Jysn of Killpoet at Beyond Baroque.sound of.f
for 32 years he was
quiet. a listener. the guy
you loved to have around
not even one of those
that when they had some
important thing to say
they would talk. and we
would listen. nope.
he was just quiet. he would engage
you with eyes. he would
laugh. these were his
ways of being in it
with you. then
one day
one fucked day
he was told his voice box
was diseased and
would need to be removed.
that this could be specific
that there was an
expiration date. that he could
mark the calendar with red
ink. representing the edit being made
to his life.
that he would never
be the same.
this man would not remake his voice
with a machine. he would not
do that.
and then.
it was the last day he
would ever have a voice
he planned the day. to the hilt.
filled with interaction. he even
did a poetry read.
this man was no poet. he read loud
he yelled into times square at noon
making pigeons scatter and shit in their wake making
strangers stare.
just yelled, changing pitches moving his
tongue around. creating a waving
sea of soundthought, expression
he'd never knew. he yelled and made his throat
raw. he smiled and fingered
the sore. he went into a cathedral
and he chattered during the eucharist
he laughed. yes. he laughed
because during his silence
all these years. he had always
laughed. that was what
made tears.
but he stuffed it. in the library
he signed up for a card
he ran wildly down the aisles
talking to the books. keeping the ink
up. making the static
connection of words to eyes through brain
out vocal cords. reading aloud
excerpts from
anderson, from the bible
from hurston. licking out the rich vowels
curling his tongue around consonance
blinking through metaphor
clicking his teeth on commas
tucking his lips around those
hard to reach sounds.
exhausting staccato, puffing out declarative
sentences in clipped
rapid fire. he was kicked out
by a mousy librarian
but not before he produced a monologue
about the absurdity of quiet in a library
where no one was. serious and diligent
he got home. pulled out the dictionary
picked every word
that he ever wanted to learn
how to pronounce and said it to the
mirror. ran out from his
apartment. found Her
and told Her
what she was. what she never saw
what he had been watching
from across the counter
for over a year.
he did all these things. and went
to sleep. saying his prayer out loud
saying good
bye. to the sound
of his music.