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"Maybe" is finished and up.

I was hoping to have already planned and played shows at this point, but we have seriously caught some sort of illness EVERY week since we’ve been in TN.
Obviously our bodies are taking their sweet time adapting to the climate change and the indigenous germs.
Bummer.

In addition to the millions of things I already had going on right before I moved across the country, I figured, why not record an entire album, eh?

A few months ago, I had some fresh inspiration and a handful of new songs...
The sound is different from the last record, the thoughts are new, and it was really important for me to have those songs recorded before we moved.

Once I decided to record again, I knew immediately that I wanted to record with Seth--Seth Roberts is one of my best friends in the world, and he happens to be an amazing musician and songwriter.
He also runs a recording studio, and I knew he would do a fantastic job producing and recording, so I decided to do it there.

It was so amazing having a fresh set of ears to hear the songs and help make them the best they could be, and it was an honor to have 2 of Seth's bandmates from Lakes working on it too...
Jacob Wick recorded drums, and Jason Massey is playing bass among a slew of other things, and he and Seth are still working on it and "adding stuff" still.

With all of the craziness involved in moving, and other life changes, I almost thought it wouldn't get done, but I wound up recording almost every day for 2 weeks, and I was able to finish all my vocals, guitar and piano and I'm super happy with how it's sounding already!

There is still work left to be done, but it's sounding incredible...and I can't wait to share the finished product with you all.

I'll keep this page updated but if anyone wants an email update, message me your email address.

Well...I’ve been avoiding this topic because I figured it would wind up being really looooong, take a looooong time to write, and be emotionally exhausting.
But hey, what the heck. I’m goin’ for it anyway:

Tonight is my last night as a Californian.
I’ve been here before. Leaving. Leaving home, leaving California, thinking it was for good.
This time though, I really think it is...and at the same time, I don’t really think so at all.

I’ve been wondering lately if I am a changeaholic.
If I am, it must have something to do with the fact that I grew up in the same house for 18 years, and now if I’m somewhere for more than 2, I start to get restless.

Anyway, I am just one giant paradox for that fact that:

I constantly create change.

and...

I HATE change.

Sometimes, I create change that I hate.
Sometimes I create change that is good for me, sometimes bad.
The point is, I make it happen.

On top of this, God has seen fit to add a lot of other major elements of surprise to my life, on a pretty consistent basis. More than a lot of other people I know.

In other words, something major is ALWAYS happening in my life, no matter who is instigating it.
I can honestly not think of one time where this isn’t true.

I want to believe that I am moving to Nashville with the best intentions.
That I am doing music with the best intentions.
That I am stepping on that plane tomorrow (today?) with some sort of stamp of approval from God and motives as pure as country is wide.

But I get the nagging feeling that I am only trying to avoid something.
Boredom.
Small town.
Being like everyone else.
Being a "mom" like other moms.
Being stuck and thinking the most exciting thing in my life that could happen is saving enough money to maybe someday buy a house.

I don’t think those things are horrible things to think, I think it’s cool to want adventure..I just want to be content even if my greatest adventure is being a mom and a wife.
Even though, if pressed I would say I think that the girls deserve a mom who is being the person God made her, even if that means we’re a family of little vagabonds.

The last 4 weeks have been the hardest, most emotional, most eventful weeks of my life.
So many things happened, and not just on top of each other, they happened simultaneously....
Losing a baby, packing a house, celebrating Christmas, moving to a temporary location, recording 10 songs in 2 weeks, saying goodbye to Josh for TWO weeks, being alone with the girls for TWO weeks, having a "quarter life crisis", saying goodbye FOREVER to the house I grew up in...and saying goodbye to my best friends and my family.

And now...now I’m about to get on a plane, which I’m terrified of anyway, and move 2000 miles away.

I haven’t cried very much about it.
I think it’s because my brain is trying to protect me, and it knows I just need to shut down and go into major denial.

At the same time, I don’t feel like I’m even connected to SLO that much anymore..there’s not much left of me there, and when I try to get nostalgic and think about leaving...it’s not the place I’ll miss at all.

But there are faces that will move me to tears and break my heart to be without.
There are friends that my arms will ache to hug and I will have to be satisfied with a phone I call, an email, or a chat now and then.

I know it is my choice...to walk on that plane tomorrow...and I realize that maybe my love for change is solely responsible for all the broken hearts.
But deep down...I know that’s not all...
I know that there is a reason for me to go, for US to go...bigger than I am even thinking of right now.
Maybe not even music related. In fact, probably not.
I am compelled, like gravity pulling down, some thing is pushing me out the door...and maybe I think I’m making the choice, but the hand of God is picking me up and moving me.
Either way, I am going.

So....Please don’t forget me.
Come visit if you can.
And those of you who know who you are, you few but fast friends who made me who I am, I will love you with my whole heart, and you cannot be removed from it no matter the distance.
Goodbye.

If you want tips on healthy eating, living green, and keeping a natural home, mosey on over to my blog:

Natural Family, Healthy Home

Be ready to get hippified.

Go to Musical Discoveries to read a review of Practice Room and a new interview with Russ Elliot of musicaldiscoveries.com.
After you enter the website, my feature is on the front page.

I have been neglecting this topic for a while, because I really, really want to be thoughtful in my explanation of why I have a big problem with the Christian Music Industry.
The process that led to my decision to NOT be a "Christian Recording Artist" has been about 6 years long, and there has been so much information taken in, stored away in my brain, it would take forever for me to explain all of that.

We have these little USB flash drives, that we often use to transfer data from one computer to another.
Sometimes I wish I had one for my brain, and that I could transfer my thoughts and reasoning to it, and pass it on so you could all understand and get what I'm trying to say.
I know that won't happen. I know I won't explain myself well, someone will have a different opinion, and someone will be offended.

Even so, I feel like I must write this.
I must post a bit of a disclaimer and say how much I enjoy, respect and still listen to many Christian artists, and that I know there are a lot of people who have said they are encouraged and driven closer in a relationship with Christ through this music.
I know there are Christian musicians with the best of intentions, and who are seeking to glorify God in everything they do (which is why many people "go into" Christian music).

Still, for me there are too many reasons NOT to be part of the CCM industry.
Each blog entry in this series will be dedicated to a specific issue regarding CCM.

**Stay tuned**

I am no longer trying to market myself as a "Christian Musician".
I am an artist who just makes music, and I am not going to use the Christian Music Industry to get ahead in the game, or better said, I am not going to let it use me.
I'm too tired to write more at the moment, but I promise this will be an interesting series, and an honest look into where my music is going.

I'll try to piece together the reasonings, the quotes from people I respect, and anything else that has influenced this decision and I'll try my best to present it to you in a way that makes sense.

Here is a link to an interesting blog on the subject:
"What's Christian About Music?"

I'm starting recording on a new album, and I'm sort of going in a bit of a new direction (both lyrically and musically) - not so much that it would be considered "shocking", but enough to show my growth as an artist...hopefully.
My last record was a hodgepodge of music I had been writing from the time I was 17 until I was 22, and it was heavily influenced by CCM.
I feel like the next record will be a truer representation of who I am, and the music I love.
More to come. Stay tuned.


PS. Mike Doughty rocks the free world.

So, last Thursday, I finally had the last surgery on my elbow, removing most of the metal bits that had been holding everything together while it healed.

Here is what they dug out:

..
The quarter is for refernce. There was not an actual quarter in my elbow,
Also, they left one plate in, so I will awlays still be part bionic woman.