it's been awile since I've posted a Lyin' Bitch blogity blog, but I got some time, some beer and oh, I said beer already. Ah, I got a smile is that better? 
This year up to this point have found us still milling away on this blue marble playin' our breed of punk reich und rule!! We, finally went on tourin May and got a 1 year restraining order from Canaduh. I am still putting our tour diary together, so you can read the juicy details there when I finally post it. Right now, we're getting ready to go back into the studio to knock out some new instant classics, stay tuned for that conglomoration. Oh, and I think we've settled on the name of the CD to be, "Dumpster divin' at the danglin' diner". Hell, would you think less of us if we didn't have a catchy name??? Adam Air, stay tuned buddy, you gotta do the CD cover again.
I think that's it for now. Oh, 1 last thing that I think is cool, Obama's approval rating is down by 50% while our approval rating rose 50%. Sarendipity is wierd like that sometimes.
Cheers, Shank Whitey

If you don't know the history between the humorless cow aka the GM of the Bluebird Theater here in Denver, then read my blog "Banned from the bluebird again". Below is what I emailed to her.
Cheers

Hello Anne,
I hear from the singer of the Dwarves that they have requested my band Lyin' Bitch & The Restraining Orders to open for them on August 1st. So why haven't we been booked for the show?? Oh, is it because I said mean comments about Peter, which by the way were damn funny!! He thought so as well. I have to ask, when was it criminal to talk shit about a guy that jumped ship to work for the competiton?? You say the only way we can get that show is if Tony will apologize. The only one that didn't like my diatribe about Peter keeping local bands back in this town was you and the one person that didn't like my cursing him with rectal rash & colon cancer was you. And now you, the GM, want Tony to walk into yer office and apologize for what I said on stage over a 1 1/2 years ago. I'd sooner drink my own urine than allow Tony to do that.
How the hell do you mix yer p.c. politics and business and get away with it? AEG have given you way to much power as a GM, to where yer not out of touch with local bands like Peter is, but you could care less about music and bands that break their back to play in a bigger venue but all about is that paycheck you get.
You can do everythang in yer power to ban us permanently from The Bluebird and Ogden, but at the end of the day, we have played those venues so it's no sweat off our balls if we ever step foot as a band to play any shows there.  
Later, Jim (Singer of LBRO)  

"We've got this far without you" -ANTiSEEN


My email went unanswered by  Satan's sweatty nutsack aka Anne "Satan's Sweatty Nutsack"  Hack and I don't blame her for not replying to me, I mean why should she have to justify her fascist action and insane descision regaurding us that are made from her ivory tower.
Oh, fuckity fuck, this is fun. Venting aboot someone that  doesn't matter just to make us feel better, and ya know It's always better than an enema with Poison Idea.
Later...  

Only a few of ya'll know that we (LBRO) had a falling out with our guitarist Dave aka Greg Looseanus and as a result we had to give him his walking papers. I'll give a little LBRO history of Dave, he was a founding member of the band and played gaytar. That's small enough, I guess.
I'm not gonna air dirty laundry here, cause it's not the place or time for it. That shit is left to us and Dave. What I will say though,  is that  kicking out of firing a member of any band member is a different animal. Some harder than others, and some just make it a much easier decision. Take our first drummer for instance. I'll put this way, Dave's was the harder one that made it an easy descision on our part. The unified descision was not an over night one, or spur of the moment. thang, but something that has been building for months and months and months.
So, long story made short or vica versa. Last Sat. at the Lion's Lair after our set was over, tempers flared to the point of boiling and LBRO and Dave parted ways.
I do know this to be fact that any of ya'll will hear rumors fact or fiction, mostly Dave's fiction, but believe what the hell ya'll want. Know this as well, we are going on without him, just like we have without Matt and Damian.
P.S, thanks Dave for making this easy for us to do somethang that you've been wanting done for a few years now.

P.P.S. Don't you dare feel sorry for him, the boy thrives like a weed amidst drama that he creates.

Cheers, Capt. Dungheap AKA Shank Whitey

End Notes to Dave: Thanks for making drama where it was lacking in the band, I mean the black cloud of drama and depression that you wore like a badge of honor the past 5 years while in this band rocked not one bit!! We all wish you well on yer way down the shitty path you've chosen and hope you become that big ole pile of shit wrapped in human flesh that you've always wished for at Christmas while you got banged by yer grandma (his words not mine). We also hope that you can come up with a new angle to impress the bar crowd, the grandma story is getting old.
Oh and by the way narc... oops, er, dickhead dave WE DON'T PLAY METAL AND WE  WILL NEVER PLAY METAL!!! 

If ya'll don't know what the Westword is, well it's a local rag here in Denver, they cover verious shite like food, music, local politics and other shite. Not sure hwo else to explain it, but it's a good rag if ya wanna find a good show happening here in town. Austin has the Cronicle, we have the Westword.  so, enjoy the finer points of not getting an "Atta Boy" at the WMA's.
Cheers



Hey Westword, I'm the singer for local band Lyin Bitch & The Restraining Orders and I was emailing this to ya'll in regards to the Westword Music Awards Ceremony in which we won best punk band award, but by some oversight weren't there to get the award. My question is why we weren't invited to accept the award at the Bluebird? Or is that a redundant question, I mean, one reason to have an awards deal is to recognize a person or persons on excellence in a certain field.
We definitely   deserve the hell outta the best punk band award since we've been busting our asses to achieve the level we have for the past 5 years. And for so many years, the Westword has settled for hamburger and Steel Reserve and now finally want USDA prime beef and champagne, cheers to that. See, I think what happened is that Googling our name in order to send us an ivitation via email was to damned hard. Or could it be that the uptight and humorless Bluebird manager Ann "swinging from Peter Ore's nutsack " Hack had a whole lot to do with not being invited?? Let me give you a LBRO history lesson we were banned from the Bluebird Theater during the Peter Ore reign and once he jumped ship to work for the competition, we were once again welcome through the Bluebird's doors to open for Agent Orange. Well, we took the stage and I started my diatribe of how nice it was that Peter was gone and called him a son of a bitch because he's kept so many bands back in this town because if he didn't like a band than they never had a chance to play at any NIPP shows. On top of that. I did curse him, but it was with rectal rash & colon cancer. So, being the professional that she is, had us banned from the Bluebird. Below I'll send the in-house memo that she sent to the NIPP office, it's really funny. Also, being a humorless cow, she is very short sided with us and very unprofessional as a promoter. Hell, ask her about the Dwarves asking us to play their show in August and her refusal to let play with them. Short story long, I believe that she is the very root of why we were not invited the The awards ceremony. In closing , if I am wrong about, I will apologize for my accusations.
XOXO, Jim AKA Shank Whitey


Yeah, got an email back from Mr. D. Herrera aboot my email to Westword. seems there was an oversight and my panties were in a bunch, but Ann Hack is still a slag!!! Here's what he wrote me.
No conspiracy here, Jim. It was merely an oversight on our part. When I
initially spoke with Wenzel to book you guys for the Showcase, I didn't
get an e-mail address from him to contact you guys. So when I turned
over the contact info to our marketing folks, your info wasn't included.
As a result, when the invites to the VIP party (which were the only
invites sent out) went out, you weren't included in that distro. I did
send out numerous reminders about the awards via MySpace, but from the
sounds of it, you didn't receive those, either. Anyhow, please accept
our sincere apologies. We, of course, would've loved to have you on hand
to accept the award. If you have any other questions, let me know.
Otherwise, again, very sorry for the oversight.

Cheers,
-- dh

Dear Dickheads

Lying Bitch and the Restraining Orders
Can't Cum Within 100 Feet of Your Love
Fivecore Records
Street: 04.06
Lying Bitch and the Restraining Orders = A good coaster for your beer
3 things I h8: cre8ive spelling, rednecks and sexist pigs. This album happens to include all of these things. If Lying Bitch and the Restraining Orders aren't singing about wife beating with "Pimp slap yer bitch. Insert yer fist" as the chorus of "Itch Scratch & Sniff", or the delightful "I'm the man step into my backhand lyin' bitch" on "Step Into my Backhand" the songs are about drinking beer. The release also features a cover of G.G. Allin's "Fuck Myself" and another song dedicated to the man titled "W.W.G.G.A.D?" (What Would G.G. Allin Do?). Real clever. I get that the band is trying to be offensive, but they just come off as dumb. Singing about wife beating, beer drinking and absolutely nothing else doesn't make a band offensive, it only makes them fall into the same category as ICP—bad musicians with even worse fans that need to be weeded out of the gene pool. –Jeanette Moses

Miss Jeanette Moses, I think the only reason you place us in yer special little box of offesive music is because you are either A) just a person who just got into punk withing 2-5 years ago and yer still just a tad bit niave punk music or B) a fem nazi hybrid in need of a good fuck but doesn't want to do it because yer fem counter parts won't like that you will yell out "Lyin Bitch, insert yer fists!!"
The last statement that you make in yer review is quite fascist and reminds me of Germany 1939. Let me reinact it for you. You as "Hitler" making yer cleanse the punk scene speech to the masses, "Zis Lyin Beetch iz Juden, ICP iz juden, und everything associated with these punks should be veeded out of das gene pool und destroyed. Hate vot you do not like" I still love you though. You can speak yer hate speech against us and you will always have a friend in Lyin Bitch!
Cheers, Jim

Dear Jim-
Your hick band STILL sucks. Just to make sure our readers remember how much we disliked your CD last month, We've reprinted our review below. Do the world a favor, Sell your gear, quit playing music and move back to Kentucky. Smooch.

July 2007
Oh heavens, Miss Jeanette Moses
I think I am in love with the jib of yer cut. You gave my band the 2 middle fingers in the air review in Slugmag for the June 2007 issue. Let me start here by introducing myself, I am the singer of Lyin' Bitch And The Restraining Orders from Denver and I feel I need to address yer review of us, because you only seen our music as sexist, 1 sided and a relative short of the trailer park.
The song that you quote, Itch scratch & sniff is not a wife beating song what so ever or a song about beating women. No it's story about seeking hooker/s and indulging yer flesh and reeping the wirlwind from the many encounters. Oh, one of my favorite songs that we play you call out, Step into my backhand. A funny story with this one. I was listening to the Phil Hendrie show 1 night and it was when Hockey season was being postponed for a year during that broadcast he brought on a doctor that said "with hockey season at a stand still yer men are so frustrated and you ladies need to releave the tension so step into his backhand more than you normally do when he comes home from work". I thought what a great idea for a song and adjusted the lyrics to fit about a two timing slag that has done each and everyone of us wrong in the past. You've had 1 and so have I. Yes we do play songs about drinking beer and will always continue too. Beer + Punk always = punk fucking rock!
We are not trying to be offensive. Quite the contrary, in fact we're just playing punk music with a boot to the left wing, a boot to the right wing and a boot to the middle wing! Not anything wrong with a good tounge in cheek punk... is there??

We (LBRO) h-mo's are starting to ween ourselves off of playing 4 -6 times a month here in Denver. 1st reason is that people lose interest in our shows and we don't blame any mofo for that. Hell, who wants to see us all the time or any band for that matter... well Denver Joe is the only acception to that rule. 2nd, we need to funnel our own musical punk rock juices with new ideas for new songs into practicing during the week. 3rd, Burnout, burnout, burnout, on playing the same 21+ places, it's hard not to get a tad bit burned out on playing the same spots over and over without playing all ages places. Change it up. 4th, where's the all age venues that will let us play? 5th, life plays a major part in when and where we can play. 6th and last, please don't let this thingy throw you off, if you got a show email us about it and hopefully we can do 'er, if not, we are sorry and don't get bummed on us. So, Please cut our arses a little slack in the way of booking shows with us, 'cause we still love ya'll!!!
Cheers, LBRO 

******LYIN' BITCH & THE RESTRAINING ORDERS, You say love has no bounderies? Tell it to the judge, fucker. Then back up a thousand feet. -Westword "BEST BAND NAME 2005"*********
******The debut album from Denver, Colorados kings of hard rock sleaze. Twelve tracks of raging punk'n'roll delivered with a mind in the gutter and a hand in the pants. Bestiality is a revved-up and ratcheted-down, guitar-driven recording that sounds like Fear and early Turbonegro battling it out in a Rancid Vat. Soon to share the stage with the Dwarves and Dr. Know. Cover art may offend but the questionable graphic is obscured by grip tape on the outside of the shrink wrap. -REVOLVER RECORDS********
******This is my pick of the litter. The cover art alone is the shit. You've got some nasty skank punk chick, who's takin' it from behindby a pig while a dog spreads his love liquid all over her face. Kermit the frog waits behind them with a bong in hand. Classic. (-Shank Whitey, the punk broad isn't that skanky I mean I wouldn't kick her out of bed. Actually it's not Kermit, but a frog that looks like him And it's a camera not a bong, we don't support hippy shit!!) Their sound is that of the Confederacy Of Scum. You know Cocknoose, ANTiSEEN, Limecell, Hellstomper, and the like. Country hardcore with a shitload of alcohol and drugs. They sing about skateboarding, drinking, wrestling, and hate. I fuckin' love these guys. Very funny lyrics and sound bites used throughout the CD. Two hidden tracks between track two and track three. Motorhead and Skrewdriver respectively. (-SW both songs are Skrewdriver "Jailbait" & "I don't like you") A killer Full Metal Jacket sound bite begins the song "F.T.W.G.A.B.". Great release. I've already turned my friends on to it. Go get this solid fuck blast radio murder. -SB from Concussion Skate Magazine********
*******Well...the one that USED to be my favorite...was Midget Handjob. That was until I saw a sticker for a local band here in Denver....ya ready?Lyin' Bitch and the Restraining Orders. -Buddy Blazin from www.democraticunderground.com*******
*******The A.V. Club Blog Chicago, Ill. The Worst Band Names of '06: The Final List posted by: Kyle Ryan Regular blog readers may remember my mid-year tally of the worst band names we'd encountered, a glimpse of the year-end's definitive list of bad puns, clumsy imagery, and misappropriation of the word "funk." There are so many bands out there, and so many of them have bad names—and not just run-of-the-mill mediocrity.....******
******Lucid Notion Announces Denver Skate/Punk Legend LBRO As Its "House Band!" Not to be confused with last weeks announcement, today the venerable up-coming snowboard company has made Denver Skate/Gutter Punk Stalwarts, Lyin' Bitch and the Restraining Orders its official band! Yes its true… LBRO has become the official house band of the snowboard company from Denver that you are still trying to figure out. So check out the new LBRO album (Entitled: Can't Cum Within A Hundred Feet Of Your Love) from Denver based Five Core Records, download it from your local online music store… or take it from your best friend and add it to your ITunes Library. You will enjoy the bliss of genuine Denver Punk Rock… and gain an important piece of the Lucid Notion puzzle in the process. Denver based Lyin' Bitch and the Restraining Orders is the Punk Rock Band your mother warned you about. Their enticing lyrics and musical style will leave you begging for more...and you won't get it! On tour regularly.. LBRO will play local bars, dirty punk clubs and garage parties long before dollar signs persuade them toward larger venues.*******
*******Can't Cum Within A Hundred Feet Of Your Love Finally got to hear a complete album of these guys. By the name and the music it is clear Jim and the band are out to offend. Some favorites include W.W.G.G.A.D. What would GGAllin Do? Pretty funny and anyone who pisses off hipster rockers is cool with me because wasn't the whole point of rocknroll to elevate yourself to a point where you see people as people and the world as even? When the punks are offended the punks need to get lost. check out more at 5corerecords.com -Paying In Pain Magazine*******

Click on the photo and sample the tunes off the newest concoction.

Cheers, LBRO

I don't like to break LBRO kayfabe (look that word up), but I'm doing that right here and now!

Rumors rumors and more rumors about us being misogynists, racists are completely and utterly UNTRUE, FALSE UNFOUNDED & UNSOUND!  Hell, we're flattered that a few narrow minded cunts take the time to bash us. Normally we dig on shit talking from the few bastards, but it's getting quite rediculous lately and I'm typing this to set the record straight and if yer a mark that believes rumors then please read on and then kick yer own ass for being a gullible cunt!

The Denver scene as long as I've been apart of it have always had it's share of backbiters and backstabbers that like to spin yarns about people and bands, with almost 100% falsehood to it. The big % is utter shit that they hear secondhand and put their spin on it and pass it off as truth.

Get yer facts straight, then feel like a big person by sticking knives into backs. And when you do get the correct facts then you'll have no damned knife to stick in a back. 

As far us being called a racist band, this is a recent rumor about what happened at our CD release show. A coulpe old D.S showed up to our show and during our set started a fight and were saluting the sky. So, because these guys show up to our show saluting the sky, we're automatically a fucking racist band. So what about the transvestites, blacks, jews, mexicans, orientals and god knows what other kinda punkrockers and cross sections of society that  have showed up to watch us play???? What about all those good folk that have rocked out to our music at shows??? WELL??? We never control who shows up. All are welcomed to come out to see us, but don't blame us and call us racist when nazis show up, buck the fuck up stop crying about them and do something about it. Don't point yer finger at us and call us shit! I remember going to Fugazi in 1991 and the D.S showed up saluting the sky, does this mean that Fugzi is a racist band?? Well does it, you are a rumor speading shit pile wrapped in human skin!! I used to go to punk shows and these boneheads would show up to stir up shit, and guess what, we didn't whine about 'em, we did did something about them whether it was fighting them or slamming in the pit with them. Don't you dare ever refer to us as a racist band but if you do please say it to us face to face. We'll sort it out with you right then and there. 

We are not a political band, we drink, skate and have fun playing good old punk rock!

Oh, and the misogyny bullshite. What a laugh, we have never condoned or backed any idea that violence against women is ok. No never. "But what about our song"? "Step into my backhand", read the damned lyrics and find out what it's about. All of our music is meant to make you want to slam, skate and drink!

Lyin Bitch & The Restraining Orders started out to be a band about fun, skating, drinking and tounge in cheek humor. As for you discerning and savvy people that get it, I salute you all with my skate and a beer!! And for the few that believe half truths, for ya'll, get out of our fuckin breadline cause we will still be here for who kows how damned long shreding out killer tunes and if it pisses off unimaginitive, tiny minded dicks than so beit.

Cheers, Jim aka Capt. Dungheap aka Shank Whitey 

LBRO can't get on radio or XM for that matter and what's better... yepper the pod f'n casts! We got some buddies out there throwing around our songs and we want to hump their legs for doing it! Go to these sites check out these cunt casts, download, drink some beer and enjoy!!

 

http://www.pogoradio.de/

http://www.pogoradio.de/inhalt/blank.php?path=content/printable.php&contentid=497 this is where you can down the show we're on.

_________________________________________________________

http://www.creep13punx.com/thestreets.html

http://www.creep13punx.com/show29.html this is the show we're on download it here.

___________________________________________________________

http://www.myspace.com/evilagogo

http://psychobillydeluxe.com/?cat=8 Hell yeah, we're in good company here with Minor Threat, Hank the turd & The Exploited 

____________________________________________________________

Check out these guys from Boise, Id. You will not be dissapointed!!!!!!http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=5480358

http://1332records.com/podcast.htm download it here