenance from those who did not. Folks, there are signs marking where each particular weight should be placed, and there are spots for every weight in the gym. You're already one point down for doing the meathead thing by coming to a gym. Don't further the stereotype by acting like a Neanderthal.

I'm not sure if it's a sign of weakness to make eye contact, or if it's a signal that I want to rape you (guys and girls) but it takes banshee cries to get any recognition in the gym. By looking me in the eye, does that keep you from maxing out? If we exchange a polite nod while heading to the water fountain does that give me the right to grope you? What am I missing? I'm not asking to be your new best friend, I'm just looking for the absolute base of social interaction.

Good Lord guys, have you never seen a bad sitcom? Do you not know how meatheads are stereotyped? For God's sake STOP flexing in the mirror. You look like an absolute jackass. If you want to sneak a peak at how chiseled you are, do what I do and "check your form" while you're lifting. So unless you're auditioning for "Dimwitted No Neck", lay off the posing.

This rule applies outside the gym as well, but for some reason (perhaps the gym at where I'm a member is a bit more metro/homo than most) a third of the guys I see pumping iron have frosted hair. NOTICEABLY frosted hair. Dude, it's one (bad) thing to hit the tanning bed, but sporting the bleached tips? Have you no respect, man?

Luckily the wind in my gym never exceeds 2 mph while I'm working out, but apparently at times it gets up to Tropical Storm speeds. Why else would so many folks be wearing such aerodynamic clothing? I get it. You have muscles. I also get that you have nipples, but I have no desire to see them. And yes, there are some (very) attractive ladies bopping around (I work out in a 1950's era gym) in spandex, and yes, I appreciate this (very) much. But a rule's a rule. Leave the spandex at home, unless you're flying in on your hang glider.