So it's my first week as a partially employed person. I don't know what to do yet. I don't know what to write yet. I guess I just thought that working would fall right into place and all but not as easy as I thought it would be. It's a bit more complicated right now.

My thoughts are flooded and I am restless. I can't sit for more than ten minutes at a time. I am only working 2 days a week during the days. I still have various evening engagements. Some paid.

I have the new bi-weekly DJing gig that is giving me a good small chunk of cashola. If anyone is around, I'm at Manahatta which is at 310 Bowery between Bleecker and Houston from the hours of 6:30pm to 10:30pm.

Everything else is various at best.

I am making enough money to pay bills and a little on top of that, but its situations like this that make me happy to work at a bar. I get to drink cheap and that helps things.

Urban Word mentoring helps the pocket as well but I am almost done with regular workshops for the season. The summer is not a busy time over at Urban Word.

What I do know is that I don't want to return to regular work. I don't want a regular day job at least. Maybe a few more nightlife gigs would be nice. Bartending or DJing or something along those lines. I am exhausted of Day Jobs or full time jobs that bring no type of satisfaction to me. Maybe I should have gone to college if that were the case but I didn't. I'm 27 and I've been working 6 to 7 days a week for the last 10 years. Now I have a total of 4 days a week where I am not really working for someone else.

With this time I want to really work on my own stuff. Be it poetry or music or promoting or making deals and having a regular hustle, this is what I want to do. Find a way to make money while working on my arts.

I'm fortunate to have enough money to pay bills without falling behind, and I am fortunate to have a girlfriend who is supporting me during this confusing time.

I'm happy yet terrified.

Today is day one.

Tomorrow I will work. Wednesday I should have off but I have to make up a few hours.

Friday I don't know what to do.
I'll figure it out though.
Writing prompts would be great right now Send them to me if you can. Please.

That's it for now.

Angola is a country littered with land mines. People still trip on them and live, without a limb usually.
So this beauty pageant was made to uplift some of the survivors. Survivors indeed, living through a land mine is massive.


I hate beauty pageants a whole lot. I don't like them at all. Besides the fact that I find them horribly boring, The woman who win usually don't seem any type of interesting. The Miss Universe Pageant have turned into an Olympic/world cup type of event, everyone rooting for their country. I still remember how happy I was to find out that Miss Dominican Republic won a few years back. We are a tiny country in this world and winning shit on a world platform just makes me happy.
Besides the fact that the girl who won is like 6'5" and is the niece of my favorite musician, Juan Luis Guerra.

Anyway I heard about this pageant in Angola a few months ago, and didn't pay it much mind because it was still in discussion not in action. Well this morning, on the BBC, I hear about the first Miss Land Mine 2008. Hearing the joy in the Portuguese tongue, of a woman who lost her leg, who wont wear the prosthetic because it is too heavy, who feels beautiful, who should constantly be reminded that she is beautiful.

http://www.miss-landmine.org/misslandmine_news.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7315448.stm

"Hillary Clinton has issued a stark warning to Iran, as Democrats in Pennsylvania vote to choose between her and Barack Obama to run for president.
She said the US would attack, and could "obliterate" Iran, if it launched a nuclear strike on Israel. " - BBC http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7359957.stm

Really Hillary? Honestly? We want to attract the people who just wish we would use our nuclear weapons more often? Or at all.

I'm shocked. Through this whole democratic primary I made no attempt to hide the fact that I want Obama. I have many reasons and I'm not going into them right now, but allow me to say that I would've voted for Mrs. Clinton in a heartbeat if she won the Nomination. Now I don't know. Seems like stupidity.

If Obama doesn't get the nomination, I may not vote.
Its not like it'll matter in the general election anyway. The blueness of NY will never fade. At least not in the next few months.

But really Hill, you would obliterate a country that doesn't even have nuclear weapons, if they did manage to get those weapons and bomb another country. They didn't even bomb us, but we are all captain save a hoe , so we must run and bomb another country. For revenge, not help. Once that bomb goes off, there is no help. Only revenge. Counter strike.

"That's a terrible thing to say, but those people who run Iran need to understand that, because that perhaps will deter them from doing something that would be reckless, foolish and tragic," she told TV channel ABC.

In response, Mr Obama said: "Using words like 'obliterate' - it doesn't actually produce good results, and so I'm not interested in sabre-rattling."

He said only that Iran should know he would respond "forcefully" to an attack on any US ally.


Isreal are big boys now, and they have proven such. Diplomacy is a better solution to all this big dick talking.

Really folks.

Truth be told, the USA has been the only country in history to use a big bomb. Twice in fact. I honestly don't believe that there is another country crazy enough to use it. I think we'll be the ones to start the nuclear war if it does happen. So Mrs. Clinton's remarks seem as she is trying to enter us in another Cold War.

Did she want Pennsylvania that bad? So they love guns there, I don't think that means they love big bombs that go boom.

I want Obama to win, and the only reason that I might not believe that he will win is because I have no faith in the country whatsoever. The country has fucked up way too much for me to take it seriously. What does a brotha gotta do to get an EU passport?

I'm listening as I type to Rich Villar's post of a Junot Diaz's post. I read his novel. It is by far the most important novel of my life. Oscar Wao's life is my life and is not my life. vague and cliche but true. Trujillato, Dominican York, all this is in me. The dude is a real fucking amazing author and that's also what I love about his writing. He even won the fucking Pulitzer. Dopeness.

Now I'm reading a book that may end up equally important to me. The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano. A book about fucking poets. Awesome. Not about poetry but about poets. Poets doing this and that and getting into this mess or that mess. It takes place in Mexico City DF, in the mid 70's. Post 9/11 (the Chilean one of course). Actually funny thing is that the book was written in the late 90's. Published first in 99' or 98' I think. Anyway the point is that the dude is dead now, and in the book he refers to 9/11 by saying 9/11. So in Latin-America the term 9/11 existed before 2001.

Anyway I recommend this book to EVERY POET IN THE WORLD!!!
So in poetry in Latin-America there was Neruda in Chile, Paz in Mexico. Every other poet fell somewhere in between. Then there is of course Nicanor Para (the Anti-Poet). In the savage detective you find these young adults trapped somewhere between these three points. Sorta poet rebels but poetry lovers nonetheless.

Sor Juana Ines De La Cruz, ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sor_Juana ) although dead makes an eerie appearance.


Okay I'm going crazy in typing but listen to this.
( http://downloads.newyorker.com/mp3/fiction/070611_fiction_danticatdiaz.mp3 )
Its Junot Diaz reading "how to date a brown girl, black girl, white girl, or halfie"
Massive. It's a short story but this is a poem in my opinion. Fuckkit, its dope and that's what matters.

Okay so I'm still trying to be a better Blogger. I'm trying folks, I really am.
It's been a week since I came back from the West Coast. The trip reminded me of many things I am still trying to get right in my head.
The biggest shock was that I made the Louder Arts semi's because of a technicality of someone being late to the draw without a proxy. I had a just in case proxy and it worked. So I made Semi's and I won my first slam every. I am now terrified. I was never really nervous or scared about slamming until now. Until last Monday when out of nowhere I score 3.something points over everyone else in the first round. I was the only one who read off paper all four rounds. I went against seasoned slammers. How did this happen? I have no answers, but the obvious. IT IS A SLAM. Judges are as random as fuck. We never know who is going to be a judge and what they want to hear and what they consider good or not good. Especially recently I've found that this is truer than I thought. Especially DJing a slam. Watch week after week how the score can go from one end of the spectrum the the next.

I know that just because I won one (important) slam, that it doesn't make me a good slammer or a good poet. I know I'm not a good slammer. That doesn't bother me as much. Its more the fact that I did good to begin with. Now I'm in the contest, and I expect myself to do good.

Now am I a good poet? I don't need a slam to answer that for me, and I never will. Slam is the sport that poets play. That's all it is, and the key is to move the judges and audience. How to do that? I didn't write that book. I didn't read that book. I don't care. For me its more about just going up and reading it the way I feel. Now I will (try to) memorize my 5 poems for finals. I don't know how I'll do.

I'm happy with my poems and I want to write more and get better every single day.

I want to be on a slam team because I don't want to pay to go to Wisconsin (I swear that aint the only reason.).

Anyway. Lets leave it there for now.
Today I will write a Hibun before I sleep. I need to. I feel to.

Word is all.

Thanks Rich for this

So I'm not blogging daily but here is one for ya. My Opinions and such.

22 States left, Plus three territories that probably have limited delegates and the District of Columbia. Hilary only has an 80 Delegate lead, that can shift at any time. Barack has a lot more money than her as well. Its a close ass and interesting race. I'm all Obama all the time. I'd like to see both of them on the ticket though. I don't think Hilary is strong enough to beat McCain on her own. I think some Obama lovers are Clinton haters, which I am not, and that they'll flip to Rep when the big day comes against McCain. So yesterday wasn't as Super for the Dem. as it was for the Rep. Party. What will happen now? Who Knows.
Here are the remaining States, etc, and who I think will win them. Some I just have no clue.

District of Columbia 02/12/2008 - Clinton. Come on, they loved them here. But lets no forget that DC is Black, even though it seems that race wasn't as decisive as folks thought it would be.
Guam 05/03/2008 - Obama because Guam is close to Hawaii
Hawaii 02/19/2008 - Obama because he was born in Honolulu, and his Asian half sister (called hopper in Hawaii because of being half Asian half White) still lives there and has a significant amount influence.
Indiana 05/06/2008 - Obama because its close to Illinois I think?
Kentucky 05/20/2008 - Close call. Maybe Clinton by a nose
Louisiana 02/09/2008 - Obama because they should be tired of white folks by now
Maine 02/10/2008 - Clinton has most of New England
Maryland 02/12/2008 - Again Clinton has lived close to there for 8 years
Mississippi 03/11/2008 - Clinton because of the states history against Brown folk
Montana 06/03/2008 - Obama, shit they voted for Jessie Ventura. "IDEALISTS"
Nebraska 02/09/2008 - Clinton maybe. I don't know much about this state
North Carolina 05/06/2008 - Obama, just because
Ohio 03/04/2008 - Obama because Clinton didn't stand up for their rights during all the goddamn violated voter rights in past years.
Oregon 05/20/2008 - HMMM, It can go either way. A bunch of burnt out hippies, and young hippies. Just cause I have to I'll say Obama
Pennsylvania 04/22/2008 - Clinton probably
Puerto Rico 06/01/2008 - Obama because he didn't have anything to do with Vieques. Clinton was around during that time.
Rhode Island 03/04/2008 - Their 1 and a half delegate will probably go to Clinton. Okay it aint that tiny
South Dakota 06/03/2008 - Sounds Clinton ish
Texas 03/04/2008 - Clinton because I don't see the whole state voting for a Black man, even if he was Jesus and they realized that Jesus was really black all along. They may even change religion at that point. Or crucify him again. But Hopefully I'm being stereotypical and Texas proves me wrong. Please prove me wrong.
Vermont 03/04/2008 - Hard to call, but Clinton
Virgin Islands 02/09/2008 - OBAMA
Virginia 02/12/2008 - Clinton
Washington 02/09/2008 - Obama
West Virginia 05/13/2008 - Clinton
Wisconsin 02/19/2008 - Green Bay got beat! Oh umm Clinton
Wyoming 03/08/2008 - I have no bluddy clue

I saw V for Vendetta a few nights ago. I am always amazed at how inspired I can be by a work of Fiction. Non-Fiction too. Black Jacobins and such.

"--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

These are powerful words. The Declaration of independence is a wonderful document. Quite brilliant actually. Too bad they were never really followed.

It is our responsibility as constituents, citizens of this country to make it what we want it to be no matter what we have to do. Our forefathers, corrupt as they were, had the right idea of revolution. So did Toussaint L'Ouverture, Dessalines, and even Castro. They saw something that was wrong and they fought to change it. Some with better results than others, but what we can't deny is the conviction. The determination to change, with the power of the people around them, conditions which are not for the better good of its Citizens.

Here in the US the question is, who is the V of our generation.

First thing is making sure that people are on the same page. What if the majority of this country really agrees with its politics? With Bush, and his evil regime.

Something that made me happy today, was hearing that his own party is against his blatant disregard for the Geneva Convention. Keeping humane with our treatment of POW's. How do we expect our soldiers to be given the same treatment?

It is obvious that there is no easy solution to our involvement in Iraq. We should've never went in to begin with. Now they are in a whirlwind of disaster. Not that they were that great before, but what they needed wasn't foreign powers to liberate them from a dictator, only to impose their own beliefs on them. That is just another form of colonizing.

What if that was the original intention of the Bush administration. Having a dominated Middle-Eastern country is exactly what the greedy oil lovers need.

But I ask, because I don't know. How do we get out of this now?

It isn't as simple as getting a new president. How better can any of these snake career politicians ever be? Who, Hilary? I am not convinced. Dean was the only one who gave me a sliver of hope, and I don't exactly know why, but I don't see any person who could be a savior. Maybe Michael Douglas if he becomes his character as the American President. Or even Bill Paxton who saved us from annihilation.

Someone tell me how.

Also if the Republicans were to win the presidency again wouldnt McCain + Rice not be such a bad ticket?


Im just think in type.

So right before 9/11 we get another terror tape. Yeah the theory is that they sent it to us in order to place fear in our hearts and remind us that they are strong and will terrorize us. And they will. The American Government will terrorize.

Comon now. We get a new tape that was taped over five years ago. The tape was made before 9/11. Before. First off it shows people who are dead, currently incarcerated by the US gov, and some other things that in no way are recent. So why would the terrorist, send us an old tape? Why not just film a new one. Maybe one from the summer vacation or something. Osama at the beach or something.

I dont believe what they feed me is food.

Because of the events of 9/11, over 20,000 were killed and 60,000 tortured and about a million exiled. Im speaking about 9/11/73 in Chile. Santiagos football stadium (soccer for the people who cant think past the shores of this country) was used as a torture center and concentration camps.

That is the 9/11 that I think of when the date is coming up.

What happened in Chile was pushed by the American Government who aided Chilean General Augusto Pinochet to bomb La Moneda Presidential Palace, where Allende, a self-declared Marxist, killed himself before he could be assassinated. Allende was democratically elected by Chile. Kissinger once remarked, that the US should stand by and let a nation "go Marxist" because "its people are irresponsible." Consistent with that judgment, Kissinger and the CIA were centrally involved in efforts to de-stabilize and overthrow the Allende regime through various means, including military force.

So the plan to get Allende out was part of a US funded (10 million dollars) Black Opps which was masterminded by Kissinger, Nixon, and the head of the CIA Richard Helms.

Among the people persecuted in Chile, were many poets. Because of the social conscious of the poet, who frowns at injustice and voices his opinion without regret. Societies of poets were arrested and mistreated by this US placed government.

Now what I was thinking today is how can I love the country that I was born in if this is how it is. But the truth is that I dont have to. I dont love countries. They are Governments. Governments with too much power will eventually abuse them. I hate all who hurt benevolent ones. The bastards.

You know. I love people. I love people who I love from wherever they may be. That is simple enough. I have to find new ways of fighting the powers. Non-violent in nature of course. Maybe making some type of dent on society.

I feel so powerless.

I finally did laundry last night. Two huge shopping carts worth.

I spent about $30 in complete laundry endeavors and I didn't have any help.

I washed warm and cold wear getting ready for the oncoming cold. I can't wait.

I did nothing else last night. Watched the premier of Standoff on Fox. I am watching too much TV, while I have a roommate. As soon as she is gone I wonât have cable again.

But really this New Series is good. It was funny and fun and it was great. The acting was amazing. I am also happy to see that the Boss in the series is an Afro-Cuban woman who plays an Afro-Latina woman. I don't know if she is meant to be Cuban but she said her last name with accent and everything. That is great. She isn't a janitor or lackey or anything degrading. She is a strong Captain or something to that level. I love it. She is also beautiful in my opinion and is married to Laurence Fishburne. She has acted before and I've enjoyed her work thus far.

Now the problem is this; How can they keep up the show and still make it interesting. Its not like a regular cop show where there is always a fresh crime. They are negotiators. How often is there a standoff in todayâs society? How often are people taken as hostages? Yesterday alone there were two scenarios, which were both brilliant, but how long can they keep that up. And there comes in the internal struggles. Thus making the partners in the show, Lovers.

See I love House, but I also think the same about that. Yesterday what they did was make him right but not tell him. Next week it will come back. He wrote himself a prescription for some drugs, but will he use it? That is the thing that will bite us later. And he can walk and run now? Come on I liked him better as a cripple. But the truth is how many cases can he solve before running out of medical terms. So next week there is some type of poltergeist and gene anomaly. I guess it all will be happening as the kids hallucination. Thatâs fine and well but what happens after they run out of options?

What we see here are great shows that lack a sense of longevity. I'm okay with that. Just don't "jump the shark". Know when to back away with dignity and go down in history as the show that ended and everyone wanted more of. It just feels like the right thing to do.

First Off, Be it clear that this is all me. This in no way reflects the feelings of any of my employers!

Quintus is a NY rock band. They have a cool sound. They can play a good show. I am not a fan but I am not a hater either. What I do hate are their shows. Mainly because I have to bounce at their shows. The kids that come to these shows are arrogant young, under 21, over 18, rude, hipster wannabe, Upper Middle to Upper class, College wasting, Parent manipulating, stupid white kids. Something like 175 of these little shits. They all want to come, either drunk already or come to get drunk, flash fake NY state IDâs (how about using another states ID, I look at a million of NY State IDâs) Try to sneak beer in purses and bags, and swear that they are slick. They then act like complete idiots.

When I was 17, I was drinking everywhere. The difference was that I wasnât acting like a complete ass. I wasnât jumping and rubbing it in other peoples faces, and I covered my track. I respect the young that do this. But it is my belief that if you got caught it is because you were sloppy and didnât do it right. In that case you deserved to get caught. Better getting caught by me than by a cop.

I like mature crowds. When someone in a mature crowd gets caught doing something, they laugh and stop doing it and thatâs that. But these kids donât act as cool. They want to try to sneak more after they got caught. They want to try to fight me, they want to get big with me. This does not fly.

Why is it that I donât see this shit in any other parties.

Another rock party, the silly blonde young white girl tried to throw their drink at me because I didnât let her take her drink out.

So many cool people with great vibes come into that club

Why I gotta have stupid dicks messing with my Feng Shui ?

I am so not looking forward to tomorrow night.

Zennnnnnnnnnn

I got this under control though.

This anger even becomes funâ� and that scares me a bit.

The rain just does something to me. It isnt necessarily negative, but just strange. Gets me in a sentimental mood. Today is the second gray day in a row. The rain feels great on my skin, and I smile and walk without an umbrella with my face up to the sky catching the drops while everyone around me cowers and hides.

It also makes me a bit more in tune with me. My feelings and such. I even get vulnerable. Not sad but just very Pisces. Maybe there is something to this whole Astrology thing?
Pisces, water, two fish one swimming upstream, one swimming down living in a dream, but when he loves he tends to cling

Thank you Erykah for that break in thought.

I start to think about Rainy songs such as:

3AM Matchbox 20
Everyday it rains and Im going down Mary J.
Love Ridden Fiona Apple
Green Eyes Erykah Badu
November Rain Guns and Roses

And a few others.
I really walk in the street singing. Not loud, but just to myself.

Recently The Gnarls Barkleys Just A Thought

It has that quality to it. The texture is right for a rainy day.
It also has a 90s R&B break in the beat that reminds me of Cases Touch Me Tease Me

Today I am feeling so much and thinking so much. Ive been a bit numb with certain things and this feels refreshing.

My second post today. I just have a lot to write Or just to rant.

I guess it may be justified since I spent Months being Irregular.

My chest is tingling. I missed that.

I havent told her about my blogs and such, (as I usually dont advertise the reading of my blogs verbally) but I wonder if she found it. Not that she would have to tell me if she did. This is public. But I just wonder.