Before the story begins, is it such a sin,
for me to take what's mine, until the end of time
We were more than friends, before the story ends,
And I will take what's mine, create what
God would never design

Our love had been so strong for far too long,
I was weak with fear that
something would go wrong,
before the possibilities came true,
I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears,
conjuring her deepest fears

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can't believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy

She was never this good in bed
even when she was sleepin'
now she's just so perfect I've
never been quite so fucking deep in
it goes on and on and on,
I can keep you lookin' young and preserved forever,
with a fountain to spray on your youth whenever

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
let's make a new start

Now possibilities I'd never considered,
are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard,
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave,
to repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

I gotta make up for what I've done
'Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
while you burned in hell, no peace forever

We're coming back, coming back
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing

Do you take this man in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(I do.)
Do you take this woman in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(I do.)
I now pronounce you...

I got arrested on my Birthday for being stupid and drunk. So I have to do 5 weekends of jail (This being my first) at Elmwood Correctional Facility which sits at the intersection of Highways 880 and 237 in Milpitas, just down the street from the Great Mall. From the front, it looks like a mall itself, with gray buildings capped by peaked green facades. I turn myself in at 6pm friday and get released 6pm Sunday. There are a few other weekenders there. We turn in our property then shuffle into Processing and take our seats on a row of plastic chairs that seem to want to dump us out of them. Then it's finally time to get our uniforms: green T-shirt, green "thermal shirt," and bright orange pants and sandals. Since the pants are darn near symmetrical, I put them on backwards at first. We also pick up a towel, two sheets, two blankets, and a Ziplock bag containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, a cup and a spork.

Next we're given our barracks assignments on index cards. Most of us in the same barracks, being weekenders. The inmate handling our intake points us in the direction of the yard and sends us on our way. We each grab a thin gray mattress pad, pass through a guard station with a metal detector, and shuffle out to the yard, somehow managing not to drop anything. I discover that the yard is fairly attractive: a chapel in the middle, and landscaping featuring an impressive variety of trees and flowers. "Stay on the path or be infracted," warns the signs. Barracks 4 is the barracks down on the right. This barracks is for weekenders only, so most of the other prisoners know your a weekender. I step inside as quietly as possible, go to my bunk (Bunk13) and settle in.

For reasons that I never quite figure out, breakfast takes place every morning around 4:30, and then everyone goes right back to bed. I barely avoid getting infracted when I fail to notice that you're required to walk all the way down to the next available seat. (I haven't watched enough prison movies recently.) Breakfast this morning really sucks: S.O.S. and milk. I pass on it...Lunch is mostly meat, I trade mine for fruit. Lucky for me I'm bunked next to a guy who's done his share of time, so he tells me to rules and do's and dont's. He also gives me a few soups to hold me over.

The Barracks

The "house" is the central unit of social and organizational life on the Farm. My house, Barracks 4 consists 15 double bunks on either side. At the each end there are little tv's and an entrance to the bathroom and showers. Over the course of my stay, I learn just a bit about the government which the cons use to maintain order. It turns out that there are four distinct groups: the Homeboys, the Asians, the Brothers, and the Woods. (Woods is short for Peckerwoods) These groupings generally break down along racial lines, but there are exceptions based on mutual acceptance: some white folks fly with the Homeboys, some Asians join the Brothers, and so on. If you don't choose to fly with any group, you become an Other. The Others keep to themselves, and if they can manage it, nobody thinks less of them for it. However, if an Other gets on someone's bad side, even if it's for a completely arbitrary reason, he can find himself in a pretty bad spot with no support whatsoever. Cons in that situation have a nasty tendency to get rolled. One Wood from another barracks found out that I was a first timer and a weekender, so I guess he wanted to fuck with me and tried to roll me up. Thats when you roll up your shit and leave your barracks. If you get rolled you go to lockdown and when you go to lockdown your weekends get fucked up, which means your stuck there for straight time. I wasn't about to be stuck there so lets just say I had to get into a little bit of a fight...but that night the same Wood who messed with me got himself rolled up for doing things I guees your not supposed to do. I guess I'm an other, then again I'm only there for the weekends. The bad part about being a weekender is they all know and want you to bring in ciggeretts. Since there restricted, you guessed it, you gotta stuff them in your trunk. Most of the guys in my barracks brought ciggeretts in, which they trade for snacks. One Ciggerette gets you 3 items...soups, candy, snacks. I don't think I'll be doing this.

Of course, there's a lot about day-to-day life in Elmwood that I wasn't around for long enough to experience, since weekends there are pretty much like weekends in the real world, except with a lot fewer services open. There are jobs, of course. There's a library from which most cons seem to have a few books checked out at any given point, and supposedly there are Internet-connected computers somewhere, though you can only use them for a couple hours a day. If someone sends you money you get a card and can buy stationary items, personal hygiene supplies, drink mixes, soups, snacks, vitamins, cups, and even radio headsets, plus various denominations of debit cards that can be used at the vending machines. Most of the weekend was boring, did alot of thinking and sleeping. Being released starts at 3:30 and your out at 6pm...only 4 more weekeds to go...

 1. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy

2. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

3. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

4. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s and John Kerry did in the 1970s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

5. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

6. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

10. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

11. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals.

12. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

13. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

To all the drivers who get so pissed off at all the cyclists on the road -
Leave them alone. Almost all of them are obeying the rules, trying to stay out of your way, trying to enjoy a nice ride, trying to get some excercise, just not using gas to get to work, school, grocery, ect. They're really not in your way. They're only stopping you from getting to the next red light two seconds earlier.

I'm the one you hate. And I like it.

I rarely stop at stop signs. I'll slow down and make sure the coast is CLEAR(sometimes). I'm not out to cause an accident. But I'll break the law and ride on through. I like it.

I do stop for red lights - when there is traffic. But I will go if the way is clear before the light turns green. About 90% of the time I will ride through a red light. I like it.

When cars are stopped at a light I'll ride past you all, between lanes and get in front of the first car. It's illegal but I'm never going to get ticketed and I like it.

Excepting highways, I ride on whatever the fuck road I want - bike lanes or not. If the right side of a lane is trashed (branches, trash, potholes) then I'll ride down the middle of the lane. I'm not moving over when you're behind me either (go around). Hell, if you're going too slow, I'll even move into the left lane and pass you. I like it.

Drivers who yell shit out their windows are hilarious. Faces all crimson with anger. Spittle flying. None of these asshats are people I have endangered. There just idiots who get angry when I "get away" with the shit I pull. It's really funny. You've got that special type of anger that driving creates. It makes me feel good that I'm on a bike. So go ahead - YELL! I like it.

Very rarely I'll come across a driver who will express his/her anger at my rule breaking by driving dangerously around me and pulling stupid shit to scare me. I'm not scared. It does annoy me and I will catch up with you and I will come out on top. So go ahead - fuck with me on the road. My adrenaline is already high, the anger feels good, bring it on. I like it.

I have NEVER hit, or been hit by, a moving automobile. I have NEVER caused any driver to slam on their brakes. Yes, I would know if I did. I'm very aware of EVERY car around me (hence, never been hit). These are good stats for the amount of cycling I have done. It make me confident, but not over-confident. The score board stays clear. I like it.

I will NOT slow you down. If I'm riding in town, then I am going as fast as you, faster than you or cruising to a red light. If I have slipped up between stopped cars to get in front of you at a red light (and I wait for the green) I will accelerate through the intersection a lot faster than you no matter what kind of assmobile you have ('cept motorbikes). And then I'll even stay on the right so that you can easily pass me! I know I've just been a cunt and passed you all at the red, so if you've got enough road to catch up, I'll give you the room to pass! When you do catch up and pass me without having to change lane I'm happy. I like it.

See I'm not really evil. I enjoy all the dipshits who think that they are law enforcement. I'll do my best to not impede you on your urgent mission to get to whereeverthefuck. I will absolutely avoid causing an accident or scaring the shit out of you. But I will always choose to obey the traffic rules when it feels right. I use my brain. I don't care whether you like it or not. It works for me. I like it.

Out of town - this is a different scene. It's easy to stay on the right. If it's a narrow road, I'll get way over so you can safely pass. If it's a narrow road and you're waiting to pass (out of town, this actually happens a lot) and it looks like it could be a while, I'll even get off the road and stop! I don't care, I'm only racing myself. But WTF is going on? Once you get out of town, something like 99.999% of drivers are REALLY NICE! They pass with LOTS of room. They WAIT to pass, often fairly far behind. NO-ONE honks. NO-ONE yells. They just don't seem as angry as city drivers. I like riding in the country.

So, angry drivers, don't hate all cyclists, hate me. I won't actually cause you any trouble...but if you're the easily angered type then I'll gladly annoy the shit out of you with the way I ride. Hate me - I like it.

:)

This morning I had the pleasure of being woken up by two doves fucking on my windowsill. Well, actually, I'm not sure if they were 'fucking', but there were a lot of rhythmic grunting noises in that ugly and unmistakable dove tone that steadily rose to a climax, followed by a frantic flapping of wings and general birdlike commotion.

This went on for about 10 minutes before I finally snapped, leapt out of bed, went over to the window, and threw it open with bloodlust. Two surprised looking doves were right there. One of them immediately flew off to a nearby rooftop, but the other just hopped over to an out-of-reach windowsill and then just stood there eyeing me with the vacuous, dumbass gaze that only a dove can muster.

I actually started getting even more pissed off as I imagined that this stupid creature was somehow taunting me. In my admittedly twisted logic, I began to imagine that the bird knew I wasn't getting laid, and was trying to show me up, you know, to rub it in. Consumed with rage and avian loathing, I was tempted to try luring that little piece of shit closer.

But just then, a loud (and unmistakably sexual) human female moaning came echoing through the window adjoining mine, causing the bird to flee. As I listened to my neighbor getting plowed, and the hearty gasps and muffled screams that accompaned her orgasms, I realized I had to go back to bed...

So I was walking through campus the other day and there were some kids holding posters in support of Roe V. Wade. 'Bravo,' I thought, as I walked by. Then out of the corner of my ear I heard mockery of the activists in the form of Im bored, hey! We should go get abortions this afternoon! That would be fun! which came from one male pro-life student to another.

Now, I know, Im preaching to the choir here, but the abortion debate is quite a bit more complex than baby-killing versus choice. If it were that simple, I dont believe that the battle over the issue would have been dragged on for this long. And, so, Im curious as to why the argument, on both sides, has been driven to simplicity.

In case there are a few dip-shits out there reading this, Im going to go through this comprehensively so as to, perhaps, enhance the debate within the minds of a few.

First and foremost: not a single person on Earth desires an abortion. In this case desire is not interchangeable with demand. Women do not want abortions the way they may want a new car or warm home.

Goods, services, and subsequent industries begin with demand; supply is purely reactionary. In the case of abortion, the legality of the practice is completely arbitrary. Meaning: demand is unaffected by the governments administration over the industry sector.

If we create a typical profile of a woman that chooses to undergo the procedure, we paint the picture of someone that is 1) young, 2) lower to mid-middle class, 3) uneducated, 4) a minority and 5) living under social constraints that render un-wed motherhood completely unacceptable. This may be a generalization, but for the purposes of this experiment, were going to the peak of the bell curve.

When you think about this, it makes sense. In the animal kingdom, the only reasons a mother abandons her young are 1) the creature is too weak or disabled to keep up and 2) theres not enough food/resources for the mother to survive and sustain her child.

How then, can the demand for Abortions be addressed and quelled? Also, how do the policies of pro-life proponents address these problems?

Lets just shoot down the list. Well use a median-voting pro-life individual to identify the problems with thinking about this problem too simplistically. That individual is: a republican, because lets face it, if youre die-hard pro-life, youre a fucking republican.

Since youth isnt a variable thats easy to change (and also not a very good reason to get an abortion) well exclude it from the argument.

1) The person is poor. They cannot afford to sustain themselves and a child without adversely affecting the quality of their already shitty lives. The pro-choice left seeks to offer the lower class tax breaks and transfer payments from the upper class. The left increases funding to social welfare programs and public assistance. Republicans burden the poor with taxes while passing tax cuts to the wealthy. Welfare programs are eliminated.

2) The person is uneducated. They arent aware of birth-control options that are at their disposal. They are unskilled laborers and therefore have little to no potential to make-it. The left seeks to educate high-school students over birth control, offer birth control to teens, and make plan-B available without a prescription. The left supports education by increasing funding to schools. Republicans tend toward the opposite. Children are, with a degree of futility, taught to wait until marriage and are fed mis-information that claims birth control can lead to infertility. Public education programs are cut, creating more working class individuals while manufacturing jobs are exported to exploitable regions of the world.

3) The birth is unsupported by friends and family. Meaning the abortion seeker is afraid of alienating themselves from their friends and family, school and workplace, and their entire community. Leftists offer support centers and their families tend to be much more accepting. Right wing nuts threaten the woman with the wrath of god, disown her, or send her to a hospital where the child and mother are nurtured in a concealed and unfit environment.

4) The individual is a minority. Not a lot you can do about this one. However, I wish to point out that pro-life billboards preach that adoption is a viable alternative and that millions of loving couples are waiting to adopt. Here is the problem with the millions of couples that are waiting to adopt: theyre fucking racists. Millions of couples are waiting to adopt white babies while the baby market is flooded with brown ones. Recently, its been brought to the publics attention that those children are being adopted by foreigners from Canada and Europe. Legislation is being introduced, by republicans, that will prevent those unwanted babies from leaving to other countries, where they are wanted, because they were born in America and should stay in America.

Pro-life republicans, while they claim to oppose abortion, create the very environment in which demand for the practice thrives. Pro-choice democrats seek to create an environment in which no one needs an abortion in the first place, while ensuring the practice is safe, sanitary, and performed by a licensed medical practitioner as we, as a society, are still in a transitional period. By eliminating the demand for abortion, practitioners will lose the ability to practice. The supply will cease to exist and the clinic will close. Which seems much more civil than blowing it up or shooting some doctors.

People are, in general, pretty fucking stupid. They are, however, programmed to survive. If a woman becomes pregnant, and that pregnancy threatens her economic, social, or political survival, she will resolve her problem by all means at her disposal. The legality of abortion is therefore not the issue and all of you conveniently Christian conservatives that lack the devotion to help the sick and poor should shut your fucking mouths.

The gray, waxy thing that my pizza is sitting on sucks. It's a lie. "They" tell us that it will make our food crispy when we microwave food on it. You know what I'm talking about. You're supposed to put your pizza or your hot pocket or whatever on it or in it and it's supposed to make your food as crispy as if you baked it. You don't bake it because you don't have 30 min to wait to stuff your face because you only have a 30 min lunch and you want your food NOW! So you nuke it in the microwave instead. yeah. It doesn't work. It never works. It's not a crispy-maker, it's a sadness maker. It raises your hopes only to dash them away. It's like the dead beat dad that never went to your soccer games. It's like the presidential election where you vote hoping that Bush will lose. It sucks. The pizza comes out just as soggy except this time, it comes with the added suspicion that you have just increased your chances for getting cancer because you nuked it on the gray thing. It's bullshit. In fact, I don't even know what it's made of, but I hate it. If ever an object could mock someone, it would be this thing. I hate you, you gray-colored, waxy, sorta-shiny-yet-dull, plastic, paper thingy that comes with my microwave pizza!