I've spent the last three months waiting for the axe to fall. But it never did. I'd heard rumor at the day gig that I was going to be cut lose. First, it was possible in November. Then, watch out, maybe December. Oh, then January for sure....
Here I am, still with the same outfit, wondering....well, WTF? I'm still getting paid. I have pressures, and it's kind of day to day, but....ya know what? I've spent the last YEAR doing hardly anything in the way of big decisions, because I knew the company was on the skids. I went through a lot of change with it. A lot of pain. Ulitimately, so far, I've survived it.
It was akin to being tied up and left on the railroad tracks, hearing the train coming, feeling the earth rumble, and then having the train switch tracks, splitting off to thunder down another rail.
You kind of lay there and blink for a little while longer, thinking, "Well jeeze!" You're almost offended that it missed. Then, you go, "What the hell have I been doing laying on the train tracks all this while?"
I might have been able to escape that tension, by freeing myself from the job, but I was afraid to make the change. Getting hit by the proverbial train seemed to be the better option, than escaping to an uncertain fate and future.
The odds are still in favor of the train. A few other things have settled around me, though, making the jump to safety more feasible. I'm just trying to time it right. See how close I can cut it.
When I was a young teenager, I used to play chicken, sitting with my back turned on the train tracks with a reckless friend. (If you were ever wondering where I get these dire metaphors from.) I always did cut it a little close.