All governments, tory and labour have a prediliction for the phrase "protecting hardworking families and tax payers money".

They usually trot this phrase out when pointing the finger at poor people who have a job on the side, in a bar or cafe, to top up the meagre ammount the state allows the unemployed and they do this with no little hint of malice as they launch advertising campaigns to encourage us to inform on these 'dole cheats' who are "robbing YOU the tax payer".

What follows is a short list of M.Ps who think that it is ok for them to avoid tax, to profit from second home benefits and to ensure as much as possible that they use tax payers money to pay for all the things that regular joe's have to pay for from their minimum wage... so these are some of these Honourable Members of Parliament that create laws and prosecute tax avoiders (unless they are very rich),prosecute those who earn a few quid on the side and who appear on T.V to moralise and point the finger at the poor and at immigrants for draining tax payers money.

These are our elected representatives who wont spend their own money but charge the tax payer for... toilet seats, cleaning the swimming pool, carpet cleaning, plates and cups, plugs for the sink, coat hangers...oh yes, and their penchant for swapping the second home status of their properties so as to avoid tax ( hazel blears avoiding £18,000) and so that they can refurb and refurnish each home as they flip status from one to the other...

well, i trust the police are investigating all of this as actively as they would joe shmo the taxi driver or the G12 demonstrator...

These are some of these freeloaders and finger pointers caught in the reflected glare of their own petty, malicious and holier than thou hypocritical gaze...

GORDON BROWN ALISTAIR DARLING  MANDELSON  HAZEL BLEARS   KITTY USSHER    STEPHEN BYERS JOHN GUMMER TOM WATSON TONY MCNULTY PHIL HOPE  PHIL WOOLAS  IAIN WRIGHT JACK STRAW ...  i'll have to stop here... i havent time and i'm feeling more sick to the stomache as i write this...

the politicians, the greed and malpractice of financiers and the collusion by the daily mail brigade... ever ready to blame and to demonise...palestine...darfur...sri lanka... fer feck sake ... writing wee songs amidst all this is fkn stupid

 7th may, manchester, chorlton irish centre...
calvin party + cradle (n.l) +factory star + mr heart

8th may, darwen lancs, bridge street social club, ...calvin party + cradle + natasha lee jones + jah mission vibes + steven hargreaves

9th may, liverpool, static... probe plus label night,
calvin party + dead poppies+ cradle +mike badger + sonnenberg

21st may, glasgow, the arches... calvin party support half man half biscuit

17th june, leiden n.l,   sub 071 club... calvin party + cradle

18th june, rotterdam n.l,  club exit...   calvin party + cradle

19th june, gouda n.l,   de gonz...     calvin party + cradle + autorace

20th june, niewerkerk,  greppelpop festival.

this is a list of bank executives, their banks and the salary they earned whilst overseeing the collapse of the global financial system with the result of 1000s of lost jobs...

O'NEAL- MERRILL LYNCH £196.7 MILLION
CAYNE- BEAR STEARNS £164.2 MILLION
BLANKFEIN - GOLDMAN SACHS £163.1 MILLION
FULD - LEHMAN BROS £134.5 MILLION
WEILL -CITYGROUP £121.7 MILLION
PAULSON -GOLDMAN SACHS £119.9 MILLION
PRINCE- CITIGROUP £77.5 MILLION
DIAMOND - BARCLAYS £39.8 MILLION
GREEN - HSBC £12.5 MILLION
VARLEY - BARCLAYS £11.8 MILLION
DANIELS- LLOYDS £10.2 MILLION
HORNBY - HBOS £7.6 MILLION

SHAME ON THESE PEOPLE AND A GOVERNMENT THAT ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.

£200,000 zillion - the cost of banks and business 'experts' "bad practices, shady dealings greed and corruption"
£200,000 zillion - the cost to tax payers to bail out the banks


0 (NONE ZERO) - number of financial experts charged in u.k in connection with "bad practice, greed and corruption"
100s ( HUNDREDS)- the number of poor people charged and prosecuted for earning a few £££ 'on the side'

20p (thats 20 pence) - increase due in the minimum wage that business leaders demand should not to be paid to the lowest earners

£1m - budget for the governments 'dole cheats' advertising campaign
£0 (NOTHING ZERO)- no budget for 'banking and business tax evasion cheats' advertising campaign


8 - israeli casualties from missiles...in last 4 years
14- israeli casualties... in last 3 weeks
850- arab casualties from shells and bombs... in last 3 weeks
50- arab casualties shelled in U.N monitored school building... in a split second...

£480,000 - monthly wage for DJ loving footballer phil collins fan
£1,300 - monthly wage for a nurse
£704 - monthly minimum wage

2 policemen
1 policewoman
1 police dog
1 police van
1 police car - resources massed to arrest 1(poor) shoplifter
in salford precinct today...

is it just me... ?         the worlds jeffin nuts...

ok,

all nominations welcome, name of band and album, and reason for your vote in one sentence.... except they cannot include bands that i dont like, so thats pretty straight forward.

so, i'm gonna kick things off with without a doubt the best rocknroll album ever made, and yep that includes the fall,clash, pixies, sonics, joy div, ratm, the capn etc etc etc..........

my nomination, nomination no 1 on the global calvin party award for the greatest rockn roll album of the last 500 years ......
on the grounds that it has cool tunes, it has super cool rhythms and it has more than a shake of 'well fk me, i aint heard it done like that before'
iiiiiiiiissss

' DUB HOUSING'

by the great, the magnificent, the much ignored band from akron ohio......................................... PERE UBU !!!!!!!!!

beat that, pencil necks!!!!!

SONG WRITERS OF THE WORLD UNITE !

hey all, calvin party, based in manchester u.k release '8 DAYS' a 5 track single/ ep on december 8th.

now you all know what we'r up against, like loads of other bands on small labels round the planet we dont have $$$ to buy rack space in the big chain stores, nor the $$$ to buy advertising and so ensure a review in the monthlies (yes, naive ones this does go on!)

so, we'r asking all our pals n fans on the guest lists and stuff, and all the other bands in the same leaky boat, for the price of a pint of Guinness, for less than a pint of Brooklyn lager- will you take the trouble to get a copy of our single... read on, it makes sense i promise!?

preferably order it from your local indie store like Probe Records in Liverpool, Action Records in Preston, Piccadilly Records in Manchester rather than a big chain... get yourself a real, collectable, hands on squeezy feely 5 track copy with hand printed woodblock sleeve rather than click the button and download a track from the ether... lets try and get around the multi store/ monthly glossies closed shop of reviewing and selling what the big record companies tell them to review and sell.

now, in return, we'll buy YOUR 'real' releases too... just let us know when your next record is out, let us know the label and stuff and we'll buy a copy at a bone fide indie store in return... then we'r all happy- the small indie owned stores get the work, the small bands get the music out and we keep the true independents in business !

so, artists, songsmiths of the world, get yer boots on, log off and get out on the street and down to your local store, engage with a like minded spirit and pre/order '8 DAYS' by CALVIN PARTY on ELI/ PROBE PLUS RECORDS, distributed by SRD in the u.k, release date december 8th... lets spread the joy people, spread the joy!!!

john d, calvin party , uk. p.s anyone out there want to distribute in u.s and or euroland just get in touch n we'll get some copies to you...

... although for many the gamine is bound up with all things godard through his adoration/celebration/obsession with jean seberg and anna karina, the gamine can be seen as a constant in the popular consciousness... from louise brookes (a rather darker, real woman independent gam) twiggy and on through a variety of waifs and strays... think kate moss ... the film amelie...
the gamine as a 'type', flitters around the edges of the mainstream... and for good reason too as it provides for a number of possibilties outwith the usual in female roles- occupying- as it does, that contested problematic of fem sexuality.



however, this figure, in its pop realisation as a shallow, indeed dangerous, trope- doe eyed, bob cropped and thumb sucking innocent- is the magnet for a particular strand of male desire... that which is not yet woman, that which is naive, not corrupted, the virginal the pure , she who needs to be saved........ you know where this is going dont you... the gamine is another of those vehicles that some boys/men load their particular fem ideal, a sort of melding of mother/vamp/child/saint figure against which they can play hero/saviour/ teacher.


popularised and commodified- see the gamine in the early ck ads... the re working of the biba look... the seemingly irreversable domination of fashion by the skinny brigade... the red top press and its hypocritical and shameless selling of all things sex whilst occupying some pseudo moral high ground... the 'glamming' of young girls through kiddie fashion- thongs for your 8 year old daughter anyone?- the gamine has gone from a potentially rich and complex site of woman in the round to a mere cipher figure, a commodity fetish to be marketed and sold as just another identity option for kids... chillingly bought into and indeed encouraged by some witless parents...
this brings me to a recent gig, i'm along to see an old folkie type fave of mine, the place is a healthy bustle of beardies and studious types... those that wear hats and college stripey scarves indoors...overheard quote of the night goes to the earnest ostentatiously moustachioed fella to a young gamine type (it was that sort of event) saying " i kinda remember your face from somewhere", as he leaned rather to close to her... fan of the night goes to the 'twat with the hat' who was keen that we should all listen to him rather than the guy on stage... scam of the night is 2 cans of red stripe at £6.40!!!


anyhow opening the show is a singer songwriting fem, she is frail, wan, seemingly a little overawed by the occasion and - doe eyed, bobbed and naive- her guitar falls from her grip... the poor poor thing.
her set begins, delicate halting half songs, half sung with half played guitar strummed rather badly to the nursery rhyme couplets as she quivers in the stage lights- her innocence and sweetness turning guys hearts to a mush............ b'jeasus!


it was an act as predictable as it was cynical, a re working of the gamine with a faux naive performance doubling the gamine effect into self parody... this manner of display, lets call it, is cynical in its (un)knowing collapse of a number of elements, its a conceite in its vanity and in its shallow attempt to disarm, manipulative in its calculated affectation of 'naive' and is vulgar in its transparency...its bogus at its heart.

i know we all, as performers (as people), adopt some guise or other in the very act of performance ... this could be the raging poet drunk, the rock sex god or the humble 'natural' player... but this neo gamine 'gosh look how inept i am' model is a fiction with a dubious core... its faux naive flirtation with sexuality and ineptitude is spurious, it is contrived, it is a lie.

worse, it is spreading and multiplying like some virus, it seems to be the mode of choice amongst fey art school type bands and i declare it to be 'pretendus crapus victimus gaminus'...

but of course, to invert a common maxim- 'never over estimate your audience'- this neo gam makes for a quite potent, if glib, combination with particular appeal to those of a doe eyed disposition, you know the type -coffee shop de lillo readers, world music vegans, neo alt folkies all bones n beards and piety and usually found sat on a high horse boring the arse off some unfortunate soul about something worthy like their recent discovery of (alt) country or some upper amazon forest nose flute band...

its just a wee bit sad that this gamine figure is one that is seen as something to be 'worn', just another guise to adopt...it is more than a shorthand sign to occupy as and when ...the gamine deserves better, i think...

• AIG get $85bn bail out from U.S government, days later AIG spend $440,000 on a week long company event at Monarch Beach south L.A

• 1000s of workers in U.S lose houses to banks, 1000s more in need of soup kitchens

• Sir Martin Sorrell moves the tax domicile of his WPP advertising business to Dublin to avoid paying U.K taxes, he gets a knighthood

• Sir Ronald Cohen, private equity baron, pays less tax than a teacher despite his estimated fortune of £260m

• Lehman Brothers, a 158 year old U.S banking institution is declared bankrupt. Lehmans chief executive Richard Fuld is paid $480m in last 8 years up to the banks collapse last week

• U.K has highest child poverty rate in europe and successive U.K governments launch advertising campaigns to demonize poor people working 'on the side' to make ends meet, minimum wage £5.72- a real term cut in last two years

well fk me,

the global economic miracle that is/was market led economics has imploded in its own snake oil smoke and mirrors excess and we'r supposed to be worried!

i've just been on the streets in my part of salford (you can conduct the same study in any part of the country) to test how the financial meltdown has affected the locals............here is a sample of the answers..." what yer on about mate?" "eh?" "fck off" "yr fkn weird you" " ave ya any change mate?" "you fancy a bit of fun?" ...........

clearly the stockmarket crash has yet to hit the streets of salford, and why should it ?

if there was ever a clearer signal of the disconnect, nay - schism- between the real and the media presentation of the 'real' then here it is... people on the streets i know were never invited to the gluttony fest of the million dollar bonus payments, they never have to consider the merits or otherwise of extra virgin olive oil or how unfair it is that they wont make a million on the sale of their house, they dont have to worry about seeing the local fitba teams cos they now cant afford it

from a street near me you can see all the way into town, manchester and the big wheel, the big new hilton tower block and selfridges, armani and diesel stores... the material symbols that at once signify, make concrete that media fiction of sex and success but also are sharp reminders to those up on the hill who bear witness to the excess but cannot join in.

for the people on the hill, on the trashed estates on minimum wage and no wage the crash dont mean a flying fck!
dont try and tell them, as they do on every news broadcast "THIS MATTERS TO YOU" , why is it they have to convince us, the media screams at us that WE are all in trouble...no we'r not !

for all the people, and there are many, with no job/ no pension/ no mortgage/ minimum wage/ no bank account, the inevitable consequence of laissez faire economics means nothing.

the banks and global markets have been allowed absolute freedom to create and share in profits unimaginable in any other age, unburdened by any social, moral, ethical dimension they have simply gorged themselves stupid to the point that they believed their own myth- that the market is never wrong, that they are too big, too important to fall... and now they want us to bail them out...s'funny that the financial mega players never want government regulation in days of plenty but claim govt help when the merdre hits the fan!!!
the saddest thing for me in all of this is the collusion of a labour government in this mess, a labour government that should be charged with mediating between these excesses and the needs of the many... the SOCIAL... i'm reminded on these occasions of a comment by someone much smarter than me... " what was once a social need is now a business opportunity"...privatisation wherein profit is derived from illness, the widening of the rich-poor gap, the illegal war.
how tragic that the only possible democratic option for the 'social good' is now culpable in the greatest crimes against 'the social' ... i could weep...

but i'll not shed a tear for the financiers, the banks and the insurance companies rich for years on their government sponsored sky high bonuses, their gluttony, their libertarianism out of which a few made millions with no heed to anyone or anything else but their own $ world ...the $ world where nothing is manufactured, nothing is invented and nothing is for a greater good beyond profit and profit only... and now they want the governments of the world to bail them out...

and now i've nobody to vote for...

fck em.