See me How I am
Not how I was
Looking at me like a slaughtered lamb
all the reasons but just one answer because

So many sighs
And no replys
Have urges that are going unfulfill
Even you have made me pay the bill

Ramblings of a mad lady?
that's too shady
Let me vent and scream
I'm tired of a bad dream

No escape for the weak and weary
only a peak of the insane and dreary

© 2008 Lady D- Maria


Do not judge me for my writing, Judge me for my actions. people are to judgemental now a days, that they have no real idea about the world.

Well I bought a book. this past week, but the only chance I get to read it is before I go to sleep so i'm like on chapter three of it. and i must say I love it. I reccommend Dragon Witch- by Yasmine Galenorn to everyone. It continues the Series of the De'artigo sisters. with Camille in this book.  I won't give away details! That's just not me. =P You must read to find out, more that's all im saying. =P

Anyway I have actually found the time to write again -_- although it isn't one of my best works.. I think I am forcing it... Which isn't good for any writer.. Anything to get rid of my writers block that's been sticking with me for 3 months >_< it's really getting annoying.

Eventually I'll have something.. maybe.. Hopefully @_@

In hell amongst other places..

I have been stressed out to the max.. Basically trying to calm my self down from the hell.. But no hasn't been working.. I guess it's because every time i go to the doctors for that montly blood test they find something else wrong with me.. Dope me up with more pills And I'm left sitting here wondering is it really fucking worth the aggrivation, Getting up in the morning taking 7 pills just to make me healthy.. FISH OIL NOW for my high cholestorole... O_o Ok, can I skip this one and Lower my Cholestorole my way? Please! No fucking way Am I taking that Horse Pill, I have enough problem's swallowing the metformin let alone this..
My mum is coming up with ways I can take it without swallowing that huge thing.. Tonight we're trying to put it on Tuna, and cover the taste up with Light mayo... Hopefully it will work.. But wtf, I have to take it twice a day.. what am i going to do for the morning time.. I'm out of ideas, I tried it with cereal.. -_- Bad Idea by the way...  I think I need to try it with bagles.. next time. Or Can't I just skip the fish oil and go straight to that Milk or what ever that has Omega 3 in it?

Yes Yes, I am avoiding the pills.. I don't like putting that crap in my body.. I don't see why doctor's can't see that Natural healing works.. Why Can't I just go exercise with out the pills.. And eat natural ungreased foods without the pills.. No You must take pill... For Fuck Sakes.. I'm sick of pills..  They can stick it up their ass's for all I care. I'm done!

I have not been on in a while have i?

Nope sure haven't. I been too busy with WoW and writing again.. SWEET. no not really.. I'm stressing out in the writing thing.. I have a new thing started but stuck on the others.. o well thems the breaks lol

Another up date on father dear.. He doesn't need surgery yet.. because it's healing if it doesnt heal properly then maybe they will who knows. lol
Anyway.. I'll try to write more and keep everyone Informed..

BUT KNOW ONE THING

I AM ALIVE!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been feeling so drained, I haven't been on in a long time.. It seems when i get energy I don't really know what to do with it. I gardened alot these past months.. Been playing my video game. World of warcraft alot.. But what i really want to do is write on my novels...

I still have the stupid writers block going on.. I don't know how long this is going to last.. I am thinking up of a good one to write though.. Shadows Embrace based on my World of warcraft gaming guild..

I just don't know how I want to start it out, and what story line i want to do. I know it's in my head some where.. It will eventually come to me.. I know it will.. I just have to be patient and not force myself...

I think I just need to get away from this area for a while but to were?

Last week sucked for me. I had a Jaw infection, don't know how but It happened. I have to re-schedule myself for a doctors appointment again.. If I keep missing them I'm going to winde up paying an arm and a leg for missed appointment fee's... I don't know, I just wasn't able to get up, Joshua thinks it's the change of the weather that has me down. Who know's he probably is right.

I mean it is kinda getting warm out there a little .. The weather has been funky and everything here has been crazy.. AH the norm of my home lol. Joshua got promoted to crew trainer, soon he will be Swing shift manager.. I'm so happy for him.. He finnaly has a job he can do, hopefully he will be able to go to tech school, so he can get the job he always wanted..  Computers..

I want to go back to school as well, I just don't know what I should take up.. My law again or something else.. I want to own my own restuarant and be a cook. Then again I also want to be a published writer, and I was looking up somethings for that.. If I take english lit in College, apparently the teacher would help get me published.. I don't know though.. I'm still thinking on it..

Update on my dad, He's going to see the doctors today.. To see if he has to get surgery or not.. Hopefully they'll fix his shoulder/arm within this week.. Before his 62nd birthday... God he's OLD! LOL...

Yeah we're cursed... my whole entire family is cursed.. everything always happens in three's... This is really starting to make me pissed the hell off..

Friday was a very interesting night... Joshua, had to come home early from his new job, to take care of me because i was having heart problems again... "Sigh" what else is new? Then we went and picked my mother up and she was bitching bout picking my dad up at 1:30 am when she had to go to work at 5:00am... Who said she had to pick him up? My brother was at her store as well just hanging out and to get a ride home, the lazy bastard. his apt is right round the corner lol...

Anyway we dropped my brother off before we went to bridgeport to look for my dad in the bars... Low and behold the minute we get to ford st... bunch of cops standing around a guy on the steps of Octivinas...

I just had a feeling it was my dad.. I was like cops, and i said dad must be there... Low and behold I was right! I was freaking the hell out, i slapped josh and told him to stop the fucking car... which in my head i knew he couldn't just stop in the middle of the road... so before he was able to park.. I jumped out of the car "while it was stopped"... Ran all the way down the street, screaming "LET GO OF MY DAD!!!!" Because I thought they were arresting him for disorderly conduct lol...

No instead, they were there helping him. because apparently he fell down the steps... Well atleast that's what a witness was saying... As the night progressed, we told the cops to call the ambulance to get him to a hospital... Because he was badly hurt.

Soon as he got to the hospital he went straight back there.. and we drove there in a rush... He got his x-rays... and here's the bad news....

His shoulder is broken and dis-located.... It's broken in a weird way... a way were doctors around here cannot fix it.. we're stuck taking him to a university.... Another bill! That will not be paid, cause quite frankly...

the more i think bout this.... the more i think he was pushed.. and the more i want to get a lawyer if this is the case...

Yes my first reaction to everything is lawyer! because the shit that happens to us, is a case... which i have been in court for a medical malpractice case at the moment for myself... and it's not like MCFP is going to win after what's been said on thursday... ;P

Anyway my dad is fine, at the moment.. dealing with the pain the best a marine knows how too.. By ignoring the damn thing..... I just wish he'd take the pain killers...

It has been quite a while since I have updated anything of late. I've been busy with doctors, poking and proding me. I closed down my poetry group due to the recent health issues. The 27th was my liver biopshy appointment but I couldn't do it, the room was too crowed, I couldn't see the door, and I felt trapped... My heart was racing and my chest was closing up. Soon as It was my turn, I went up to the desk, gave them my id. And then just looked at my husband, and told him I couldn't do it. My social anxiety kicked in at a bad time, which sucks. They said I could reschedule, and I will. However, I will need to make it for early in the morning when there are less people around. You know it didn't really help matters, when they handed me this little device, that buzz's when it's your time... It made me feel like I was waiting for heavens or hell's gate to open for me, ya know? Their waiting room wasn't set up nicely at all. Seriously! I think it's why I hate living in Philadelphia, nothing is right here. Everything is just wrong...

Publisher was a let down, I'm going to have to wait until I have the funds to even consider publishing my books... I can wait, I've waited this long, I can wait another decade or two lol.

2 month's went buy and my dentist finnally called.. My perminant caps are in. YAY! I have to make an appointment for that to get done. I also have to make another appointment for my Ultra sounds and Mri's. Plus echo cardiogram. My health is going down the drain, and only now have I begun to get the right test's for everything. 

As for the lawsuit, I can't go through with it, due to money issues again. If only the economy didn't suck so much, I'd be able to accomplish a lot. Joshua has to get a second job to even make ends meet. Which means a lot less time with him. Which I have had less time with him anyway. I just have to adjust to this.

New group: I am making a parenting group, for first time and already parents. Though I have no kids of my own, I know a thing or two, I raised all six of my cousins From when I was twelve and now. 5 boys and one girl. The girl is quite, yet the boys are hyper and rambuncious. I've got tips for parent's for the hyper kids. And reciepes that are healthy and sugar free. Plus there will be a list of family activities within the buget. I'll be sure to leave the link on my page for fellow parents to join. Their will be a manager in the group that has parenting experience besides myself. I hope to see ya gal's and guys there.