"I never saw any reported incident which involved him throwing a small child with no legs out of a chair to the cry of 'Ka-Plaugh! ' and repeatedly beating him with a bat'leth."

"Of course, this is one of those ideas that starts like a plan, but then spirals totally out of control. Because sure, my creator friends are used to interviews, and as such will know the best questions to ask, but I forgot that many of them are drink sozzled deviants, always looking for a chance to screw over the next person in the queue."

"That Jazan Wild chick. Mmm mmm mmm, with her long golden hair and her tight ass - what do you mean, Jazan Wild's a dude?"


"Interview Me (Part 1)..." The first part of my groundbreaking interview where I allow the deviants that are comic creators to ask me a variety of questions, some nice, some, well, odd, including my past, my future and the Lou Ferigno / Jessica Alba Sex Riot of SDCC 2004...

As well as news on Doctor Who, Starship Troopers and Shotgun Samurai...

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin. And remember to click on the last couple of week's too, which I also forgot to mention but are also very good.

After last week's tribute to Rory Root, we're back again...

"I've always been brought up that when in company, to put the best foot forwards, to make sure that your scrubbed and combed and look your best. I like wearing waistcoats, I have since I was a student. I also like shirts and ties when loose. It was a natural progression to now wear the three with jeans. And to be honest, it's also a branding. In New York people knew who I was at a distance due to the outfit. Of course, this might be why so many editors were able to escape me. Hmm."

"Ho ho ho. He hasn't forgiven me for that. Next year I'm going to make sure Ben Templesmith does it. Because I am full of love."

"Many of which were doing this scary thing called 'Free Hugs', where they walk around with a cardboard sign offering free hugs to anyone who wanted it. We found this very creepy, even more so as the weekend went on and the signs changed to things like 'Free Kitten Kuddles and Kisses'. No. Brain does not want. Of course, celebrity chum and Judge Dredd writer Al Ewing saw an opportunity for some hot cosplay action..."

"From The Mouths of Babes..." Where we talk about the questions children ask, why I wear a waistcoat, the fact that I'm not Tony Stark, the London MCM Expo and Steve Niles, master of horror and part time Cosplay judge...

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin.

"From the ages of five to eleven I would daily walk to this school and be taught the variety of skills and knowledge that would assist me in later life - and in this case I do mean the ones that I was taught in, not the ones that I learned after school, behind the bike sheds from the strange old bearded man who always had tasty candy for us all..."

"Who's to say that what I tell them on Monday won't do the same to someone else, that thirty years down the line they might be a famous writer on the verge of selling millions of copies and they might chalk it down to the enigmatic bearded comic writer who gave him (or her) hope when they were a child? Maybe they're a drunken, broken failure, their life and marriage ruined due to an obsession that they were never able to fulfil, a stupid dream given to them all those years ago by a bearded bastard with a grin who swayed them with talk of milk and honey in the world of the writer?"

"From that we launched a hundred balloons up into the air above the Thames, and some of these had cards that gave free year long subscriptions. Amusingly, these had seemingly been tied together earlier, and flew off as a bunch, separate to the rest..."

"Back To The Teacher..." Where we talk about returning to school after more than twenty years, the launch of a new weekly comic called The DFC and the showbiz party that ensues and the upcoming London MCM Expo...

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin. 

My celebrity art chum Pia 'I drew Y The Last Man, you know' Guerra, who's doing the art duties to Doctor Who: The Forgotten, our six part story for IDW (out in August) has an interesting titbit on her blog, something she heard while at the Emerald City Comic Con -

"While there I heard this interesting bit of news (rumour perhaps?) from across the pond: apparently Russell T. Davies had this to say about our Doctor Who story which promises to feature all ten doctors: "Let them hang themselves. It can't be done."

Now some might take this as disheartening but I on the other hand see this as a wonderful challenge. Ask anyone who knows me, spite has always been a huge motivator in my life, put an obstacle in my path and I'll bust through it with ten times more verve than were there none. If I had a fire in my belly before, well now it's an inferno. And I can't be happier."

If the gloves weren't off before, they are now. This one plausible statement has got us so fired up that this six part series? It's going to be the best thing ever on toast with a side slice of awesomeness. It will have things in in that may include...

All ten Doctors. That's right. Every damned one of them. With companions.

A mysterious, bearded man in the shadows who knows about the Doctor.

A variety of 'villains' and 'monsters' from both good old days and recent series.

Jelly babies.

A two page splash that will become the most downloaded page of all time.

Lots of running. And explosions.

Two sonic screwdrivers.

Nitro-9.

Bessie. And UNIT.

Martha Jones.

And the art? The wonderful art by Pia Guerra? Well, this one went up recently at Chris Ryall's blog Ryalltime - the full page splash that starts the who shebang off...



Remember - August. Spread the word....

"The bottles of gin have been tidied away and the boxes of pizza are being folded into rubbish bin sized portions. Having been bought at around 2am on the Friday night, this pizza has been the sustenance for all our needs and has pretty much kept us alive since day one. The three day pizza is now looking bad, but not to Dan, who munches slowly while crying weakly to himself."

"This year was actually quite relaxed, with Top Cow busywhizz Rob Levin coming all the way from the West Coast of Americaland to see how the British creators party. The fear was evident on his face from the first moment he arrived, followed quickly by amusement and then loathing..."

"Last year, there was a girl, very well endowed dressed as the Marvel character Black Cat. Pretty much every man who saw her (as the costume was VERY accurate and she was close to bursting) was appreciative - until it came out that she was actually fourteen. Then, it spread around like wildfire and everywhere you could see were men flagellating themselves, convinced that they were going to hell. This year she was back again on the Friday night. And this time we knew to look away. Until it came out that she was actually twenty seven, and the whole 'fourteen' thing? Was spread by her savvy boyfriend who knew that this was a surefire way to stop men trying to steal her from him..."

"Hotel Beds and Hungover Heads..." Where we talk about the Bristol Comic Con, the Golden Champagne Glass Awards, Action, Ohio and Superman, and 2000ad editor Tharg likes his pitches given...

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin. And only advertised late - the column WAS there yesterday...

"yesterday we had high winds but sunny skies. Today we have no winds, but it's absolutely shitting it down outside. I feel like I'm in the eye of a storm and that at any minute the cottage that we've booked is about to be whisked off to Oz in a tornado."

"I went to the first screening that I could on the Thursday, sometime around noon and from about three p.m.? There was no way that you were going to get anything out of me work wise for the rest of day, unless it involved me running around the room on imaginary jets and firing repulsor rays out of my hand."

"we had wall to wall Batmen, Zorros, Red Sonjas, Grim Reapers, Transvestites, Shadows, Pirates, Fat Slags, Powerpuff Girls, Wonder Women and Zombies."

"A Dozen Superheroes And A Clown Walk Into A Bar..." Where we talk about a working weekend, the Iron Man movie, Liam Sharp's 40th Birthday party and ImagineFX.

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin.

"In two weeks now it's Bristol and the British contingent will descend upon a still unexpecting town in a frenzy of comics and beer. And beer will be drunk, oh yes. Last year the Ramada bar was drained dry on both nights and the two bar staff complained bitterly of being overworked. Hopefully this year? Someone listened."

"I managed to sleep on the plane and, once I got home at 1pm the following day, about 24 hours after I arrived at the airport, I found that I couldn't sleep, and what I really wanted to do, more than anything in the world? Was lay down and die on the toilet."

"The Eagle Awards are the BAFTAS of the comic awards. They're the only serious awards the UK give—and yet they've had such a crappy time of it lately, and they have less people working on it than Dan and I have on our mock awards. They're heavily understaffed and overworked, and they get shit every minute of every day. And do you know what they get out of putting these awards on? Ulcers. Fuck all else, guys."

"Take me back to the Ballgame..."-Where we talk about the recovery from New York, preparing for Bristol, my unspoken love for B Clay Moore, shake the tin for Josh Medors and lay Eagle Award rumours to rest...

He's Only A Writer. Every Monday at Comics Bulletin.