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Silent



Last Updated: 12/15/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 21
Sign: Cancer

City: Reno
State: NEVADA
Country: US
Signup Date: 4/19/2005

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Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  numb
Category: Writing and Poetry
~Never Ment To Be~
I am lost and the damage has been done,
Take my breath away, wake me up today,
This nitemare wont seem to end,
A broken heart is wat you mend
Take me far away from here,
I cant shed another tear,
Theres nothin left for you,
Theres nothin left for me,
This just wasnt ment to be.
I hold ur hand with mine
And everything is fine,
Screams of lust from your eyes,
I lost myself in all your lies.
I never wanted to leave this all undone,
All i ever wanted was to be ur only one.
If u fall back into my life
I promise i would never let another day just pass us by.
But I guess that I can live without you,
But without you I'll be miserable at best.
Your all that i hoped i find in every single way,
Nothing feels like home because ur a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of livin is just takin breathes to stay.
All i ever asked for and all i ever wanted
Flash before my eyes,
The moment that you left i felt a pain no one could heal,
I wish this wasnt real.
Nothin can be said to make this all go away,
Just take it day by day,
Everything will soon be ok.
Everytime i fell behind i think of your smile,
And i go another mile.
Tonight i cry, please tell me why
I cant live without your warm embrace,
I miss the glow when i see your smiling face.
When my world wouldn't turn without you,
This will be the first time for a week,
That i dont talk to you and i cant speak,
Its been three dayz since i had sleep,
Cuz i dream of his lips on your cheek,
And i got the point that i should leave you alone,
But we both know that i aint that strong,
And i miss the lips that made me fly
So lets just kiss and say goodbye.
Close your eyes and think of me,
I'm taking back everything,
This was never ment to be
You flew away to someone new
Don't pretend like I don't know you're untrue
I never ment to bring you down,
U let me go and let me drown.
Sometimes love can leave you blind
But still you try to cover up the lies.
Im sick of havin to blame myself,
When it was you that made us go through hell.
When the stares turned to glares,
When u didn't care if i was there
Like a dream you were gone,
And every night became so long.
Heartache and pain fills up ur soul,
Taking everybodys love is wat makes you whole,
Having one love is never enough.
You had all that you need,
But you got careless and got sucked in with your greed.
Forever and never is wat we'll be,
You used up all your lies on me
But now i can see we were never ment to be.
Those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
These feelings wasted away are lost on my mind
I've let these worries slip away from my hands
Away from the light in your eyes
Its time to end all the cries
Now I dont care to worry
I'm feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
You went and watched me fall
This love was never ment to be at all.
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  depressed
Category: Writing and Poetry
This is just a bullshit poem i wrote all last night, I dont care anymore who see's it or what they think of it cuz i know no one gives a fuck about me. Im sick of having my heart  torn out and tossed out like nothing but i guess its my fault, for once i thought i was actully loved, but im wrong i cant believe how much of a fucking idiot i am. I alwayz knew i was a nothing, just a waste and a failure.
~Heart broken~
All I ever wanted was to be loved,
But Im a fucking idiot,
My heart keeps breaking
Why am I supposed to be unloved?
Why wasn’t I good enough for you?
My soul is filled with loneliness
I cant wake up with this heart ache again
Played for a fool, cant stay in school
I look up at the sky
Asking god why
But even the angles hate me.
You told me we would always be together
And that our love was true,
But then you went and made me feel blue.
With the time we had together,
I thought we would last forever.
You took me all the way to the top,
But they u let me drop.
I think back at the way things used to me,
When all we needed was each others love.
Everything I did, I did it for you.
I died the day you said we where through.
All I ever wanted was to be loved,
But Im a nothing,
Not worth anyones love.
My heart keeps hurting,
From all the heart brakes,
And knowin that there’s no love for me.
Why did you make me feel this way?
I made sure that you were always happy and had a smile
I treated you like a queen, how come I didn’t feel like a king?
Why do I try?
You really don’t care.
With every tear I cry,
A piece of my heart tears.
Once there was love that was so great,
But you said it couldn’t be fate.
There, nothing left but heart ache,
From the one I loved and adored.
All I can do is throw away all my hopes and fears,
They wont be any smiles or tears.
I was never ment to live at all,
I was never worthy of someone as precious as you,
My beautiful angel of mine,
You were the only good thing in my life.
I will love you always now and forever,
Even till my very end.

Thats it. I know, all its about is how much of a fuckin loser i am. I dont care anymore.  I dont care about myself, cuz i cant even stand myself when i look at myself in the mirror, all i see is a mistake, a nothing that no one wants, just a fuckin reject. I been thinking back on my life, and when i look back on it, i dont like what i see. I wish my mom had an aborthion when she had me, cuz no one wants me here or anywhere.
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
~Untitled~
Its not too late
To forgive and forget
Im sorry for all the pain, Im sorry for all the tearz,
Wat came true was my biggest of all fearz.
To lose you the love of my life,
The girl I wanted to make my wife,
Honey I do.
Tell me where do I start,
Do you remember the first day we met?
The day I took that step
And told you what I knew
That I been in love with you
With hope resting upon my heart
You just started to cry
You held me tight & told me this is real,
I told you i loved you
I thought we'd last forever till the end of time,
We talked about marrage every once in awhile,
Even thought of names for our first born child.
A year goes by and i never thanked the man up above,
for the angel he sent me who introduced me to love.
Late nites when im layin in bed,
I can feel the warmth of your body,
but its all in my head,
Since you been gone my lifes been dead.
I imagine your touch on my body,
And how it feels so real,
I want to taste your lips,
I want grab a hold of your hand,
Look me in my eyes and let me be your man.
Hold me tight to your body
And never let go,
Because being with you
Would be a dream come true.
I just wanna be with you,
I wanna call you mine.
I wanna tell you that I love you baby girl,
So please come back into my lonely world.
The thought of you goes through my mind on a daily,
I feel like im goin insane,
Damn I really miss my baby.
Please come back to me
Without your love, nothings been rite.
Please take a chance on me,
And I will love you for eternity.
Ive never been in love like this
This pain in my heart wont cease to exist
May sound kinda krazie
Even though we been apart
Deep inside me
You can still touch my heart
Please come back to me,
I know with all my heart we were ment to be.
May sound hard but look deep inside your heart,
Its plain too see.
My heart cries without you next to me
Baby its true after all this time,
Im still in love with you
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Writing and Poetry
Silent Tears
Each day the sun rises
and each night the sun sets.
Each day I wake up,
and put on that fake smile.

Each day I muse myself about you,
and each night I dream of you.
Each day I miss you,
and I want you with me now.

Each day I fight,
and each night I shed my silent tears.
Each day I wish to leave,
and again I suffer this night alone.

Each day I busy myself,
and each night I fail to concentrate on simple things.
Each day my old life haunts me,
and this day I live in misery.

Each day I am unappreciated,
and each night I keep to myself.
Each day I live my life in fear,
and I bear this uncontrollable heartache.

Each day I wake up,
and each night I fight those tears.
Each day you call me,
and everything disappears.

Each day you give me your love,
and each night you say sweet dreams.
Each day I live for you,
and I would do anything to make you happy.

Each day you save me,
and each night you are my salvation.
Each day I live for you,
and you wipe away my silent tears.
Each day I live the fullest,
and only living for your love
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  numb
Category: Writing and Poetry
This is a poem I wrote about the love of my life that left me standin with a piece of my broken heart. I dont care what anyone else thinks about this poem or about me. I already know im a piece of shit and will spend my life in a hole where i will die alone. I dont need anyone to feel sorry for me, I gotten used to the fact that I will never have a true love and still die with a bleeding heart. There are people that find their love of there life, that live a long life with happiness and bliss. And there are people in world that never get too be loved by anyone and spend their lives in the darkness, that walk around this world empty and lonely and a ghost, people like me.
~Bleeding Heart~
All of these awful thoughts going through my head
I think of everything you ever said
I'm drowning again, all because of you
You're all I think about, even though we're through

Just pull me under until I'm dead
How could it be true…what you said
The hardest thing is to pretend
It's killing me being your friend

You were all I'd hoped and wanted
My trust, you took and flaunted
Your not going to think of me anymore
My heart you took and stomped it on the floor

I'll never get you back
You don't care how hard I try
Your promise, you took it back
All I want to do is stop to cry

I loved you,
You lied.
Left me cold,
All I can do is die.

There was a hole in my heart
You're the one who'd filled it
There's a hole in my heart
You're the one who caused it

All I did was love you,
All you did was left my heart bleeding dry
You used to make me smile.
what happened to what we had
what happened to us?
I told you I loved you.
I gave you everything I had.
I gave you my life,
You gave me a hole in my heart.
Do you feel better now,
As I fall to the ground.
I don't know what to say to you,
I love you is not enough for you.
I want us to be together,
You and me forever.
So why did you turn me down?
You hurt me even more,
You have no idea of the pain you put in me.
You killed me inside,
She said we would never hurt me.
My heart is cryin out blood.
Despite the way you make me feel,
Some part of me will always feel.
Feel the love I had for you,
I will always love you.
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Writing and Poetry
 
Pain...    
All of these awful thoughts going through my head
I think of everything you ever said
I’m drowning again, all because of you
You’re all I think about, even though we’re through
Just pull me under until I’m dead
How could it be true…what you said
The hardest thing is to pretend
It’s killing me being your friend
You were all I’d hoped and wanted
My trust, you took and flaunted
Your not going to think of me anymore
My heart you took and stomped it on the floor
I’ll never get you back
You don’t care how hard I try
Your promise, you took it back
All I want to do is stop to cry
I loved you,
You lied.
Left me cold,
All I can do is die.
There was a hole in my heart
You’re the one who’d filled it
There’s a hole in m heart
You’re the one who caused it
All I did was love you,
All you did was left my heart bleeding dry
You used to make me smile.
what happened to what we had
what happened to us?
I told you I loved you.
I gave you everything I had.
I gave you my life,
You gave me a hole in my heart.
Do you feel better now,
As I fall to the ground.
I don’t know what to say to you,
I love you is not enough for you.
I want us to be together,
You and me forever.
So why did you turn me down?
You hurt me even more,
You have no idea of the pain you put in me.
You killed me inside,
She said we would never hurt me.
My heart is cryin out blood.
Despite the way you make me feel,
Some part of me will always feel.
Feel the love I had for you,
I will always love you.
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Current mood:  numb
Category: Writing and Poetry
Nothing Was Supposed To Hurt Like This
...well nothing was supposed to hurt like this
the razors have been used,
my emotions have been misused.
The pills have been swallowed,
deaths path has been followed.
If I had any tears left, I'd cry,
If I had any blood left, I'd bleed and bleed. I just want to die
I'm shaking, I'm scared, I'm sweating, I'm so close...
I'm so close to just ending it all.
Its always the same.....the same old shit.
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night,
I'm tired of hiding my wrists,
I just wanted to be loved...
To feel like Im worthy and not alone….
All you did was tell me YOUR SUCH A LET DOWN!
I know I am, I know I'm a let down
I'm sorry I never meant to be damaging
If only through my eyes you could see the world I live in
That never gave me a chance,
How I hurt, believe me I know Im less than dirt
The razor, well it was always there... unlike you
The need for a fresh shedding of blood keeps me going
"Why are you still here, if only you were never around"
What am  still doing here?
I dont deserve to live nor do I want to...
You could always encourage me when it came to quiting...
Well now Im sitting
I've got the razor
I've got the gun
Slice open my veins let my life bleed,
To my own hate I must feed.
Put the barrel to my head
Pull the fucking trigger....
....you wont even know Im gone.... I always loved you...
….It was never supposed to hurt like this.
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
 
KILLING ME    
As I wander, my life gets worse
Inside, I'm unsatisfied and lost
I try each day to find a reason
For me living through all these seasons
I thought I was sobered from hatred but I'm not
I'm all alone in darkness and so far from what I've got
Shame over my head
Teasing and putting me to bed
Tears roll down and I can't try to stop
I guess these emotions are worse than facing a death sentance
I don't want to die but I'm unprepared
This thing called life never goes my way
These thought of sorrow builds up and later mess up my day
My dreams are filled with violent and damnation
Likewise, my days are scheduled with pain and rejection
No one said life is easy,
Does it means life is hazy?
I need an answer so I can sleep
These things kill me every time they come creepin to haunt me
These words can't explain how I feel
I think death and me had a fucking deal
There is nothing left
I screamed so loud I'm going deaf
I can't take this anymore
I can see my death though this bore...
My life is full of hate
They cant wait to see my down fall.
Gave me pain,
Which I can't pay.
I try to pray,
But God aint got no eyes.
I guess he's blind,
Never make me fine.
Just gave me a dime
To play this game
To solve this pain
I need someone
To kill me dead.
So I could rest in peace
I won't feel the pain
Just to sleep and watch someone dying
Like the way I've been.
God made a mirror for me
to look at the shame that people see my by
God made a dark room for me
to hide and cry,
God made angels for me
to stab me from my back.
God made you for me
to turn my heart cold and black
God made hate for me
to bury me alive...
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
~I Just Want You To Know~
Playing all day with your gentle hair,
Without having any other care,
 Listening closely to your sweet voice,
Feeling my soul begin to rejoice,
Holding you so close to me,
Knowing that's where I want to be,
I'm so lost in you.
Looking into your eyes,
Knowing they hold truth not lies,
In my life of darkness, you are my light.
My love is for you,
These feelings I have will always be true.
Never before have I fallen so fast,
Never before have I wanted it to last.
Your everything I’ve been waiting for,
After all  this time it still feels like a dream,
If you only knew,
Words cant express what you mean to me.
I cant believe this is true,
I just want you to know…
I Love You
Saturday, July 18, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
When I am feeling sad and blue
I close my eyes and I think of you
About something you said or
Something you would do.
Thouse little things that made you, you.
I can hear your laughter,
i can visualize your smile.
Although these are simple things
They make my life worth while.
Somehow you always knew how i felt.
Sometimes better than i did
You knew all my ups and downs
Without a reason why.
You were always there for me
You help me up when i was destined to fall
YOur strength became my strangth
You were my everything When i had nothing at all
I close my eyes
And i think of you.
In my heart and in my life,
Forever you.