PART ONE: "AMERIKANS"

Today, after the 2008 Presidential Election, I've been hearing a lot of people saying "for the first time, I'm proud to be an American." I find this very disturbing.

I've always been proud to be an American. I've also always been proud of my national heritage as a muttly German/French/Norwegian American. Never once did I doubt my patriotism, even though I have never flounced it around in people's faces, either.

We have no flag hanging outside our house (in fact, the only flag we own is a German flag, which is proudly displayed on our bedroom wall). I have no bumper stickers or ribbons or mini flags on my car. I rarely participate in the pledge of allegience. I have no pins or buttons or tshirts or hats proclaiming "USA 1"...

But every day, I'm proud and thankful to be living in this beautiful country, even when I don't agree with things the government is doing or decisions that politicians are making. You can't make everyone happy 100% of the time, but you should at least make an *attempt* to do what the people of this nation want. But you know what? public opinion is fickle.

In 2001/2002, we WANTED TO GO TO WAR, because we were attacked.

Now we WANT TO GET OUT, because things are getting ridiculous and WE CAN'T CHANGE the way things are over there, which we now sadly realize. Maybe we had the best intentions, maybe not. Maybe we've done some good and helped some people; maybe we did more harm than good. The truth is in the eyes of the beholder.

When gas was creeping up on $4/gallon, outrage spread like wildfire and SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE. Now gas is back down, and we have more important things to worry about, like the economy and unemployment. Global warming and the "energy crisis" has been pushed to the backburner until the inconvenience of it rears it's ugly head again.

Whatever the administration in the white house or whatever political party has the majority, there will always be adversity to overcome and problems to solve. It just seems all the more severe nowadays because we are CONSTANTLY REMINDED through 24 hour media and instant communication.

But no matter WHAT happens, or who wins or who loses, you should ALWAYS be proud.

Obama won the election and I'm proud. This is the first time that the candidate for whom I cast my ballot has been the victor. So I'm on the winning team, of course I'm excited. If McCain would have won? I would still be proud. Disappointed, yes, but never without pride for my country.

Yes, Obama is a black man. So what? Like black men have never been capable before Barack came leaping out of the murky shadows of opression and into the golden light of political fanfare?

Yes, Obama is the first American President Elect of biracial/African decent. So what? He is a competent leader with insightful ideas that gives people hope for the future. Would you have been just as pride-filled if an equally qualified and inspiring "white" man had run a campaign and been elected? or would you just go on being "disappointed" in a bigoted and close-minded America?

What if an American-born Hispanic or Asian or Middle Easterner had run for President and won? Would you be even MORE PROUD because those are even MORE OPRESSED American minorities? God forbid a "Native American" should be President someday, as I fear people's hearts would literally BURST with the never-before-experienced feeling of patriotism!

PART TWO: ALLEGORY

Patriotism is like being a parent.

You can love your child with every ounce of your being and do ALL that you possibly can to protect that child and help to teach that child right and wrong and the ways of the world. But there is not one single parent in the history of humanity who has NEVER been frustrated with the actions of their child; and there has been no child who has NEVER done something that made their parents angry or sad or disappointed, sometimes maybe even disgusted.

But when that child has a rough childhood, maybe gets into a lot of trouble, and then they miraculously get their act together and graduate college one day.

Does that child's mother or father say "For the first time in my life, I'm proud of my child" ?

If you heard someone say that about their child, wouldn't it make you feel a little sad inside?

Would you say, "wow, you've seriously NEVER been proud of your child before *this* moment right here?"

...and they would say "Nope. that kid was a total fuckup his entire life until this very moment when I can finally be proud."

Serial killers' and murderers' and rapists' mothers still love them. They may be disgusted and abhorred by what their child has done, but it's still their child. It's their flesh and blood. No matter how hard they may try to (and say that they) HATE that person who used to be their child, there is always that primitive bond that will not allow the love to fade too far from memory.

Can't you do the same for the great country that you live in? whether it's America or somewhere else in the world? Some people aren't so lucky. They don't feel safe in their own homeland, and for the majority with good reason. Maybe they don't have a choice when it comes to their government. Maybe they don't have a voice among the faceless masses.

* * * * *

The good ol' American "redneck" in me would like to have the final words concerning people who can only feel PRIDE when they get their own selfish desires fulfilled...

"Quit yer whining."

"Do your patriotic duty."

"Fight for justice and for those who have been treated unjustly."

"Love your country, protect your family and the people you love and keep them safe."

"If you don't like it, REVOLT or get the fuck out."

Yes, I know that verbage is not an actual word. Piss off.

RULES:
1. Go to Google and type in your first name and the phrase.
2. Copy and paste the first sentence/phrase you get that makes sense.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: "Adel needs to God Press his sister next" (yeah... fuckin' sister...)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: "Adel looks like Reveya coz they have both large antenna and both red heads xD" (...what?)

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: "Adel says US domination over Iran impossible." (exactly.)

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: "Adel wants to attend training course about diploma in quality assurance in tranto, , Canada." (I love tranto!)

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: "adel does a front flip then backflip" (um... impossible?)
The next best one was "be adelic: when adel does a lennon" (LOL)

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: "Adel hates you (first causeless; and now probably with cause)." (OMG, it's true)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: "Adel asks, in reference to fake documents, 'Will these work for the brothers who are going to the United States?'" (fake documents make Adel ANGRY!)

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search.
A: "adel goes ape s--- and hsa a crazy look on his face and wants to kill people? i cried" (fantastic.)

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: "adel likes, Women." (whoa... scandalous.)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: "Adel eats? LOL. R.I.P. Forever Daddy" (wtf)

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: "Adel wears during her shows, the colors absolutely leap off your screen." (fabulous.)

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: "Adel, was arrested for driving under suspension, two counts, failure to provide security against liability, ..." (the list goes on...)
There were only 4 results for this one, and 3 pertained to the city of Adel and not a person's name.

DO IT YOURSELF

Ugh, it's been 5 months since my last journal post, and I'm sick of looking at it. It's depressing. I have a ton of stuff that I want to bunch together into a journal entry about what I've been up to the last few months... but I don't feel like putting that much effort in right now. So here's some funny things that make me laugh nearly to point of soiling myself... WOO!

My absolute FAVORITE Chuck Norris Facts:

• Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  
• There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
  
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk, and Kill.
  
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  
• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
  
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  
• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  
• When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
  
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  
• Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
  
• When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, he dosen't get wet... the water gets Chuck Norris.
  
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
  
• Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
  
• Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
  
• Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
  
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
  
• Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  
• Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
  
• When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
  
• It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
  
• A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon.
  
• Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  
• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "BANG".
  
• If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris has the greatest poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite his hand consisting of only a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a Monopoly 'Get Out of Jail Free' card.
  
• Chuck Norris invented water.
  
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
  
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
  
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
  
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  
• Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  
• Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  
• Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
  
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Also, here's a couple SNL Digital Shorts that I enjoy. Both with Andy Samberg, who reminds me so much of my little brother, and without whom SNL would be dead to me. The first one (PUNCHED!), I think I've plugged here before, is absolutely hilarious and is my 1 favorite that I've found on the internet to-date.

Quick Note: These are directly from the NBC.com Saturday Night Live Videos section and I could not get them to load at all in Internet Explorer, I had to use Firefox. That may be because I have dial-up, but you never know; IE is a bitch for no apparent reason sometimes.

I have resolved to quit my job.

Things have been going down the shit hole for a while now, and I just can't take the bullshit anymore.

Two of my paychecks bounced last fall, but I said to myself, "I'll stick with it and things will get better and I'll be no worse for the wear and have an awesome job."

I mysteriously received a raise (surprise!), a few days before they fired the only other HTML Programmer, which I thought was a little suspicious. So now I had a raise, and 2-times the workload.

Shortly after, 70% of the employees fled, and they kept telling me, "You better start looking for a different job," and I said "Yeah, thanks, but I'm going to work through things around here and see what happens."

Then one payday came and I didn't get a check at all. The boss was out of town and "Oops! - Forgot to sign the checks!" Bullshit. BUT I STAYED AND WORKED THROUGH IT, because apparently I am a dumbass.

Many suspicious happenings and shady business practices later, things got REALLY weird and people started getting paranoid and playing the blame game. I was told that *I* was "unreliable" and I am now no longer allowed to work from home because it's "too difficult" to "track" the work that I do at home. Apparently, the last 8+ months working from home, I've just been stealing money from the company.

Oh, and my schedule is no longer flexible, as stated in my original employment contract. Oh, and since I've been missing so much work because of the winter weather and being snowed-in at our house in the country, I've only been getting 30-35 hours (3-4 days) in a week, which is not full time, so I lose my benefits, insurance, vacation and sick time.

I was told to "consider my options" and "talk it over with my spouse" and blah, blah, blah. So I did. Bo said, "Fuck them. They've fucked you around so much, they can eat shit. Their business is fucked, they can't even pay the people that work for them, and they're either too stupid, or they don't give a shit enough to carry payroll insurance like a responsible employer. Fuck them. Quit. You'll get another job, and you'll actually get PAID for the work that you do."

But I got all wishy-washy, and was like "But there's so much work to do, and I feel so bad, if I leave it will just get shoved off on everybody else and make them more frustrated and overworked, and I just don't know..." and Bo said, "Fuck that! None of that is your problem. They should wise-up and leave, too."

That was Tuesday, Feb. 5th.

On Wednesday, we had the worst snowstorm in Iowa since 1973. 14 inches of snow in 24 hours, with sustained winds of 30-50 mph after that. We were snowed-in and drifted-in and fucked Wednesday and Thursday; Bo logged about 30-hours worth of plowing and re-injured his back which had just been "adjusted" the week before. Poor guy, works so hard for his family, you just can't stop him. Thank God for him.

Then came Friday, Feb. 8th, when I was handed a piece of paper that looked like a paycheck, smelled like a paycheck, same relative size, weight, and density as a paycheck, but has yet to be converted into worthwhile currency. The bank won't cash it because there is no money in the account. No employees can cash their checks. There's no money. I don't know when/if there will be.

I am holding my check until Friday. I don't know why. Whether it clears or not, I'm done. I'm turning in my time, and on Friday, Feb. 22nd they'll send me another piece of paper with a dollar amount and a signature that's worth nothing and it's going to turn into a fuck-tarded ridiculous mess. FUCK.

I feel terrible. But I've felt terrible since the start of the new year because of all this shit and I'm sick of it. If I stay there, I'll just keep feeling like shit. I am committed to my decision, and everyone I've talked to agrees that I should get out and seek more a more stable payroll and work environment. Friday, Feb. 15th will be my last day. So sad. I will miss my co-worker friends.

Fuck.

I hate fucking blogging. But I do love sharing cool shit from around the internet. Some of this crap is from John. Thank you for the random crap, John. (see asterisks)

New Meshuggah track from impending March 7 Obzen release, entitled "Bleed"
http://danmax.net/john/Stuff/Meshuggah - Bleed.mp3
I think this may be the absolute heaviest metal I've EVER HEARD.
Along with the new album, Meshuggah will be touring with Ministry this Spring.
http://www.meshuggah.net/tour/

George A. Romero's newest and upcoming Zombie movie!
"Diary of the Dead" Trailer ...and as long as we're on the topic...

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen*
http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_p5.html

Best Essay EVER*
It seems this essay was written while the guy was high hilarious

Here's one for all my fellow netgeeks out there.*
shut up i hack you

SNL Digital Short: PUNCHED!*
http://www.influks.com/post1760.html
Hilarious!

The picture that is unexplainable.*
http://chickencrap.com/c.php?c=1161

The Bad Comics Challenge*
http://nedroid.com/bcpage1.html
I especially like, 18, 27, the title of 36 is awesome, 40, 46, 47, 55, 64, 71, 84, "99. Red Ballons", 103, 121, 131, 154, 168-169, and the running "slept with your wife", groin kickings, and taco jokes. WOO!

I could take 15 five-year-olds in a fight.*
http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

This could be the greatest e-card site EVER.*
http://www.someecards.com/

And various YouTubeness...
• This is why you shouldn't fly kites near power lines*
• Faith No More: Portishead "Glory Box" cover (live)
because Mike Patton is a sexy bitch, even especially when covered in other people's saliva. Hot damn. (and the prequel: Spit in Mike Patton's Mouth)

First, I ask you this: Who the FUCK uses cinnamon flavored toothpaste? Gag.

Hello all you wonderful people out there on the interweb!  New journal entry for the new year; maybe this year I can keep up more with my "blogosphere" counterparts.  Ugh.  Technobabble.

It's kind of old news, but just so you know, we had a new year's party and it *ROCKED* the fucking house.  It was fun.  I got WAY trashed SUPER fast and didn't go to bed until 6AM.  I do not advocate drinking at all, by the way.  Because DAMN was I one hurtin unit the next day...or... four hours after I went to sleep.  GAH.  Won't be doing that again for a while.  Everybody crashed at our house and it was just like BACK in the DAY when you'd wake up and the "drunk room" reeks and there's people sleeping everywhere and cigarette butts and bottle caps and miscellaneous debris... ahh, memories.

In other news, I'm getting closer and closer to my monetary goal for to buy myself a spankin new rock-ass camera and other such equip-mentness.  WOOHOO!  I cannot wait, I think I may pee myself with anticipation.