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♥Decembers[ (Crayola) ]>RachaelRiot



Last Updated: 11/22/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 16
Sign: Cancer

City: sunnyville
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/31/2006

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November 19, 2008 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  aggravated
Category: Life
ok so anyway, maybe last week ------ said he wouldn't date any girl except me. silly right? well then he goes and kisses ---'s "little sister" and --- tells me he wanted to, he tells me she dared him to, which sounds like total B.S. and in reality if he wouldn't have said the thing about only dateing me i wouldn't have cared. and yes technically kissing isn't dating but the way i see it, if i WAS dating him and he did that, i wouldn't be dating him the next second (if you catch my drift). So basically he lied and I hate people who lie to there friends.

I kinda let it go, no use crying over spilled milk.

THEN I was texting him and he said:

to tell him i hated him and never wanted to see him again.
I told him that him saying that made me fell like jumping off buildings.
He said he throws his heart out and it gets stepped on. and that he rarly ever sees me and he thinks of me all the time.then he said he was tired of imagining when he was cuddling with --- that i was her.

i thought...ok? and let it go.

the next day i was talking to --- about why i broke up with him and why i didn't want to date him again and Get This:
she told me that they mess around with eachother for fun.

That's one million times worse than the kissing thing. i don't think he would've done that if i was dating him, but if he is so damn in love with me maybe he should show some self control:

either keeping his pants zipped, or sticking to his promises. which ever one he does is fine with me as long as he leaves me out of situations where his pants are unzipped.... lol
but seriously.

am I sociopathic, or am i right??

P.S. the names have been changed to -------. some people know who these people are anyway.
12:51 PM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
If I was a sucide note,
I'd explain every reason why I breath, think, bleed, scream, cry, laugh, and pretend to live.
But you can't read me like a page in a book,
I'm not easy to understand,
You can't tear me in half,
I'm not easy to break on the outside,
You can't rip me to shreds,
because I thrive on you doubt me.
On your knowlege of my imperfection.
5:13 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I stare at you,
unseeing the danger you pose to me
unknowing that you will rip out my heart
unprotected from your shimmering, angelic cover
and your angel wings that are glued on.
5:03 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Some I miss you
so much
that it so hard
to think cleary
and I just want to cry
and scream
to let it all out,
to set all of my emotions free
when no ones around
because that's what I do
When I miss you so much that it hurts.
5:00 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
These eyes are scared,
These eyes are warm,
These eyes are mysterious,
These eyes are cold,
These eyes are sad,
These eyes are anxious,
These eyes are happy,
These eyes are missing something:

These eyes are missing you.
4:57 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I want to write you a song for you,
but I know not the words to write in it.
I want this song to have meaning,
but I know not how to give it.
I want this to make sense,
but I know none other then the swirling, messy thoughts in my head
I want it to be your song,
but I know not how to make it.
4:51 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Lost in darkness
with no one to love
because you can't see me cry
and you can't here me scream
yet as i sit next to you
I'm still trying to tell you to help me
with out letting you know
who I truly am,
what I want to do
that would make this so much easier
for me
but harder for you
and everyone else
that says they
love me
unless everyone
is telling me
a lie that I want to believe
but I can't .
save me! I need you to save me.
4:45 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I said I loved you
and you said you loved me
yet you don't know
how serious I am
When I say thouse three words
in your ear.
I can't really stand this,
but I can't tell you
my true feelings for you because
I'm scared that you'll
be like everyone else
and cringe at me
when you see me after I tell you
what I feel
So don't blame me
for my lie.
4:41 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
There are so many things
running through my head
So many thoughts and
actions to sort through
But all I hear is screaming
and all I feel is cold.
I can't hear the sound of your voice.
I can't feel your warm touch.
I only feel the words,
and glances,
and thoughs hurled in my direction
like peircing needles
yet I don't feel the pain.
Just the cold steel of the point
against my skin.
4:32 AM 
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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Why are you so understanding
When I tell you I say
All the wrong things
And that I can't forget you,
But when I tell you that I love you,
You act as if you hate me
And wish that you would never see me again.
What would happen
If maybe I died?
Would you cry and say you loved me
or laugh and say you hated me?
Would you say that you were sorry and want me back
or would you deny you're crime and say I had it coming?
4:24 AM 
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