I can’t sleep.  I had a conversation with some friends about the constant religious battle between "liberals" and "conservatives".  And why do I have to call it a battle?  We’re Christians – followers of Jesus and yet we seem to plagued by endless strife amongst each other.  One person says something bad about another person, then that person says something bad about the other person, and it goes back and forth.  We take up sides as if life in the church is a game to be won.  We vie for position and seek control over various areas so that the other side won’t have any say.  But I have a news flash.  Jesus already won.  The game is over.

At the University I attend, there has been a constant battle amongst the students.  The issues vary – dress code, music, appropriate programming in the church, and so on but the underlying factor of "us against them" persists.  This has been demonstrated to me in a very personal way.  I’m by no means the most well-known person on campus but the things I have been involved with have given me a minor amount of prominence.  As a result, I’ve had people say things about me that have been very unkind simply because of what I’ve been a part of or because of what they perceive I believe or stand for.  I’ve also heard people say very unkind things about my close friends for similar reasons.  I’m sure that I too have fallen to this and said some unkind things in response (notice that we as humans never have the backbone to go to the person we have a problem with  but feel  fine with telling everyone else).

As I lay here, in my heart, I know why these problems exist.  It all started with a man, a woman, a snake, and a tree.  God created us in His glorious image – and not just a mere physical image, but the image of His character.  In His likeness we were made.  But we decided that we doing just fine all by ourselves and that we were perfectly capable of creating our own image.  We were right.  We did create our own image.  Only instead of creating something beautiful like God, we created something dark, and evil, and ugly.  It’s a little bit like Frankenstein.  So here we are.

John 17 records a prayer by Jesus on the eve He is arrested.  Jesus knows what’s coming up and so takes an opportunity to say a few last things.  In His prayer He prays for three things – Himself, His disciples, and all believers.  Read it sometime.  It’s one of the most awesome chapters in scripture.  When He gets to the portion about all believers He says:

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their [the disciples] message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." (John 17:20-26)

Jesus knew human nature so when He prayed for the believers to come, he prayed for unity.  "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me…"  After Jesus’ ascension to heaven, the church grew rapidly.  But as more people joined from all over the known world, the bickering began.  Their issues were different than today’s issues – should believers be required to be circumcised, does being a Christian mean keeping all the Jewish ceremonial law.  But the heart and sourcewas the same.  God seeks unity for His people.   He desires unity in heart, mind and spirit so that we can make a statement to the world about His wonderful glory and love.  We need to learn to see eachother as God sees us.

I’m by no means an idealist.  No two people see things exactly alike and are always able to find something to disagree on.  Even the early Christian church leaders disagreed. 

 "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you (I Cor 9:10-11)  Paul and Baranabas disagreed to the point of journeying separate direction ("They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company" Acts 15:39) and Paul called out Peter when he was acting hypocritically.  But there are ways to disagree without resorting to slander and gossip.  God has a different plan.  I Peter 3:8,9 says, "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." And then the Bible also gives us a plan for handling disputes in Matthew 5.

" ’If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ’every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector (Verses  15-17).’"

So what I say next I say to myself as much as anyone else.  Instead ofinsults, gossip, arguing, let’s practice genuine love for eachother.  If there is a valid debate, let’s try to see from each other’s viewpoints and decide only then if the issue is worth fighting about.  Instead of getting pumped up with self and thinking that our way is the right way, let’s realize that God is so vast that we know so very little about Him.  I’m all for preaching righteousness, holiness, and truth but let’s preach it in love because most people are not going to respond to someone saying "You’re wrong."

God has amazing plans for all of us.  Though we destoryed the image God created us in, He has offered to recreate us once again.  Let’s put the focus and attention back on God where it should be, and to the best of our abilities, let’s live in unity for the Glory of Christ.

It's been awhile since I've written a blog entry so this is going to be a montage of thought. I've been home for spring break this week and have had some interesting conversations with my dad and my brother-in-law so I'm writing to lay out some thoughts I've come across. Read on if you can follow my ramblings.

My dad is reading a book by Phillip Yancey (I believe it's Disappointment With God). He read aloud a statement Yancey makes which I will paraphrase. He basically compared God communicating with us with us trying to communicate with bacteria on a microscope slide. I thought and rethought the statement. God trying to speak with us is like us trying to speak with microorganisms. This statement goes far beyond a mere comparison in physical size and hits raw reality in our journey to a better relationship with God. God and I, no matter what I do, say, study, or accomplish are always going to be at different levels. He's going to do things that I'm simply never going to understand, and He's going to say things that I'm simply never going to understand. It's not like I can try really, really hard and sit and ponder and all of the sudden shout out "I got it!" God and I, no matter what either of us want, are always going to be fundamentally different. Another comparison is me trying to communicate with my one-year-old niece. I can sit down on the floor with her and begin giving her a detailed explanation of the meaning of life and she'll stare back up at me and grin as she sticks a toy in her mouth. Does she understand anything I'm saying? Not really. If I want to talk so that she'll understand, I have to use simple language - small words and short sentences. Does she understand me now? Sure. But I'll have to leave that explanation on the meaning of life for another time when she's much older because no matter how simple I make the explanation, there are just certain complexities that she'll never understand at her developmental level (do I even understand?). We're fundamentally different in the way we view the world because of our ages. But unlike my niece who will eventually grow up and someday give me her explanation of the meaning of life, I will never "grow up" to God's level. God and I are fundamentally different. It's reality. So the next time I ask God a tough question, I picture Him trying to do His best to explain what He can, but no matter what He says or does to respond, I just wont be able to understand at His level.

The next thought came from a discussion with my brother-in-law this evening. He posed a question from a book he's read in the past (don't remember this one). He asked something like, "are we humble enough to question what we believe?" Now let me answer the "what do you mean by that?" Too often church and religious school has been a place where people are taught to believe a certain way without any exploration of why and those who speak out and question are looked upon as trouble makers. For example, a friend of mine wrote in his blog about questioning one of the "beliefs" that many in my denomination hold regarding baptism. They believe that baptism can only take place after one goes through thorough Bible study and exhibits an understanding of the specific tenets of doctrine of my denomination. He believes that baptism should come first as a response to salvation. He brought up questions in a class but was never really answered. The sense was "just believe what I say." And often when such questions are asked, it is taken as a personal assault on the knowledge of the teacher or an assault on the church.

The issue of when and how baptism should take place may not be that big of a deal to some, but what if people start questioning the nature of God, the process of salvation, the need for forgiveness, or the need for morality? Do we feel like our intelligence has been insulted and respond with a "take my word for it" answer or feel embarrassed when we don't know and try to cover with a generic "that's the way it is"?

True humility comes recognizing that we don't know everything. There is a feeling in some that we have to have it all together, that we need to always have an explanation and there's actually a measure of fear that comes up when someone questions beliefs because beliefs is where many find security. But we don't know everything. No one on the face of this planet has a complete correct picture of knowledge. We all interpret the Bible differently. This verse means such and such and that verse means such and such. Security should not come from our knowledge but should come from God. Do we have the humility to say, "I don't know?" Do we have the confidence in God to not be afraid when beliefs are questioned? We are going to spend eternity trying to figure out God and what He's done. Let's let him be the focus of our thoughts.

I spent a week in Washington DC with my family after Christmas. We got to see some of the monuments, museums, and government agency buildings. On our way back to our hotel one evening, we walked past the Environmental Protection Agency building. In front of the building was a trash can brimming with trash. I don't know why the sight struck me as funny, but I thought it was a little ironic. I laughed a little about it for the next block until I got to the next building and saw an equally ironic but far less comedic sight. I had just gotten through making a statement to my mom about how cold I was and how glad I was that I had brought my coat when I saw the sign for the Internal Revenue Service. My gaze immediately shifted to the bench in front of the sign which held a sleeping homeless man. My words burned into my mind as I walked past. I was on my way back to a warm hotel room with a warm comfortable bed and I wondered what it would be like to be cold without any place to go or what it would be like to wonder where I'd get my next meal.

Read through the following quote from Isaiah 58:1-8. It's a little long but I think makes my point better than I could say.

1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Unfortunately we live in a world filled with the poor, the oppressed, and the hungry. Sin has infected our world and brought about all of these things and more. As I wandered the streets of Washington DC, I saw people and buildings that represent immense wealth and power. But there even in the midst of the city symbolic of wealth and power are the hungry, the poor, the naked. Will we "…turn away from [our] own flesh and blood?"

Because several people have asked, I'm posting about what happened to me last week.

A summer or two ago, I was sitting on a beach early in the morning and stood up only to have a very sharp pain in my left shoulder. I tried to walk back to my hotel room but quickly found myself very short of breath. It turned out that my left lung had randomly partially collapsed, medically what is called a spontaneous pneumothorax. I ended up spending a week and a half in the hospital with chest tubes and eventually had to have surgery to correct the problem.

I was hoping that this time the same thing wasn't happening, but I couldn't ignore it. On the way to my university's clinic, I felt more rubbing/bubbling sensations and a sharp increase in pain so that when I finally made it to the clinic, I couldn't take even a partial breath of air without it feeling like a knife was being placed in my shoulder. The clinic assessed me and then sent me off to get a chest x-ray which meant I had to drive to another clinic in Chattanooga. On my way there, something happened. I had an odd bubbling sensation and simultaneously all my pain and shortness of breath left. It took about five seconds to go from a knife stabbing to a state as if nothing had ever happened. When I finally got my chest xray, there was no evidence of anything. What happened on the way to the doctor's office I do not know but two weeks later, none of the symptoms have returned. Unless there's something I don't understand, a pneumothorax doesn't resolve that fast with no evidence.

My last two entries have been about the awesome wonder that comes about when God steps in and does something extraordinary. I believe God uses these moments to rejuvenate our faith, to make a statement of the Godness of God, to let us know He's still near. But what happens in the inbetween? The times when the extraodinary is not happening? After these last couple of experiences you'd think I'd be set for awhile as far as my willingness to trust God. We shall see...

This morning, I woke up feeling sick and my first thought was "God why is this happening to me." I hadn't gotten much sleep during the night and I had to go take my first major exam of the semester. I managed to get out of bed and start my day. My test was first thing in the morning but when I went to take it, I couldn't concentrate and my mind felt foggy. So I complete the test to see my grade (everything's computerized) which was the lowest grade I've ever made on a nursing exam. Again I ask God, "Why is this happening?"

I went back to my room and basically wasted away the rest of the morning wallowing in self-pity when all of the sudden, a thought hit me. What am I doing? I had this picture in my head of God standing over in the corner with a smirk on his face saying sarcastically, "Are you done yet?" Yes I was done.

I was reminded once again, that God is God all the time. He's still God when I bomb a test. He's still God when my health fails. He's still God when I act stupid. It is not the content of my day that determines my relationship with God but my daily willingness to trust regardless of what happens. Got a down day? He's still God.

God works in awesome ways. I fully believe we are in a time of spiritual renewal and I want nothing more than for the power of God to be seen in the lives of people so that God may be glorified as He alone deserves. The following is an excerpt from an email I sent to a couple of friends. These words alone cannot adequately describe everything but hopefully God will move in your hearts as you read.

"There have been some really cool things going on here with prayer lately. Every Friday and Saturday, we have a variety of worship services and music events and each week, they have been progressively getting more and more intense as far as meeting with God. Along with that, Satan has been working harder and harder on everyone involved because we have been letting God use us more. My story about last week can be found on my blog page called "God in a music stand". This week was again surrounded in prayer.

I was asked in the middle of the week to play music for our main Friday night vespers service which most of the students here attend. So Michael and I decided to do an acoustic service with just the two of us playing and a couple of singers. Prayer was very present in our practice time. Michael and I were sitting in our room getting ready to practice and I said "Let's..." and Michael quickly finished "...pray." On Thursday, I got an email from a friend asking me for prayer about a test that she had spent a lot of time studying for but still felt very unprepared. I realized that she was in the test at the time so I immediately took time to pray for her. Later that day, I saw her and said I prayed for her. She asked what time and I said about 10:40 AM. At that exact moment, the teacher came over to her and said "You look like you're having a hard time, can I help you?" So she sat down and helped her understand the questions. On Friday, we spent part of the afternoon practicing for the after vespers music program called Adoration. I could feel a lot of tension as we were practicing and I believe fully that it was Satan trying to get our attention off of God. Later that day, I randomly got a text message from a guy whom I respect as a man of God who said "i really want to pray for you tonight". Also, a little bit after that, my mom emailed me and said "I've felt really impressed to pray for you more than usual today." She said she was impressed to the point of pulling over on the side of road as she was driving and then a second time later that day as she was doing some house work. Then sound check came and historically, the program participants have not set aside a time of prayer before the service. But this time, our chaplain really emphasized how from now on he's wanting to get sound check and all of the preliminaries done so the participants can have an extended time of prayer before-hand. So we did just that and it was a really intense time with God as we prayed with and for each other and shared our thoughts on the core Bible verse of the evening. Soon after we finished praying, it was time to start the music. We started off with a modern version of the hymn, "The Solid Rock" and then moved on to "Blessed be Your Name". Both of those songs went really well but the last two were even better. We went on to "Enough", during which I substituted the bridge for a monologue about God being sufficient in different points throughout history, wrapping up with the current moment. Then we ran that song into another old song, "I have decided to follow Jesus." As soon as I started leading the first phrase, the one-thousand or so people in the room erupted with a volume I've only ever heard in auditoriums of 10 - 20 thousand. The intensity of the singing was overwhelming. The sermon went on from there and was a perfect followup. After, that service was over, Michael and I moved over to another auditorium where we were going to play for the "Adoration" service (it starts at about 9:15 PM). The seats quickly filled with probably 200 people or so. We cycled between times of fun and times of worship and then the time ended. Our song leader paused and everyone got up and started to leave because it was "officially" the end. But then, as people were stepping out, our song leader (whom I also admire as a great man of God) said quietly into the microphone "do you want to keep singing?" followed by a resounding roar of "yeah!" as people rushed back to their seats. From there, the worship took off in a way I can't describe. I can only say that it was God lead.

I look back up and see I've spent awhile writing but it is hard for me to keep silent. I hope that you are encouraged as I am to see God working in awesome ways. He is inspiring a passion in the hearts of people that moves beyond the levels of church and music and gets down to the core of our existence. All of this excitement that I have been describing is not just excitement but a movement of people for the glory of God. Lives are being changed daily because of the joy of God's people. Even today in my religion class, our teacher said that two students came to him one day last week and said they wanted to give their hearts to Jesus. Pretty cool!

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