I got published today.

Okay... so it isn't The New Yorker or one of the novels I'm working on, but I'll take a column in The Spark for starters.

See, one of the columnists had an encounter right around New Year's with one her readers. That reader, most likely a little drunk, said that her columns were okay, but not always consistantly good. He went on to say that EVERYONE has one good column in them, so she said "Great... I'll expect it by next week."

Of course he never sent it, but she then offered it up to everyone to send in their "one, good column" and she would see if it made the cut.

Mine did.

Granted, I wrote this thing back in February after a particularly hard night of pitchers and wings with my buddy Peter at Hooters, but 3 months later, it still rings true.

So, if you see the latest issue of The Spark laying about (it's the one with the surfer on the cover), pick it up and thumb over to page 9. I can't say that it is mind-blowing and religious, but I had fun writing it, so that should be good enough for you damnit.

As I'm sitting here, readying myself to leave for church, I clicked on ESPN.com to see if anything huge happened before I woke up. My eyes came across a headline stating Poll: Majority of Americans rooting against Bonds. In what has to be the most comical "no duh" statement ever, I read on and was unfortunately not all that shocked to read the numbers of this poll.

ABC/ESPN broke down the demographics into the common elements: Fan/Not, Race, and Age. The younger demographic (15 and under) recognize Bonds as the Home Run king. Where I'm sad to say that I'm not surprised is in the racial breakdown. The numbers indicate that white people are overwhelmingly against Barry Bonds breaking the record and they think he juiced. Blacks feel (much more than whites) that he's being treated unfairly and think he's innocent of the charges against him.

I really hate for this to be boiled down to a race issue! It's not, at least for me... Barry Bonds, as I discussed with Ryan last night at the store, has always been a piece of shit. I never liked him when he was a skinny, runt outfielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates, and I sure as hell didn't like him when he grew into The Incredible Bulk in San Francisco. It has nothing whatsoever to do with him being black.

Please note... it's normally at this point that most white people will list off athletes and celebrities who they like or admire that happen to be black to show that we, as a race, are tolerant. If you're really lucky, the white people will also utter the following phrase "I have black friends!" We now return you to your rant, already in progress. 

The reason why I've always hated Bonds is his attitude. I could care less if he's black, white, Hispanic, Asian, or Swahili! Bonds has always had that "Fuck you, I'm a star" mentality and treated fans like shit. People on his own team hate him. The media, who I really have no love for to begin with, accentuate that persona because Bonds almost always refuses to be cordial to reporters. The man is in dire need of a PR makeover!

In any case, I think what people forget about the whole "race" issue in Bonds breaking the home run record is that, the record was once held by Babe Ruth (white) and broken by Hank Aaron (black). I'm not saying there's racial harmony in this world right now, but Aaron went through hell and back on his quest to beat "The Babe" simply BECAUSE he was black. By all accounts, he was a great guy and a great player. Bonds, on the other hand, is a great player who cheated to get to where he was, pisses off his teammates, and alienates the fans.

Usually I'm not bothered by the ads on MySpace or Yahoo or whatever website decides to advertise other things which we all pretty much ignore. I'm usually not bothered by them simply because I use Firefox and that eliminates all the ads for me (thanks again Dave). There are sometimes that I will access these pages from work, however, and they haven't given me permission to put Firefox on here as my browser.

Meh... can't say I blame them. Opening up permissions for one person, pretty soon you've opened up the whole can of worms and those bastards are not getting back in there. But I digress...

So I'm logging into MySpace this morning and see some ad for a dating service (honestly, I didn't look closely enough, so I can't really remember who it was for) featuring some 18 year-old-looking girl in some lingerie sucking on a lollypop looking at a laptop screen.

Okay... cute girl: Check. Sucking on something to make a guy think of oral sex: Check. Lingerie showing off her figure: Check. Laptop to make her seem "accessible": Check.

Basically it's a man-trap.

My question is, where are the ads with the guy doing the same thing (maybe licking an ice-cream cone or something) tring to entice the women? Are men really that pathetic that we're the only ones that Madison Avenue thinks would do the whole internet dating thing? Worse yet, is my gender and sexual preference the only demographic that trolls the internet searching for sex?

Even when I'm fighting off bouts of insomnia and I see those really poorly produced late night commercials touting "discreet phone fun" or whatever they call it, it's always a gaggle of giggling girls having pillow fights. Either people think that straight women and gay men aren't slaves to their libidos or they think that lesbians and straight men are the horniest fuckers on the planet.

In any case, here's another question that I will be shocked (shocked, I tell you) if anyone answers:

Are men really that pathetic?

For anyone who's felt that my last few BLOG entries have been deeper on the side of misanthropy than they really should be? This one ain't much better.

Sorry.

I actually wasn't in a bad mood today. I woke up late, fucked around the house all day. Ended up heading to pick up some things for school tomorrow about 30 minutes before I had to be at the store, and, after all that... I was fine.

Ain't it just a bitch when something that really shouldn't matter DOES matter? Grr-argh... and I don't mean that in a cutesy Joss-Whedon way either.

I'd love to say "My mommy always told me 'If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all,'" but we all know how closely I follow that one. I guess I lack the patience to actually hold it in most times. Unfortunately, there are those rare times when you know something is gonna go very, very badly and you can't bring yourself to say anything at all due to mixed perceptions.

Completely lost?

Good... I'm actually talented at venting without ever revealing anything. Ain't I just keen?

Hell... I was so happy earlier.

mis·an·thro·py [mis-an-thruh-pee, miz-] (noun): hatred, dislike, or distrust of humankind.

I've constantly harped on why I think the worst of people, but I'm not completely sure I've every really said why. Sure, the people who take my shoveled out parking space suck as do the ones that think they are better than me, but assholes like that don't taint my view of humanity... it just makes me dislike them in particular.

No, my problem with humanity is that everything stems from jealousy and most people don't ever stop to reason why or why not, they just do what they can to one-up someone. Take, for example, the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It was a horrible, naturally-occurring event that killed, maimed, destroyed, and tore families apart. Then came the relief efforts which attempted to put a band-aid on a decapitation.

I'm sorry... that was overly cynical. The relief efforts were good and they had their heart in the right place, but it's also where problems started for me. Much like the aftermath of September 11th, people went around filing false claims, mourning fictitious dead relatives, and lamenting fake missing valuables. The U.S. is chipping away at these mountains of false claims that they estimate cost the charitable people among us a few hundred million dollars.

You wonder why I think that most people are scum? That's why. People who really, honest-to-God, needed help weren't getting everything they needed because people were out there scamming the system for whatever they could get their grubby little hands on. It reminded me of the story of the fake fireman who went around to different firehouses after 9/11 saying he was part of the NYFD when he had never carried a hose his entire life. He took advantage of the kindness of these firefighters who wanted to help a broken "brother" through tough times.

I'm sorry, but anyone who uses a tragedy to better themselves through deceit and theft is not a person... they're a parasite. Fortunately we do have ways of dealing with parasites, but unfortunately they don't always extend to the human kind. Maybe someone will eventually fix that problem...

We are within the final 3 hours before Brett Myers throws the pitch that will usher in the official start to The Philadelphia Phillies 2007 season.

Do you know why this is the most wonderful time of the year? It's because there is no bad news to temper our limitless hopes for a championship. Usually, around the All-Star break, Phillies fans will realize there's nothing gained by warrantless wishing, but right now... mere hours before that first fastball zips to the catcher's mitt for the first strike of the season, well... it's gonna be a great day!!