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~*CowboyKiller*~



Last Updated: 11/30/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 19
Sign: Virgo

City: The 'Ville
State: Georgia
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/23/2006

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December 4, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:contemplative&adored
life is never easy
but no one tells u that till its to late
mine??? its pretty good right now, the friends... the family... we're all doin alright. things are changin tho... & changes are always hard, but its how u handle them that determines the kind of person u are. U sit back & ignore change... ur WEAK... U try to stop change... ur SCARED... U act indifferent to change... ur COMPLACENT & become STAGNANT... U go foward w/ & try to help change along & grow w/ it... ur strong & will survive. b/c as the statement goes... only the STRONG WILL SURVIVE
but heres my point: u ppl tryin to bring me down?? tryin to stop me in MY changes, in MY growth as an indivdual?? ur worse than weak... ur worse than scared... ur worse than stagnant... UR fuckin terrified, decaying, characterless, spineless, pussy ass bitches. conforming to an image society portrays females as. u have no individuality. no uniqueness. ur common. OF NO WORTH!
But on a brighter side... I don't hate u for it. i pity u-which for me, is the lowest form of insult in my book. but its whatever... right? cause ur sayin in ur head right now as u read this that u dont give a rat's ass what i think... right?? yea right. LOL anyways
think i care bout what u think he says to u? wait till u find out what he tells me.... wait till u find out ur worse than a joke to him.... wait till u find out that all along, thats right-from the very beginning, that he NEVER wanted u. it was the dream u represented. But u couldn't even manage to scrape up the decency & treat him as an equal.... U treated him like a slave or worse. a way to bring in money. & then??? u really hurt him... what kind of human being actually possesses the ability to rip away some1s dream & smile about it... actually enjoy the process of seein some1 die inside?? idk... i don't think ppl can so whatever it is u r. congrats... u've set the world back hundreds of years of progress. YAY U!!!  last thing.... u think u scare me? LOL. u r an ugly fatass incapable of breakin a pencil let alone every bone in my body. the worst thing i'd need to fear from u is if in the process of u tryin to beat me down U tripped & fell & landed ur fatass on top of me. But heres the real kicker-it wouldn't b b/c ur fatass had crushed me... oh no ur much to fat to crush someone. more like ur fat would suck them in on impact. LOL. so...... the only thing to b scared of is SUFFOCATING!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
and u??? havin a personality doesn't mean u have a different face for EVERY PERSON u talk to. think i don't know the shit u say behind my back???? news flash. ppl hate u. y wouldn't they tell me what u say? they like me better DUMBASS. & the ppl u think like u? they're only usin u as an means to an end. LOL! ur nothin to them but a tool, used & discarded at a moments notice. How awesome is it that one day ur kid is gonna grow up & realize that a dick was more important to you than she was. u think ur hated now?? give it a few more years. she already knows ur a liar... how long till she realizes that u don't lie to jus everybody but her... but everybody includin her????
& u?? we're friends thru & thru. i might not always like the things u do but u feel the same sometimes & thats cool. but pullin that shit??? FUCKED UP. i can't believe u'd do some fuck shit like that!!! JOKE MY MOTHER FUCKIN ASS! even if it was on some level-on another it was a fuckin test. & its bullshit after everything we've been thru to doubt me like that. hes disgustin & u kno i don't want him. & even if u knew that... & it wasn't specifically bout that... u kno that knowin how i feel bout him vs. how i feel bout u that I WOULD FUCKIN TELL u if he said some shit like that to me behind ur back... so for right now FUCK OFF.
& U??? u may not b female but look here dick wipe.... i cared... so much so that i gave up everything for u... EVERYTHING! & what did it matter?? nothin... not at the beginning & definitely not at the end. Am i still mad about it? no.... but that don't mean i'm not still hurt. but I AM SO GLAD WE'RE STILL friends tho... that means SO MUCH TO ME!! thank u. & i'm SO sry for hurtin u too....
to those of u out there on my side.... that love me for me, accept my dysfunctionalities as they are. who don't wanna change me.... who don't give a damn that i'm a royal ass bitch most of the time.... THANK U SO MUCH FOR EVERYTING... i will never forget it. i might get pissy sometimes & take it out on the wrong crowd but kno that I'LL ALWAYS LOVE Y'ALL. y'all r the one i kno will b right beside me surviving & stayin strong.
specifically u.... thanks for bringin me back from the edge... for makin me realize i was still strong & helpin me walk away... ur so much to me & i will never forget u. even if u have to walk away again. i understood it before & i'd understand now. u r not ugly... u r not stupid or worthless or anyting that bitch might think.... she envies u b/c no matter how hard she tries u'll never b brought down to her level. U R amazin & smart & so special & unique.... remember that always... & remember this: I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U & CHERISH THE TIMES WE HAVE TOGETHER

yea yea i kno..... if u've made it this far than u kno i've written a books worth... sry... those who kno me kno i'm long winded anyways tho so oh well. one last thing & then i'm all typed out

those of u who try to excuse ur present behavior b/c of ur past & u ppl that try to use ppls pasts to excuse them from the present...... inexcusable. Yes the past affects us, but u grow because of it, become stronger... u don't let it excuse u from horrible transgressions. U R NOT THE ONLY ONE W/ A FUCKED UP PAST! matter of fact try takin a survey & see if u get even 5% to say their past was AWESOME the whole time..... My point here is... YES life sucks, & YES most of us were warned to late... but u don't let it cripple u.... u grow, change, become stonger, & don't jus survive but LIVE. don't b stagnant, or complacent, don't b scared or weak. Be strong & reach for ur life w/ both hands.... but nvr at the expense of others. help them & help urself.
b different. don't let the past or ur current existence dictate ur life. U R IN CONTROL. u have the ability to change it. regardless of whether u feel trapped & out of control theres always another option.... a window where a door closes... etc.


but i'm done w/ my tirade... its been real & its been fun... but it ain't been real fun!
2:20 PM 
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September 15, 2008 - Monday 

Current mood:  betrayed

so its like this

i hate this..... feeling of inadequacy..... did i do something to deserve this treatment??? is it me? is it the way i live my life? idk. i only know that it hurts me. severely to continue living w/ this pressure inside of me, ready to implode at anymoment & destroy everything inside of me.

i dont know what to do. honestly i really no longer have the answers. this hurts me more than anything. i hate not having control in my life... I HATE IT more than anything in this world.

i understand God's supposed to have the control, i really do.... but i wish i could at least have someinsight as to WHY!!!! it makes no sense to me.

I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU'VE BEEN!!! but still i dont understand your reasoning, your thought process!!! GOD IT HURTS! all i ever did for you was love you! have your back when not even your friends would. made sure if i could prevent it that, I WOULD KEEP YOU SAFE FROM HARM! you purposely did this to yourself... to me, to all of us. it makes no sense...

 i knew the world was full of injustices, but like this? to this extreme? to a level of complete indifference to all of us around YOU!!??!? I WISH I COULD HATE YOU! i almost do... but it hurts to much & bothers my conscience to even contemplate it. i caint, & i wont. b/c imma give you what you never gave me, imma gonna care about you & your feelings & well being where as you only continue to break my heart & use me & discard me like so much trash.

8:16 AM 
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