Not a fan of bulletins, so you can have this instead!

EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS: First real best friend:: Heather Gregory First real school::Elgin Court First Cell phone:: I had a Zack Morris phone in grade school First funeral:: Grandpa Culver First Pet: Mickey, a mouse that my mother killed in 1 day First piercing/tattoo:: Ears First big trip:: florida to Disney World First flight:: to florida First celebrity crush:: Macaulay Culkin First time out of the Country:: when I was 3 my parents took me to Disney World just before my brother was born First job:: delivering Sears catalogues First MySpace friend:: Carly EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS: Last person you hugged:: Dave Last song you heard:: Autolux - Here Comes Everybody Last car ride:: saturday, windsor Last time you cried:: earlier today Last movie you watched:: Capote Last movie you saw in the theatre:: The Squid and the Whale Last food you ate:: chocolate ice cream Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: Dave Last person you had sex with:: Dave Last item bought: visit to the vet for my kitten. or, groceries yesterday. Last phone call:: my mom Last thing you touched:: my ipod Last Funeral:: Jodi Sim Last time at the mall:: last Monday, shopping for Dave Last time you were excited about something:: Electric Six Thursday night Last person you saw:: Dave Last thing you drank: coffee Last thing you typed:: coffee Last time you were really honestly happy:: around new year's Last survey you'll ever do:: ???

Staying up all night, writing an essay!

Big surprise, eh? Essays always bring on the revival of MySpace in my life.

I finished my essay yesterday. Well, Tuesday morning at 5am. I went out for a smoke, and went back to the computer (I was on a lab computer in RCH). A window has popped up saying 'The system administrator is restarting this machine, please save your work. 9 minutes until restart). Fine, so I save my essay, and restart the machine. I log back into the system, and the essay is fucking GONE. Every single word. At least 15 hours of work. GONE. OMFG. I *don't* cry, but I had tears running down my face. I don't have time to rewrite the fucking thing right now, I am studying for the two finals I write on Friday. Fuck you, UW computers. Today I bought a USB drive so that this does not happen again.

I'm Kelly. I'm a 3rd year English student at the University of Waterloo. My advice, if you know what is good for you, don't ever attend University. As much as I value a degree, I swear I do not wish this on anyone. And I'm in one of the so-called 'EASY' programs (be warned, this is a catch - there are no easy programs, unless you're in General Arts, because then you just take whatever the hell you want). My hair needs dyed. I'm going to do it myself this time. Last time I had it done at the salon, the pigmentation of the color was so heavy that it faded after a month anyways. Waste of $100. Back to a box. Anyone want to help? I can't do this on my own ... the next color is a secret :) I'm on campus right now, working on an essay that was due last Tuesday ... oops again. I'm going to finish this tonight though, I'm determind. As you can tell, there is nothing new with me. I'm trying to do school work, not much of it is actually happening. Other than that, I sleep when I can and keep telling myself that after just this week I will have some time off!

Today is the 1-year anniversary of when my best friend from high school passed away. What a horrible, horrible word - anniversary. It sounds like a celebration, and that is definitely not what I'm doing today. About a month ago I woke up one day from a dream she was in, and I couldn't get her out of my head for the rest of that weekend. I didn't know the date of her death at that point - this point in time last year is a complete blur. I remember when my mother called and told me of her death. I was in London, at an LAC meet. We had just arrived at the meet, I was still sitting in my car. Jeff and I were in separate cars, I'm not sure why. He walked over to my car and heard me gasp 'What do you mean she is dead'. What an absurd question. 'What do you mean she is dead'. Dead is dead. She is dead. I suppose that is a cold-hearted outlook on things, too. The next couple days are a blur as well. I remember going to the visitation on the Sunday. I called work and told them I couldn't be back to Whitby for Monday, and went to the funeral. [the people at the office were very understanding, and I love them all for it]. I stayed at Jeff's apartment each night, more or less because the cats offerred me some consolation, and I needed to be curled up in someone's arms. Taz helped me through this, more than anything. He explained death to me, he explained what probably happened to Jodi. We stayed up countless nights talking, consoling, crying, for hours and hours, probably till 4am most nights. I miss her. We had plans for last summer. We really lost touch after high school, she stayed in St. Thomas, and I moved to Waterloo. She also graduated 2 years before me, so I was still in high school classes and applying to university while she was graduating college. This time of year must be impossible for her family - I can't even imagine what they must be going through. My thoughts are with them - Brenda, Dave and Craig - I wish there was something I could do for them. Jodi loved me, and I hope she knows that I love her.

I have a meeting with the chair of the english department at 11am. i need at least 8 more hours to prep for this meeting. you do the math.

Israeli officer: I was right to shoot 13-year-old child Radio exchange contradicts army version of Gaza killing Photo of Iman Al-Hams, the thirteen-year-old Palestinian girl who was killed when an Israeli soldier shot her ten times. Thirteen-year-old Iman Al-Hams was killed when an Israeli officer emptied his weapon into her. Israelis have been responsible for killing over 600 other Palestinian children since September 2000. By Chris McGreal UK Guardian November 24, 2004 An Israeli army officer who repeatedly shot a 13-year-old Palestinian girl in Gaza dismissed a warning from another soldier that she was a child by saying he would have killed her even if she was three years old. The officer, identified by the army only as Captain R, was charged this week with illegal use of his weapon, conduct unbecoming an officer and other relatively minor infractions after emptying all 10 bullets from his gun’s magazine into Iman al-Hams when she walked into a “security area” on the edge of Rafah refugee camp last month. A tape recording of radio exchanges between soldiers involved in the incident, played on Israeli television, contradicts the army’s account of the events and appears to show that the captain shot the girl in cold blood. The official account claimed that Iman was shot as she walked towards an army post with her schoolbag because soldiers feared she was carrying a bomb. But the tape recording of the radio conversation between soldiers at the scene reveals that, from the beginning, she was identified as a child and at no point was a bomb spoken about nor was she described as a threat. Iman was also at least 100 yards from any soldier. Instead, the tape shows that the soldiers swiftly identified her as a “girl of about 10” who was “scared to death”. The tape also reveals that the soldiers said Iman was headed eastwards, away from the army post and back into the refugee camp, when she was shot. Relatives mourn the killing of 13-year-old Iman Al-Hams. At that point, Captain R took the unusual decision to leave the post in pursuit of the girl. He shot her dead and then “confirmed the kill” by emptying his magazine into her body. The tape recording is of a three-way conversation between the army watchtower, the army post’s operations room and the captain, who was a company commander. The soldier in the watchtower radioed his colleagues after he saw Iman: “It’s a little girl. She’s running defensively eastward.” Operations room: “Are we talking about a girl under the age of 10?” Watchtower: “A girl of about 10, she’s behind the embankment, scared to death.” A few minutes later, Iman is shot in the leg from one of the army posts. The watchtower: “I think that one of the positions took her out.” The company commander then moves in as Iman lies wounded and helpless. Captain R: “I and another soldier ... are going in a little nearer, forward, to confirm the kill ... Receive a situation report. We fired and killed her ... I also confirmed the kill. Over.” Witnesses described how the captain shot Iman twice in the head, walked away, turned back and fired a stream of bullets into her body. Doctors at Rafah’s hospital said she had been shot at least 17 times. On the tape, the company commander then “clarifies” why he killed Iman: “This is commander. Anything that’s mobile, that moves in the zone, even if it’s a three-year-old, needs to be killed. Over.” The army’s original account of the killing said that the soldiers only identified Iman as a child after she was first shot. But the tape shows that they were aware just how young the small, slight girl was before any shots were fired. The case came to light after soldiers under the command of Captain R went to an Israeli newspaper to accuse the army of covering up the circumstances of the killing. A subsequent investigation by the officer responsible for the Gaza strip, Major General Dan Harel, concluded that the captain had “not acted unethically”. However, the military police launched an investigation, which resulted in charges against the unit commander. Iman’s parents have accused the army of whitewashing the affair by filing minor charges against Captain R. They want him prosecuted for murder. Record of a shooting Watchtower ‘It’s a little girl. She’s running defensively eastward’ Operations room ‘Are we talking about a girl under the age of 10?’ Watchtower ‘A girl of about 10, she’s behind the embankment, scared to death’ Captain R (after killing the girl) ‘Anything moving in the zone, even a three-year-old, needs to be killed’

It's been a while ... a long while. Somehow, over the past two weeks, I've pushed through three exams, two short stories, three essays, and four doctor's appointments (the first two were 4 hours, the last only 1hr - that's why they are significant). I am only enrolled in three classes right now, and somehow I am busier than I've ever been, even when I'm enrolled in five classes. Or maybe I'm just putting more work into these courses than I've ever done before - possible, yes, but I don't think I'm doing any better than usual, so I doubt it. I have to finish this essay ... I've been working on it all week, staying up all night nearly every night trying to get it done. I went three days with just over two hours sleep. I have to stop doing that, it isn't healthy at all - but it was necessary (the essay was due yesterday, and it isn't even finished yet). I went out last night for St. Patrick's day ... we just hit up a few bars on King street and had a few drinks. Nothing exciting, just chill. I really needed to chill. Actually I took a few hours off Tuesday night to see someone sing/play guitar on campus. That helped a lot too - to be around sane people who weren't going crazy doing work (like everyone in the labs I've been studying in). The only other thing I'm up to right now is writing three columns to submit to Imprint (student newspaper) next week for consideration to be published in the paper this summer. It's a car column - I figure if I don't have a car for the summer (*tear*) I can live vicariously through writing about the scene. I'm relatively happy - and that's nuts because I've just been stressed and running around crazily. I have good friends here though. I have a lot of people in Waterloo that care about me right now, and it's nice to live near all my good friends for a change. We go out together, we study together, we take study breaks together, we go to the gym together. Everything I do, I generally am with friends, and I think that helps me a lot. Because I KNOW that last year at this point, when all my friends revolved around my life in London, if I was this stressed I would have been freaking out. mmkay ... I have to get back to work.

I spent tonight in the campus library (DP, for those of you at UW). I was standing on the patio-type thing at the front doors having a smoke and I see a guy running across campus, heading for the building infront of the library (ALH). He's slid across a couple of patches of ice, and is ready for the next one. He braces himself to slide across, and takes his step. SPLAT! It's a puddle, not iced over! A wave of water sprays up from beneath him, splashes all over his pants and shirt. The guy just stands there for a second in disgust, then goes in the building. I know I shouldn't take pleasure in other people's pains, but it was pretty humorous at the time :)

I've felt like this for a really long time now - at least six months or so, and it's getting worse and worse. Everyone knows that I'm sorta permanently sick, but this isn't something that goes along with that, as far as I know ... I can't stay awake for more than about 8 hours without being completely exhausted. Right now, I've been awake for 9 hours, and I'm completely out of it. I know there is some sort of a brain malfunction that causes this in some people, but I haven't done any research on it yet. It's really affecting my capabilities to function on a daily basis. I'll give you a good example. This morning, I woke up at 10am. I got up, talked to a friend for a few minutes, had a shower, had something to eat, and that took every ounce of my energy. That was after about 7 hours of sleep. I actually fell asleep after that for 4 more hours. Now I've been awake for 9 hours, prepping this essay-exam for tomorrow most of the time, and I'm struggling to stay awake. I actually have motivation to do the work - if I score a low-80 in this course it will boost my average huge and I'll be back on the dean's list, which I really want (once a problem from last summer is cleared up I'll be back on anyways, but that's a complicated detail). I'm here at UW on full scholarship, and I can't afford to lose that. I'm going to have to see a doctor to find out if anything can be done about this, but I really don't want my life to go back to seeing 5 different doctors every week, and I don't want to take any more medication than is absolutely necessary. ironic note: I received a mailing from OHIP today basically saying 'did you REALLY see that many doctors through the month of december, or is there fraud going on here?' heh. ah, the woes of getting old ... Oh and on the though of getting old: I was talking to my best friend Julie tonight, who I met in kindergarten and have been friends with ever since. We're talking about life and so forth, when she mentions that she is going to be 23 in June. Then she starts talking about how she expected to be married by now!! We're both sitting here going 'there's no way we're going to be married before we turn 30.' For me that's because I have a lot to accomplish (well, I can see myself married around that age), and for her that's because she just can never find a guy that she can be with longer than about a week (LOL). It just really hit us tonight - like OH WOW we are here, we aren't kids anymore. We both also agreed that we need to grow up sometime soon, instead of continuing to 'party like it's 1999'. Ah wells, all will happen soon enough ...