Bearded Theory 2009 - Rated!
United Kingdom | 20 May 2009
Following
an onsite tornado, the self-proclaimed 'village fete gone wrong'
could've lived up to the prophecy, if it wasn't for calm,
well-considered organisation says Suzanne Knight.
Overall 7/10Bearded Theory
began in 2008 as a one-day small gathering of 400 people in a field on
the side of a pub dancing in silly beards for charity. One year on saw
it take an ambitious step up to sales of around 2300 tickets and into a
full three-day festival. Short listed for Best Small Festival at the UK
Festival Awards in 2008, the result of scaling up the beardy madness is
aptly described by the slogan on the back of their t-shirts: ‘a village
fete gone wrong’. It’s fun, cute, crazy and makes little sense, and
it’s easily the most chuckles a person could obtain for the mighty
bargain price of £45.
Getting there and back 6/10‘Set
your sat nav to this postcode and follow signs closer to the site’ was
the general guidance to drivers, who promptly spent 30 minutes of their
lives engaged in scenic drives around Derbyshire, peeking into fields:
“does that cow look festival-y?”
But signs were eventually there to be found and, as with the entire
weekend, marshalls were cheery and helpful, so it was generally easy to
access. Mysteriously the shuttle bus from the local station only ran
out to the site on the Friday and returned on the Monday and with local
buses running at a rate of three or so per day, this made visiting the
festival for the day somewhat of a mission involving, in one case, a
two and a half mile walk in the rain with two children. So the basics
were strong, with some tweaking required.
The site 9/10The
all-new much larger festival necessitated an all-new much larger site.
Set in the rolling Derbyshire hills, it was easy to access and
picturesque, but also well drained and relatively flat. Everything is
pretty much exactly where and how it should be in a small festival. Car
parking was just off a good road with excellent marshalling, wet
weather temporary track and the genius provision of a cart of straw to
throw over the muddiest bits, making even getting a 16 year old metro
out of a muddy field utter simplicity.
The Bearded organisers
have much to teach far larger corporate festivals on how to deal with
poor weather – as became particularly evident as the weekend
progressed. The car park led through wristband exchange and down a path
with camping situated on the right and the arena to the left. With a
main stage, substantial dance tent and second stage, as well as cute ad
hoc little cafes and the return of the legendary tea tent with open mic
sessions, the festival finds with ease the tricky balance between well
laid out large stages whilst still maintaining cute areas to discover.
Even in literally the worst possible of weather it retained a pleasant
feel.
Atmosphere 9/10Bearded Theory is
the antidote to all the corporate pimped, badly laid out, poorly
supervised, Gucci wellie wearing, ligger attracting, pay extra for a
‘VIP-IP-IP’ area festivals out there. And guess what, it makes people
smile. These are people who have their tent almost taken by a freak
storm and keep camping, see the main stage destroyed and keep dancing,
in the mud, in a false beard. The festival calendar needs festivals
like Bearded Theory, to remind everyone it’s not always about being at
the front for your dream band line-up, sometimes it’s about having a
laugh in a field and silly dancing for charity with crazy facepaint on
your wellies.
Music 8/10With three good
stages, for the tiny sum of £45, Bearded Theory delivers a mighty punch
with the quality of the music. The dance stage quality wouldn’t have
embarrassed were it placed in the middle of Glade and the main stage
manages a few strong names, whom would’ve charged a third of the entry
fee at their own gigs alone. The Campfire Stage housed smaller acts and
gave local bands a shot. There’s a varied mix of folk, comedy music,
rock, dance, acoustic, open mic, poetry and lots of changes of pace to
catch the attention of fans and provide something for every taste.
Uppers
The Re-entrants – 8/10Ukulele duo
The Re-entrants
take to the stage, brandishing their rawk weapons of choice and large
grins - and man can they rawk on those little ukes. With great
precision they turn out 40 solid minutes of pants wettingly hilarious
covers, everything from ‘Living On A Prayer’ and ‘Ace Of Spades’ to
‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ and Franz Ferdinand’s ‘Take Me Out’. Not
ready to end the silly dancing, the crowd eagerly bay them back for a
full length version of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, a feat difficult
to impart verbally, but visually illustrated perfectly by one
festival-goer who re-enacted the full dance routine, using all
available space whilst attempting not to spill his cider.
The Re-entrants are not only hysterically funny showmen, but as another onlooker observed,
“they can really play can’t they.”Ian Scarbro – 7/10Somewhat buffeted by winds,
Ian Scarbro
still manages to deliver intricate guitar tracks such as the driving
‘Bite The Hand’ with precision, pausing to blow onto his chilly
fingers. As the old boy in the sound gazebo comments over a mug of tea
"his sound fills the stage,"
with original acoustic rock that carries you at pace through Dave Grohl
style hard edged neck straining delivery to feather light sweetness in
pleasingly surprising twists.
Dreadzone Sound System – 8/10Dreadzone
Sound System’s lively set was a comedy juxtaposition to the gazebo
location on the side of a country pub at Bearded 2008, but they take
full advantage of the substantially sized dance tent of 2009 with a
blazing set. It’s dirtier and bassier then their usual laid back style,
with crowd pleasing breaks. It’s grin inducing stuff and inspires a
full on moshpit, and even a minor stage invasion for a moment by one
particularly enthusiastic punter. Not their usual style, but they
rocked the shit out of it. Excellent work.
Hobo Jones and the Junkyard Dogs – 8/10Timed
to appear on the main stage on Saturday, due to some over-running Hobo
Jones and the Junkyard Dogs pleasingly were moved to the second stage,
the impossibly cute campfire stage. Playing into the face of literally
the full range of weather during their set –
“thanks to our manager for booking us a gig in a wind-tunnel,”
- they were utterly at home in the more intimate setting and played
brilliantly in it. Galloping through a non-stop set of comedy covers on
a soap-box bass, guitar and washboard, they throw in their own theme
song, ending on a particularly ripping version of The Levellers ‘Only
One’, yelled back to them by a large, loud, enthusiastic crowd banging
along on pots, pans, tin trays and general junkyard detritus they
distributed to the crowd from a large trunk - storming skiffle punk in
every sense of the word.
Monkeyrush – 7/10On the campfire stage,
Monkeyrush
play in driving rain, but brighten it and inspire dancing in the mud
with truly individual guitar pop ska. It’s catchy, sometimes political,
but pace-y and intelligent. Playing in difficult conditions their
quality still stands out strongly and they are well worth further
investigation.
Downers
Stockholm syndrome 2/10Stockholm
Syndrome crank out a meaty metal roar. Musically the guitars are well
delivered for a covers band, although, fronted by a somewhat
intimidating buxom lady in a cowboy hat, they give the impression that
Dog The Bounty Hunter perhaps ate Evanescence. The singer is in an all
new magical key of her own, but in any instance would have always been
left straggling in the wake of her band as they merrily storm into an
ill-advised cover of ‘Enter Sandman’. Ill advised not because they
can’t play it, they clearly can, but because they clearly didn’t stop
to think should they cover it.
Random events
Beardy Dreary – the story of the tornadoOkay, so it’s stormy, but it’s just a storm. It’s windy, but it’s just wind, there’s been plenty of that and that’s fine.
None
of this is remarkable in any way, until, without warning, for perhaps
five ground-shaking minutes an actual tornado passes right through the
site. Qualifying surely as not only the most random moment of any
festival, but of most onlookers lives, the freak wind cuts a swathe
through the centre of the site, battering everything in its path with
winds substantial enough to throw around pretty much everything in its
way. Mercifully its route predominantly takes it along the path between
the camping and arena, although unfortunately it also runs over the
main stage, which it manages to take out of commission for the rest of
the festival.
The organisers leap into action and show their
grit, and what could have been a hugely distressing and devastating
event for any festival, is dealt with a truly heart-warming display of
calm, well considered organisation, well planned emergency provisions
and professionalism. Emergency services are on the site in minutes, and
thankfully, contrary to some poor reporting by other agencies, there
are just three minor injuries. Everything was rapidly cordoned off,
made safe, tidied up.
And then, beards are straightened, and
the festival carries on. The Saw Doctors deal with the lack of stage by
playing an impromptu set in a tent and the following day, power is
returned to the second stage and a scaled down but still excellent
line-up continues there, as well as in the dance tent for the remaining
hard-core festival goers. The most random of possible events, but the
Bearded Theory team should be utterly proud of themselves and how they
managed a tough situation. Clear thinking moments after almost doing a
‘Mary Poppins’ across a Derbyshire valley frankly should be commended.
By Suzanne Knight