Jokes (copyright by Brendan G Quinn)
Good for cryptic fans!!
What is a swan's favourite food ?
Corn on the cob
Where would you go to buy a chess set?
A Pawnshop
Which dogs age prematurely?
Greyhounds
Which is the most frustrating letter in the alphabet?
T's
Which is the most selfish part of the body?
I's
What do you call a cashier who works for a greengrocer?
len til (i.e len till)
What would girls drink on a wild night out?
Hennessy
What do you get if you join part of a ship,
a pop group and a toilet?
hull abba loo
Which part of his body does a student bring in to
an exam?
in-test-ine
What did one vase say to another vase?
you are being evasive
Why did the lumberjack forgive his enemy?
he had no axe to grind
Which river is a plumber's favourite?
Lagan
Why would a sawdoctor not like a racecourse?
Because it Ain'tree
What did the shoeshop salesperson who didn't
like the country man's voice say?
That is a terrible brogue
Which tool of a joiner worries a lot?
A fret saw
Which army man would spend a lot of
time in the toilet?
A loo tenant
What do you call a smart dessert that swims
in a tub?
a weissmuller
What did one fish say to the other?
we have a natural a-fin-ity
What would be of use to a bald man who
doesn't listen?
an eariwig
What do you get if you drop a (Saint)St in juice?
justice
What happened to the bird which told lies?
It was ostrich- ised
What did the daddy owl say to the son owl when he was out looking for a female?
to wit to woo
Did you hear about the farting fat person who didn't get the job?
Flabbergasted
Did you hear about the computer expert who brought a woman back to his mother?
He said "I would like to introduce you to my nintendo"
A fool is aloof from the world.
Did you hear about the drunkard who appears before the Judge after downing a 24 pack?
The Judge says - Have you anything to say for yourself.
Drunkard replies - The CASE is dismissed.
A man goes in to a Tailor's shop to get the length of his trousers fixed.The lady behind the counter starts shouting at him and he gets annoyed.He explains to her that he came in for an alteration not an altercation.
What do you call the quirky characteristics of a silly person? - Idiotsyncracies
There was a man and woman who hadn't talked for years and there was a certain frostiness between them.The man sent a letter to his beloved asking for them to go out for a meal,she replied in the affirmative.They met up at the restaurant and still no talk.The man got totally frustrated and finally plucked up the courage to ask "What's up darling?".She was wanting to decide what to get to eat when spying a group of people in the other seat she retorted "Don't interrupt can you not see I am looking at the MENU?"
IF YOU DRINK YOUR "BEST ALE" YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THE "BEATLES"
KEEP YOUR CHINS UP!
copyright 2007/8 Brendan G Quinn